Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Ex-Mrs. Sheen Buys Again

BUYER: Denise Richards
LOCATION: Long Valley Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $4,395,000 (list)
SIZE: 1.118 acres, 5,651 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We confess. Denise Richards scares the bejeezis right out of Your Mama. So we proceed here with some trepidation. We are going to attempt to piggy back on Ruth Ryon's recent report on the purchase of a new Hidden Hills residence by Miz Richards, who is starting to remind Your Mama of a character Glenn Close once played on the big screen. Subsequent to Miz Ryon's Hot Properties column in the Los Angeles Times, Mister Big Time also discussed Miz Richards' recent real estate whirligig.

Everyone who turns on the television or reads any of the many glossy tabs knows that Miz Richards and her ex-huzband Charlie Sheen are locked in a fever pitched and hideously bitter battle over the custody and care of their two toddler daughters. Some of the things that are being reported are so shocking and salacious, that Your Mama's gasps can easily be heard by the neighbors.

Your Mama suspects, and hopes, that we are at the tail end of taking up space on the internets and tabloids yakking about the former Bond Gurl and her attempts to stay in the spotlight in the absence of proper acting roles. Mister Sheen may in fact be one of the the hihgest paid television stars whose celeb status will burn brightly for years to come, but it appears that Miz Richards is soon to fade into the special sort of oblivion reserved for minor celebrity wives who were once married to huge stars. Poor gurl.

Anyhoo, as many of you will recall, Miz Richards has been moving around quite a bit since her bust up with Mister Sheen in 2005. First, she bought a house near ex-bff Heather Locklear. However, she quickly sold that place not long after she started screwing around with Miz Locklear's ex-huzband Richie Sambora. Sambora and Richards have since put the kibosh on that controversial relationship. Miz Richards then paid $4,000,000 to purchase an equestrian estate on Long Valley Road in the fancy, guard gated, and celebrity friendly Hidden Hills, but quickly put the place back on the market for $4,495,000.

At the time, there was considerable tabloid chatter about why and where Miz Richards and the children would be moving. Turns out, it's just a few doors down to another house on Long Valley Road. The new house measures in at 5,651 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms and sits on a 1.118 acre lot. According to listing information, the house also features a foyer with curving stair case, living room, dining room, a chef's kitchen with sunny breakfast room, spacious family room with a brick fireplace. The master suite includes a sitting room and a "spa bath" with a fireplace. Out back is a spa and a large pool with an electric pool cover, which is a nice feature for the lazy and those with small children.

Sadly, Miz Richards has yet to unload the first Long Valley Road property which is now listed at $3,900,000. Yes puppies, the asking price is LESS than she paid for the property in May of 2006. Which means the lady is going to lose money on that transaction. Meanwhile, the acturuss carries the considerable financial stress of two multi-million dollar mortgages–which surely eats a huge bite into whatever spousal and child support she was granted in the dee-vorce–in addition to all the stress that comes with trying to give her ex-husband a (mostly futile) public beat down in the court of public opinion.

Many reports in the past said that Miz Richards was looking to move to another house that would be large enough to accommodate her ailing mother. Sweet. Caring. Sincere. Since we don't know Miz Richards personally, that may be exactly what has transpired and Mama Richards is now ensconced behind the gates of Hidden Hills. None the less, Your Mama does know that in May 2006 Miz Richards' parents purchased a 4,000+ square foot house in Encinitas for $1,599,000. (Encinitas is down by San Diego–we had to Google it too, children.)

Whatever the case, Your Mama really does hope Miz Richards finds some much needed peace and quiet in her life. We are not in the PR or crisis management bizness, but if we we're, we'd strongly advise Miz Richards to stay camped out in her pretty new Hidden Hills house and don't speak to the damn press about anything related to her children or her ex-huzband Charlie Sheen or his new fiancée Brooke. ZIP IT!! We'd recommend she stay deadly quiet and let all the nonsense die out and then cross her fingers and toes that there's room and time for a comeback on the silver screen. Or at least another butt-nekkid photo shoot for Playboy.


Anonymous said...

Good advice Mama, but I doubt she'll listen. This girl seems to have a few issues.

Anonymous said...

i like it, nice lot in suburbia, house looks comfortable.
i can see myself in the pool pretending to like her kids, working my way into that crazy bond bitches bed, ya baby.

Anonymous said...

I could read an entire book on "Mama-isms" - you are quite the clever one and amuse me so! Muah to Mama!

Anonymous said...

Mama you are far more famous that that bimbo,and much funnier!

Anonymous said...

I hope she doesn't mind some dust,
there is a riding arena next to her
house. But that's one of the charms with HH it's a horse community !

Anonymous said...

i like caveman's scenario ... the reverse Humbert Humbert twist, but
the pool may not be the best place for a brute with a hair trigger to loll about.

Anonymous said...

"But that's one of the charms with HH it's a horse community!"

Well then, she'll fit right in 'cause of her horse face, won't she? :-)

Nice looking house.

Anonymous said...

Too bad Sheen and Richards divorced. They deserved each other.