Friday, October 19, 2007

Michael Vick Makes Us Want to Vomit

SELLER: Michael Vick
LOCATION: Darlington Run, Duluth, GA
PRICE: $4,500,000
SIZE: 10,563 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Not only does Your Mama care little about football and football players (sorry children, that's just the way it is), we like animal torturers even less. In fact, as far as Your Mama is concerned, people who mistreat animals are nothing more than living breathing pieces of puke.

And it would seem from recent press reports that footballer Michael Vick, who allegedly has herpes, is the lowest of the low. After all, this is a man who owned a house with a dog rape machine. Yes children, a dog rape machine, which is apparently used to breed dogs. Just typing that gives us the goose bumps and turns our stomach. If Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter had our way, we'd stick Mister Vick in his dog rape machine and let anyone with a mind to take a turn on his damn backside.

Anyhoo, we're here to discuss the real estate and not Mister Vicks morals, or lack thereof. Earlier today Your Mama received word from the Savannah Snitch that the former Falcon from Atlanta has put his suburban mansion on the market for $4,500,000. According to listing information, the 10,518 square foot house sits on a 1.5+ acre lake front lot in a gated development at the Sugarloaf Country Club. Your Mama imagines the place needs to be cleared of all the dog fighting trophies, which might explain why listing information for the property currently does not include photos. Fortunately Your Mama received a photo of the front of the house from the Picture Fairy so that the children can see how well groomed the place is. The listing does indicate that in addition to all the standard features, Big Vick's big ass house includes 7 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms, a walk out basement, library/office, a gym, and his and her bathroom in the master suite. Just imagine what sort of woman would marry a man who breeds and fights dogs just so she could have her own bathroom. Yikes.

But children, this is NOT the house where the alleged illegal dogfighting and dog raping took place. Mister Vick sold that house, which is actually in Smithfield, Virginia, earlier in the year at a rock bottom price, no doubt eager as a beaver to get the thing off his bloody hands. Your Mama has been told by multiple sources that house being sold is Mister Vicks' actual residence during football season. Considering he's more than likely on his way to the big house and has been suspended from the Falcons, he won't be needing this suburban Atlanta mansion anymore.

When and if pictures become available we'll consider putting them up, but we've already given Mister Vick more time and energy than we like so we'll just have to see what sort of mood Your Mama is in when the pictures become available. Gawd, we need to go take a nerve pill and love on our beloved pooches Linda and Beverly.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I loved the way he got Jesus right after he was arrested. What a worthless piece of dogshit!

lucy said...

I hadn't heard about the dog, I can't even write it, machine. Sick bastard.

I wouldn't buy any home of Vick's even if it was the best damn house at the best damn price ever offered in the history of real estate.

Anonymous said...

if you map/google that address, there is a naaasty sewage (oops i mean lake) behind darlington, maybe that's why he is leaving?....

so_chic_darling said...

He is an evil man and he will loose everything!

Anonymous said...

Boy did he screw up. Welcome to Michael Jackson's world Mr. Vick.

Anonymous said...

His house is so close to the neighboring houses. Basically, a kind of McMansion. Lacks style inside. It even has a library with a mezzanine. Doubt he ever read a book.

Anonymous said...

Here you go, Mama. Vulgar, isn't it?

http://tour.getmytour.com/public/vtour/display/889

Anonymous said...

You all are self-righteous. The media puts poor little photos of Poodles and Maltese when in realty he allegedly was fighting pit bulls. Haven't seen Paris Hilton or Britney Spears running around town with their pet Pit. Dogs and Cats are killed every Tuesday and Thursday at your local pound but we go up in arms about Mike. Please! There is so much more important issues going on and I thought this was about real estate!

Anonymous said...

Zillow says this house has 5 bedrooms, 5.5 baths, 9,261 sq ft.

Anonymous said...

zillow? seriously? zillow is crap. if you're relying on zillow for real estate information you're being mislead and misinformed.

Anonymous said...

If it was a white athelete who had did the same thing it would have been covered up and sugar coated. Everybody needs to get over it he is going to jail and although what he did was wrong it aint as bad as what some people have done. The hip hop community still supports Mike Vick.