Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Katie Price Has Come to America

RENTERS: Katie Price and Peter André
LOCATION: Calicut Road, Malibu, CA
PRICE: (reportedly) $100,000 per month
SIZE: 14,000 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Enjoy the summer at Villa Cascata with a spectacular pool area, horse facilities, trails, lawns, formal gardens, koi pond and a large guest house for your out of town visitors. This newly completed masterpiece features interiors by noted designer Audrey Ruth and is sited to command views from Pt. Mugu to downtown Los Angeles...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Although it sounds like twig thin Vicki Beckham and her sexy soccer playing sidekick David might like to move back to Europe and Los Angeles is soon to lose British singing sensation Robbie Williams, the City of Angels is gaining another British super star in the form of behemoth breasted British glamazon Katie/Jordan Price and her singer huzband Peter André who famously met on the British reality series I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! The spot light loving couple, quite naturally, have continued to exploit their private lives on reality program after reality program after reality program.

To be fair, Mister André has released a few singles since then and the impressively entrepreneurial Miss Price has also penned three top selling autobiographies (three!), four top selling (and ghostwritten) novels as well as a series of children's books. Additionally she's lined her Birkin bag by licensing her name and image to a whole bunch of products including (but not limited to) lingerie, jewelry, hair care products, a chain of grocery stores and a line of horse care products. And let's not forget the fragrances that bear her name either. So, you know, like it or not, this beehawtcha is all kinds of bizzy with money making endeavors.

Anyhoo, according to the gossip juggernaut TMZ and confirmed by a well connected source we call Mirakle Mike, the frighteningly famous and ridiculously rich couple–who have long been rumored to be looking for temporary digs in Los Angeles–have finally landed in the hills above Malee-boo where they've leased a Mediterranean style pile which listing information calls Villa Cascata, a name which translates roughly to House of Waterfall. It does not appear to Your Mama that there is a waterfall on the property.

In addition to the $100,000 per month asking price, listing information also indicates the newly built manse measures in at a sprawling 14,000 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms plus a detached guest house with separate entrance. In addition to all the expected rooms (an impress the guests style entrance hall, living, dining, den, library, gore-may kitchen and family room) other interior amenities include an art studio, wine cellar, sauna and a home gym set up.

The grounds include two large gated motor courts, arched colonnades, Tuscan style formal gardens, a large trellis covered patio adjacent to the swimming pool and spa, equestrian facilities, commanding views from Point Mugu all the way to downtown L.A. and a stunning semi-circular viewing terrace perfect for some early morning yoga or downing a few gin and tonics at sunset.

Now listen here now, iffin any of you horny children think it would cute to hop in your hoopdies and head out to Malee-boo to try and cop a peep of Miss Price and her mammoth mammaries sunbathing in the nood, Your Mama suggests you just stay home. Not only is it silly and strange to be driving up on celebrity homes, the property is located at the tail end of a private and gated road which means y'all will be left looking like a damn fool sitting in your car on the side of a secluded road out in Malee-boo waiting for Miss Tits to come sliding out of the gates in a car with windows so dark you cain't see through them. How fun.

Now then, even though neither Your Mama nor the Dr. Cooter would know Miss Price or Mister André if they walked right into our living room and introduced themselves, we welcome them to the good ol' U.S. of A where blood, sweat, tears and talent isn't the only way to fame and fortune but can also be had with glittering teeth, fake boobies and a creatively entrepreneurial spirit.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

This house is niiiiiiiiice. The bathroom, pool, and kitchen look amazing. It looks like a mini version of Cher's on the outside.

Neurophilly said...

Not sure about the cabinets in the kitchen but I gotta get me some of that bathroom. O la la.

Those of us originating from Ozstraylya, can tell you that Mr. Andre was a "pop" star very early in his life. Strangely, all sorts of sexual innuendos have always followed him around. They still don't seem to have stopped, either.

Anonymous said...

She is vile but not as stupid as her image suggests & made an absolute fortune ... As for the Australian husband, he is beyond dumb!

StPaulSnowman said...

The exterior architecture makes me long to see The Breakers in Newport. By comparison, this place looks architecturally unfinished. Still, there is a lot of appeal here. You have to have lots of money to shell out that much each month and not end up owning the place. I can't begin to relate to $3300 daily rent. I hope they enjoy it!

fairfield girl said...

I like all but the light fixtures....

Anonymous said...

I would worry about the toddlers and her handicapped son ending up in that pool and not in a good way.

Anonymous said...

Who could hate on this house?

Viva! said...

Katie Price...Jordan...whatever you call her the lady is smart. She's made a fortune that would make the most entrepreneurial stars blush.

Nice house, hope they enjoy themselves there.

Anonymous said...

$100K a month for something they will never own. hmmmm....I don't see how that's smart. Anyhoo, when I see someone like Katie Price making oodles of money, I don't necessarily think she's smart, but I do see that she has surrounded herself with smart people who have made her aware of what is possible.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful home. The 40's glam bathroom doesn't look like it goes inside this house but I love it anyway. Neither does the kitchen but I love it, too! I was just pleased to see the inside wasn't all beige tones and dark stain like so many of the homes we see that look like this on the outside...

Loans said...

Nice post!

Emma Royd said...

Mammoth mammaries! I am still laughing! And the "Miss Tits" was excellent too!

She is a very savvy biznizz ladee in the UK tho, and her perfumes dominate the lower end of the market.

Pete may be dumb but I'd have a roll in the hay with him :-)

Anonymous said...

wacko Jacko is paying $100,ooo per month for a mansion in Bel-Air that is bigger and better in everyway. Another greedy owner shooting for the stars.

Trudy Styler said...

No. 1: Drive by shootings are so 1980s
No. 2: The owners may be greedy, but their shooting for the stars has landed them tenants paying them 100k a month. So maybe they're greedy and smart?

Anonymous said...

they're.

Sandpiper said...

A little hijack...

Mama,
Last night in the wee hours, the TV program "Extra" was on. Who do I see? You! Nice segment. Will this be a regular thing? Tell-tell. :)

Adriano from West Hollywood said...

Peter that night you gave me your body was magical, I told you how much I loved your sexy British accent and you said you'd call me, what happened? We can go to Brazil together nobody will know you there and you can kiss me on the beach.

Anonymous said...

Mama,
There is a (small) waterfall on the property...a little hike away & you have to look over the edge of a cliff to see it, but it is there. (I was on the property whilst it was being built). There are also antique European fireplaces throughout as well as other antiques in the manse. I hadn't seen it finished, so thanks for the pics.

Anonymous said...

Very pricey lease for a house over one mile from the ocean in the Very High Fire Hazard Severity Zone. House is on a ridge top which is not a great location in a Santa Ana wind driven wild fire.

Why are they still allowed to build in these areas?

Anonymous said...

100k a month and not on the beach?
this tacky structure is stuck up some hill that is probably a good fire alley.You should be able to buy this home for 1-2 million, max.
The 100k price is probably just some pr stunt for the seller and buyer to create some air of high luxe.I bet they are paying no more than 10k a month for this joint.

Anonymous said...

no offense you up there at 11:59am...but you sound delusional if you think that house can be had for 1-2 million or 10k a month.

YOU might not think it's worth 100k a month and YOU might think the house SHOULD be able to be purchased for 1-2M, but that means NOTHING about what someone else is willing to pay.

I agree though, its up in those fire prone hills which makes it a tough sell to me, but for someone else, it's worth 100k a month or probably 8 million bucks.

Anonymous said...

If you really want a house like that, buy one where they belong; south of Europe. In L.A. this is just another expensive set design with no roots. ugh!

Anonymous said...

12:06pm, you obviously dont know anything about malibu RE.Let me see... you dont live in LA and dont know what these homes sold for in the past right?Malibu hills homes have always commanded a fraction of ocean property.A tiny fraction.Im talking 500k.In the last year malibu RE has tanked 50% or so.

Anonymous said...

Adriano from West Hollywood -

Peter Andre has an Australian accent, definitely not English, so I doubt you've even met him!

He is seriously good looking though...

Anonymous said...

wacko Jacko is paying $100,ooo per month for a mansion in Bel-Air that is bigger and better in everyway. Another greedy owner shooting for the stars.

I bet this is rented for $20,000 per month. You would have to be a moron to pay $100,000 when you can get quality in the Bel-Air rather than these dirt covered hills

Anonymous said...

Fire risk can be mitigated. In San Diego (Rancho Santa Fe), a wildfire burned completely around a development called Cielo which occupies the very top of a 1,200 ft. hill. The fire burned around the homes at the top...but not ONE home was lost!

It has to do with strict building standards, brush clearing and types of landscaping. If you're dumb enough to have brush right up to your backyard...of course it's going to be burned....but if you're smart, you can almost build a fire-proof house....look at Cielo, there's no better example.

The entrance looks a little stark...maybe because there's nothing in it.

My friend has a house way, way up in the Malibu Hills...like 2,200 feet or something. I love the extreme winds, the extreme rain, the extreme everything! Of course the views!

Their house is built out of glass and concrete and it is basically fire-proof.