Sunday, June 1, 2008

Monday's Morning Mish Mash

Even though yesterday was a day of rest and relaxation–and heaven knows we need a damn day of rest and relaxation–Your Mama sifted through our overstuffed and clotted up inbox and come up with a few tidbits we arbitrarily deemed not worthy of an entire post for a little Monday morning mish mash.

1.
Some weeks ago tennis titan Pete Sampras karate chopped the price of his tremendous Tudor style estate on Loma Vista Drive in a prime part of the Bev Hills by two million clams. The substantial reduction in asking price...from $25,000,000 to $23,000,000...seems to have done the trick and sucked in a big bucks buyer because the listing is marked "looking for a backup." That particular designation in the MLS usually means the property is in escrow.

Gas may be four-plus bucks a gallon, the price of food is skyrocketing out of control and foreclosure rates are up, but those pesky little issues aren't stopping the super rich from forking over mountainous amounts of money for mammoth new homes that cost an average man's salary in yard maintenance every year.

2.
Hair challenged Golden Globe winning actor Ted Danson and his Oscar winning wifey Mary Steenbergen have finally unloaded their ocean front house in Malee-boo. Phew! These two have been trying to sell this damn house forever. Located behind the guarded gates of The Colony, the 5 bedroom Cope Cod style house first appeared on the market way back in 2003 with a $9,750,000 asking price and then again briefly in 2005 for $14,500,000. When Your Mama discussed the property back in July of 2007 it was priced at $18,500,000. Not long after the price was slashed to $16,750,000, a ridiculously rich non-celebrity couple from the Bev Hills snapped it up. As of today, no one, not even Mister Big Time, has been able to suss out the selling price. Anyone care to quietly reveal that number to Your Mama?

3.
Jamie Lynn Spears, budding tabloid train wreck and little sister to back in the saddle Britney Spears, not only has a bun in her teenage oven but she and her baby daddy, fellow teen Casey Aldridge, are reported to have purchased a modest 1-acre farm-ette with a quasi-cape style house and a wee red barn in her hometown of Kentwood in the great state of Loo-wheezy-ana.

Listen my little chickens, Your Mama does not know where this house is, its size, how many bedrooms and bathrooms it has or how much money the not yet old enough to vote, drink or graduate from high school mommy-to-be paid for the place. And you know what? We just don't care that much.

If we're being honest, and we always are, this one just makes us sad...children having children. Mercy. Hopefully little Jamie Lynn's got a little of that Nickelodeon money left so that she can pay for the Pampers and formula. Oh lawhd have mercy... As our Berlin bound buddy Fiona Trambeau always says, "This can only end in tears." For now, Your Mama's gonna let this one alone and let the sorry sitch-e-ay-shun run its course. Besides, it's prolly best to leave these two teens alone to play with their Wii, ride their ATVs and raise that poor baby in private.

Are we sure this house ain't in Mississippi? Ugh. Who cares.

photo: Faded Youth

4.
Here's another one we don't care much about but know that many of the children might: Starvelet mommy Nicole Richie and her much tattooed baby daddy Joel Madden, are out looking at houses...again. This time they were seen peeping at some white house up in the hills of Hollywood that Your Mama can't be bothered to look up because we know they ain't buying it anyway.

These two might like the idea of re-living their wild and wooly pre-baby ways with a sexy party friendly house in the hills. However, it is our humble and meaningless opinion that it's far more likely the couple and kid will end up in Calabasas or, if they can afford it, Hidden Hills or some other gated and family friendly suburb where the yards have room for gigantic custom built jungle gyms. We'll see.

5.
Speaking of getting it wrong...all the more reliable tabs and media outlets are now reporting that Mister and Missus Jolie–Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that she is the large and in charge one in that family–have LEASED that giant estate in France. Well, that certainly makes more sense, don't it?

All the tongue wagging gossips now say the peripatetic couple signed a three year lease on the Chateau Miraval, which certainly seems a much smarter idea than buying the place. But we gotta ask what every sensible person is thinking: These two super stars own at least seven other pricey properties, so why don't they just live in one of those places and save (or better yet, donate) all the money they're spending on private jets flying their ever expanding multi-culti family hither and yon all the time?

6.
Uh-oh. Trouble magnet and insanely rich rapper 50 Cent has recently been tangled up in an uglee and (should be embarrassing) court battle trying to evict his baby momma and their 11 year old son from a house he owns in suburban Long Island. We don't mean to be glib in the face of tragedy, but evicting his child and baby momma won't be a problem for Fiddy now because a couple of days ago the Dix Hills house burned to theground in a "suspicious" fire. To. The. Damn. Ground.

The baby momma, a ladee named Shaniqua Tompkins, told a gaggle of gossips and reporters that someone tossed something through the window in the early a.m. that ignited the conflagration which resulted in 6 people having to jump off the roof to safety and be treated for smoke inhalation. Although he was reported to be in Loo-wheezy-ana making a movie, Miz Tompkins also pointed her finger at Mister Cent as the party responsible for starting the blaze. Oh dear.

Your Mama ain't sayin' a damn word about this matter, because we clearly don't know shit from shynola about "suspicious" fires. The children can draw their own conclusions while Your Mama waits for word from the arson investigations pee-pole, because you know there's going to be a serious investigation into this trashy mess.

More photos by Steve Silverman for TMZ

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

omg, tell me 50 Cent didn't torch his baby mama's home. Un-reel.

Great reading this morning Mama, thank you.

Anonymous said...

looks that 50 cent is going back home. He will be picking up a lot of coins in the shower for his buddies

Anonymous said...

8:50, for a long time too, if true. With people inside and asleep in their beds, charges are sure to include an attempt made on their lives.

Anonymous said...

What is that crop-circle looking thing on Jamie Lynn's property?

Alessandra said...

50 Cent, hunny, sing about the gangsta life; don't live it. And yeah, if he's in any way involved, he's going back to prison for a long long time. I fully expect L&O to have a "ripped from the headlines" episode next season.

Jamie-Lynn's house could do with some serious landscaping. Is there no pathway to the front door?

As for the super rich, this little economic debacle is not affecting them too much, at least in real estate. Funny that dropping the house down to $23mm is what did the trick for Pete Sampras. A good buyer's agent wouldn't have let the original price scare off the clients.

pch said...

Kentwood is practically in Mississippi, and I would guess the nearest commercial center is across the border, up in McComb. So the house could be on the Mississippi side. It's a deathly boring part of both states -- midway on the 55 between Jackson and New Orleans -- though heavily wooded and not-unattractive. The only reason to live there (from my perspective) is if you have family in the neighborhood, which Spears does. So it makes sense. And this is fairly decent regional vernacular architecture for new construction. Could be a lot worse.

Anonymous said...

50 Cent was away shooting a movie or music video or something - I can't remember exactly but I'm sure he was out of the country or in California [?] Can't remember but he was far from the East coast - Though of course that doesn't mean he's innocent.

bentley said...

It does look as though JLS's house dropped out of the sky and just plopped right on down there by mistake.

I really like the Sampras house. Maybe it's just that particular photo, but it looks inviting.

I, too, think it's time for the Jolie-Pitts to put the jet in the hangar and just live in of their many mansions and raise their kids.

caveman said...

i bet there will come a day when the jolies wish they had been a bit more frugal.

Anonymous said...

The Jolie-Pitt's nummerous homes are clearly their chosen venue for investing, but leasing an 8th on top of all that suggests an obsessive/compulsive element to their personalities too.

caveman said...

real estate is good but some just see the sale price over the purchase price & somehow don't factor in the carrying costs. i'd agree that this rental is dumb considering what they own...but why should we expect otherwise, money flows to them too easily.
ok, i'm done with my avg joe rant.

Anonymous said...

I heard Brangelina tied up the place in France for 10 years, over 3 mil/year.

lil' gay boy said...

Oh Caveman, nobody could mistake you for him.

As for Fitty, he could have been in the Vatican kissing the Pope's ring; no one will believe he had nothing to do with a certain piece of "hot real estate" in Dix Hills . . .

Anonymous said...

lil' gay boy, my thoughts too. It's almost too convenient an alibi for Fitty to be at the other end of the country when the home he's been trying to force his baby mama out of gets firebombed, particularly in light of his criminal past. You know he's suspect #1 in this investigation. 99% of the time, it's the husband or significant other responsible for this type of thing.

Anonymous said...

Caveman no one on this site cares about RE prices, conditions, all they want to talk about is the interior and exterior of the places, so stick with the program or troll somewhere else.

pch said...

Caveman's a good egg.

caveman said...

i was actually on topic, regarding mama's #5.

but point taken.

StPaulSnowman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
caveman said...

well he did sleep in a holiday inn once

Anonymous said...

in case anyone cares, the house richie and madden were touring:
http://guests.themls.com/profile_page.cfm?mls=08-278641&tab=search

Anonymous said...

Cave, I'd say 3:24 was our very own "beetlejuice" hoping to hear his name three times so he can escape his cardboard box.

sandpiper said...

Such a hot mess of info, Mama.

The baby-baby-mama's place is 134 acres, facilities for a working horse ranch (ergo the oval track), and a sticker price close to $2-mil.

The chateau lease, based on Our Mama's expert quote source -- the guy that owns the vineyard -- is good enought for me: three year lease.

PS, C-B, anybody who's anybody knows how cool you are. :)

thevinylvillage said...

Mama, I just love your site and thought I should tell ya.

You'd have thunk Aint Britney woulda bought her new neice or nephew a more impressive house.

Anonymous said...

Jamie Lynn doesn't need her sister to buy her a place. She has her own money from three years of starring as "Zoey" on the Nickelodeon show "Zoey 101". The show was already scheduled to end, saving Nickelodeon the embarassment of having to fire the star of the show.

StPaulSnowman said...

So Mr. Pitt is now a design partner for a new hotel in Dubai.....swell. Architecture is his passion so that covers his quallifications for this role. Even Alva Vanderbilt took the time to get some formal training before undertaking her projects with Richard Morris Hunt. This whole circus cheapens the professions of design and architecture. Let him do what he is qualified to do......look pretty in photos for hotel publicity materials. At least his design activities won't hurt anyone. I just hope he doesn't develop a "passion" for neurosurgery.

theflyingdutchman said...

"Mister Cent" Classic!

E.J. said...

I can't wait too read about the Mensa members that Mr. Cent doubtless "hired" to torch his own house. With his own (we think) children inside. The one thing about people like that (terminally stupid and self-absorbed) is that they really believe that the brain surgeons they hire to kill someone won't talk. So just sit back and wait; it usually only takes about 7-10 days before one of the 50 or so people they've already told "Fitty pay me thousand dollars to kill his baby mama" to come forward. I can do a lot of things, but I can't fix stupid.

Parker said...

Does anyone knows where Pete Sampras plans to move?
I think Jamie Lynn Spears' house and land are pretty awful, but when I remember that she's only 17, it seems appropriate. I think, too, that she's doing the right thing by raising the baby in a place where it's much socially acceptable to have kids raising kids.

Anonymous said...

There is the possiblity that SHE did it, thinking she and her meal ticket..er..child..would easily get out.

caveman said...

"I think, too, that she's doing the right thing by raising the baby in a place where it's much socially acceptable to have kids raising kids."

yup, because we all know hollywood doesn't tolerate those shananigans.

Bridget said...

People Magazine says that the house that JLS bought is actually in Liberty, Miss.