Friday, September 4, 2009

Housewife Danielle Staub Lists New Jersey Mansion

SELLER: Danielle Staub
LOCATION: 8 Shadow Ridge Run, Wayne, NJ
PRICE: $1,495,000
SIZE: 10,500 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 5 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Spectacular stone and stucco Tudor in prestigious Horizon Heights. Grand 2-story foyer with dble staircase, great room with fireplace, custom mohagany billiard room with columns and wet bar, cabana.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last night while watching hairless hottie Andy Roddick whoop some ass at the U.S. Open, we received an urgent dispatch from Tenicia Tellitlikeitis who directed Your Mama's beady little eyes to an eye popping property owned by The Real Housewives of New Jersey's resident cougar Danielle Staub. According to listing information in our hot little hands, Miz Staub put her hot mess of a house in Wayne, NJ up on the block a couple of weeks ago with an asking price of $1,495,000.

The leather skinned, forty-something year old dee-vorcee and mommy of two has made quite a name for herself strutting her stick thin stuff as the vindictive villainess on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. However, her reality tee-vee notoriety is hardly Miz Staub's only tawdry claim to fame. Turns out Miz Staub, whose name used to be Beverly Ann Merrill, is a woman with a past. Back in the mid 1980s, in the dew of her youth, Miss Merrill was a model in Miami, FL as well as (allegedly) a high class prostie who went by the name of Beverly Minelli. Among her oh so klassy friends, associates and (alleged) clients was Daniel Claudio Aguilar, who at the time was a known coke dealer for Columbia's Medellín cocaine cartel. Although Miz Staub (or Merrill or Minelli or whatever) will tell you she was at the wrong place at the wrong time, in 1986 she was arrested in connection with an extortion and kidnapping plot. She was picked up by the po-po in a house where, in addition to Miz Staub, authorities found 6 kilos of cocaine and approximately $16,000 cash. Oh dear. Long story short, Miz Staub (or Merrill or Minelli or whatever) cut a deal with the feds, pleaded guilty to one charge of extortion, helped prosecute and convict Señor Aguilar and, for her kind cooperation, was given 5 years of probation. She later headed north, changed her name, married, had a couple of kids and settled down in a big house in suburban New Jersey.

According to property records, Miz Staub and her now ex-huzband Tom acquired the chunky, "Tudor" style mansion in February of 1998. Records also show they paid $1,025,000 for the Shadow Ridge Run residence which listing information says is located in the, "prestigious" Wayne, NJ neighborhood of Horizon Heights. We don't know about y'all, but Horizon Heights sounds to Your Mama's ears more like the name of a second tier drug rehab center than that of a classy neighborhood of distinguished homes. Then again, what do we know?

Listing information for Miz Staub's three-story manse indicates it measures in at approximately 10,500 square feet and includes 6 bedrooms and 5 full and 2 half poopers. It's a good damn thing Miz Staub does not work because it surely takes some juggling of the schedule to clean that big ass house, scrub all seven of them terlits and still have time left over to troll the interweb looking for phone sex and/or a new huzband to pay her bills.

A long driveway rises to a motor court and stair case that rises even further up to the front door predictably located in a stone-faced turret. The front door opens to an allegedly "grand," double height foyer with a twin staircases that is meant to impress guests but does nuthin' but leave Your Mama dee-pressed and feeling like this is just another over-sized, suburban tract house mansion with medium grade finishes working hard and unsuccessfully to make it look like a rich person lives there. You know children, if people would stop buying these multi-million dollar architectural vulgarities with cliché, Home Despot finishes then perhaps builders would wise up and start hiring a smart architect to design something that does not make Your Mama and all the other design queens and snobs of the world want to run bamboo shoots into our eyes.

But we digress....Miz Staub's living room features a double height ceiling, a stone fireplace, some peach colored built-in cabinetry and a couple of grey-looking sofas with flower fabric that Your Mama wouldn't even punish our worst enemy with. According to listing information, the billiard room has custom mahogany paneling–incorrectly spelled "mohagany" in the listing– and a fireplace. There is not, however, a billiard table in the billiard room. In all honesty chickens, we like the mahogany paneling. There's not much wrong with mahogany paneling. However, the green marble fireplace surround is trite, the blond wood floors are wrong on every level and we'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that tree thing in the corner is one of those horrid silk numbers. All Your Mama's children know that decorating rule #27 states: No silk flowers or shrubbery shall be used in any home, for any reason, not matter how much they cost and/or how "real" they look. Heed those words, babies.

Other first floor rooms include (but may not be limited to) a formal dining room, a large eat-in kitchen (which we recall from the show as being dated), and a family room. The lower floor is where Miz Staub parks her white Range Rover in the 4+ car garage. Up those twin staircase are the bedrooms which include a large, beige carpeted master suite comprised of a sitting room with fireplace, bathroom, walk in closet and a bedroom with some sort of crazy wood cabinet contraption built up around the bed. We will not mention Miz Staub's tired looking bed clothing other than to say we hope she drives her skinny butt to Linens & Things and gets some new damn sheets for her next residence.

In addition to weedy looking landscaping in the front yard, the .93 acre property includes a free form swimming pool and spa with an adjacent pool cabana and a lot of concrete patios. That's about all we have to say about that.

Miz Staub frequently bragged that she was the first woman in New Jersey to have an American Express Centurian Card but during the first season on The Real Housewives of New Jersey she blabbed to the cameras that she struggled financially and that two years after the acrimonious dee-vorce was still bickering and feuding with the ex-huzband over her settlement. Presumably Miz Staub no longer has that black Amex card to flash around town and, keeping in mind that we don't know a telephone pole from a lemon tree, we'd guess the sale of this house has something to do with said settlement. Although Your Mama thinks Miz Staub is at least three kinds of crazy, we do hope beehawtcha pulls her poop together for the sake of her children. We do. Think of the children.

Your Mama is on pins and needles for the next season of The Housewives of New Jersey to see where Miz Staub is going to be hanging all her many way too skimpy for a woman her age dresses. Will it be a dumpy, rented condo in Paterson, NJ or has her new found reality stardom provided her with enough dough to buy a big suburban tract mansion in ritzy Ridgewood?

61 comments:

stolidog said...

Prostitution Whore!
and the house is dreadful.

White Chocolate Mess said...

Oh Mama please show us something pretty before you go off for the weekend! This New Jersey place is making my eyes, ears, nose and throat bleed! Big Texas hugs to you, Dr. C and the gurls....

gregory said...

Nice to see how the other half lives. The poor half.

Anonymous said...

So then the housewives don't even live near each other??

Anonymous said...

Hears a video form the NY Times about the house.

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/05/27/garden/20090528-housewives-slideshow/index.html?scp=3&sq=real%20housewives%20of%20new%20jersey&st=cse

Melissa said...

"dreadful" - my thought, exactly. Your description of the entryway with the, "medium-grade Home Despot finishings" was poetry, Mama. Couldn't find the words to describe why my heart sank, but you nailed it. Ugh, that drywall, blond wood, and closeout marble tile...Foul.

sawslow said...

She has no means of support, that house should have been sold a long time ago, and its UGLY!

MarkyMark said...

If Andy Roddick appears anywhere hairless, its only because he's been hitting the razor and wax again. I wonder if he and fellow closet-furball Justin Timberlake exchange manscaping tips?

Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C

This house goes from grim to grimmer, and its about as authentically "Tudor" as Jonathan Rhys Meyers. One saving grace I can think of is that its old enough that the interior finishes, from rocks to mahogany, probably did NOT all come from China like they would have today.

Kenny said...

maybe you should give credit to me. I was the first one to do a post about it. your "source" probably got it from my blog, Homes of the Rich.

The Preppy Pauper said...

Way up here in the Great White North we get the Real Housewives of New York and Orange County on cable. In two weeks, in addition to those two train wrecks we will be blessed with the sordid goings-on of the Atlanta and yes, New Jersey Beehawtchas. Now I know the good ol' U S Of A is full of friendly, goodhearted souls. Sadly, most of these frightening creatures are not members of the aforementioned group. American followers of Mama, do you think it's wise to broadcast these Housewives internationally? I shudder to think of what the Housewives are doing for American foreign relations. It's like tuning into Canadian TV and thinking we're all beer swilling, donut eating hockey fanatics...oh, on second thought, never mind.

Anonymous said...

Kenny, I sent The Real Estalker the same Email i sent you . Im the one who told people about this story.

-Russell Z

Anonymous said...

What is the story with the armoire and nightstands pushed up against the foot of the bed? That cannot be good fung shui - and just looks terrible. Is this a new design trend that I have missed?

Anonymous said...

I don't get the reason for two staircases in an entrance hall. One sweeping staircase would seem to be enough. Why two? Do you use one side every other day? Do men descend one side and women the other? You can't come down both sides at once. Color me baffled.

Viva! said...

Prostitution Whore!

It's awful. Cheap and tacky.

Tina said...

Oh Kenny. Bitter much?

This house is an abomination. and to think Danielle actually chose these finishes.

Anonymous said...

The price is not bad at all.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Is that the Amityville house! ( Room with low ceilings and ghastly fireplace)

Anonymous said...

Ewwww. It's.. so.. ugly!!

NewYorkQueer said...

I have only looked at the pictures. Where do you even begin?
Was the phrase "hot mess" coined for this interior? (tactfully not mentioning the polka dot exterior stone work)

Anonymous said...

Okay this house is so outdated, its in need for a quick design to sell lol. I cant believe she or her realtor would even put this up for 1.4, this home should have been 900k. Its so outdated and doesnt compete with the other homes in Wayne NJ. Thats why people shouldnt get million dollar homes if they cant afford to upgrade them. Your Mama is was posted that she pays $34,122 a year on her property taxes.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why some of the comments are so mean. Clearly this lady does not have the funds to update her house- or she would. She doesn't have money.

Anonymous said...

Kenny, BUY AN AD or go away.

Anonymous said...

The bones of the house and the neighborhood in Wayne are actually quite nice... and as a previous comment mentioned, she just hasn't had the money to update the house in over a decade.

Especially if she has to pay over $34,000 a year in taxes and doesn't have a job!

Anonymous said...

What is wrong with that bed?

Looks like there is a big sag in the middle of it.

Anonymous said...

I live just a few miles from that neigborhood. It's the tackiest, worst house in the area. Most are much nicer and go for bigger bucks. The area is about two miles from Franklin Lakes.

It's called Horizon Heights, because it's on a large hilltop and you can see the entire Pompton Valley as the sun rises and from some homes, the NYC skyline.

Anonymous said...

Wayne, NJ isn't all that ritzy. Ridgewood is better, but not as hoity-toity as Franklin Lakes.

Rachel said...

I'm from Ridgewood. She wouldn't fit in there at all. More like Paramus.

brandt said...

I agree with Rachel, she definitely wouldn't fit in in Ridgewood, Paramus is definitely more "Danielle". Wayne definitely isn't a ritzy town. This house is LITERALLY 30 seconds away from a cheap bar and a PROSTITUTION WHORE motel. LITERALLY. i wouldnt pay more than 950k for that property. It's ugly, overgrown, and did i mention ugly?

Anonymous said...

I know about this home and when first built, it wasn't in such bad shape as shown on tv. It is in dire need of upgrading & repairs. I also have to comment on the many times I've read where Danielle swears the home was built to her & her husband's specifications. I don't know what drugs she's on, but that house was built by different owners who lived there for years before selling it to her.

Anonymous said...

MO hagany - LMAO ... too much!

Anonymous said...

I live in Wayne, NJ and yes there are really "ritzy" parts that are beautiful, in which you can't even tell you're in NJ. The area this home is in is quite nice, very quiet and spacious elegant homes. It's very close to Franklin Lakes. (Franklin Lakes and Wayne neighbor each other). Having said that, this house is tacky and outdated just like her. She seriously makes my town and the state of NJ look "whoreible". I wish they'd take her of this show. I hope she sells this house quick and gets out of Wayne and North Jersey area all together..No one wants her here.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Ms. Staub should sue her plastic surgeon? then she would have the cash to fix the eyesore (her face/body) and the cash to fix the house.
/sigh

Anonymous said...

WOW THIS A NICE WHORE HOUSE

kellie said...

i lived in wayne, nj for 20+ years and remember when the "horizon heights" development was built. it's one of those cookie cutter "mcmansion" developments where all of the houses look identical and are built on top of one another. while most parts of wayne are "prestigious" and have beautiful homes, horizon heights is on the border of the town, next to oakland, nj. which, mostly, is trashy and cheap and is occupied by jackson whites and ramapo indians. most of the town gets flooded, because the houses were poorly placed on the banks of the ramapo river. far from prestigious, honey ..

real estalker - nice work mentioning paterson and ridgewood. i love ridgewood. it's a gorgeous town with awesome shopping, restaurants and BEAUTIFUL homes!! i was there on monday to see their 100th annual parade and fireworks display. they have great fireworks every year and this year was no exception. when you think of paterson, just think POLAR OPPOSITE of ridgewood. even the cockroaches are looking for a new place to infest. LOL!!

are you from nj .. or did you just google the info? :)

PS. this is the first time i've visited your blog. this entry is too funny. NICE!

Anonymous said...

she said her house had 21 rooms!
what a liar...

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