Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Madoff's Modern Montauk House Hits the Market

All the news wires are burning this morning that swindler Bernie Madoff's ocean front house in Montauk, NY is, finally, about to officially hit the market sometime this week.

At just 3,014 square feet, Bernie and Ruth's 4 bedroom and 3 pooper weekend getaway on Old Montak Highway is modest by Hamptons standards. The house sits down a long driveway and includes a living room with 20-foot high vaulted ceilings and a pebble stone fireplace, a master bedroom with a private ocean view terrace, a winding hardwood staircase, and wide covered porches for whittling away late summer afternoons with a pile of gossip glossies and a pitcher of gin and tonics. Famous nearby neighbors include Robert DeNiro who has an ocean front house just a couple hundred yards east, Ralph Lauren who has a massive, multi-parcel ocean front spread a bit farther down the beach and nice, gay decorator Vicente Wolf whose fab house is right next door. Too bad Ruthie and Bernie didn't engage Miss Wolf to do their place up. As an extra added bonus, the Madoff is property is just 1.5 (or so) miles east of Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's favorite clam shack in the Hamptons where we've gorged ourselves on delicious, fried seafood more times than we care to count.

A deputy U.S. Marshal named Roland Ubaldo told AP reporters that the day-core is "simple, stylish, but it is understated." Whatever it is, the Madoff house also has a lot of seriously bad and scary juju that will take an experienced psychic house cleaner, a high-priestess of the voodoo, a ghost buster, and an inferno of sage burning to clear out.

According to all reports, some of Bernie and Ruth's personal possessions–which no longer belong to them thanks to everything they ever owned being seized by court order–are still in the house including boxes of dishes and towels, a rocking chair, some sad leather couches and an old exercise bike we imagine Ruthie used to maintain her wisp thin figure.

According to an AP report, the feds are hoping to squeeze around seven million clams out of a buyer. For the sake of all the people who lost money in Madoff's sick financial folly, we hope the feds get $10M, but honestly chickens, even seven seems a mite optimistic in the currently over-crowded and slow moving real estate market on the East End of Long Island. According to soo-blime real estate listing aggregator StreetEasy, there are already several ocean front properties in Montauk for sale including a 4 bedroom and 3 pooper number on 2.5 acres with 200 feet of ocean frontage listed at $8,900,000 and another 1.4 acre seaside property listed at $7,750,000 that includes a 4,000 square foot, rustic and dated 5 bedroom and 4 terlit main house as well as a guest cottage which appears only to have a half pooper.

Watch a video tour of the Madoff house here and see a nice cache of photos here.

Next up, their Palm Beach hideaway and their Manhattan penthouse apartment. Let the games begin.

photo: AP/Robert Mecca via Huffington Post


Anonymous said...

Doesn't really do it for me, mama. For 8-10 million I want to be wowed! It's a bit grey and dull.

Anonymous said...

I like it a lot - perfect size, perfect location. Other than the out of place faudy white columns, it is a really nice home to retire in.

Madam Pince said...

If there was ever a home to overbid on, this is it. The Madoff victims deserve recompense. As for clearing the house's juju, I'd recommend calling Marie Laveau in New Orleans.

Anonymous said...

I love the picture of the deflated bull (or so it seems) staring forlornly at the empty vase. Marvelous symbolism.

Lauren said...

With all the money that Madoff swindled, it's surprising that the furnishings in this home are so drab and outdated.Perhaps he didn't get around to decorating it -- he certainly had the means to do so.

StPaulSnowman said...

Are those picture ghosts in the bathroom? It is pretty ballsy to price a house like that and not dust or refinish the walls for the photos. I just cannot believe that the darker squares are a decorative detail.......zheesh!

Anonymous said...

Could not get me to live in this house.

The amount of bad karma in it must be out of this world.

Anonymous said...

If this were my house I really wouldn't change much. Maybe some different furniture and what not but the great thing about being on the beach is to not have everything so perfect that you worry about sand and dirt getting all over the house. It looks dated inside but you have to remember it was probably barely used. Between the place in Manhattan, Palm Beach, the place in France, who would have the time or want to actually keep every home perfect.

Anonymous said...

I love, love this house. It is so close to the water that you can hear the waves and smell the ocean. Cozy rooms, not too big, privacy, calming colors, pool. I agree with a previous poster that the round columns on the deck don't fit the style of the house. The columns are the only things I would change except, of course, a lower asking price that I could afford!