Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Jennifer Nicholson's Historical House of Mirth

SELLER: Jennifer Nicholson
LOCATION: Georgina Avenue, Santa Monica, CA
PRICE: $7,995,000
SIZE: 3,437 square feet, 4 bedrooms 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Totally renovated gorgeous 1911 home on amazing apx 20,600 sq. ft. lot. Prime Georgina Ave. blocks from from the beach. 4BD, 3.5BA w/ plans & permits passed by the city & historical committee. Featured in House & Garden. Updated kit w/ tope of the line appliances, breakfast room & entertaining bar. 2BD up w/ sleeping porch, 2BD down. Exquisite LR, fam rm & ofc/sun room. Formal DR w/ French doors opens to extra-lg lush bkyd. 20car garage & artists studio. Completely remodeled designer home w/ Old World charm.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Jennifer Nicholson is a fashun dee-ziner who has enough capital and cajones to present her sorta sexy collections on an army of skinny bitches at the once mighty, now not quite so mighty, Bryant Park Tents in New York City. She also happens to be the eldest daughter of age-ed Hollywood Lothario Jack Nicholson who recently dropped her historical and well placed Santa Monica house on the market for an eye popping $7,995,000.

Property records reveal that Miz Nicholson purchased her symmetrical and soigne French Colonial style Santa Monica residence in July of 2003, right about the same time she sold a small ocean view house on Via De Las Olas in Pacific Palisades. Records to not disclose what Miz Nicholson paid for the Santa Monica property, but given its stellar location just spitting distance to the beach and walking distance to the 3rd Street Promenade and the charming and freaky amusement park on the Santa Monica Pier, Your Mama imagines that she paid handsomely for the 3,437 square foot landmark residence which historical information indicates was first located around the corner on San Vicente Boulevard before it was moved to its current location in 1952.

According to listing information, the good sized slightly shy of a half acre lot includes the lovely and charming main house, that in addition to the 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms, includes formal living and dining rooms, an office/sun room, a top of the line kitchen with breakfast area and entertaining bar (whatever that is), and a family room. One of the more interesting and desirable features of the house, at least as far as Your Mama is concerned, is the upstairs sleeping porch which we imagine to be an excellent place to catch some afternoon shut eye with the smell of salt in your nose and the sea air on your skin. Completing the property is a detached two-car garage with an artists studio.

Clearly Miz Nicholson has a real flair for decorating. We're quite certain her verve and zest for ornamentation and exuberant texture is not every one's cup of tea. But we love it. We could never live among Miz Nicholson's organized chaos without having to be on a daily dosage of Diazepam, but we adore a house that has been infused with so much vibrant and individual character. This is not just any person's house, this is a custom made confection tailored to the current owner's interests, whits and whims. Brava Miss Thing!

Of course, Your Mama would go out of our ever loving mind trying to direct even Ezmerelda and Svetlana, our ferociously competent house cleaners, to properly dust that funky birdcage chandelier-thing in the dining room. And we are concerned that our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly would live in absolute fear of those leopard print Lewees, constantly worried they were tomcats on the prowl ready to devour their hot dog bodies at any moment.

But Your Mama is crazy in love with Miz Nicholson's happily insane sun room with the shell backed chair and the magnificent shell encrusted pedestals that look like something dredged up from the bottom of the damn sea. The kitchen cabinetry is a mite fussy for our favor, but the mirror patterned marble floor (is that marble?) has Your Mama peeing our pants with glee. Say what you will about Miz Nicholson's slightly disturbing Mao Tse Tung painting with the hot pink background or that wonderfully fucked up ship chandelier, but do not speak an ill word about that dee-voon kitchen floor or Your Mama will go all sorts of berserk on your tasteless ass.

A little research on the internets tells Your Mama that not long after purchasing the property Miz Nicholson drew up plans for a large extension at the back of the house. Because of the house's historical status, all sorts of preservationist hoops were required to be jumped through to gain approval for any sort of renovation project. It would appear from both the listing information and records we dug up online that Miz Nicholson and her team of people cleared all the necessary hoops and the long extension was approved and permits were issued.

The extension asked for would have included tearing down the existing detached garage and building an new one and then connecting the new garage with the residence via a long extension from the back of the house. Apparently the new square footage would have included a large(r) sun room. Presumably it would have housed rooms with other uses too, but Your Mama didn't end up get that bit of information sussed out.

Your Mama can't imagine why Miz Nicholson would go through all the damn trouble and considerable bother to get plans and permits for this rather extensive extension and then decide to sell the house. But people are funny and unpredictable, and who are we to question the fickle ways of a princess to one of Hollywood's most royal thrones? We imagine one of Your Mama's children knows the why, where, and who, and if you'd like to share, please email Your Mama and start sharing.

According to a snitch who like to whisper in Your Mama's ear, Miz Nicholson also maintains an ocean front condominium in Malibu, and we presume the lady has access to at least one of the four houses her father owns up on Mulholland Drive near Coldwater Canyon Lane, including big, fat and dead Marlon Brando's residence (all due respect) and scene of the murder that ripped the Brando family to shreds.

Wherever Miz Nicholson lands, whether it be on the east or west coast, we dearly hope she'll invite Your Mama over to view her new digs, because we know in our bones it's going to be a clever and captivating home that will have us swooning and sighing.

13 comments:

smiley said...

She used her house on Via De Las Olas in the Pacific Palisades to house her MASSIVE clothing collection. Mostly FUR, which I have no problem with, but imagine most in here will.

Every room in that house had multiple cloting racks.. I remember walking through one day with a realtor when it was for sale back around 2003ish(not knowing it was her house until after of course) and thinking wow.. this lady has a LOT of *real* fur. THere is no way she could have lived there.. there were plastic containers stacked to the ceilings with clothes.. HONESTLY --> ENDless amounts of clothes.
:)

KathyP said...

Nice Chairman Mao repro. If I hung one of Hitler in my house I'd be vilified. Go figure.

Anonymous said...

Smiley, you are so cool. I want you. I don't know why. Kathy P, don't feel left out, I love you too. You are my everything, seriously, I love you more than anything!

Anonymous said...

Okay, every dachshund I've ever known hates cats and will kick their ass at any available opportunity. Mama, what have you done to your long-bodied bitches that they are afraid of a cat print carpet?

so_chic_darling said...

I'm with Mama on this one,it may be over the top but everything in there is top notch and very expensive.If only the kitchen was a little more minimal to offset the rest of the stuff.If i had to guess i would say that the decorator is Muriel Brandolini.

Old Hag in a house said...

Don't call me any more I'm NOT selling!I'm leaving everything to my cats just to spite my bitch daughter.

jaded old queen said...

Somebody wake me up when something tasteful happens.

Anonymous said...

Mama, I have been seeing many houses come to the market now with planning permits but not built. The properties are listed at a premium, you cashin without having to build anything. Seems to work in London and LA.

Layler said...

I love it. The exterior is just lovely. The inside is wacky, but I really like it.

The Mao is a Warhol, right? I'm sure there's a reason why his is art and not like a Hitler painting, kathyp.

Can't figure out that kitchen floor, Mama - is it marble in a chevron swirl pattern?

Never heard of her, but she sounds like she inherited her dad's quirky taste.

pch said...

It's a very nice house, and at the bottom of Georgina so the lots are nice and roomy.

The biggest drawback for me, given the stiff asking price, is that it shares an alley with apartment houses on San Vicente. They might have a clear view into the back yard -- big minus -- and they are going to be noisier than a single family house -- even bigger minus.

Anonymous said...

Her interior design does not sell her services well. Kitchen is country, another room faux Tuscan, and another leopardy. Awful. Don't care how expensive it is.

Linda Hoof said...

8 mil for that cottage,why?

Anonymous said...

Location and undeniable charm; kitchen rocks, architecture is a gem. All good.