Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Jonas Brothers Head to the Lonestar State

BUYERS: The Jonas Brothers
LOCATION: Wisteria Way, Westlake, TX
PRICE: $2,895,000 (asking)
SIZE: 7,360 square feet 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Must see to appreciate this absolutely gorgeous house located in Westlake, TX in a nice and safe neighborhood. Single family, six bedrooms, six baths. Spacious rooms with plenty of storage and closet space.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama has a musical confession to make and we hope none of you tweenage gurls and bubble gum pop music fans will hold it against us. As far as Your Mama knows, we have never even heard a song sung by the Jonas Brothers and without a little research on the internets, Your Mama would not have been able to pick the curly haired boys out from any crowd of high school age boys. Your Mama would have remained blissfully ignorant of the brothers Jonas but for the heaps of rumors, reports and dozens of emails cluttering up our inbox this morning that all claim the teenage singing sensations have gone and bought themselves a big house in a fancy gated community on the outskirts of Dallas, Texas.

If the rumors are true, the squeaky clean trio will soon be moving their gee-tars and purity rings from their current crib in Los Angeles to a 7,360 square foot manse located on Wisteria Way in the upscale Vaquero Club in Westlake, Texas. Online information for the Vaquero Club indicates that the gates are guarded 24 hours a day and the entire community is surrounded by a six to eight foot high stacked stone perimeter wall. Not that Your Mama would encourage any such nonsense or stoopidity, but we sincerely doubts that a little ol' six or eight foot wall will deter intrepid, clever and obsessed 12 year old gurls. Pleeze. The raging hormones of these crazed pre-teen gives them the supernatural power to leap over tall barriers if there is even a whisper of an opportunity to glimpse the baby faced visages of their (allegedly) virgin idols.

Anyhoo, here's what's being reported far and wide: The three boys (Kevin, Joe and Nick) granted their mother Denise Jonas power of attorney to sign purchase documents for a 6 bedroom stone built house that has either 6 or 6.5 bathrooms, depending on which online listing you look at. Property records don't yet indicate a sale price, but the asking price for the big house was $2,895,000.

The Jonas Brothers' new nest looks over the 6th and 7th fairways of the Tom Fazio designed Vaquero Golf Course and includes all manner of Old World day-core, acres of paneling and woodwork, a game room, a colossal kitchen that opens to a family room and, natch, a home thee-ayter where the oft hounded gossip glossy phenoms can watch movies without being disturbed by all the young gurls (and boys) who hurl, shriek and faint with excitement when they see the Jonas Brothers in public places.

Out back, a large loggia overlooks an even larger swimming pool and spa, and a trellis covered pavilion includes an outdoor fireplace where the boys can harmonize, pluck their gee-tars and write some more songs that will earn them even more millions of dollars. How much do the children want to bet that there will soon be a lot of 12 year old gurls going golfing at Vaquero with their daddies in the hopes of catching one or more of the brothers Jonas lying poolside in a bathing suit?

The Vaquero Club is reportedly already home to several famous residents including professional golfers Brian Watts and Todd Hamilton as well as former footballer Henry Ford and baseball's Dave Berg...all people, incidentally that Your Mama has never heard of. However, the fantastical fame of the Jonas Brothers eclipses all the other famous folks in Vaquero and Your Mama imagines that all the tweenage gurls who currently live in exclusive community will soon be some of the most popular gurls at school. All the other gurls will soon be begging through tears of desperation to be invited to a weekend sleep over during which they'll roam the streets of Vaquero like wild dogs in search of raw meat.

Listen children, Your Mama finds it a tad bit strange that the older Jonas brothers–two of whom are over 18 years old–would want to remain living in the family house. However, if that's their choice, so be it. However, Your Mama does have to wonder how the family will decide who gets the master suite...or will the boys line up twin beds and all bunk together in the big bedroom?

36 comments:

StPaulSnowman said...

This house is too brown and tan for me to be comfortable in but the photo of the home "theayter" made me wonder if people actually use these spaces more than once a week. Such rooms are always so prized in TV shows. I don't know anyone who owns one but the concept of a theater in your home strikes me as really decadent..........besides, who wants to clean all the sticky stuff and kernels off the floor when, for 6 dollars you can leave the whole mess to someone else and have a gift wrapping room.

fairfield girl said...

hmmmmm it's dark.

Anonymous said...

Could the realtors have picked a gloomier day to photograph this home? Snowman, I'm sure 3 teenage boys will give this particular "theayter" a real workout. I put home theaters in the same category as pools - nice for adults, but the use the kids get out of them is the real payoff.

Anonymous said...

Is that pea stone gravel or a dead lawn surrounding the casa?

What's with the Mini Me sofa in the master?

Anonymous said...

Mama... you have a typo in the third-to-last paragraph. Bothers should be brothers.

As for the house, it's just too uppity for me. Too dark and too formal.

Anonymous said...

There are some pretty houses in Vaquero but this isn't one of them. I suppose it has been on the market for a while since the pictures were obviously taken during the winter. Everything is too dark and heavy looking. Mama's right - why do they want to live together in a group? Maybe it's a place to spend the night between flights at DFW?

Miss Texas said...

I grew up about ten miles from Westlake. The exterior shot was taken in "winter." (Texas doesn't really have winter, just a time when the sky is gray and all the plants are dead when it is less hot than other times)

A lot of the new construction in this area looks like this- lots of stone, paneling, etc. I hope their mama is going to live here, b/c unless they want to hang out at Babe's in Roanoke, there ain't nothin for the little songbirds to do that far from big D.

so_chic_darling said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
so_chic_darling said...

Why do they have to say that it's a nice and safe neighborhood? Are we in a run down third world country? What or who are Texans so scared of is what I would like to know ?

Rich Kappler said...

They are current living in Toluca Lake on Toluca Estates Drive. Quite a difference in houses. They should stay put.

Alessandra said...

It isn't as terrible a facade as I was expecting. The interior is so dark and totally Home-A-Rama 1998, but they're boys and perhaps it's better that their interiors not show wear and tear so much.

I'm not a fan of the home theater. Of all the people I know who have them, only one uses it regularly, but he's a total movie buff. I'd probably use mine for the Super Bowl (if I had one) and that would be about it.

Anonymous said...

What do these guys do?

pch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
StPaulSnowman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

anon 8:57 -

bubble gum pop boy band for tween age girls (and budding gay boys).

Anonymous said...

wow, mama has been on a roll with the deletion!!

:)

Chris said...

"gorgeous house" my eye! It's about as ugly a house as anyone could imagine. It looks fit only for Batman, Dracula or Morticia and even they would probably prefer something a bit lighter and, dare I say, a bit more "cheerful."

Anonymous said...

Hideous house!

Anonymous said...

Hideous house!

Anonymous said...

well I know the guys personally and they are very talented and they are on the road touring almost every day so saying they are 18+ and still living at home isn't 100% accurate. They basically live in hotels and their tour bus and are maybe home for a few days every month. I am surprised though that they bought this house in Texas as they start filming their TV show in September and that's in LA and a weekly gig.

Anonymous said...

i am thinking the house isnt like finished yet they will probably put grass in and a fence around it and landscaping then it will look great

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm sure you know them personally. Because everyone who knows everyone visits all these blogs online... everytime I read one someone knows the person. UH HUUUUUUH

Parker said...

Ugh, I really don't like it. It feels creepy to me. And Mama, I also wonder who gets the master bedroom. I appreciate brothers being brothers, but I imagine this could also lead to some heartache when one finally wants to fly the coop.

theflyingdutchman said...

Hmm, no word on what you think of the house, mama?

I think it looks like rear. Failed attempt to recreate old world grandeur but it's still just cheap ass pre-fab shniz. I've seen a lot of homes in Texas and in surrounding states and these medieval piles are all over the place.

KB said...

I watch television or movies literally almost every night (a little said, I know). I would use the theater every single day!

KB said...

sad, not said*

Anonymous said...

Keep that mom involved and perhaps they can parlay that early wealth. My bid down play in Texas real etsate - MEGA LOW PRICES joined with MEGA HIGH PROPERTY TAX - and I do mean MEGA.

average joe said...

I share a bedroom with my mom and granma

Anonymous said...

This looks like it could be the setting for "Big House on the Prarie"

Anonymous said...

I live by this neighborhood. It's a new development about 10 miles from dfw airport, 385 homes ranging from $2-8million. When Tiger Woods was playing at the Byron Nelson he would practice at this golf course. Justin Leonard also lives there. Great golf course, no need to make a tee time. It's a uniquely Texas neighborhood, I can't really see them living there. It's mostly older athletes and older couples. One owner described it like living at a 4 Seasons resort, they have a concierge for everything. They're also going to pay over $50k/yr in taxes. Of all of the places they could live, I can't imagine why/how they picked this place unless they wanted a place to get away from it all. There's no way any teeny bopper girls are going to sneak into that place, too well guarded.

Anonymous said...

I never thought I would find myself more irritated with child entertainers than I was with the Olsen Twins. And now we have the Jonas Brothers?

I pray for the demise of all three of these boys.

My prediction for their future:
* 1 will die of a drug overdose.
* 1 will come out of the closet and be photographed with Elton John.
* 1 will have a near fatal car accident but will make a full recovery and pretend to be born again.

Sally Tinch said...

Sadly, the nouveau riche of Westlake and Southlake all buy these obnoxiously stone shacks. This tacky abomination of a dwelling gives Dallas architecture a bad name. The newly planted, dying Charlie Brown Christmas trees show they are too cheap to buy a nice home with established landscaping, like in Highland Park. In these parts, the faux-chateau-on-steroids look is commonly referred to as a sh*teau.

Anonymous said...

The house looks creepy!!!!

Anonymous said...

Dreary.

Anonymous said...

the house looks creepy but its really curious i love it i would pay all that money for that house the jonas brothers deserve it they have alot of work 2 do every night they dont have time 2 be with there family and all u big asses lazy as people stop talking shit there hot and talented something u guys deffetnetly dont have thre house i love it thre mini theatre is awsome cool and the prediction of the future that is just soo much stupid and dumb sorry but all these comments are just stupid shit and people that dont have a life soo fuckin shut up go fuckin fuck yourself

Anonymous said...

Wow, that's huge. Craziness... They did an interview on KIIS FM with Ryan Seacrest today. http://www.kiisfm.com/cc-common/gallery/display.html?album_id=130831