Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Madge Wants Chickens in New York?

Your Mama's caveat: This story comes from a recent article in The Mirror, a naughty tabloid paper in the U.K., so make of it what you will children.

As part of her dee-vorce, the Kabbalah Kween (K.K.) was compelled to surrender Ashcombe House to the ex-Mister Madonna Guy Ritchie. Trouble is, the megalomaniac music icon loved Ashcombe House and apparently she misses her old 1,200 acre country estate in Wiltshire.

"Sources" told the people at The Mirror that the K.K. is so busted up over having to move all her cone bras and Pilates outfits out of Ashcombe House that she's documented the Georgian manor house room by room so that she can have her architect(s) and coterie of nice gay decorators re-create the look and feel of Ashcombe House in the triple wide townhouse on the Upper East Side of Manhattan which she's rumored to have purchased for around forty million American clams. (Although the property is no longer available according to Street Easy, we've yet to locate any records of a completed transaction.)

The Mirror's "source" goes on to claim that not only has K.K. sent a crew of underlings out to all the Englishy boo-teeks in Manhattan looking for "candelabras, side tables, and period chaises," she's ripped up the vintage wood floors and replaced them with terracotta tiles similar to those at Ashcombe House and, here's the kicker kids, she reportedly told pals that she'd like to have some chickens...in New York.

We know that as far as real estate snobs are concerned this townhouse is located in the boonies of the Upper East Side, but it isn't really the boonies and if K.K. thinks she's going to have some kind of damn farm up on East 81st Street she is out of her ever loving mind. Roosters on the Lower East Side...sure. Uptown chickens? Hmm. Next thing you know she'll want to put a cow up on the roof for milk and rabbits down in the basement for stew. Pleeze woman, if this is true (and we're not sure it is) you better get a damn grip on yerself before you really stray out into the deep end of reality.

photo: Madonna feeding her chickens at Ashcombe House (Vogue Magazine)

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

as long as she stays out of the Village, I'm happy. Btw do we think Madge and Joan have the same surgeon? Both resemble Madame. Mama, what do you think?

An Aesthete's Lament said...

As I recall, the published Madge decors of Ashcombe were no great shakes.

Anonymous said...

Madonna's taste 'no great shakes'? I find that hard to believe.

StPaulSnowman said...

She will, for all her wealth, never recreate what she lost with that house. I can't understand why she doesn't ring up the good folks at Knight Frank and buy the real thing in the real location. She certainly could afford any of the magnificent country houses currently on the market. Maybe she doesn't get tan enough in the UK............

Anonymous said...

England got tired of her tired ass and odiferous cooter, so she decided to come back to a place she thinks still loves her. But that ship done sailed-- she's just another facelifted UES goober

Anonymous said...

ur all dip shits and madonna wouldnt wipe her ass with you... eat shit and die

The Swagman said...

Anon 4.25 PM - Such class, nice!

Madge's Nice Gay Underling Decorator said...

C'mon people...it's all rubbish !! She's definitely not into that english country lifestyle anymore !! She's so over it !!
The house is going to be a great place of elegance and luxury !! You all shall see !!

Anonymous said...

She'll have anything she wants, she recently bought a child you know..

Anonymous said...

438--- goddam hilarious, thank you

Anonymous said...

The Mirror is such a trash publication. It's our country's equivalent to the National Enquire in the United States.

I do not believe this. Stupid.

Anonymous said...

aonym 5:06, The Mirror is a trash publication. Well, nice match of paper and subject.

Anonymous said...

@StPaulSnowman

Rarely do properties [in the right location] with such acreage come on the market, it's not quite as simple as calling Knight Frank. 1200 acres is a substantial estate, though tiny compared to many.

StPaulSnowman said...

Anon 5:24. You should check out Sawley Hall in North Yorkshire. At ten million pounds it is a steal compared to the tenement in New York. It only has 950 acres, but I could live with that!

Anonymous said...

Madge looks like an old hag- and that's with airbrushing! Why does she have to come to my city?

Anonymous said...

Madge IS an old hag

MH Critic said...

Chickens are very "green" and easy to deal with. The best thing about them is you have fresh eggs every day. It's very healthy! As always, Madonna is innovative!

Anonymous said...

Celebrity Address Aerial is now charging 10 bucks a month. What kinda crap is that?

Anonymous said...

Be careful about pissing on the National Enquirer. You will likely eat your words. Yes, much of it is rubbish but there are certainly some well-documented nuggets of truth in it. John Edwards?

Dumbwit Tellher ♥ said...

Reminds me of the episode of Sex & the City with the chickens on the roof next to Carrie's apt. Oh to be poor Madonna!

Anonymous said...

"Celebrity Address Aerial is now charging 10 bucks a month."

That really blows. I hope the site goes under now. Lazy owner who won't go out and get advertisers.

As to Vadge, glad she's in NYC with her chickens and stank vagine and hope her skanky behind stays away from LA.

Anonymous said...

@StPaulSnowman

"right location" ...

"North Yorkshire"

I rest my case!

Anonymous said...

If she had taken 5 minutes to go get a pre-nup done, she would not be having this problem now, would she?

Anonymous said...

Dear 659, yes Madonna is so innovative. Who'd have ever thought of eating those white things chicken have been laying for millions of years. It has always been assumed that they were white turds!

NewYorkQueer said...

In 1980 the SEX book was delicious and we loved it and loved her, it is 2009 now. All that is left is a history of publicity, way too much money and kabala.
I suppose I will die of old age hearing about K.K. (thanks for that Mama, a whole lot) and not caring anymore then than I do now.

Anonymous said...

Almost everyone near downtown LA has chickens in their yard.

Ms Frivolity said...

The scene, Madge's new house over the #6 line somewhere uptown, the time 10.30am, the sound of an early 19th century Bacarat chandelier tinkling as the #5 express passes underneath the house at 70 mph is interrupted by her madgesty's shrill mid western screech. "What the fuck is this? I wanted the Galapagos organic with soy milk, not Colombian mixed bag fit for Dunking fucking Doughnuts blend!" Her Puerto Rican man servant quickly removed the circa 1810 Paul Storr Sterling silver coffee pot from the Chinese Chippendale tea table, yes it was an original and she had paid a huge bribe to that guy from the National Trust to get it, and hurried back across the hand made French terracotta 17th tiles the she'd had her nice Gay decorator buy from Lilly Safra when she demolished that pile in the Loire Valley, Lilly was such a bitch and didn't give a crap about French history, patrimony or culture. Anyway we digress it was time for breakfast and Madge was going to eat solid food for the first time in about six years. "Juan, Juan" Madge screamed again, "Could you go up to the chicken koop on the roof and get some eggs, I want them poached in Kabbalah water with a rice cake, oh and please don't use the Wedgwood this time use the Chinese blue and white from that ship wreck off Bali that we bought at Christie's South Kensington last year."
As Juan left the salon he could feel Madge's cold botoxed eyes fixed on his crotch, was all this worth the huge salary he was paid he wondered as he creaked up the servants stairs to the roof?

Charles Ryder said...

Anon 3:31, I feel that Yorkshire has a beauty not to be so quickly dismissed. I spent many halcyon and fulfilling days at a famous country house there and the atmosphere was unforgettable.

Anonymous said...

Ms Friv-- you are my kinda gal. Excellent!

Anonymous said...

Wow New York Queer...Aren't you just a seeing into the future kind of a queen?

The SEX book was delicious and you loved it in 1980?

12 years before it was published?

Go blow Perez Hilton.

Anonymous said...

Please......I just had breakfast.

Arthur Fey-Dimbleby said...

Isn't chicken some gay slang term? Hasn't Mehdonna had them around her for her entire career? What is new here? Surely there are chickens in New York.....anywhere there is live theatre, there are plenty of chickens.......nice chicken decorators, etc.

Anonymous said...

its twink... not chicken

Lilithcat said...

According to today's New York Times, she paid "only" $32.5 million, significantly under the original asking price.

Arthur, "chicken" is, indeed gay slang. A "chicken hawk" is an older man who prefers younger (but still of age) partners.

Bang the Capon said...

So I guess that makes young gay men chickens.....just as I thought. I hope she treats the chickens with respect.