Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Andy Dick: Valley Boy?

BUYER: Andy Dick
LOCATION: Hatteras Street, Woodland Hills, CA
PRICE: $703,000
SIZE: 2,429 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Enter this one-story home- the model home of its tract–and you are immediately looking at a 15,000 s.f. flat lot w/ pool spread out before you like your own private park! You know exactly how to bring this exposed beam, hi ceilinged diamond-in-the-rough to estate status....

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Ack-tor, "comedian," and professional fool Andy Dick is well known for taking his indecent, inappropriate and, frankly, not particularly funny ways wherever he may go and now the lucky residents of the San Fernando Valley have this hot mess of a man to contend with. Yes children, property records show that back in January of 2008 Mister Dick purchased a house on Hatteras Street in hotter than Hades Woodland Hills.

For all the children who live under a gossip rock and don't already know far too much about his public shenanigans let Your Mama give you a small sampling of Mister Dick's alarming behavior. Mister Dick has been rehabbed at least thrice, sired three children with two women, was recently picked up and taken to the pokey for allegedly groping a teenage gurl in some forsaken California town called Murieta, been booted from more parties than there are numbers to count and sometimes, unfortunately, flashes his peen for crowds. We'd feel bad for Mister Dick and his apparent issues with booze and other nefarious substances, but we sort think that he's made his obscene behavior and public inebriation into his professional gimmick. And as everyone knows, "You Gotta Have a Gimmick" if you want to get ahead.

Anyhoo, property records show that the out and proud bisexual forked over $703,000 to buy a three bedroom and 2 bathroom house that measures in at 2,429 square feet. Listing information shows the house was built in 1963 as the model home for the tract development in which is sits and was marketed as a fixer upper. We're not exactly sure how it is that Mister Dick makes his money, but let's hope he has a few pennies left for the renovations.

We'll probably catch some serious heat for saying this but Your Mama would sooner call hell home than shack up in Woodland damn Hills where temperatures regularly hover around 100 degrees. None-the-less, Mister Dick's new home has a vaguely Wexler and Eichler-esque quality to it and we think with a smart architect, an attractive landscaper and a nice gay–or in Dick's case, bisexual–decorator it just might be possible to turn this into a lovely, if not particularly well located, mid-century residence. Plus, we're digging the secluded free-form swimming pool surrounded by tons of flagstone.

Property records show Mister Dick also owns two undeveloped parcels in Topanga Canyon that reports indicate span roughly 80 acres and we've recently heard through the gossip grapevine that he is either renting or purchased a live/work condo on Cahuenga Boulevard near Universal City but we're unable to confirm that with property records right now so don't none of you go reporting that like it's celebrity real estate gospel.

18 comments:

GLADSTONE SIX said...

Check out this Luxurious inner city contemporary CALGARY townhome project with modern sophisticated interiors. There are two 2 bedroom units with 2588 sq. ft. on three levels, one 3 bedroom unit with over 3300 sq. ft. on 4 levels and one 3 bedroom unit with over 2800 sq. ft. on 4 levels. Designed and built by the Baboushkin Design Group this unique development offers attention to quality & details. This is the best of inner city living.

Anonymous said...

I like the pool area too Mama. Not a big fan of free form pools though. Maybe Mr. Dick is just planning on fixing and flipping this place.

Billy said...

That sounds like near knock down $ even in Woodland Hills. But I would h8 to have to be at work between 7:30 and 10:00.

Babe Parish said...

i think it's cute, albiet, Brady Bunch-y. andy is a hoot!

Babe "Checks Herself" Parish said...

sp: albeit.

duh.

Talk about desperate said...

What woman would want Andy Dick to father her children? Weird.

Viva! said...

It totally reminds me of my grandparent's house...the stone, the windows, the landscaping, even the pool area...I'd buy it for the nostalgia factor.

Andy Dick is a creep though, I feel sorry for his new neighbors.

Anonymous said...

On A Brady Bunch note, this is down the street from the Brady House shown in the tv show!

Anonymous said...

I really wish there were inside pics cuz I'm pretty sure I saw him on Trading Spaces with some other actor/actress a bunch of years ago...I want to say they redid his kitchen. LOL.

Anonymous said...

I'd rather live next door to Andy Dick than in one of those "acrylic stucco" (WTF???) Gladstone condos in bumfck Canada. Freaking Spammer.

Anonymous said...

I'm diggin' the house and seeing something that isn't a bloated, faux finished "old world" mishmash of pseudo French or Tuscan or whatever is, frankly, refreshing. Love the pool area, too, and the front steps are cool - and would be even better with new landscaping. Thanks, Mama, for the Eichler and Wexler/Palm Springs links!

margalit said...

That is a Woodland West home, built between 1960 and 1963. Original price for Woodland West homes was in the high 30's for his model, to the mid-40's for the house I grew up in, literally around the corner. THANK GOD we no longer live there. But he's VERY close to a school. I'm worried for the poor kiddies. Can you imagine your little darlin' going to school with Andy Dick down the street. Shudder!

New Jersey Real Estate said...

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SitDownKaren said...

Any home has potential, this is a good example. As for the owner, if we're being honest, he is an example of what drugs can do to a good person.

I hope he gets the help he needs.

Anonymous said...

You said and I will repeat it - yes ladies and germs - dick does exist in the valley.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mama....

Why do you call my hometown Murietta (check your spelling honey)a "forsaken" town?? Have you ever been here?? Maybe you should take your SNOOTY ass down the freeway, and come see our "forsaken" town....its a little nicer than the shitholes of LA, thats for sure.....jackass

Anonymous said...

Mama.....Anonymous 3:11 has it in for you and I would avoid any visit to, and possible ambush in, Murietta. She sounds like Granny Clampett after a misadventurous Pap smear.

Mayor of Murietta said...

Dear Dr. & Mrs. Cooter,

The people of Murietta invite you to visit our lovely town to show you we are more than just the bump on the road past the lovely wineries of Temecula. Our rich history can be shown in our town slogans over the years -

1873 - "Where a man can bathe with his sheep"
1935 - "The train ain't coming no mo'"
1987 - "We got us a real Fire Department"
1992 - "We got us a real Po Po Department"
2006 - "Home of disqualified Tour De France winner"

In 2009, the residents of Murietta will be voting on our next slogan.

The finalists are:

"Dick, Breasts, & Buffalo Wild Wings"

or

"Give it to Calvary Chapel, we don't want it no more"