Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Another Hoity Toity Hamptons Hideaway

SELLER: Thomas Britt
LOCATION: Mecox Road, Water Mill, NY
PRICE: $13,200,000
SIZE : (approx.) 5,000 square feet, 8 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Introducing a Hamptons estate, south of the highway in Water Mill, designed for the personal residence of a famous interior designer. The 3.2+/- acre property(s) offers 3 single and separate parcels. The main residence, on 1.48+/- acres, features a 5,000+/- sq. ft. palace with 8 bedrooms, 5.5 baths, grand Neoclassical-style library, gunite pool and 90 ft. reflecting pool. The second lot, on 1+/- acre, offers a 2,500+/- sq. ft. barn with 6 bedrooms and 4 baths. The last lot, on .72+/- acre, has a 2 bedroom cottage with its own gunite swimming pool.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Earlier today we discussed the Water Mill, NY residence owned by actor Richard Gere that was recently listed at $8,800,000. As promised, we're going to discuss a second hoity toity Hamptons hideaway today that is also located in the sleepy but swish enclave of Water Mill. The Mecox Road estate spreads over three single and separate parcels which combined measure approximately 3.2 acres and is currently listed at $13,200,000. The three parcels can also be purchased separately according to listing information.

Thanks to an assist by our East End aide de camp Molly Motormouth, we've learned that the flamboyantly lavish estate, which looks to Your Mama like something out of czarist Russia, is owned by celebrated New York interior designer Thomas Britt who, as the children can plainly see, really knows how to work a room over.

The inimitable and formidable Mister Britt has been doing up the ritzy residences and posh apartments of filthy rich folks since before the dawn of time and he has well earned his vaunted position in the hierarchy of high end decorators. Whether you like them or not (and we suspect that many of the children will not), his exuberant and unapologetically opulent interiors offer those able to afford his elephantine fees a rigorous and perfectly balanced spectacle of flaw-less day-core. Mister Britt's extravagant handiwork work is often showcased in magazines like Architectural Digest, which will come as no surprise to anyone familiar with that particular periodical which specializes in the outrageously designed and decorated homes of people so rich that most others not in their social and bizness circles have never even heard of them.

Property records indicate Mister Britt, who apparently possesses bank accounts as fat as those of his well heeled clientele, purchased the triad of parcels late in 1994. We don't know how much he paid, so don't ask. But it's safe to say that's it was pennies on the dollar compared to the 8 figure amount at which the property is currently priced.

Listing information reveals the monumental looking main house measures just 5,000 square feet, or there about. Given the imposing and somewhat forbidding neo-classical massing of the facades, we would have guessed the house was quite a bit larger.

For most people the 8 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms in the main house would be plenty for a weekend getaway. Mister Britt is not most people. A 2,500 square foot guest house, which has been carved out of a barn, contains another 6 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms and a pool house cottage adjacent to the larger of the estate's two swimming pools offers an additional 2 bedrooms. While listing information does not indicate any poopers in the pool house, does anyone really think Miss Britt's gonna walk all the way up to the guest house to use the terlit? No, we don't either.

Whatever the lavatory situation in the pool house, the bedroom total for estate tallies up to 16 and the bathroom count adds up to at least nine and a half while listing information says there are twelve terlits. Both numbers mean there are a lot of dirty bowls to clean. Your Mama just hopes and prays that Florinda the minimum wage terlit gurl has been given the use of a golf cart to get her big bucket of Comet from house to house without putting her back out humping across the property's vast lawns.

There is so much happening up in this house that Your Mama does not even know where to begin with the interiors. So we're not going to. Instead, we're just gonna leave y'all be to behold and study the eye popping decorative three ring circus that is Mister Britt's lavish Hamptons hideaway. Your Mama suggests that the children come back to the photographs over and over again in the next few days because we promise you'll find something new and jaw dropping each and every time.

Bon appetit!

39 comments:

StPaulSnowman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
StPaulSnowman said...

Mama.........pass me the Pepto Bismol! I need to touch up the paint job. Don't you think Florinda travels to and fro via narrow underground tunnels? From your post, I am suspecting Svetlana is too zaftig to work here.

Anonymous said...

Lord Alive.. this is worse than those producer's tacky house above Hollywood Blvd a little bit back.. lordy the stomach medicine is needed asap.. I am sick.. I am spuing puke everywhere ... looks like they took some puke and spread it around this place oh lordy oh lordy this lady is sickly now

Trac3 said...

Give me the Gere/Lowell house anyday... this place is just tacky.

Trudy Styler said...

I sort of love it. It's way (way!) over the top, but there's something magnificent about it...maybe not as a beach house, but as a dacha or country estate.

Anonymous said...

Mama - you forgot to instruct the children that the house is much more appealing after dropping acid.

Anonymous said...

This looks like something out of alice in wonderland, but i lovee it.

thevinylvillage said...

well it is certainly unique, isn't it?

and thats all Im gonna say about that...

pch said...

Trudy's right, this place is way way OTT. But you can tell a lot of thought went into the design. Cohesive vision, nicely done.

$2 Cocktail said...

It's crazy and I love it!

Anonymous said...

why the hell did i look at this house right after eating dinner? Lawd have mercy.

Anonymous said...

everything is not beige so it could never be photographed for architectural digest. . .

these pictures are not very good, so it's difficult to see room details.

a decorator's own digs should be a laboratory, and they should never be safe. safe is where you have to go with ninety-five percent of clients because they don't get it and you have to protect your butt.

from what i can see, these rooms seem to be very much inspired by the late great david hicks.

i can't believe the comments so far. i thought this blog was read by. . . well, i'm not going there

Anonymous said...

i meant to say, i can't believe some of the comments so far.

Anonymous said...

I rarely see an iota of wisdom in the thoughts of Donald Trump, however he was quoted recently as saying that the only reasons anyone would be selling into this market are death, divorce or debt. I have to believe he's correct.

Anonymous said...

well put, anon 8:48

i believe there's a word for the je ne sais quoi of a place like this:

ballsy...

Tom said...

It's like watching a couture show...it's all showbiz all the time and I love it.

wouldn't want to live there, but would kill to spend a weekend poking around.

Ballsy is the perfect word for this place.

Neurophilly said...

Couldn't (nah, couldn't) live there full time but oh my lawdy would I just love this place on weekends!

What high camp drama! What imagination! What busy-ness! Sorry, it just calls for lots of exclamations!

Seriously, love the Gere house but it is a Hamptons House - a dime a dozen in that neighbourhood. This, this beauty, is a thing unique.

Oh, Mama, lover of the modern, one has to admit that occasionally it is good to give in to opulence, to the flamboyent, and to the WAY over the top?

Ciao ciao

Anonymous said...

disneyland...if walt had the money.

Anonymous said...

I love Mr. Britt's decorating flare and taste, and there are a few rooms and areas I'm drooling over, but have to say those which are too unmistakably color themed, most notably the lemon and rose rooms, and even the yellow bedroom to a degree, rub me the wrong way, just like an over abundance of beige does. Whenever I see rooms like them, I immediately think of a First Lady giving a televised White House tour - "now here we have the Red Room, and there the Blue Room" etc., and they get old all too quickly when you live with them day in and out.

Anonymous said...

oh my... that's a whole lot of ugly happening there. Starting with the exterior, it just goes downhill from there... This place hardly screams relaxing escape from the city now does it?

Anonymous said...

An utter horror. The room with the exposed beams done up with fake 18th century pseudo-French doodads is bizarre. Even Marie Antoinette, had she escaped the guillotine and fled to England, would have used a better decorator. One thing for sure: it shows that the super rich often hire tasteless decorators who have no better sense of style than they do.

Anonymous said...

Strangely enough, I love it. I especially am drawn to the dining room. Who wouldn't love to have a great big old formal feast in there this winter?

bentley said...

I'm intrigued, but the matching white spiral staircases are bit much. I mean, really...

E.J. said...

I think I'm going to vomit. I only wish I could be doing so on some of this dickhead's decorating.

Anonymous said...

Why does the kitchen look like a painting of a kitchen? Is it an optical illusion?

Perhaps the backyard pagoda is actually a fancy toolshed.

Anonymous said...

I remember when this was published in AD- a few years ago.
Mr. Britt isn't my favorite designer, and I don't know anyone who uses him,
but his work is always complete down to the last detail and is always cohesive.
In fact, I like this house- especially the fact that he related the
garden to the house so well. It reminds me of the Petit Trianon in that each
facade has an attractive view that seems to be the right scale for the house.
He uses colors that are a little chromatic for my taste, but the interior architecture is great.
All in all- love it :)
You're the best, Mama!!!

Anonymous said...

I love it. Though my taste is similar to the late Helena Rubenstein's.

Babe Parish said...

decoration mania. love it.

caveman said...

liberace heaven

no straight male could ever live there.

Anonymous said...

I love this house.

If you don't then you're smoking crack. OK, not really. To each their own.

I do think it's a little pretentious for the Hamptons...where it is a part-time residence.

This would be more fitting as a primary residence, me thinks.

PS There are some decorating tweaks I'd surely make (the pepto colors) -- but the house overall is a winner. I am really digging the library. So unique.

Anonymous said...

I agree... the two spiral staircases are a bit too much.

Anonymous said...

The two spiral staircases are obviously a nod to Chateau de Groussay and Charles de Beistegui-
nothing overdone about them. They're wonderful!

David said...

If Donatella Versace and Liberace had a baby, and that baby turned into a house...

Anonymous said...

I love the Hampton's! Thank you I thought when you moved away you gave up on my paradise. While we all know the rooms are far too themed they are not all bad, its just when you mix them altogether and you get nothing but a pile of poo

Anonymous said...

People pay him to decorate?

I didn't realize there were so many blind rich people.

Kissyface said...

I ADORE it! It awakens and stimulates my inner Puerto Ricano! Neon yellow and white "library" ... with very few books! Wonderful, wonderful! Just like those fabulous rooms Vincent Price shows off in the Roger Corman classic "Masque of the Red Death!" Is Mr. Britt a Satanist, too? I can remember Price intoning something like: "He was imprisoned in this yellow chamber for seven years, and when he was finally released he could not even bear to look at a buttercup!" Wonderful! Does anyone know if Mr. Britt can bear to look at a buttercup? Love it! LOVE IT! And love the price! Cheap at twice what Britt is asking! Just fantastic! I'm in LOVE with Mr. Britt and his IDEAS. I want to kiss him all over his body and I want to HAVE HIS BABY!

Giant ultra-intense-coral walls with Indian gods looming in the dining room! FABULOUS! What better venue could there be for the revenge of the dwarf entertainer Hop-Toad upon the brute who abuses his beloved miniature mistress, and the damnation and death of Prince Prospero's consort Juliana! Pour me another glass of whatever Mr. Britts been quaffing!! Roger Corman's set designers never dared to go as far! Pink, ultra-pink and white bedroom! Wheeeeee! Zoweeeee!

OOOOO! I want to FLY to New York just to SEE this house. I want to get really, really close to the real estate agent's face and repeat what the Red Death himself says to Price:/Prospero "When you look into the face of Death, you see yourself. Each man makes God for himself — his own heaven, his own hell."

Yep, right now my inner Puerto Ricano is so awakened and stimulated that it's acting like the creature that burst from John Hurt's chest in the movie "Alien!" My own version of "Hop-Toad!" Wow! This house just brings it out in me! Zowiee! GREAT!

Anonymous said...

Well, it's certainly thought out and his attention to detail is flawless. It looks to be fit for a queen.

Anonymous said...

oh, dear.
a little cold, no?
reflecting pool is nice.
pagodette rather clashes (a plastic easter egg one finds in the leaves the following fall?)

Arden said...

i was lucky enough to spend 4 days in this house a number of years ago. the pics don't do it justice. it's over the top, yes, but impeccable. the houseguests were equally wild; an insane spanish chef, several eastern european floozies, etc. originally, the "barn" was the main house before the castle was built. didn't get inside the other buildings as they were all rented out for the season.