Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mitt Romney Slims His Real Estate Portfolio

SELLER: Mitt Romney
LOCATION: Rising Star Lane, Park City, UT
PRICE: $5,250,000
SIZE: 9,514 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 8 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...designed to fit perfectly on the almost 11 acres surrounding it. Views of the Jordanelle Reservoir and the Uinta Mountains and a perfect location at the end of a private cul-de-sac, this unique post & beam home is a perfect retreat for you and your family. Several gathering areas provide enough space for lots of family and/or guests. The home will be sold fully furnished.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: According to The Boston Globe, the ridiculously rich and meticulously coiffed former Republican presidential hopeful and former governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney has decided to slim his fat real estate portfolio by selling two of his four fancy homes. All set to be sold are his primary mansion in Belmont, Massachusetts–which does not yet appear to be on the open market–and his 10+ acre ski getaway in posh Park City, Utah which was recently listed with an asking price of $5,250,000.

Property records for the post and beam extravaganza show it measures in at 9,514 square feet while listing information indicates that the architect's blue prints for the property show a slightly larger 10,008 square feet. Whatever the case, the house is huge and we shudder at what it costs to heat the damn thing in the winter.

Listing information reveals the rustic but undeniably lavish multi-story residence that appears to spill down the forested hillside was built in 1999 and includes seven bedrooms and 8 full and 2 half bathrooms. Presumably Mister and Missus Romney have a reliable terlit gurl in the area they can call when they're coming to down with 10 or 12 family members or friends.

Several large rooms with high peaks and a forest's worth of massive and muscular rough hewn beams provide plenty of space to impress and entertain family and friends. A gigantic living room features a monolithic river rock fireplace and custom made furniture that is being sold with the house. In fact, listing information says all the furniture as well as the custom made fancy fixturing is being sold with the house. We hope that does not include mattresses because, frankly, Your Mama thinks that's unsanitary at best and downright disgusting at worse. Don't laugh children, there are people who actually buy their mattresses used on Craig's List. Sad, but true.

Anyoo, A formal dining room easily seats 10 or 12 and the adjacent kitchen looks like the Little House on the Prairie took a vat of steroids like that A-Rod fellow who is finally coming clean about his illicit relationship with performance enhancing drugs. But we digress and that's really another sordid story for another day.

A large den/family room hosts a huge green leather sectional sofa that surrounds a cowhide covered coffee table. The rather cozy and western looking seating groupe is perfectly placed across from one of the houses many wood burning fireplaces and an old-school big screen tee-vee. Although it appears that anyone taller than five foot four would brain themselves on the beamed ceiling in this room, Your Mama suspects it's only the way the photograph was taken.

The master suite has more sky high ceilings, giant windows looking out towards the Jordanelle Reservoir and Uinta Mountains and a fireplace for all those romantic types who think making love on a bear skin rug while a blizzard blows outside is sexy and hot. However, it appears to Your Mama that the Romney's sorta chintzed out on the day-core in the master bedroom because it's all a little hodge-podge and rough around the edges. The master bathroom is all river rock and twigs and gives Your Mama the shivers. And not in a good way. This sort of fantasy bathroom day-core is fine and fantastic in dee-lightfully eccentric resort hotels like The Madonna Inn. However, it's really rather disturbing in a private home, even if it is one that's only used a few weekends a year during ski season.

Mister and Missus Romney continue to own a lavish lake front property on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire and last year, after bailing out of the presidential race, the cash rich couple forked over a whopping $12,000,000 for an oceanfront crib in the swish seaside town La Jolla, CA. A mouthpiece for the Romney's told The Boston Globe that although the pair are downsizing it is not due to a faltering financial situation resulting from the drastic downturn in the economy or the $42,000,000 of his own money he spent on his failed presidential campaign. The flak goes on to reveal that the couple intends to purchase a condo somewhere in Massachusetts which they plan to call their official residence. That seems fishy to Your Mama; A condo as their official residence when they're used to living in big ol' mansions? We'd bet one (and just one) of our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that Mister Romney starts spending more time in La Jolla...for political reasons. Of course, we know not a thing about his plans. Let's just call it a hunch and see what happens.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

If Mitt is planning to run for President again, it's probably better not to own (4) mansions......especially the way the majority of our fellow citizens are suffering through tough economic times....

Anonymous said...

I hope this thing has a damn escalator. Didja notice how far down the hill this house went? I think Svetlana would strangle you in your sleep if you even thought about owning this.

JB in Silver Lake said...

I shudder to think of this reptile spending more time in my fair state...especially if the wax-doll decides that Cali would be a good trophy in his political "jobs" trophy case.

As for this house...jumpin june-bugs on a pogo-stick. This place is just downright off-setting. And 1:36 is damn right, Svetlana would strangle you for sure...that's assuming she could get over the nausea induced by looking at that too-damn-busy rug in the dining area.

JB

Anonymous said...

Call me cynical, but I wouldn't be surprised if some "buyers" showed up relatively soon, in the form of some sort of "trust" or another, and the get-a-way stayed in the family, somehow. So, it just looked like they sold it, but didn't have to.

Anonymous said...

i think someone from the Gay Mafia should buy it and host a Ski week party there.... and send Mitt the pictures.

Anonymous said...

Good grief.. spent $42 million of his own money to become president, and didn't succeed. That's not the brand of financial risk management skill the country can afford, especially now, so good thing he's off to Malibu and give thanks for Obama, not to mention the measley 3 senatorial Republicans who placed the good of the country ahead of political partisanship in passing a stimulus bill.

That said, I think the larger a log cabin is, the more ridiculas it looks. It's a contradiction in terms and pure American faux, just like the owner of this one.

Anonymous said...

Garish barn for an icky individual.

Tracy said...

Am I seeing things correctly that the shower stall is walled with river rock? Forget the stairs, Svetlana would pitch a fit at having to scrub old Romney shampoo residue from between those stones.

Anonymous said...

JB, if by "my fair state" you're referring to California ... then, Jesus, stop calling it "Cali" ... makes you sound like you're from Ohio or something. No self-respecting native Californian uses that awful word.

Anonymous said...

And what is wrong with being from Ohio you stuck up prig?

Viva! said...

Ugh...Romney. What a slimy tool. If he thinks he's the next Ronald Reagan, he's wrong. Reagan had a weapon that Romney never will: Nancy, his warrior in Chanel.

I hate that house but then I hate all log cabins. His house in La Jolla is gorgeous...but that inhabitant ruins it.

luke220 said...

We can't wait for him to sell the Belmont home and leave our state!

Anonymous said...

Oh my, that bath is full-on skeevy!

Madam Pince said...

Nothing about that skeevy decor surprises me. Mormons are notoriously cheap -- I know because I used to be one, and we were forever admonished from SLC not to spend money on "trivial things" like decent food, clothing and housing -- just pay your 10% tithing to good old Joseph Smith Inc. Mitt is smart enough not to skimp on building, but he and the eternal wifey sure did skimp on making this huge joke comfortable.

Anonymous said...

2:31 - La Jolla is nowhere near Malibu.

La Jolla is just north of San Diego, Malibu is just northwest of Los Angeles.

Anonymous said...

I'm going going back back to Cali...

Anonymous said...

6:53 thanks. I had a brain fart and incorrectly named Malibu out of habit because it's discussed so much here.

bentley said...

I tried the bear skin rug thing once. The heat from the fire made my back itchy, and the rug tickled in odd places.

This place is verging on absurd. It's taking chalet chic a little too far.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure Mama knows that condos can easily run into the many thousands of square feet. A certain billionaire takes residence in my condo building in a 12,000+ sqft duplex with 360 degree unobstructed views of the city from his floor to ceiling windows.

I'd take that over an estate any day.

Anonymous said...

This kind of "architecture" might have been okay for National Park Service hotels in the wild West around the turn of the century, but what a turn-off today. Give me instead the sleek modernism of that divine place that Leon Hirsch built above Aspen. What was it called? Wildcat Ridge, or something like that?

justlovely said...

So it's not just me who got creeped out by the river rock in the bathroom. There's something about it that is just, well, obscene. And not in a good way.

Travis said...

It is his money, why are you all whining?

Anonymous said...

Agree....it's his money. Hope he spends another 40 mil. running for something else.

Anonymous said...

Mitt always reminds me of Max Headroom with that greased hair. Mitt Headroom?

The house looks like a Faux Yellowstone Old Faithful Inn with all the logs and poor stone work. The real one is much better.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Old_Faithful_Inn_interior_wide.jpg

And instead of having a Bison and Moose mounted on the walls, he probably has his political opponents heads mounted as game trophies.

Anonymous said...

Expressing an opinion isn't the same as whining, and certainly provides more enjoyable reading fodder than one and two line critics do, humpf.

Anonymous said...

Your "going back to Cali"???

Cali is a CITY IN COLUMBIA!

Are you a drug dealer?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cali_Cartel

If YOU MEAN California, please SPELL IT OUT.

NOBODY says that in California except out-of-staters, newbies, and idiots.

Anonymous said...

1:27, California snobs are the worst, bar none. Chill out.

Hippie Canyon said...

This place is a f'king nigtmare! It looks like, among several other things, a haven for spiders. And forget about having a gay ol' time in that shower! WTF were they thinking? It looks like Ralph Lauren on crack!

arachnophojob said...

a haven for spiders did it for me............i'm historeee
I am pretty sure CALI has black widows.

Anonymous said...

"Although it appears that anyone taller than five foot four would brain themselves on the beamed ceiling in this room..."

Mama, you are one gifted mother. Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

To crazy dude freaked out about use of "Cali" -- if you'd read the post, you'd see "my fair state" refers to Utah. But it looks like the bone you'd been waiting to pick was going to trump anything anyone had actually written anyway...