Thursday, April 17, 2008

Are 26 Terlits Too Many?

Oh dear. There are some angry rich people up in the hoity toity back country of staid and stately Greenwich, C.T. Apparently some rich ladee, identified by the local press as Olga Kogan, wants to tear down a huge house and build an even bigger one with 26 damn terlits. Do the children know how many full time gurls it requires to keep 26 terlits sparkling clean? That's right puppies, that's a lot of damn gurls getting paid the minimum wage to work a terlit brush 8 hours a day.

According to property records, this Kogan ladee bought the Simmons Lane property in August of 2005 for an impressive $18,500,000. Records show the sprawling house that currently sits on the 7.05 acre estate was built in 1924 and measures in at a not exactly tiny 19,096 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 12 terlits located in 8 full and 4 half bathrooms.

So the place is already big and full of crappers. However, Miz Kogan, evidently a residential real estate size queen, wants bigger and more. Reports say the vaguely Greek Revival style behemoth planned for the site would exceed 30,000 square feet and include 8 bedrooms, a gym, lockers, a home theater, wine cellar, game room, billiard room, underground garage space, staff quarters and, of course, all 26 of them terlits, some of which are located within spacious Turkish and Finnish bathing facilities.

As you might expect, an attorney for the mysterious and terlit luvin' Miz Kogan indicated the proposed plan is in compliance with town rules and regs regarding setbacks and footprint sizing. However, local residents remain deeply concerned that a house with 26 terlits might suggest that more than one family will reside in the house...a no-no in this neighborhood of posh single family homes on multi-acre parcels. The owner's attorney poo-poos that suggestion and is quoted in the above linked Greenwich Time article saying, "It's the way people who can afford it like to live."

If Your Mama had to guess how this will get resolved, and we are only guessing children, we imagine that Miz Kogan will have to shave the number of planned terlits to less than 26 and the not very happy neighbors will have to accept more poopers in the 'hood than they prefer. C'est la vie, puppies.

The people at CNN ran a little report on the fracas last night which can be viewed online and includes renderings of the proposed home that looks a mite too much like the White House for Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's personal architectural taste.

What do the children think, is 26 too many?

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

It may not be very classy but I don't know what the residents are complaining about - The properties up off of Round Hill / Lake Av are so spread out with vast acreage - You won't be able to see anything - It's so heavily wooded.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kogan needs to have a doctor certify that she has a medical condition necessitating frequent runs to the toilet and then sue the town for discrimination against the handicapped.

Anonymous said...

I dont think it's too much. If you can do it, why not? I mean you figure at least 1 or 2 in the locker room / gym. Then you've got the guest quarters which will probably have two. Two more in the staff quarters. That's 6 alone. 1 for each bedroom, now you're up to 14. 12 more for all the miscellanious spots like hallways and living room, game room, pool house if applicable. I can see it coming up to 26 easy.

Anonymous said...

The neighbour in the report had floor plans. Anyone know where to get hold of them? In Britain you can view planning/zoning applicationdrawings online. Never fails to amaze me how many bathrooms rich people need!

Alessandra said...

I had the same thought, Anon 3:28.

Seriously, I'm not trying to sound preachy here because in general, I believe quite strongly that people should be allowed to do whatever they want with their properties, as long as it is up to code, doesn't violate zoning ordinances and they can afford it (and if it is hideous, extra bonus because I can then snark!). That said, my southern California sensibilities are sort of aghast at 26 toilets because unless she's going totally green and having those self-composting dealies, 26 toilets use A LOT of water. I realize that Vermont isn't as drought-prone as many other places are, but it just feels so excessive. And what's wrong with the original structure, which is quite large in its own right?

Oh well, I suppose this just makes me a little person who can't understand the whims of the wealthy...

Irritable Bowel Syndrome said...

How many bidets?

Anonymous said...

Alessandra, my first thought was why tear down the old house. But I agree that if she isn't violating any codes/ordinances, let her have 26 toilets. Maybe she is taking the phrase "flushing money down the toilet" literally.

Barren Karen said...

She can do whatever she wants even though 26 toilets in one house is really bad for conserving water, but god damn who poops that much.

pch said...

The neighbors' argument that it couldn't possibly be intended for one family is laughably bogus. I'd probably be making a fuss, too, if someone wanted to start what will no doubt be a lengthy construction project next door. But I'd come up with a more plausible angle. And, frankly, they'd have, too, if the buyer were an Anglo hedge fund manager with a III after his name.

I saw less squashed renderings somewhere that looked much better than those in the CNN story. Either version beats the property's current massive house in the looks department. And the record-breaking bigness everyone's talking about is cubic -- not square -- footage, which probably means it has the correct ceiling heights I'm always going on about. A point in its favor, if I'm correct. Gonna hold my judgment on this one.

Anonymous said...

Looking back on it a few years from now, something surely will stand out, some signal that should have warned us - perhaps this is it.

so_chic_darling said...

Right or wrong it's vulgar.

Alessandra said...

pch, I agree that the neighbors' argument is ludicrous. Unless there is a one toilet per occupant rule, I can't imagine that this is their best angle in defeating the proposed construction.

Spot, on, so_chic_darling, spot on.

StPaulSnowman said...

Dya think she has a Sam's Club membership? That is a lot of butt wipe and blue cleansing tablets.

Anonymous said...

I think the real issue here for the neighbors is that they will no longer be the big dogs on the block. They are used to being the wealthiest folks and suddenly they will look poor in comparison. The street they are building on is beautiful just the way it is. Only has 8 homes on a beautiful tree lined street...most with 5-10 acres each. This won't hurt the streetscape, but it will hurt the egos of the folks who live there now.

Anonymous said...

To say it looks like the White House is a compliment. It looks more like any number of nondescript, severe looking government buildings to me.

StPaulSnowman said...

Remember, this is a computer generated plan. Maybe the real thing will be constructed from beautiful old stone harvested from Newport cottages. At best, it might look like an old government building. I thought the house it will replace was beautiful. Anyone know how we can see more of the existing house?

Anonymous said...

It's my understanding that the rich "ladee" identified here is actually a man - Valery Kogan, about whom very little is known.

About a month ago he drove the Isreali business and real-estate world crazy by purchasing five lots in Caesarea, a total of 11.5 dunams, for $17 million, on which to build an estate. Amid the media circus, it was reported that the Jewish businessman is connected to the secret services in Russia, and that he is close to former president Vladimir Putin.

The aura of mystery increased when news came of the impressive rise in Kogan's wealth, at least according to the Russian magazine Finans. In 2007 it showed him in 499th place on the list of the richest people in Russia, worth $90 million. A year later he skipped up to 157th place with $600 million.

The only thing that is known for certain is that Kogan is connected to East Line, which operates Domodedovo International Airport, the largest airport in Russia, with 13-14 million people passing through each year.

Bigdaddyj said...

Oh, like there aren't already enough mega-mansions in Greenwich? I say more power to her, if she wants 26 toilets, can afford it, and is not in violation of zoning, too bad...this is economic populism at it's best (the polar opposite of what I was ranting against in the article about the Astor co-op...), and the people complaining about this place are probably the same people who like to keep Jews & blacks & entertainers out of their fancy co-ops...only difference is, they don't own Greenwich, they don't own her property, and deep down, they're probably all jealous of this woman anyway...besides, are you telling me there isn't at least one other behemoth in all of Greenwich with at least 25 bathrooms? I'll bet there's more than one...that being said, I do find such an enourmous house to be crass and in the worst possible taste, but the libertarian in me says if this woman can afford it and wants to build it, that is her prerogative...if these other snobs don't like it, they can move, as they could obviously afford to...just another form of the old guard trying to keep things their way...these people probably wich conenants keeping jews and blacks out of Greenwich could still be enforced...;-)

Bigdaddyj said...

wich conenants = wish covenants

LOL - I really should proofread before I hit publish...;-)

bentley said...

Well, she won't be pooping in and flushing all 26 terlits at once.

bentley said...

That house!

It's wonderful, early in the morning, after a nice cup of coffee and a pastry, to stroll across the gravel expanse and down the agora steps for a morning dip.

I do, however, like the tennis court.

K. said...

My second toilet always comes in handy when the first is backed up. And I usually solve the cleaning problem by, well, not cleaning.

Anonymous said...

For a house of this size, some 30,000 sq ft. having some 26 bathrooms makes sense. Here. do the math. They would break down in these 5 categories....
1. 8 bedrooms - each with 1 bath, master with 2 no doubt.
2. guest rooms, god knows how many, each with a bath
3. powder rooms for guests and residents, likely at least 4 or 5, in addition wash rooms (a half bath) likely at least 2 located in the service areas of the home.
4. the basement with all the rec and entertainment rooms - here you will need a number of full and half baths, for example, his and her baths (for each sex) for the Turkish and Finnish saunas in the basement, also the gym and no doubt a pool - these all require bathrooms.
5. last, the staff quarters - a home this size requires live in help, likely at least 7 or 8 servants rooms, also a butler`s room, a housekeeper, etc.

luke220 said...

They are not going to be pooping any more with 26 toilets than with 12 toilets. It's like criticizing someone with twelve cars, they won't be driving any more than with two.

I'm sure that the Russian billionaire will make the place look very "un-Greenwich".

Anonymous said...

Oy gevalt (slaps hand on side of own head).

Anonymous said...

An influx of crass Russian money might be good medicine for the people of Greenwich. Speaking of bad taste, what's with all the infantile potty talk?

Aaron Weber said...

This is why the terrorists hate us.

sandpiper said...

Obscene.

Anonymous said...

Terrorists hate us because we crap indoors? Gee..I could have sworn it was our foreign policy.

Anonymous said...

It would appear that with Communism gone, a Romanoff-like lifestyle is making a reappearance.

Anonymous said...

Terrorists do hate us because of the majority of Americans who think money and building the biggest house on the block is what defines you. You would be very hard pressed to find a pile of crap like this in the Scandinavian countries. Even though people there enjoy a much higher standard of living than in the US, flaunting how much money you have just for the sake of materialism is thought of as low class. Russians, that's another story...

Twisted Sister said...

Oh boy. Do we have George Bush in the house rattling off that tired old line about how the terrorists hate our designer clothes and air conditioned houses?

The last I knew "the terrorists" that hate the US don't hail from Scandinavia, but from the Middle East.

And have you seen the way some of those rich Arab people live in the Middle East? How about any of the Middle Eastern royal families? Have you seen the excessive, extravagant and wasteful ways they live? Have you seen their palaces and Mercedes' made of silver?

Seriously, have you? "The terrorists" hate America because of religious radicalism and the hegemony of US foreign policy in the Middle East.

I think they could care less if we have 2 toilets or 22.

Anonymous said...

4:15
I know those clowns exist, but I don't like to give them any exposure. Let's please move on? This isn't a global / political debate. We're talking celeb real estate and no-brainer criticisms of toss pillows. We're shallow and like the scope just that narrow.

Anonymous said...

"4:15
I know those clowns exist, but I don't like to give them any exposure. Let's please move on? This isn't a global / political debate. We're talking celeb real estate and no-brainer criticisms of toss pillows. We're shallow and like the scope just that narrow."

Translation:

"I just got caught talking out my ass again so can everyone pretend I didn't because the people on my blog are reading and might figure out I am an idiot"