Friday, September 17, 2010

Derek Jeter Lists Manhattan Penthouse Pad

SELLER: Derek Jeter
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $20,000,000
SIZE: 5,425 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We know we're a little late to the rodeo children, but we're going to put this one through the wringer anyway in order to specifically meet the personal and private needs of one off Your Mama's pals, a gal we'll K.R. Kantgetenoughofderekjeter.

Earlier in the week it was widely reported that New York Yankees short stop Derek Jeter–who may or may not have cheated in a recent game against some other professional baseball team Your Mama ain't never heard of–heaved his midtown Manhattan condo on the market with an asking price of $20,000,000.

Property records and previous reports reveal that Mister Jeter picked up his sky high aerie at the 900-foot tall Trump World Tower building in 2001 for $12,600,000. Listing information shows the apartment is located on the 88th floor, but according to The New York Times there is some sort of funny bizness between the numbers that appear on the elevator buttons and the number of stories actually in the building. Mister Jeter's condo is, according to The New York Times, actually on the 70th floor of the building.

Lo-werd have mercy butter beans it gives Your Mama a nose bleed just to think of living up that high in the damn sky so it really makes no difference to us whether Mister Jeter's apartment is on the 70th or the 88th or the 998th floor. As far as we're concerned, it's just not right and too damn risky to live that high up. Of course, that elevation provides for some undeniably spectacular heaven-like views, but when we consider living on the 70th floor all we can think about is that black out in 2003 when Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter had to walk up 17 flights of stairs to get our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly and then walk back down 17 flights of stairs–in the dark with flashlights–so those pooches could do their terliting bizness. Do y'all know how many times we had to do that? Iffin we lived up on the 70th or 88th floor we'd have to let those canines crap right up on the wood floors because we'd sooner go mano-a-mano with ultimate fighter B.J. Penn than climb down and up 70 flights of stairs every time Linda and/or Beverly had to do their damn bizness during a black out.

Anyhoo, listing photos, which show the apartment bare as a penniless person's cupboard, shows the sky high condo either as it looked in 2001 when Mister Jeter bought it or the well-liked baseball stud has already done packed his jockstrap and decamped for other digs. The high floor spread, according to listing information, sprawls across 5,425 square feet with exposures on three sides and includes 3 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers plus a staff room with private pooper located just behind the kitchen.

Mister Jeter's apartment, which towers over the United Nations complex across the street, is wrapped in acrophobia inducing 16-foot high floor to ceiling windows that take in insane views of the Chrysler and Empire State buildings, Central Park, the downtown Financial District, the Atlantic Ocean and the George Washington Bridge. For those of y'all not familiar with Noo York City, the George Washington Bridge is on the other side of Manhattan from this sky-high aerie.

A foyer opens into the condo's main living spaces that sweep a staggering 77+ feet along the south side of the apartment. The prairie-like living room, located in the prime southeast corner of the apartment, measures 25-feet wide by 41-feet long includes a fireplace accented with Udaipur slate from India. Situated between the leviathan living room and the 660+ square foot banquet hall sized dining room in the southeast corner of the apartment is what floor plan information labels a library. However, it does not appear to Your Mama that there is a single shelf for a single book in that so-called library.

The well equipped eat in kitchen looks like pretty much every other kitchen Your Mama has ever seen or been in in one of these hideously expensive and architecturally average residential towers that hairrific real estate developer Donald Trump puts up all over town. A long hall that shoots back from the gallery the separates the foyer from the dining room contains a powder pooper, walk-in coat closet, service entrance, laundry facilities, and a long storage closet. At the tail end of the corridor is one of the condo's two guest or family bedrooms that includes a private pooper and two walk-in closets.

The other guest or family bedroom sits just off the foyer and has its own private pooper and two standard depth closets. The master suite, also accessed right off the foyer, opens to a long "L" shaped hallway with two walk-in closets, two standard depth closets, and two windowless poopers, one with a separate tub and shower and the other with just a stand up shower. The bedroom itself measures 27-feet long and 17 feet wide which is plenty of room for a sleeping area and large sitting area or playpen.

The condo is kitted out with all the electronic gadgets and gewgaws one imagines an extravagantly paid professional athlete would want including a Lutron lighting and shading system which allows the window shades to be raised and lowered at the touch of a button, a Crestron audio system, a Panasonic IP phone system (whatever that is), and a 3COM managed wireless network system (whatever that is).

Records we accessed through Property Shark show that Mister Jeter also owns an 84 square foot storage unit in the building that he purchased in May of 2004 for $25,700. Presumably this will be sold off to the new owner or another current resident of the building.

Other residents or owners in the Trump World Tower include, according to property records, a lot of folks with foreign sounding names and the governments of Qatar, Afghanistan, India, and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Since February of 2009, Mister Jeter's upstairs neighbor has been Blackstone Group private equity honcho Chu Chinh who paid a a toe curling $33,654,000 for three units–one entire floor and half of the floor above–that total 34 rooms, and includes 12 bedrooms, 16.5 poopers and 14,864 square feet. Also in residence at the Trump World Tower is cat-faced plastic surgery victim Jocelyne Wildenstein, who owns 2 adjacent condos, one of which she bought in October of 2007 for $3,500,000, plus two storage rooms for which she paid a total of $103,000 in June and October of 2009.

There is much media speculation the Mister Jeter may have listed his bachelor pad because he just might be fixin' to move in with or marry his longtime actress girl friend Minka Kelly (Friday Night Lights) who lives primarily in Los Angeles, CA. But of course, Your Mama don't know nuthin' about that. What we do know is that Mister Jeter–a bit of a real estate size queen–will be far from homeless when he manages to offload his Manhattan condo. In addition to the somewhat controversial 30,000+ square foot mega-mansion he's been building on three contiguous waterfront lots in the Davis Island neighborhood of Tampa, records show Mister Jeter still owns a 4,493 square foot house inside the gates of the Avila Golf and Country Club in Tampa, FL that he bought way back in 1997 for $625,000. He also reportedly owns a mansion in Marlboro, NJ and an historic castle-like mansion in Greenwood Lake in Upstate New York.

listing photos and floor plan: Trump World Tower


Anonymous said...

You wouldn't suppose that one of the (unconscious?) attractions to living up so high is that it allows you to look down on almost everybody else, would you? Re the no-book library: if you don't read very much, books are rather annoyingly in the way.

lil' gay boy said...

Too much money, even for a starfucker with unlimited funds; and the prospect of encountering the "cat lady" in the lobby chills me to the marrow. But it must be a view unrivaled in NYC.

According to some pundit on answerbag, the discrepancy between floor & story is:

"Technically, a floor is numbered and a story is the actual floor. Many buildings call the basement or the slightly sunken floor #1, or they skip the 13th numbering, or the second floor is called 1 while the 1st is called a lobby. To a builder or architect, all the nuances are ignored. 1st floor is story #1, there IS a 13th floor, and so on."

Still too damn high. But for true nosebleed aficionados, one could always move to Dubai to live at the top of the Burj Tower, currently the world's tallest building, at over one hundred sixty floors. A multi-use building of offices, Armani hotel & residences, it certainly casts quite a shadow over the desert (next to the Dubai Mall, natch).

Anonymous said...

A 12ft by 18ft maids room with those views and a private bath, plus easy access to steal snacks from the kitchen at night? I will practice my dusting and apply for that job.

Of course, according to my luck, he probably uses the maids room for storage and has the 84 square foot storage room in the basement for the help.

Jeannified said...

Too damn high in the sky for my taste!

Anonymous said...

All those Trump places are priced too high for the value in my opinion....Derek must be moving in with that girlfriend of his who was in the news last week for being a demanding diva while on a flight. Yuck. He can do WAY better!

Anonymous said...

I notice that all hallways/corridors have to be galleries nowadays.
Why is this?
From an interested Aussie.

Anonymous said...

The apartment and views are breathtaking. The area just kind of sucks though. There is no real neighborhood over there. Dead during the day and even more dead at night. Plus, anytime I would see planes up that high I would need to call the paramedics for anxiety attacks.

Anonymous said...

Its a spectacular dream apartment fit for a king, however the lobby and all the public areas are atrociously hideous. Think pink and yellow marble with brass plated fixtures and ugly brown wood here and there. A shame really. Any buyer would have to consider the fact that this building sways quite a bit, especially at night when the winds pick up (most tall buildings are engineered this way). The Chandeliers literally swing around during dinner parties, and framed artwork and sculptures have to be well fixed or else they'll be sliding and shimmying all over the place. And I hate to be a debbie downer, but given all the dignitaries and oil princes and money men that live here, the place is literally infested with bodyguards, secret agents and spies. A 600 sq ft walk up pied-a-terre a few blocks away would be absolutely essential for late night rendezvous, booty calls, or visits from the herbalist.

Jimbo said...

Nice windows, but if you want to get a real taste of big windows to to the top floors of the Citibank building. I was there once (on a work related assignment) and the room had huge floor to ceilings, un-partitioned windows. On a clear day I'll bet you could see West Point from the North facing windows.

The guy showing me around said that when it was first opened the floor, the glass installer demonstrated how safe they were by taking a flying leap at the glass and bouncing off. I couldn't make myself get closer than 10 feet.

Anonymous said...

Worth it to live so close to the government of Afghanistan. You could knock & ask to borrow a cup of sugar, perhaps catching a glimpse of whose actually in charge.

Anonymous said...

Man, this place is FABULOUS.

I love the huge windows and really high ceilings.

organbrett said...

It also looks to me that the Master Bath has a bidet! After looking at tons of floorplans of NYC apartments, I have not witnessed one until now.

These are almost always seen in higher end properties out here on the west coast. (Of course, I wish the listing agents of these west coast residences supplied floor plans like the east coast agents do!) Have any of the children seen Japanese toilets that do all the washing & even drying for you? I love them but ADORE bidets!

Anonymous said...

Too high and too much sunlight. I mean, I'm not a vampire, but I don't want to have to wear sunglasses in my own dang house. Plus, I imagine how much worse my crows feet would get having to squint just to see the darn TV!