Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Jason Kidd Gets a New Krib in the AZ

BUYER: Jason Kidd
LOCATION: N. Casa Blanca Drive, Paradise Valley, AZ
PRICE: $5,948,000
SIZE: 11,585 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 14 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Totally private and at last something completely different! This superb gated estate is approached through a long tree lined driveway hidden from the street. The courtyard is dominated by a magnificent statuary fountain complementing the grandeur of the entry. The quality & attention to detail is stunning. The study/library is beautifully wood paneled from ceiling to floor. Floors are alderwood & travertine. Master suite provides the ultimate in a luxurious hideaway. Oppulence abounds throughout from ceiling frescoes to crystal chandeliers-all lighting if of vintage quality. Sensational basement rec room & wet bar w/ sensational home theatre.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Way back on the third of September Your Mama heard from a dame named Desert Donna who snitched that a professional basketball player named Jason Kidd had snatched up a house in posh Paradise Valley, AZ for $5,948,000. As so many things do, the information went in one eyeball out the other until this morning when bright eyed, bushy tailed and booze free we cruised around our trusty laptop computer and found the little folder where we stuck all the 411 on Mister Kidd's new Arizona krib.

Of course, Your Mama does not know a basketball from a drill bit so we took to the interweb in order to sort out who this Jason Kidd person is and to be able to speak on him with some authority, or at least accuracy. According to our research, Mister Kidd currently plays point guard–whatever that is–for a team called the Dallas Mavericks. He must be pretty damn good because in January of 2009 the powers that be at the Mavericks gave Mister Kidd a lucrative three year deal worth more than $25,000,000. That, chickens, is after a 6 year, $99,000,000 deal with the New Jersey Nets. Have mercy, children. Who knew you could make so much cheddar wearing gym clothes and bouncing a little orange ball on some glossy hardwood flooring? Anyhoo, Your Mama also discovered that while his professional life is on track, his personal life is a bit of a mess. Way back in 2001 Mister Kidd was busted for smacking around the Missus Kidd, a ladee named Joumana. The couple–who have three kidds–subsequently reconciled and later filed for dee-vorce amid salacious claims of adultery, domestic abuse and false domestic abuse claims. Isn't love grand? Your Mama does not know nor do we care if Mister and Missus Kidd finalized their dee-vorce but we did figure out that Mister Kidd made a baby out of wedlock with a model-gurl who popped our Mister Kidd's fourth kid in the fall of 2008. We do not know nor do we care what the status of that relationship is but if not Your Mama hopes he's making his child support.

Property records agree with the information sent by Desert Donna that reveals Mister Kidd closed on the single story N. Casa Blanca Drive domicile in late August of 2009. Listing information we ferreted out indicates the Mediterranean manse sits on 1.9 acres and sprawls across 11,585 square feet that encompasses 6 bedrooms and an astonishing 14 poopers. Either Mister Kidd's new baby momma is going to be beaver bizzy changing diapers and cleaning terlits day in and day out or the professional dribbler will need a full time minimum wage gurl whose sole responsibility will be to scrub and polish poopers.

Approached down a long, tree-lined and ruler straight driveway that terminates in a motor court that circles around what listing information calls a, "magnificent statuary fountain," the main house is entered through a heavily carved stone doorway with twisty columns. The entry spills directly into the voluminous living room with a barrel vaulted ceiling with a ceiling fresco, a carved stone mantel and a wall of windows that open to the rear courtyard and swimming pool. A long, spine-like colonnade with a travertine floor bisects the entrance hall and connects the family rooms at one of the house with the private quarters at the other. In between are the public rooms that in addition to the formal living room include a paneled den/office, a dining room with a wood beamed ceiling, fireplace and a Hyundai-sized crystal chandelier that is, according to listing information, "of vintage quality," whatever that is.

The kitchen, while well appointed with every appliance and accoutrement a cook could desire, also has a cacophony of ceiling heights and types that includes plaster, wood beams and a soaring, frescoed groin vault in the breakfast room with yet another "vintage quality" chandelier. Other rooms, according to listing information include a 600 square foot family room with a stone fireplace, a private theater with elevated seating, coffered ceiling and some of the ugliest black and brown wallpaper Your Mama has had the displeasure of laying eyeballs on in a very long time.

In addition to the family bedrooms there is a 40 foot long master suite with a step-down sitting area with fireplace and a wood floored sleeping area separated by a foursome of squat columns. As best as we can tell, the master suite includes dual poopers and dressing rooms. One of the bathrooms is all tile, travertine and (more) squat columns while the other dressing room and pooper have a much more men's clubby vibe with a forest's worth of paneling and mill work.

Other amenities of Mister Kidd's Krib include a basement rec room with a wet bar, garaging for at least 8 automobiles plus room for a damn recreational vehicle, at least six fireplaces, a 4 room guest cottage that measures a generous 1,660 square feet, a 3 room caretakers cottage, an exercise room with sauna, a gazebo, children's play are, a swimming pool and spa lined with palm trees, a built in bbq area, and a tennis court with a viewing ramada. A viewing ramada? What the hell is that? Who makes these things up? According to listing information the home's electronic gadgetry includes a central vacuum system, a soft water loop, a drinking water filtration system, and a serious security system. The entire house, including the fireplaces, fountains, lights and security are Crestron and Lutron controlled which means Mister Kidd can flip on the fountain in the motor court, open the drapes in the living room and start a movie in the theater all while laying in bed.

According to property records, Mister (and Missus) Kidd's real estate portfolio also includes (but is not limited to) an 11,952 square foot manse in swanky Saddle River, NJ, a 1,350 square foot condo in Foster City, CA, a 2,170 square foot house in Granada Hills, CA, and another condo in Dallas, TX that measures 2,476 square feet.

19 comments:

MarkyMark said...

Well, it certainly takes a theme and pounds it right into the ground. The "Ye Olde España" media-room is too too much. I kept looking for the place where you board the boat to see the animatronic pirates.

The Preppy Pauper said...

Okay Mama, many of the homes you share with us leave me wondering what the appeal is beyond location, and why they are priced so high. Not this home. I know this is clearly not to everyone's taste, but this home looks like it belongs in an affluent Arizona community, and looks like it has been there forever. There was clearly a team of architects and designers involved in planning every detail, of every surface of this home. Gorgeous.

I would snap it up in a second, but alas have no propensity for organized sports.

StPaulSnowman said...

..........and I think it will be perfection once all the white fibreglass statues of Aphrodite and her crew are in place.

Anonymous said...

Holly spiral columns!

Jimmy said...

From the pictures, the place is a gloomy as his personal life. Good thing he isn't paid for his morality.

Chris said...

A marvelous example of Arizona nouveau riche vulgarity. Rampant in Scottsdale; quite a bit in Tucson.

Anonymous said...

MarkyMark, the "I kept looking for the place where you board the boat to see the animatronics pirates." statement cracked me up. So very true.

This home is interesting, but to me it's greatness depends how they furnish it. I hope they don't go over the top with crazy Spanish/castle furniture that seems to be so very popular these days. This house is so busy. Keep the furniture in check, please.

hamptons maid said...

tasteless and the preppy pauper thinks this looks at home in AZ? maybe the upper east side of patchogue.

Jon said...

I quite liked it. Remarkable, interesting, varied and different, and yet coherent. I agree about the varied ceiling heights, and some of the carpeting and paper could be improved. But the wood and marble floors look very nice, the corridor of columns is stylish, the room of drawers is delightful. It looks good outside too, some nice geometry in the frontage.

It would need a few small changes, but I could live there.

lil' gay boy said...

"I kept looking for the place where you board the boat to see the animatronic pirates."

Too, too funny ––– I can just picture the overweight, polyester-clad lookie-loos snaking back & forth between those pseudo prie-dieus, breathless with the anticipation of personally witnessing "klass"...

Maid in Heaven...how true! Although coming from that neck of the woods I can't help but think there's a slur against Patchogue in there somewhere...

Preppy, darling, to whom do I send the get well flowers? You're usual good taste seems to have abandoned you on this one (or did your shih tzu run off with your stylin' eyewear?) Personally, I can't get past what my good friend Bentley recently branded soft-serve columns that seem to litter the claustrophobic flag lot; (Mama didn't mention this is relatively new construction, although the photos gave that secret away, as did Google Maps.

NewYorkQueer said...

Straight people are a total mystery to me, but god in heaven who needs 14 tur-lets any-hoo Mama?I might become vaguely interested in basketball if they took the average height of the players when it was invented and the average height of the players now, marked the difference and then applied that to the length of the court and the height of the basket. If'n you are 7 feet tall missing a 10 foot basket must be so very difficult. Well I hope he and wifey number one enjoy their next "special" day when they marry again and breed a few more babys each. With any luck one at least will be a beautiful talented gay boy. I do ramble on but this house unsettled me.
PS Mama I need a real Stars home opened up for my viewing pleasure. Please......

Anonymous said...

A perfect example of how less is more. The house has too many columns, too much wood, and too much tile. While these are all excellent materials for this house because they are very typical of Arizona and Spanish style architecture, there is simply too much of everything and its a bit overkill.

Anonymous said...

It's one terlit per 850 sq ft. So that you don't have to shlep all the way to the living room from the media room at the end of the wing to take a piss.

Anonymous said...

Mama was just featured on Apartment Therapy so you'll all have to behave and refrain from mentioning lube, ludes, or threesomes.

You're about to get a lot of anxiously earnest visitors.

PS the face pic is adorable, but the beds annoy me.

Katie said...

At first, I thought that media room was a chapel.

Anonymous said...

I still think it's a chapel. A media room, you say! How extraordinary!
Hideous house.

Madam said...

That media room looks like a dungeon.

Anonymous said...

Kidd as a ballplayer has been over the hill well BEFORE this new 25 million deal.

Anonymous said...

Clearly not a dungeon.
More like a church with pews.