First there was the juiced up beefy baseballer Jose Conseco who walked away from his multi-million dollar mansion in Encino, then yesterday the world learned that old man Ed McMahon is facing foreclosure on his Bev Hills mansion, and today we received a communique from the Georgia Peach who linked Your Mama over to an article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution that details the foreclosure drama swirling around boxing bigwig and Dancing With the Stars alum Evander Holyfield.
Now children, as you might expect, the only information Your Mama knows about former World Heavy Weight Champion Mister Holyfield is that moe-ronic Mike Tyson once bit off a chunk Mister Holyfield's ear in a fight and that the man is a damn fool for being a boxer to begin with. Jeezis H. Christ children, is there a more brutal, undignified or stoopid sport than boxing? All you fighting fans can whimper and whine all you want, but Your Mama's answer to that question will always be, "No."
Anyhoo, not only is Mister Holyfield reported to be legal hot water for not paying child support to absurdly named baby momma Toi Jenese–one of the six women who pushed out one of Mister Holyfield's nine children–the bird brained boxer's mammoth mansion that sits on 235 acres southwest of Atlanta in an itty bitty place called Fairburn is scheduled to be auctioned off on the county courthouse steps on Ju-lye the first. But children, we ain't done with Mister Holyfield's legal tanglings and troubles quite yet. Oh no. According to gossip juggernaut TMZ, the seed spreading and not very frugal fist fighter is also being sued to the tune of $550,000 for allegedly unpaid landscaping bills.
Mister Holyfield's residential pile of bad taste is reported to have 104 rooms, 54,000 square feet and sits on a huge chunk of land made up of several parcels strung along Evander Holyfield Highway. You can't make that shit up children. And did you note the big daddy sized swimming pool? Holy cow!
How does this happen to people who make a couple hundred million smackers during their careers? We know they got the taxes, people to pay, and this one's got nearly dozen damn children to support, but still, Mister Holyfield was reportedly paid a whopping $34,000,000 for that famous fight with mystifying Mike Tyson in 1997 and there's simply no excuse for not having any of it left. None.
We want to feel bad for the man because it's never easy for anyone, rich or poor, to suffer the loss of their home. However, we're feeling cynical today and we don't feel bad. This man was not bamboozled or confused by some silly sub-prime loan resetting, and his one time fat bank account would have gained him entry into the offices of the finest of financial planners. The fact is, he simply spent too much damn money on his gigantic house with its obscenely large pool.
Now listen children, Your Mama's got to go dig up that bottle of nerve pills from the back of the medicine cabinet and have a lay down now because all this foreclosure madness has our blood pressure up and we refuse to have a damn heart attack over a man who hits other people for money.