Monday, June 15, 2009

Sienna Miller Takes a Hit on Her London House


SELLER: Sienna Miller
LOCATION: Hatton Row, London, NW8
PRICE: £995,000
SIZE: 2,095 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A fabulous and most unusual house, discreetly positioned in a quiet lane between Edgeware Road and Lisson Grove, being conveniently located for numerous local shops, restaurants and transport facilities. The house features a striking ground floor studio reception room with a galleried study area as well as a stunning lower ground floor entertaining area with a Turkish bath and sauna.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Relentlessly pap hounded British ack-tress turned "fashion designer" Sienna Miller has put her quirky London pad on the market with an asking price of £995,000, a figure that our bejeweled abacus reveals converts to $1,636,889 U.S.

Twenty-something year old blond Miss Miller–who works her boho-chic look every bit as hard as Kates Hudson and Moss–started up her ladder of fame as a model. She appeared in ad campaigns, magazine and topless in the innocently naughty 2003 Pirelli calendar. Next came tee-vee and movie roles in films like Alfie, Factory Girl and The Edge of Love. However, poor Miss Miller has become, perhaps and sadly, less known for her acting prowess and best known for her long string of romantic relationships and interludes with high profile men including Jude Law, Rhys Ifans, Puff Daddy and Josh Hartnett. Then there was, of course, that nasty bizness with the very married father of four Balthazar Getty which ruined a marriage and, quite frankly, did neither of their reputations or careers any favors.

Not only is Miss Miller unlucky in love, she's not so lucky in the real estate department either. Previous reports indicate Miss Miller purchased the 2,095 square foot Victorian house in 2007 for £1,200,000. That's $1,973,916 at today's rates which means that iffin Miss Miller gets her full asking price, the little lams will still lose more than £200,000. While all reports say that Miss Miller's house is in upscale Marylebone (where the Kabbalah Kween lives when in London), Our Man in London says that it's sort of in super swank St. Johns Wood (where Kate Moss resides) but that it's really located in the much less glammy Paddington where it's surrounded by council flats, otherwise known as public housing.

Miss Miller's much photographed front door opens directly into a main living space on the ground floor which perfectly matches her extremely expensive and eclectic hippie chic style of dress. It's unclear to Your Mama if Miss Miller's ex-step-mommy, the much ballyhooed interior designer Kelly Hoppen, had anything to do with the white walled Manhattan loft meets Moroccan bazaar interior day-core. The white-walled high-ceiling living room area includes a smattering of mis-matched casual furniture, a gas fireplace, a flat screen boob-toob stuck up on the wall and a couple of Moroccan lanterns hung from the ceiling. The living room gives way to the petite dining area and the well organized sky lit kitchen.


A floating and curving staircase climb to the maze-like mezzanine level which wraps around the the living room below and includes a small study with a large closet and a bathroom so narrow that only pin thin chicks like Miss Miller can squeeze past the terlit to the stand up shower.

Up a few more steps from the study is one of the two bedrooms which is open to the mezzanine level and also provides access to a small private terrace. The glass and chrome bannistered mezzanine level circles around to another flight of floating stairs that rise to the second bedroom on the top floor which appears to include a bit of closet space, a wee window that opens to interior space, a large sky light and another small pooper.

Down in the basement, or the much less dank sounding "lower ground floor" according to listing information is a somewhat impractical Turkish bath folly which was reportedly installed by the previous interior decorator owner. Surrounding the deep and intricately tiled tub that Miss Miller, ever the water conservationist, does not fill are several deep seating areas over flowing with more pillows that can be found in a Moroccan marketplace. Also down below is a sauna and the home's third bathroom.

Miss Miller also owns a country cottage in Gloucestershire and some reports indicate that Miss Miller has already moved on to newer, better and more private accommodations. Wherever she goes Your Mama imagines she'll be inclined to live in a house with a tall wall out front to keep the paps' cameras from peeping in her windows.

30 comments:

NewYorkQueer said...

Mama... 1965 called and wants its apartment back. I read every day just to have myself cheered up by the delicious real estate follies your sharp eye finds and even sharper wit describes.

Anonymous said...

if only she could act, her relative ordinariness alongside her Brit contemps wouldn't be so glaring. Same for this place.

Anonymous said...

hate it.

pch said...

Looks like the architect took inspiration from MC Escher.

Anonymous said...

I love the part of the floor plan labeled "Leisure Area"-- I suppose you saunter about, striking poses. Or is there sling hung from the ceiling?

angeleyes said...

I buy the "most unusual house" Description, but the "fabulous" part - I don't think so.

The decor leaves alot to be desired, and what that huge pair of antlers on the wall separating the living from dining areas has to do with it, is anyone's guess.

The interior layout appears pretty choppy, and those large support poles would drive me to distraction. Replacing them with overhead steel beams would be an expensive necessary fix, but given that the rest hold little appeal for me, I'd just pass this one up with no regrets.

thevinylvillage said...

I could almost...almost...forgive any part of this atrocity if there were at least some continuity to it. But the turkish bath looks like it fell from another planet.No doubt whomever purchases this pile will want to do what Sluttienna didnt and gut that terrace level...

Anonymous said...

I remember her talking about this place on Leno. It was an old Spitfire plane factory back in the day.

Anonymous said...

I can see some Kelly Hoppen influence on the first floor stark white-gey-black-bluish decor, but it obviously has been "enhanced" with out of color scheme red and beige. Obviously, the moroccan... whatever it is... was just left there from the previous owner "as is". I am actually having an anxiety attack looking at this horror in the middle of the room, mostly, because my husband would have insisted he wants just that, and turned into a crying baby if I tried to get some sense into his head.

Anonymous said...

This house is amazing... would love to see the interior designed tract homes of these commenters!

Anonymous said...

3:02 could ONLY be a realtor hoping to sell this, lol

Anonymous said...

what exactly is an "interior designed tract home"? And I shudder at your using "home" this way. It's just not done.

Anonymous said...

3:37, it's snob speak intended to whitewash the obvious flaws, and communicate that only the verrry rich are worthy or capable of formulating an accurate opinion about high end real estate. In a word, it's bunk.

Anonymous said...

"3:02 could ONLY be a realtor hoping to sell this, lol"

Hardly, a British realtor wouldn't know what 'tract home' means. No such thing over there.

Anonymous said...

4:20, a British realtor who reads Mama's blog just might ;)

thevinylvillage said...

anonymous is welcome to peek through the windows of my "interior designed tract home" anytime...and may even find photos of it on the interwebs.
Of course, Anonymous will forgive that my budget does not put at my disposal the designers the Tramp Miller might have been able to use.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about it vinylvillage. I suspect that if we could catch a glimpse into these 'your not good enough to comment' real estate snobs, the reality is that a tract home would actually be a major step up for them. Bingo!

Anonymous said...

The idea that someone needs to live in a $15M house in order to have an opinion about a $15M house is ludicrous.

Are only 22 pound girls allowed to comment on fashion because they're the only ones that fit into the size 0 samples?

Do you have to be in a rock band to comment on whether music is good or bad?

Do you have to be an artist to look at and comment on art?

Does one have to be a celebrity interior decorator to comment on decorating ideas?

I may not agree with some of the things that get said about some of the properties, but everyone is allowed to state their opinion.

Sienna's house is a very uncomfortable layout for anyone but a single person. The Turkish bath is stupid unless you really use that thing all the time. otherwise it's just tile for the housekeeper to polish.

Anonymous said...

Actually, fat people can't comment on fashion.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a real estate agent. Still, I would love to see your home. It doesn't take $ to make a nice house. This house just happens to be really nice comapred to some of the other shit on here.

Anonymous said...

There's all kinds of super savvy big/fat people commenting on and driving fashion. Can you say andre leon talley? or Fern Mallis?

Anonymous said...

Excellent examples 6:47, of the points most are making here. And let's keep in mind that 9/10ths of the interior design and/or real estate disasters we comment on here are caused by the newly rich having trouble translating their tract home roots into more affluent communities. So there :p

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of bashers! So she likes to have sex with lots of men.....ugly, hot, famous......not. If her every liason escaped documentation in the media, she would just be a healthy female libido and not the "sluttienna" so witlessly written above. She has a beautiful face and likes the horizontal mambo........get over it!

angeleyes said...

6:29, what a teriffic idea you posited about posting photos of the interior design of our own homes. I'm pretty happy with mine at present, but would be the 1st to admit I've made my fair share of mistakes in the past, and have a couple areas I'd like to improve on now but can't due to a design block. I'm always open to a critique or suggestion, and depend on them actually because I inevitably get bored looking at even my ideas all the time.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how much water it takes to fill that tub? It's more the size of a small swimming pool.

Try as I might, I'm not seeing the porn cameras or hookah in the Turkish bath - but I'm sure both are there.

Anonymous said...

ah, Miss Andre Leon Talley. Now THAT'S a crib I'd like to see. I've always suspected that it's a loft with nothing but rolling racks and racks of supersized Chanels, endless shelves of gigantic Malano FMPs (with reinforced heels)-- and a white concert grand with silver framed photos of the Queen Mother, Babe, Susan, Judy, and Anna (original face--what HAS she done to it?), and every other grand lay-dee. As for Miller-- as someone said-- she's ordinary looking, has an unatrractive voice, can't act, and who cares who she sleeps with--they're all b-list, like her and her apt.

Anonymous said...

Yeah right, her face is ordinary looking, sure, you wish.

Anonymous said...

I dont think her looks are anything special either, not compared to alot of other movie ack-tresses. Agree also about the hoarse voice and acting. This house is also on the mediocre side.

Complex Procrastinator said...

what does her looks/acting/love life have to do with the sale of her apartment?

Anonymous said...

I could go for this as a little london pad for little visits...I would use that turkish bath all the time...for about the first week, then I'm sure I would tire of it. A sauna is a different story...I use mine every chance I can get! Strange bed and bath layout!