Saturday, January 5, 2008

Michael Jackson Saved From the Poor House?

Mister Roger Friedman who writes the Fox 411 column for Fox News always has the most up to date information about financially embattled former pop star Michael Jackson, and yesterday he reported that the monetarily challenged Gloved One finally finagled a lending institution (rumored to be HSBC Private Banking) into refinancing and restructuring his Grand Canyon sized debt.

According to Friedman, the deal may have put as much as $25,000,000 into Mister Jackson's handbag, which is a lot of money to most people. But not to Michael Jackson. Oh lawhd have mercy, The White Lady needs far more than $25,000,000 to get him anywhere near debt free and liquid. In fact, Mister Friedman speculates (and we always believe Mister Friedman) that Mister Jackson's immediate payments to settle debts and lost legal brouhahas could total as much as $20,000,000. Which leaves the Jackson four (and Miz Raymone Bain makes five) only five million clams to live on...and ya'll know Miss Thing can run through five million dollars like it was five dollars.

Presumably, Mister Jackson receives fat royalty checks from his Sony/ATV/Beatles music catalog, but Your Mama imagines that a substantial chunk of those royalties must be utilized just to service the payments on his spine tingling and reported $300,000,000 loan.

But we're here for the real estate, right kids? Mister Jackson's somewhat modest windfall will apparently do little to shore up his sagging and highly leveraged real estate portfolio. No word on whether this Jackson or one of the other Jacksons took the necessary steps to pay off the $16,000+ tax lien or satisfy the $4,000,000 (approx.) mortgage on the Jackson family seat on Hayvenhurst Avenue in Encino.

Mister Jackson still has a couple of weeks to right the pending foreclosure at Neverland Ranch, his former home in the Santa Ynez Valley where he has not officially lived since mid 2005. The lender on the property is calling in over $23,000,000, and based on Mister Friedman's mathematics, it would seem that Mister Jackson is not likely to have the wherewithal to satisfy that debt and the 2,700 acre property may (very publicly) slide into foreclosure.

What a damn mess. Listen to Your Mama now Mister Jackson. Just put Neverland Ranch on the market and let some rich guy from Dubai buy it, or sell it off to John Bersci or some other swanky developer who will de-juju the place, sub-divide it and sell it off as gentleman ranches.

And where is the unnaturally pale skinned Mister Jackson living now? Well Mister Friedman tell us that Mister Jackson was so strapped for cash that he and the kids (and we assume that krazy talking Miz Bain) were camped out in Las Vegas with his mama Katherine. Poor thing didn't even have the cash (or credit?) to afford a room at The Flamingo.

Listen Michael, you can't live whitcher mama the rest of yer damn life, and you still have a mega asset that you can sell off. So do it. Do what you know you've got to do. Sell everything, buy a nice house out in Santa Clarita and retire gracefully while your children attend school, make friends and learn how to live in the world without a gauzy piece of fabric draped over their poor little heads. We know you like that sort of high voltage performance when you shop at Barnes and Noble looking like Humpty damn Dumpty in a head scarf after they put him back together again, but did you ever stop to think your children might be damaged by that kind of shenanigans?

Anywoo, enough of that soap box children. Your Mama apologizes for the digression away from the real estate.


Anonymous said...

Well, his royalties are about to get bigger b/c the Beatles catalogue of 259 songs have just been made available for T.V commercials for the 1st time in history.

Anonymous said...

According to what I read...the words and music are about to become available...but the performances by the Beatles of said songs are still unavailable.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, they can't use the original recordings but Sony etc will still earn a fortune owning the rights.

'I will always love you' made Dolly Parton multi millions, not Whitney Houston!

Anonymous said...

At least Britney's kids have Kevin. Michael's kids are stuck with him. I feel so sorry for them.

Anonymous said...


Having seen KFed out & about in L.A I don't think he's any better than Britney - he just has no paps following him, perhaps a couple now & again, Britney has 20, 30, 40 following her at anytime documenting every mistake she makes - He just wants the kids b/c as long as he has them Britney has to pay him a huge wad of cash each month! ... As for his high powered attorneys, well, Britney also has to pick up his bill - They're both as bad as each other but as far as Kfed is concerned Britney is his meal ticket.

*sorry for being off topic!

Anonymous said...

I still maintain the White Lady touched me and told me not to tell - looks like I'll have to get in line for my payout.

Anonymous said...

I've decided to let the "touching" incident go - especially as he was singing "Getting To Know You", whilst it was happening; at this point, I'd prefer to chalk it up to a bad acid flashback (I'm not prone to them, but God knows what else could explain what happened . . . )