Monday, June 9, 2008

Lenny Dykstra Is Flipping Out Too

SELLER: Lenny Dykstra
LOCATION: Newbern Court, Westlake Village, CA
PRICE: $24,900,000
SIZE: 7+ acres, 12,360 square feet, 8 bedrooms 7.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This timeless estate, designed by architect Richard Landry, sits atop a secluded promontory w/ panoramic views of Lake Sherwood community & the Country Club facilities. This 7+/- acre gated compound, creates the perfect blend of old world grandeur w/ today's modern amenities which include Formal Grand Salon, Billiards room, Screening Room, Outdoor Verandas, Fitness Facility, Championship Tennis Court, 2 separate guest apartments, all set against the backdrop of manicured gardens & lawns.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yes children, we are a little late to the rodeo on this one since Mister Big Time already got to this real estate bizness some days ago, but there's another celebrity (or quasi-celebrity, depending on who you ask) flipping out and hoping to pad his man-purse with big dollar returns and Your Mama could not pass up discussing the situation. See puppies, this gigantic neo-Georgian brick behemoth located behind the gates of the Sherwood Country Club near Thousand Oaks, CA is being flipped by the unfortunately named ball player Lenny Dykstra.

Our early morning research and late night consultation with ball crazy bee-hawtcha Fiona Trambeau informs Your Mama that Mister Dykstra is indeed a very famous and former professional baseball player who was widely known for his wild lifestyle and has been implicated and gotten all tangled up in this ugliness about steroid use among baseball players. But we also learned that now retired Little Lenny Dykstra, who went by the nickname "Nails," is a very successful (if unlikely) day trader, rides around in a Maybach, flies around in a private jet and runs several upscale car washes around southern California.

Mister Dysktra purchased this palatial pile only in August of 2007 when he paid ice hockey hot shot Wayne Gretzky a reported $18,500,000 for the 6.69 acre spread. By the way, that's the number Your Mama's sources provide us with too...eighteen point five million. Anyhoo, shortly after stuffing the 12,360 square foot mansion full of sports memorabilia, flat screen televisions and glitzy and expensive furniture–some of which–for example the dining room chairs–look left over from Mister Gretzky–Nails changed his rich and fickle real estate mind.

Like Miz Mariska Hargitay, who is attempting to flip her Manhattan penthouse for a plenitudinous profit, so is Mister Dysktra, only out in the suburban wilds of Los Angeles. Mister Dykstra's commodious compound in Westlake Village/Thousand Oaks was recently re-listed with an eye popping asking price of $24,900,000. Now children, we don't know what, if any, "improvements" Mister Dykstra make to the stately estate or what sorts of justifications and rationalizations were used to arrive at a stunning $6,400,000 increase in value in just nine short months, but Your Mama fell out with flummox and flabbergast when we read about the financial audacity and real estate cojones of Mister Dykstra and his crack team of real estate agents.

Given that the 13,173 square foot mega-manse next door (7 bedrooms and 11 bathrooms on 6.36 acres) is also for sale at $12,995,000, Your Mama thinks that Mister Dykstra's asking price might be, uhm, optimistic, particularly when you consider that Great One Gretzky needed to dramatically lower the price of this very same mansion from it's original asking price of $25,000,000 to it's last asking price of $18,500,000 before it was snapped up by Mister Dykstra and family. And that was back when the real estate market was sizzling hot, whereas now, well, not so hot.

The hill topping compound, which includes four separate buildings (main house, Mister Dykstra's office, a fitness center and guest quarters), was designed by Richard Landry, the man responsible for many of the grandiose and over-sized piles in rich and famous filled Beverly Park as well and kooky Kenny G's exuberantly decorated Malee-boo mansion. As the children might expect, Mister Dysktra's 8 bedroom and 7.5 bathroom property includes just about every dee-luxe amenity a ridiculously rich bizness executive with a family might dee-sire. There's a country club style driveway and porte cochere, garaging for many luxury cars, a sizable swimming pool, two spas (one accessible only through Mister Dykstra's office), a not optimally oriented east-west tennis court, a detached building that's been converted into a fitness center, a screening room, a large double height living room with a built in bar (because it's best to booze up the guests before dinner). Listing information also indicates there is a billiards room, wide verandas perfect for sipping afternoon gin and tonics, reading the tabs and contemplating one's financial successes, several acres of manicured gardens and meticulously mowed lawn, and long views over Lake Sherwood and the golf course. About the only things missing here are modesty, architectural restraint and a place to land a damn helicopter.

There are, of course, a number of quirky features features such a flat screen television mounted the wall of the second floor veranda off the master bedroom so that the Mister and Madam of the house can watch porn and re-runs of Reba al fresco, should they so choose.

This type of residential extravagance may not be Your Mama's cup of architectural or decorative tea, however there are none-the-less two features we're swooning over. The first is, of course, the extreme molding situation. Seldom does one see a newly built house fitted with these sorts of intricate and heavy duty moldings. We can do without the cherubim shoved up into the ceiling corners passing judgment on the room, and we can only hope all that molding is plaster work as opposed to some sort of crazy plastic crap, but children, even the minimalists and modernists among us should be able to appreciate the crazy attention to detail in the moldings. The other item that makes us pee in our pants a little is that amazing shine on the wood floors. Those floors are glossed up like a damn mirror and they're exquisite. We're quite sure they're not easy or inexpensive to maintain (one errant and spiked Jimmy Choo could quite easily create a floor disaster), but gawd dammit, they're outrageous.

Maybe and probably they know a thing or two about high end suburban real estate that Your Mama does not, but we're going to cross and fingers and toes and wish Mister Dykstra and his real estate agents the best of luck getting this big and bold house sold, we think they're going to need it.

21 comments:

Virginny Girl said...

I'm swooning over the home although I'd like to see in a different location on the East Coast.
This house had me at the curving staircase.

Anonymous said...

What is the capital gains tax for flipping properties? Its these celebrity fuckers that think they can flip it in 6 months, 9 months etc at a massive price that cause inflation and every man and his dog thinks they deserve more too. Make the tax as high as it can be to stop this turnover.

Does a celebrity not know how to settle down? When you are in your retire home are you going to be changing every 6 months?

Celebrities are scum who could never hold down a job that demands 60-70 hours per week

Elle said...

I don't know much about Lenny, but I fell in lurve with that stunning outdoor view. Gorgeous!!

grosse pointe brat said...

I too fell in love with this property at the staircase...the only thing I don't like about this property is that it needs to be located on a huge plot o land with it's own private lake and be more secluded...I think it lacks privacy...the damn nosy neighbors don't even need binoculars too get all up in yo bizness...jack this baby up and move it...I too love the molding situation but as well can do without those cherubs...I'd use em for target practice...

caveman said...

watching lenny play ball years back, this is how i envisioned him living, haha, good for him tho, he didn't blow it.
too many drapes, columns, arched doorways & chandileers for my taste.
cap gains tax is actually the preferred tax among the rich.

Anonymous said...

I'm no broker, but I really think the selling strategy must be to throw it onto the market with a really high price and just see if they get lucky and find any takers. I don't think they can really think that these places are "worth" the higher prices. If there are no takers at the mega-price, depending on how anxious he (and Mariska) is to unload it, theyll drop the price until there's a buyer.

Anonymous said...

I used to know Mr. D back in the day...there was dissonance then. Obviously, he maintains a taste for the finer things but I'd imagine he's still a study in contrasts....sitting with a titanic wad of chew among hard-partying friends in majestic surroundings.

Alessandra said...

Love the rear facade on the home. The front is a wet hot mess.

This really doesn't do a whole lot for me but maybe because it is trying so hard? Hard to say, but I'm just not feeling it this morning.

Capital gains is 15%...for now.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know where Wayne Gretzky and his family moved? Did they move "up" or scale down? This house is too formal for my boring taste, but it is beautfiul.

StPaulSnowman said...

Thanks Mama, I knew you would come through with this one. Apart from the overdone multiplicity of columns, this is a beautiful home. Sometimes less is more even in a big, big house. The only thing this place is missing is the possibility of being framed by fall colors in Autumn.

Anonymous said...

Bravo to both Landry & the Gretzky family for this one. Although the traditional styling isn't my personal tase, it is soooo rare to find anything but red clay tiled roofed Mediterranean Manse's & Tuscan Villa's when it comes to a traditional home in southern California. If i was into traditional homes and had the major bank, I'd be after rare gems like this one.

How spectaular would this home be perched in a better neighborhood like Bevelry Park... or even Beverly Ridge Estates.

Here is the virtual tour to check out the full pictures in extensive detail...
www.newbernestate.com

bentley said...

I third on the stair hall - holy shit!

The molding, the blessed molding...

The rest of it I'm not sold on, and the fenestration is making me reel. Wet hot mess, indeed.

Country clubs are for wankers, and living in a house that looks like a country club makes you a super wanker.

StPaulSnowman said...

I don't know how to access it, but this home was featured on the "Beautiful Homes and Great Estates" infomercial show within the last four months. The program had extensive interior shots and commentary by the designer/architect? Richard Landry. Gretzky's "stuff" was in the house at the time of the shoot. It is particularly great to constantly hear......."clients who can afford this kind of property...want, need, deserve, can pay for.....etc. etc." The quintessence of voyeur real estate porn.

Anonymous said...

I hate this place, and I cannot even imagine "Nails" living there. Hated him when he was a Met, too, and he was taking steroids then. Hate him. The only aspect of this monstrosity I like is the view from the pool. Grandiose and Dallaslike. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Maybe they threw it on the market when they recieved the $200,000 per year tax bill..... Anyone know?

Anonymous said...

GEEH JUST WHAT ANYONE WOULD WANT ANYTHING DALLAS LIKE! BARF!!

YOU SURE HATE ALOT ASS-NONYMOUS 401

Anonymous said...

So, it's settled--everyone smart loves it. This pile is the first one not to be roasted. If you really like good arch and construction this is it--rather than just "your style" and everything else is garbage approach. The house isn't over landscaped. It actually looks warm. Instead of just huge low quality--it's $$ per sq foot here. Warm, pretty in every room--even the tennis court. A spectacular house for the types who live like Aaron Spelling--what Candy and the family should live in--more modest, but made for that type--AND this IS a GOOD home. This is the bar for stately newer georgians. You have to have $$ per sq foot, like in the 1800's or these look like sh*t. Did I tell you this is a bad ass house. Well, at least I'm saying something nice.

Still playing nice for now in WEHO, Mama's black sheep

Anonymous said...

This house has one big overriding architectural flaw in my opinion - the porte cochere. They make the facade of a home look like a hotel, ruining the overall look. I'd haul Mr. Richard Landry back and tell him to fix that mess pronto, making the front elevation at least as appealing as the rear.

Anonymous said...

Bla...bla...bla... 4:02. Haul Mr. Landry back. I'd like to buy a ticket to witness your expert opinion opposing his. You are candy. 4:02; silly mind candy.

Anonymous said...

I SAY THANK GOD THEY ARE SELLING IT! There 2nd home in sherwood is alot better.

Anonymous said...

It looks like lenny has been a naughty boy.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4084962