Friday, June 20, 2008

Mena Suvari Sells Her Rebound House

SELLER: Mena Suvari
LOCATION: Glyndon Avenue, Venice, CA
PRICE: $1,795,000
SIZE: 2,442 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Beautiful craftsman designed by Richard Olander with meticulous attention to detail. Spacious separate master suite on top floor with huge walk in closet. Elegant gourmet cook's kitchen with black granite center island & breakfast bar leading to a stylish formal dining room. French doors open to a landscaped large back yard–Great for entertaining, to a studio, guest house, surround sound through out, security system, and more.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: All you Chicken Littles take note. Thanks to a friendly tipster we'll call Venetia Vixon, Your Mama has learned that unusually named actress Mena Suvari (American Pie, American Beauty, American Virgin, American Pie II) has not only listed her Venice residence for sale at $1,795,000, the property has gone to contract less than 45 days after being put on the market. Did you see that? Less than 45 days.

Property records show that Miz Suvari purchased the Glyndon Avenue house in June of 2005 for $1,665,000, which was shortly after the "news" broke about her marriage with much older cinematographer huzband Robert Brinkmann going splitsville, which kinda makes this her rebound house...a place to go to get away from the huzband, but not necessarily a long term solution. Tucked into a quiet and leafy pocket bordered by Marina del Rey and Culver City, the Miz Suvari's vaguely East Coast style cottage measures 2,442 square feet. There are 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a detached (and permitted) studio/guest house that does not appear to Your Mama to have a bathroom...a situation some small bladdered guests might not be too happy about.

The main house and the detached garage/studio/guest house are divided by a courtyard like back yard with an attractive ameoba shaped gravel patio and little patches of well maintained lawn. It's an area far too small for big dogs, or perhaps even our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly, but from the looks of things, Miz Suvari's pussies seem to like it just fine.

It would appear to Your Mama that Miz Suvari did the day-core herself because we don't think any self respecting nice gay decorator–at least none that we know–would dream of putting those cockamamie wicker seating contraptions in the living room. On a covered patio, perhaps. But please, not the living room. And what is that leopard printed tower thing hanging out in the corner? Is that a disguised speaker? Some sort of "art?" Whatever it maybe be has us reaching for the nerve pills because we can't seem to take our eyes off it long enough to even notice that there's a nice fireplace in the room to take the chill off those foggy Venice mornings.

We do think the dining room works. Basically. The windows are too small but what we're most concerned about is the obvious difficulty of getting food out of the seriously shag rug. One chicken nugget with mustard sauce dropped on that thing and our house gurl Sventlana would be ranting, raving and pulling her hair extensions out like it was a Greek tragedy.

Although the kitchen is upscale ordinary with generic (but blessedly simple) white cabinets and black granite counters, it is decently sized and we enjoy pulling up a stool pulled to a work island so we can sip gin and tonics while the Dr. Cooter prepares pork dumplings and a box cake (yellow with chocolate frosting, natch). We're thrilled that Miz Suvari (or whomever is responsible for this kitchen design) was wise enough to have the microwave oven fitted into the cabinetry sparing us having to look at it loitering on the counter top. However, all the good comes to nothing with that menacing pot rack looking like a lobster trap dying to swoop down and knock the noggin off the chef. We hate those things.

Although the windows are tiney, the bedroom looks like a nice and airy space but the day-core is beyond words. Almost. Teddy bears on the bed? Egads! Mena, hunny, you are a grown gurl with a career and money of your own. They may be "cute" but those silly stuffed things belong in a child's room or big box in the attic. No exceptions. Ever. No man is going to take a woman seriously who has stuffed animals on her bed. Don't believe Your Mama? Ask a man. Just don't ask the ones who like their ladee friends to be gurls, if you know what Your Mama is sayin'.

Anyhoo, the new buyers are not buying the day-core so it's all irrelevant and clearly this is a good house priced right because it's done been sold lickety split. Your Mama hasn't a clue whey Miss Mena would want to leave this near the Pacific Ocean charmer, but she does. Maybe she's ready for something with a little more celebrity style? Whatever the case, we hope she'll give us a shout so we can recommend a couple of nice gay decorators to help her out with her next crib.

26 comments:

Viva! said...

A nice, normal, happy house. It obviously had good vibrations to it as it went to contract so quick. Aside from the fact that it doesn't have a pool (a sin in my California eyes) it's lovely.

Alessandra said...

It's a nice looking Craftsman home. A good gay decorator would have been able to pull together her more mid-century style and make it mesh with the Craftsman look. The decor is sort of hopeless.

Anyway, for a house that size in such good condition in Venice, it's good to see that the market speaks and buyers buy. I'm happy for Mena that she's able to sell successfully (and that the buyers didn't freak out when they saw that bedroom, which looks like a grad student's hole).

Anonymous said...

mama!
I NEED a good gay decorator, hook me up.
money is no object just give me a name...

Anonymous said...

mama!
I NEED a good gay decorator, hook me up.
money is no object just give me a name...

lil' gay boy said...

Mama, I'm afraid that tower in the corner is her pussies' scratching post - not something anyone should ever display in a living room.

House has good bones but terrible decorating; in all her years in Hollywood, you'd think she could've hooked up with at least one good gay decorator.

Never understood her appeal, although she's a competent actress; still, with those odd eyes, to me she resembles some kind of sea life tossed up on the sound stage - perhaps Disney can save a few Pixar bucks on their next feature?

so_chic_darling said...

If I were not such an entrenched New Yorker I would move LA in a heartbeat and live in a lovely craftsman house like this.

Dr Ruth said...

I would recommend that a pussy scratching post be placed in the bedroom.

thevinylvillage said...

Forgive the dumb question from the southern boy who grew up in an area free of building inspectors or pesky codes...
but what difference does it make if something is "permitted" or not (as in the guest house here)..what implications does that have to a buyer?

eddie from pdx said...

You guys are such cynics!

I think it's nice to see a "normal" craftsman style house in LA. We are so used to seeing huge mega mansions (LA) and little tiny apartments, and not so little (NY).

I reserve judgement on her day-core till I see it in person (which will never happen). It looks like to me that she did the design herself.

The art looks like it has promise. And that is not a cat scratcher thingy int he corner. It's a sculpture. In fact I've seen that work before, but can't remember the name.

Alessandra said...

Not a dumb question. Every city or county (if unincorporated) has its own building codes and regulations. If the work has been permitted, this means that the contractor/builder/handyman/homeowner went to the appropriate department, had the plans approved and then someone from the government came out and checked to make sure the work was done according to code.

While unpermitted work can be up to the standards of permitted work, it often is not. For a buyer, it's a red flag that the quality of the construction may not be up to snuff and it also may mean that if the municipality has an occupancy inspection prior to closing that either the buyer or the seller may be on the hook to get the permits retroactively or in some cases, demolish the unpermitted construction.

So_chic, I'm thrilled that you like Craftsman architecture. I love my bungalow!

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why people in California put the microwave on the countertop? In the midwest only very low low end homes do such. Any decent mid-level home usually has the basic microwave/hood style unit while upscale homes have them built-in to the cabinets. Yet, tons of multi, multi-million dollar homes in LA have a microwave sitting on the countertop? Is it some odd "we like to be healthy and don't use microwaves" attitude that no one actually honors or why the hell don't builders / home owners incorperate the microwave into the design of home.

Anonymous said...

Understanding that this is her "Rebound" house, it's understandable why she wouldn't decorate it the whole nine-yards with hiring and payin' a "good gay decorator" a ton of money, when she's moving in no time. That said, many of you people criticing this home probably have worse decorated homes. The house is a simple craftsman and she did simple choices in furnishings. Its clean and cozy and what many buyer's would feel very appealing in that it's not to specialized in any one particular taste. The thing in the corner IS a sculpture not a cat scratcher. I like Eddie have seen this before as well but don't remember who it's by or what it's called as it's simply not my taste.... so I could careless.

lil' gay boy said...

My bad - it's so ugly, it might as well be a scratching post (although I did think it was a little large).

As I did say, it does have good bones; I've always loved the Craftsman style; its one that there's all too few of in NY.

Ruby Jackson said...

The stuffed animals on the bed make sense, since this was where she landed after her divorce, and probably wasn't looking to take a man to that bed, anyway. We'll have to worry only if she puts them on the bed at her new house.

Craftsman houses are the best.

sandpiper said...

This is a tepid, yet very presentable home begging for design definition -- and a window contractor and a concrete staining expert for the front barrier. I could enjoy that kitchen, and the studio is a nice plus.

Mama, I do believe the dining room area rug is Frieze; they are wonderfully yummie on bare feet.

Not for me(ow), but this could be a spectacular step for a savy buyer with vision.

sandpiper said...

I thought the sculptural thingy in the corner was a water feature. Omm, kiddos.

so_chic_darling said...

Picking up on 1.45's remarks about microwaves I just have to say I have never owned one and never would,not only are they a major heath risk but the kind of thing one would "cook" in them is not what I would call cooking.Thanks but no thanks.
Oh and microwave popcorn fumes have been found to be extremely carcinogenic to the lungs,so no I wouldn't even go there.

Madam Pince said...

Mama, I hate to disagree with you, but I love the decor. Prefer this to overdone/stuffed any day.

As for the microwave: can't speak for West Coasters, but The Banshe and I have ours on the counter because he's in a wheelchair and can't reach one any higher.

Anonymous said...

Get one installed in the cabinet under the counter Madam

Mar said...

I'm for dumping micros altogether. EMF's people - we get enough of them! Don't get me started.

I also ditto the group that votes this place is booooring and in need of some TLC. But from what I've seen she wasn't home quite enough to care. Good actress.

Ima Kratzenplatz said...

I have been told that the Association for Nice Gay Decorators has no branch office in West Virginia........is this true?

theflyingdutchman said...

LOL! A pot rack! I always love it when Mama sees one.

Anonymous said...

ameoba shapes in landscaping look so fake, I dislike them

In the pink said...

ima kratzenplatz as you asked yes there is one
georgesimmsdesigns.com

thevinylvillage said...

Alessandra, thanks for the response. The retroactive permitting or demolition was what I thought might be the case. 'Round here, if they dont catch you by the time its done, you're off the hook.

Chris said...

Why's she selling for such a dinky profit? Money needs, maybe? She sure isn't Reese Witherspoon.