Wednesday, October 17, 2007

UPDATE: Linda Evans

Several weeks ago Your Mama discussed the Beverly Hills Post Office property that Dynasty ack-tress Linda Evans recently put on the rental market for $14,500 per month. At the time, the listing lacked photographs.

But the other day our Fairy Godmother in Bel Air sent us over a few photos of the house that have popped up with the listing and Your Mama figured the children would be interested in seeing what Miz Evans' bought with her Dynasty money.

And hunnies, as you can plainly see, she did not buy herself a Carrington-worthy mansion. In fact, it's just a little brick ranch house with a big circular driveway to impress the neighbors and an itty bitty backyard that's all swimming pool and a little shaded brick patio

The house looks remarkably dark for sun splashed Los Angeles, and the furniture looks like a strange amalgamation of pieces purchased at high end thrift stores...the sorts of places where all the aged Republican Bev Hills biddies drop of the reproduction pieces when their huzband finally coughs up the cash to buy a jen-u-wine antique.

But then again, this is a rental property for Miz Evans, who resides in Washington state so that she can be closer to her spiritual guru, so we can understand why she's filled the place up with less treasured furniture. Who wants to worry about some asshole tenant spilling red wine on a "good" sofa, you know?

Your Mama does wonder why Miz Evans keeps this house at all. Does she harbor fantasies of a come back to the small screen? Does she use the place when she's in town for a tune up? What gives?


Anonymous said...


given how the market has been it seems a good idea to hang on to this as long as possible to try and get some of the money back mizz evans has spent on those terrible surgeries !!

Anonymous said...

girlfriend needs a gay best friend too steer her in the direction of a good plastic surgeon !!

pch said...

Might be as simple as making an easy $100,000 or $150,000 a year.

I assume it's paid off, and zillow says the property tax is a neglible $3,614 (thanks to Prop 13). So, basically, it's an appreciating asset (maybe until lately) with hardly any overhead.

Joan Collins said...

Oh darling I'm so sorry!

Joan Collins also said...

Aside from the cute brick pool area, dahling what a dump!

Linda looks as if she's either arrived from the face lift shop or a car crash. It really is a shame that she's spoiled her looks so horridly.

I've always thought she's a closet bitch and now I also know that she's a closet ugly house owner.

I mean have you seen my own villa in St. Tropez? Dahling it's fabulous! And so am I!

linda evans said...

Joan..Joan...Joan...Sweetie..Of course you remember this house, don't you? You rented it from me. One of those times you told Percy you would be "on location" (wink, wink). The high school football team told me you fell face down in the pool drunk. But they really appreciated the new locker room facilities you paid for. Please don't tell me the senility is setting in? Of course it has to start sometime with a woman your age.

I did see the photos of St. Tropez. Who knew one could do so much with cardboard boxes on a beach. And your lovely tan. My, George Hamilton must be so envious. Air kisses.

linda evans said...

Dearest Mama, I'm sure you are very familar with "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend". In Los Angeles, it is truly "Real Estate Is A Girl's Best Friend". This little "trinket" keeps me very happy. I did have to replace the furniture with some less desirable pieces after renting the house to an old broad who I mistakenly thought was past her "British Open" days. Fabulous antiques were ruined by rope marks, cigarette burns, and vomit stains.

Love and light, Linda

Anonymous said...

I think it's cute!

Joan Collins said...

Linda I hear through the hairdressing gossip mill that your hairdresser had to put rolled up cardboard under your hair to give it volume.Now I see that you're very good with cardboard!

Linda Evans said...

Oh my Joan...the hearing is going too?? Jose E. mentioned it to me as he was giving my naturally blonde and bouncy hair a trim. They were talking about Lynda Carter dear. Speaking of Jose, he said he misses seeing you in town now that you only wear wigs. I wanted to give him your address, is it still c/o St. Tropez Free Clinic?

Joan..Joan.. Are you still with us? Ramtha is very concerned for you. She says your aura appears to be in Uranus.



Joan Collins said...

Linda, dahling...I may not get my hair styled at Jose E anymore, but it isn't because of my fabulous wigs. No, I live in NYC, London and St. Tropez and can't possibly schlep all the way out to LA to get a trim. I go to Frederick Fekkai for that.

And my health is excellent Linda. Thanks for caring. It's all that physical activity I get with Percy...oh but you wouldn't know much about that would you dear? That wife beater Yanni ended your little relationship in the 90s didn't he?

I do have to wonder about your vision though dear, not only does your house need a renovation...but your face Linda...pity.

Oh and tell Ramtha that her shipment of bulk Kool Aid is on its way. Drink up dear.



linda evans said...

Dear Joan, we all know how you "live"..on your back from one filthy mattress to the next.

I've seen Percy with his lover. He told me he knows you are too close to the end to bother you with divorce. He is such a wonderful man to have stood by you through all those STDs.

Yes, Yanni and I did have our problems and thank you for being a friend while I went through those troubled times. I've moved on, and even forgiven him for that slip of infidelity. Of course I know it wasn't his fault the two of you were found together. You always were jealous of anything I have. That is why you belittle even my little rental.

Ramtha brings peace to my life. You should consider spiritual guidance Joan. I'm sure it would be much more fufilling to you than that silly chasing of Bobby Brown and OJ Simpson.

Love, Light, and Positive Energy,

- L

Joan Collins said...


I really didn't want to have to get aggressive but it appears that I must. To hell with light, love and positive energy! You and Ramtha can just go to hell!

If I had a glass of champagne in my hand, I'd hurl it with military precision! Now just shut your washed up old hag trap! With your ugly house and your cheesy shoulder pads you should be hanging your head! I mean Linda...wood paneling...REALLY?!

And I shan't check to see if you've responded. I have to go shopping at Valentino.

Bitch Slaps!


linda evans said...

OH DEAR! Joan... I apparently hit a raw nerve. So surprised you could still feel a nerve. Was it the talk of your STDs or your failed attempts to chase black men no one else wants?

Such bitterness and anger will age you terribly. You really need peace, love and light in your life so you can remain a timeless, ageless beauty like Moi. Ramtha and I will summon all our goddess powers to help you dear.

And darling, I know you can't afford Valentino anymore so have them put an outfit for you on my account. I am always happy to help the homeless and all it will cost is one month's rent on this lovely little LA rental.

Always America's Sweetheart,


Joan Collins said...


Alright, so I lied...I read your post. But be aware, you totally blew your credibility when you called yourself an 'ageless beauty'.

And you better believe I can still afford Valentino, why else do you think I churn out a pulp novel every few years?

Listen Linda this has been great, I think the press is going to catch onto this and hopefully we'll both get some nice notices in 'The Post' or 'People'.

You are one brave 'beautiful' bitch!



Linda Evans said...

Joan dear, I'm just re-reading this little exchange as I sip a nice herbal tea on a lovely Sunday morning. It troubles me so that you have so much anger and bitterness in your life. Oh dear.. it does so show on your face. I'm really at a loss of what to say.. Ramtha teaches we should always be loving and supportive of those less fortunate. And you are testing my strength and patience. I think I will go meditate now.

Love & Light.

- L

Joan Collins said...


Good for you, meditation is so wonderful and relaxing...with the permanent expression of 'surprise!' on your once pretty face I can only hope that relaxation is all it takes to get back to human form.

Am I angry or bitter? Hell no! I don't hold grudges Linda because when something bothers me I don't internalize it, I just let it out and move on which is exactly what I'm going to do now.

So farewell Linda, I wish you all the best and sincerely hope that I never encounter you again.

Ta Ta,


Anonymous said...

Beverly Hills Republicans?

Do your research. Beverly Hills is very Jewish, very liberal and very much in support of the Democrats

Your Mama said...

Oh hunny, yes Bev Hills is crawling with democrats and liberals, but of course there are piles and heaps of Republicans in Beverly Hills too...Don't belive us? check this out:

Linda Evans said...

Joan dear, the constant look of surprise on my face comes from living each day to the fullest and continuing to marvel in the wonders of the human existance. I believe there is good in everyone, even you dear...just yours is buried below that tired, drawn, haggard, aging, sagging facade. I do mean your face darling, I can't even comment on that photo of you that I saw where you were using your sagging breasts as kneepads as you were making extra money scrubbing Britney's toilets.

Joan Collins said...


My my my it seems that I've hit a nerve. Is the mountain air a little to heavy for you or did you just wander away from the sanitarium and get lost?

Oh and F--k You.


Linda Evans said...


Keep up with the drinking. It is the only thing keeping that old bag of bones and silicone from becoming a pile of dust with a cheap polyester wig on top. You never could act, you were a one trick pony and that trick was tricking with the producers. I can see your influence on Britney and it is really sad. She really needs to stop listening to the help and get you back to cleaning the toilets where you belong.


Joan Collins said...

Oh Linda

Silicone references? I never needed that sort of assistance. If you need silicone dear, take a pin to your lips and it should all come pouring out.

Oh and another thing: that house of yours isn't even on the right side of Beverly's in BHPO. Linda...pathetic.



Linda Evans said...

No Joan, the only kind of assistance you need these days is your walker and cane. Of course you don't use them much since the only work you get is on your back, taking care of Anna Nicole's former patrons. And I've heard around town that she was more animated.

Speaking of which, is it true you were the naked woman spotted diving into the bushes as Fredrick Von Anhalt was discovered naked and handcuffed to his steering wheel?

At least I have real estate, more than just this little rental, and more than you've ever owned.


Joan Collins said...

Linda dahling,

Cane? Walker? Darling I think you're typing in front of a mirror because you must be noticing your own mobility tools. No dear I don't need any of that as I'm a youthful and fabulous 74.

Freddie Van Anhalt? No dear, 'Prince' Freddie likes boys, which is why he sent you those roses I suppose. With that torso of yours you can hardly blame him for getting a bit confused.

And Linda you really must be losing say that you own more real estate than I ever have? Perhaps in terms of the number of properties...but darling I own an Upper East side condo, a townhouse in the London neighborhood of Belgravia and a villa in St. Tropez. I dare say my little portfolio would rival your acres of sh*t in Washington State.



Linda Evans said...

74??? Oh yes... according to those bogus bios you circulated around Hollywood years ago. You haven't seen 74 since you climbed on Michael Caine at that benefit a few months ago. Granted you don't look a day over 84... You look hundreds of days over it.

Yes I do own a large amount of land in Washington State. It is quite lovely. It is in addition to the little rental you have fixated on. I also have a condo in Century City, a pied a terre in New York, a villa in Hawaii, and another home in Beverly Hills (proper, not BHPO which was certainly good enough for your sagging a** to rent).

One learns not to let slags like you know too much about where they live lest you show up begging to do housework.


Anonymous said...

This Linda Evans chick is whacked. Not only does she look like sh*t but so does her house. And I'm pretty sure on Larry King Live Linda said she only owned a house in LA and a house near Seattle. Plus this 'Ramtha' she's speaking of is actually a cult leader...

Sure, Joan Collins is sort of a slut with an ego, but she's sort of fun in a swinging 70's kinda know, the kind of woman for whom a little Leo Sayer and a bottle of champagne just aren't enough. And another thing, Joan's houses have been photograph published and they are NICE.

Anonymous said...

Linda Evans must be nuts...the rent has now increased to $17,500 a month!

And OK so Joan Collins can be a bit of a bitch, but she's's WAAAAAAAAAAAY overpriced.