SELLERS: Duane Martin and Tisha Campbell-Martin
LOCATION: West Shore Road, Lake Arrowhead, CA
SIZE: 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A wonderful home for entertaining and big families, featuring 5 bedrooms with level access to home, lake and single slip dock. Situated on a very gentle lot with park-like setting...A wonderful interior remodel with turnkey amenities including media/game room. All of this enhanced with glorious sunrise and water views.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last night, while we were sitting in the kitchen tapping away on our trusty laptop computer desperately trying to ignore the screeching sounds of that damn American Idol show that the Dr. Cooter insists on watching, we received an unexpected communique from a prolific tipster we call Vlad The Revealer who pointed Your Mama towards a Lake Arrowhead, CA residence being sold by ack-tor Duane Martin and his ack-tress wifey, the sensationally sassy Tisha Campbell-Martin.
Mister Martin may best be known by the children for his long stint on a program called All of Us. He has, however, also appeared in a fair number of films such as Fakin' Da Funk, Woo, Hustle and Heat and The Seat Filler, which he also wrote and produced. Mister Martin also owns an athlete management company called Impact Sports. His ladee-wife, the deliciously full figured Tisha Campbell-Martin came to boob-toob fame back in the early 1990s when she played Martin Lawrence's sassy gurlfriend Gina on the sit-com Martin. Miz Campbell-Martin famously sued her tee-vee boyfriend for sexual harassment in real life. Among other, lesser roles, Miz Campbell-Martin went on to play opposite Damon Wayans as a sassy mommy/wife on My Wife and Kids and currently appears on a sit-com show we've never heard of called Rita Rocks as a sassy mail carrier. Sassy is clearly Miz Campbell-Martin's acting forte.
The Campbell-Martin's 5 bedroom and 4 bathroom lake front domicile is currently listed at what listing information calls, "Today's low market price of $1,597,000." Now children, we don't know if that's a low market price or not because, truth be told, Your Mama knows next to nuthin' about Lake Arrowhead other than it's a big lake about 1.5 hours east of L.A. and that the nearly humorless comedienne Roseanne Barr used to own a house there back in the days that she still worked. We tease. We like Miz Barr. We think she's funny. She is, however, not so fond of Your Mama. But that's another story for another day chickens.
Property records show the Campbell-Martin couple picked up their Lake Arrowhead hideaway in May of 2004 for $880,000 and it appears to measure 3,858 square feet. We are not completely sure that square footage figure is accurate children so don't go quoting that number to all your friends like it's gospel.
Although the stacked stone accented house appears to be a very ordinary single story ranch house, it actually drops two floors below the entrance level and has a trio of narrow decks which run the width of the rear facade on all three levels that look out towards the Lake Arrowhead shoreline. Fortunately for boat loving buyers in the 1.5 million dollar price range, a single slip dock at the water's edge is deeded to the Campbell-Martin residence.
In addition to the front facing two car garage, the top floor of the Campbell-Martin crib features an open plan set up with exposed beam ceilings, an imposing stacked stone fireplace in the living room, a breakfast bar where guests can watch the action on the six burner stove in the modestly sized but well appointed kitchen, and a dining area which offers diners a water view while eating and features a chandelier nearly as large as the dining room table itself.
Presumably, the lower floors contain all five of the bedrooms as well as what listing information calls a media/game room. Your Mama imagines that's the room with the beige wall to wall carpeting, the beige sofas, the monolithic entertainment unit and that disturbing black leather contraption that looks like one of the upsetting and ass-uglee massage chairs from Hammecher Schlemmer that grope, grip and grind on anyone who makes the mistake of sitting in the damn thing.
We're not even going to discuss the nearly empty room with the 100 year old tee-vee in the corner other than to say we like the beamed ceiling, and do not even get Your Mama started on that sad looking bedroom with its $12 comforter, scary looking fake flower arrangement in the corner and curtains that look like Miss Campbell-Martin tacked a linen closet's worth of sheets to the damn curtain rod. Pleeze gurl, we know you have the coin to hire a nice gay decorator who could have done up the lower floors as nicely–if blandly–as the main living spaces on the top floor.
It appears to Your Mama that the couple, who are expecting baby number two, lives primarily in hot as Hades Chatsworth, CA which, for the geographically challenged, is due north of downtown Los Angeles and carries the dubious distinction of being the unofficial porn capital of the world. How nice. In August of 1005, property records show the Campbell-Martins forked over $900,000 for a .8 acre vacant parcel in a gated community on custom built mini-mansions where it appears they too have built a large house.