Monday, June 29, 2009

A Bit of Mish Mash for Tuesday

Your Mama has a little mish-mashing to do this morning.

1.
The first item we would like to discuss is the comely casa on N. Catalina Street in Los Angeles' Los Feliz neighborhood that everyone besides Your Mama has been reporting is owned and being offered for sale at $3,697,000 by the exceedingly well paid prostie luvvin' sitcom star Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men) and his third legal ladee-mate Brooke Mueller.
According to the listing agents in a recent report in the increasingly anemic Hot Property column in the L.A. Times, after forking over $2,575,000 for the 4,179 square foot crib in November of 2007 and spending a year and boo-coo bucks rehabbing the residence, Mister Sheen and Missus Third Sheen have decided to sell the property (pictured above) because they desire bigger digs in which to raise their expanding family.

Now listen chickens, Your Mama does not know nuthin' from a dung beetle but according to three–that's right, three–of our better connected informants this is not entirely accurate because while Mister Sheen and Missus Third Sheen do own the property in question, they do not nor have they ever officially occupied the house in Los Feliz.

Each of the sources we questioned whispered in Your Mama's big ear that Mister Sheen and Missus Third Sheen live in a 7,924 square foot manse in the guard gated Mulholland Estates community in the hills above Sherman Oaks. Records show that Mister Sheen paid $7,200,000 for the 5 bedroom and 7 pooper property in April of 2006 during the bloody dee-vorce from his second ex-wife Denise Richards.

For what it's worth, Mulholland Estates is the same gated community that perplexedly successful Paris Hilton lives as well as tee-vee ack-tress Judith Light, British pop star Robby Williams (who has reportedly decamped back to the U.K.), boob-toob bench sitter Judge Greg Mathis, cheese ball crooner Tom Jones, letter turner Vanna White and a few others we won't bother to bother with today.

2.
Not that many if any of the children have anything that even resembles sympathy for them, but it's not been a good couple of weeks for Bernie and Ruth Madoff. Yesterday, to a cacophony of cheers and tears, the justifiably vilified Ponzi putz was sentenced to a stunning 150 years in the pokey for his grisly financial shenanigans that left thousands destitute. Last week, his bird-like wife Ruth was ordered to vacate the couple's posh apartment on Manhattan's Upper East Side of which the NY Daily News somehow has interior photos*. Of note, according to the article, are the $35,000 carpet and the $20,000 tea table.

*Reader beware: The fine folks at CityFile have heard the photos were included in a coffee table book about Manhattan interior dee-zine style and are 20 years old. So really kids, who knows if this is the expensive frippery Miz Madoff is currently living with and soon to be giving up.

In addition to their nifty New York apartment–located in the same building where the Today Show's Matt Lauer paid $5,882,353 for a sixth floor crib in 2004 and expected to be sold for somewhere around seven or eight million clams–the gubbamint also seized the couple's water front property in Palm Beach, a beach house in Montauk, NY and a modest but expensive condo in the super swish South of France. All properties are expected to be liquidated and sold off with any proceeds going to the many victims of Madoff's Machiavellian scheme.

According to the floor plan that made its way around the interweb (and which we are not at all convinced is the actual plan of the Madoff penthouse), the East 64th Street apartment includes a private elevator landing that opens to a small foyer. At the front of the apartment is a living room with a fireplace, a corner library and dining room. A large butler's pantry separates the dining room from the small kitchen which in turn leads to 3 sinfully small staff rooms that all share just one terlit. The master bedroom includes a large dressing room and small bathroom. Each of the other three bedrooms also features a private pooper.

A new and salacious report in the always entertaining NY Post reveals that poor Ruthie, once a pampered woman who is now reduced to riding the subway like a common person, is having a wee of trouble finding new rented digs. Maybe one of her sons will make room for her in one of their pricey properties in New York or Greenwich, CT.

3.
Since everyone else is talking about the recently deceased King of Pop Michael Jackson, we figured we might as well too. Thanks to the ever intrepid Legal Eagle, Your Mama was directed to an article in the Daily News which recently reported that Mister Jackson had been planning to relocate to a England this week where he was scheduled to reside in a Chislehurst, Kent estate called Foxbury Manor during his much anticipated 50-show run at London's O2 Arena.

Foxbury Manor was built in 1875, stands three stories tall and measures either 22,000 or 26,000 square feet depending on which report one reads. Although the house originally had as many as 32 bedrooms, the current owners reduced the count in a recent renovation to just 11 behemoth bedroom suites including an 1,800 square foot master suite. The recently rehabbed estate is reported to have password-controlled entrances and state of the art security systems–natch–and, while hardly the circus that Neverland Ranch was, recreational facilities are reported to include a private lake, a music room, an underground cinema and an indoor swimming pool.

The rumored to have been impoverished Mister Jackson reportedly paid a whopping £1,000,000 to lease the Grade II listed mansion until February of 2010. But alas...

Of course, anyone with a damn television knows that Mister Jackson and his three children–who may or may not be his biological children according to scandalous report–were last living in a leased mansion on N. Carolwood Drive in the Holmby Hills area of Los Angeles for which he was reportedly paying $100,000 per month.

The fate of Mister Jackson's once beloved Neverland Ranch remains up in the air, but the family is reportedly planning a public viewing of Mister Jackson's dead body this Friday at the ranch even though he was adamant that he would never live on the property again because it had been tainted by the allegations of child molestation. Lard have mercy chickens. Your Mama can't think of anything creepier and less dignified than the spectacle that will surely come down during a public viewing of Michael Jackson's dead body at Neverland Ranch. All those Screaming Mimis coming from miles around clamoring to get a damn photo of his dead body? Come on. This don't have nuthin' to do with the real estate and certainly this ain't none of Your Mama's bizness, but does that wackadoodle Jackson family really think this is a good idea? Pleeze.

4.
In other Michael Jackson related real estate rumor and gossip...

Your Mama hears from a someone we'll call Wanda Wannachat that Mister Jackson's (former) manager a–mysterious man named Dr. Tohme R. Tohme who is neither a doctor of any kind or an "Abassador at Large" to the country Senegal as his website proclaims–is in contract to buy a $5,800,000 mansion in Bel Air. However, now that faux doctor's golden goose is no more all the real estate peeps involved are on pins and needles wondering if the deal is going to stick together. Just rumor and gossip children, rumor and gossip.

43 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow. wow. great mish mama!

NewYorkQueer said...

You always know just what to say Mama to sooth my last nerve, just rumor and gossip indeed!

angeleyes said...

Love your Mish Mash columns Mama, thank you. Ruth Madoff will be ok. According to news reports yesterday, the judge awarded her $2 1/2 million out of the $80 million in assets she claimed was rightfully hers, and confiscated the rest.

Re: Michael Jackson, there's little doubt that his estate is poised to rake in more money now than while he was alive, and without him around to spend it, I expect his creditors are relieved about that.

Anonymous said...

Frankly I think Ruthie should be in the pokey with her hubby.

And perhaps "Dr" Tohme will find another gullible and lonely celeb to milk dry.

How's the B-M-TroubleYou running mama? I hope your mechanic got you all fixed up.

Anonymous said...

But I hear Ruthie and her 2.5 are still subject to civil liability.... she may be living as well as riding the IRT

As for MJ-- a viewing in Los Olivos is not the same as a burying...

Jose 813 said...

The floor plans do not appear to match the photos---the living room photo shows window on two sides indicating two exposures. And none of the bedrooms have a real fireplace.

Anonymous said...

I read an article today that said Ruth Madoff was keeping her South of France house.

thevinylvillage said...

The Madoffs apartment is surprisngly tasteful, and if that was 20 years ago, it aged well.

You can bet this time next week, the Faceyspaces will be filled with red eyed Jackson fans standing next to his coffin. Shiver. And ole Daddy Joe will probably hang a banner declaring his new record company over the corpse.

There have been many pictures of Little Prince Michael and Paris, but where is that third child...Dust Ruffle or whatever? nary a photo has been seen that I can recall since he was a baby.

Anonymous said...

vinyl, do a Google image search for Paris Michael II aka Blanket. Paris is a girl, btw, and still very young which probably accounts for the fewer number of photos.

Anonymous said...

I think the little one's name is Duvet.

According to Perez Hilton, MJ's coffin will be taken to Neverland on Thursday a.m. in a 30 car motorcade. It will be interesting to see what condition the place is in now - hasnt it been pretty well abandoned?

I'm glad I've no plans to be on an airplane anywhere in So.Cal on Thursday. The pap & news helicopters will be busier than than during OJ's Bronco escapade. And yes, 4:27 - I'm sure we'll know which is papa Joe's car because of the advertising on the roof.

Anonymous said...

I have to correct Mama for just one second. The service will be CLOSED CASKET. I repeat CLOSED CASKET. So, who knows if they will actually transport his body or just an empty box... That being said, you know some of those crazy fans will try to pry that bitch open and get in there with him. They better have some serious security in place.

thevinylvillage said...

anon 5:04, so there are only two children? Im confuseded. I was thinking there was Prince Michael, Paris, and Pillow Sham. Are Prince Michael and Pillow Sham one and the same?

Anonymous said...

There is a Prince and a Prince II, I believe, in addition to Paris. I thought Prince II was Blanket, but I could be wrong. Wow. That was a bizarre sentence to type.

Re: Ruth Madoff. One of her kids has to put her up, right? If no charges are filed against her, she can rake in bucks from a book. If she is free and clear, then those book bucks would be hers and not Bernie's. That whole Madoff situation is beyond F'd up. I'm still agog.

Thanks for he real estate mish mash Mama! It was a good one.

Anonymous said...

This IS NOT the correct floorplan. Sorry to disappoint those who were curious. I am a realtor in the city and have toured this apartment, and this is not the one. Keep watching though, as one will surface shortly.

Kissyface said...

Mama, you are right! Mister Sheen and Missus Third Sheen do own the property in question, but they do not nor have they ever occupied the house in Los Feliz (officially or otherwise) BECAUSE, I am told by the best connected Los Feliz real estate porn gossips (and that's a VERY high standard) that the Catalina house was purchased for Charlie Sheen's "mother" ... who decided rather early on not to live in it.

In any event, it's been done up as yet another black-and-white rehab which will be liked by those who like that kind of thing.

As for the price, I hope there is a bidding war! I hope the Sheens get Ten Million Dollars for this house. I ADORE Charlie Sheen. To heck with Catalina Street, I want Charlie to stand on my back while I swim him to Catalina Island! But I also can't help noticing that 2407 N Catalina St, yet another damn black-and-white rehab just down the street from the Sheen "celebrity palazzo," popped into escrow a couple of weeks ago at a shade less than $3 Million, but just as quickly popped out of escrow because the bank appraisers refused to approve the price! Here's a link to the MLS listing for 2407 N Catalina St, now offered at $2,950,000: http://guests.themls.com/profile_page.cfm?mls=08-318665&tab=search]

Dear me, it is said there were no good, recent comps! Of course, that's just well-informed rumors. Seems the appraisers working Los Feliz now generally insist on comps not less than 3 months old and are even rumored to be applying a dreadful "formula" that discounts every comp by 1% per month since the actual sale. That is, a house used as a comp that sold three months ago is said to now go into the bank appraiser calculation at only 97% of actual sale price.

Yikes! Good luck Sheens! Hugs and kisses to both of you and to your ever more multitudinous issue! XXXXXX! OOOOOOO! XXXXXXXX! Live long! Prosper! Breed like rabbits! Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

About Michael's kids, from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Jackson

"During the Australian leg of the HIStory World Tour, Jackson married dermatologist nurse Deborah Jeanne Rowe, who bore him two children, a son, Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr. (also known as "Prince"), and a daughter, Paris Michael Katherine Jackson."

(snip)

Jackson's third child, Prince Michael Jackson II (also known as Blanket) was born in 2002.

And I apologize. I was wrong about both the last child's name and gender. Michael confuses me :)

Anonymous said...

5:28, what is your 'closed casket' source? A CNN correspondent on Larry King just said there will be a public viewing of Michael's BODY on Friday at Neverland.

thevinylvillage said...

thank you dear...no wonder I was lost.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure a "viewing" is of the body not the casket.

Maybe the Jackson family will get that wax thing from Madam Tussauds for the viewing because I'm not sure Jackson's body is is such great shape.

Anonymous said...

Right you are 7:24. A viewing means the person is there to be seen. A number of photos taken of Michael at rehersal a week ago today surfaced on the web yesterday, and he looks remarkably good in them, but like most wakes, all that will probably be visible of his actual body are the head and hands.

Anonymous said...

Even the WORST mortician can do a better job on his face than what his plastic surgeon did.

Whatever his kids names are I truly pity them. Dad's dead, mom flat-out sold them, grandpa's an abuser, and poor grandma is 79. Don't get me started on the aunts and uncles.

Hopefully they'll have happier lives than their dad.

Anonymous said...

Thomas Barrack (head of Colony Capital, the company that actually owns Neverland) was interviewed today saying he hasn't heard from the Jackson family at all about the proposed viewing so it might just be more of Papa Joe's smoke and mirrors.

Anonymous said...

Photos of Michael rehearsing for the This Is It tour a week ago today..

here, here, and here.

Alexis Colby Carrington said...

I have heard that he is going to be on permanent display in a glass casket like Lenin for all times. That should work out well since he is mostly plastic anyway. You have got to know Michael would love an eternal viewing!

Anonymous said...

Michael would love an eternal viewing and you name is great by the way.
Alexis Colby Carrington.

Crystal Carrington said...

Alexis, you're a bitch and I know you never loved Blake (and only married him for the money); Still I must admit that the glass coffin idea is the bomb. Now Papa Joe can rake in the bucks for a long long time.

Sammy Jo Carrington said...

Y'all bring that boy in a glass box down south so's we can have a look too. I'd give a dollar or two to see what was behind them docters masks fer so long.

Anonymous said...

free phone consultation? I doubt that, Peter.

JLo said...

Ugh take yer spam elsewhere buddy.

Anonymous said...

Charlie Sheen's utter lack of respect for anything other than his sexual appetite turned my stomach long ago. Denise Richards was foolish to think she could reform him. Wonder how much longer his 3rd wife has until he cheats on her too.

JLo said...

I'm interested to see what will happen to the Madoff 'victims' who have been cashing in all these years. The fact that most of the money has gone would suggest that some people at least have been getting back what they put in and possbily more. The more bit is what makes me wonder about it.

Anonymous said...

JLo, it's my understanding that Madoff used part of the money to mail investors regular dividend checks much like you'd receive dividends from money invested in stock, giving investors a false sense of security regarding the bulk of their investments. The investigation into Madoff's swindle is ongoing and could result in up to 10 more indictments being handed down for those who helped Madoff sustain his swindle, and no doubt profited from it too. There's also speculation Madoff has money stashed away that investigators haven't located yet.

Anonymous said...

Michael Jackson factoid: Still setting records.

For the 1st time ever in Billboard's history, Michael's previously released albums are outselling the top newly released albums.

Michael's albums are currently dominating the top 9 spots on the Billboard charts.

Tom Thumb said...

Michael Jackson factoid: This is only happening because he died.

Should be quiet around here later in the week when all the Billie Jeans head out to Neverland to pay their respects.

Anonymous said...

Tom it's understood that his death has everything to do with it. It's interesting to observe the MJ phenomenon's direction now that he's gone, and let's be honest. Putting aside his sad decline in recent years, if his music dosen't make you want to shake your booty a bit, you're one of the few.

Anonymous said...

Tom, sorry if you can't handle the 'rumour & gossip' about MJ. Maybe you can persuade Mama to get off the couch & write us a new tidbit to talk about.

The post about Alan Jackson's place was quite lively - maybe she knows of another country star that's buying or selling?

Anonymous said...

Ugh. The Alan Jackson post was only "quite lively" if like to engage in flaming each other. Nothing interesting came of any of the attacks.

Mama's is too classy for that shit.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like "Dr. Tohme" is actually one of those Nigerian scam specialists.

Anonymous said...

Amen 8:50. Insult wars are an instant interest killer for me. Whoever spread the false notion that being an a**hole is cool should be shot.

Anonymous said...

If Dr. Tohme isn't a Nigerian scam specialist, he'd be an exception to the general rule, that's for sure.

Associating himself with gullible Michael is a big Red Flag right there.

JLo said...

There's no way that at least some of Madoffs investors (I don't like calling them victims because they are mostly in this mess because of their own doing) didn't try to withdraw sizeable chunks of their investments over the years.
And as an accountant myself I know there is literally no way that he did this by himself. It is physically impossible for one person to do that much work.

Jimmy said...

You wonder, sometimes, just how smart these super rich are (or their lawyers, anyway). Madoff transferred ownership of the Palm Beach mansion to his wife to try and evade seizure.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Florida is one of the states that allows Land Trusts. These are immune to even attachment by the IRS.
If he had bought it via a Land Trust NO ONE would even known he owned the place.

Doc Hollywood said...

Who exactly is this Tohme Tohme character? And where did he get that 5.8 mil to buy a house in Bel Air for chrissakes? He probably pulled the 419 advance fee fraud on MJ. Despicable.