Put on your safety belts butter beans because like it or not Your Mama is going to discuss the recent doings and sad but not surprising turn of events of The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice and her huzband Joe. The couple, who have made a display of themselves on national tee-vee as big spenders, filed for bankruptcy back in October of 2009 with claimed debts of around $11,000,000.
Although she's been publicly saying that everything is all cool and copacetic, word is starting to slip and slide down the real estate gossip grapevine that the contents of Tee-tee's tremendous and ticky-tacky Towaco, NJ mansion are about to be sold at a bankruptcy auction scheduled for the 22nd of August, 2010.
This bit-o-biznes comes right on the heels of "news" that Mister and Missus Giudice–that's pronounced jew-dice or gee-oo-dee-chay or something like that–failed to disclose significant income and assets to the bankruptcy court. Oh dear. Your Mama ain't no brain surgeon and half of our brain is rotted out from booze but even we know you can't go messin' with and hidin' assets from the bankruptcy people.
A few of the items to be sold off to pay Mister and Missus Giudice's elephantine 11 million dollar debt include (but are far from limited to):
–a Schaefer & Sons grand piano
–48-inch Wolf brand stainless steel range
–pair of shell leaf carved crest leather & fabric sofas
–six-foot tall ceramic Satsuma Temple urn
–mahogany poker table & chairs
–a faux marble chess set
–Sea-Doo Bombadier X20 jet boat
–10-foot tandem axle dump trailer
–and a damn snow plow.
Listen celery sticks, nobody including Your Mama would be dancing on the real estate and financial grave of Mister and Missus Giudice iffin Miss Thing weren't so damn obnoxious on the national tee-vee driving around in a damn Maserati and bragging about how much moolah she and the Mister spent on their 9-year old's birthday party all the while running up millions in debt.
We recognize that the economy may have soured and good bizness investments went bad for many almost overnight. But, pleeze, $11,000,000 of the sort of debt they have–credit cards, etc.–don't just creep up on someone overnight. It builds up over a period of time. Had those Giudice's had a full brain between the two of them they would have tightened their damn Gucci belts instead of having the Bravo TV cameras over to film while they had a huge housewarming party complete with valet parking and gave their daughter an expensive atv and took all her little loud friends for a limo ride to a sad little beauty parlor where they do up little girls in grown up make-up and hair dos.
All that seems to Your Mama is like a sad and depressing effort to keep up with the damn Jones family whoever they are. They'd have curried a lot more sympathy from folks like Your Mama had they been upfront and honest back then and told the Bravo TV cameras that like so many other people in this suck-ass economy they were having a rough go of it and as a result were cutting back on unnecessary expenses like chinchilla furs and bitchy party planners.
Although they have denied it, the couple's over-blown faux chateau that backs up to the very busy I-287 freeway was indeed on the market earlier in the year for $3,999,999. We have a copy of the listing, thank you very much. The property no longer appears on the open market and Tee-tee has repeatedly declared that her home is not for sale and not in foreclosure. However, once the vultures swoop down and buy her bedroom set and range top, Tee-tee might just wish she'd done sold that 10,000 square foot white elephant a long time ago.
It seems that slick spread in a recent issue of Life & Style magazine was really Tee-tee's swan song and farewell to all us people in the public having the apparently false impression that she's a free-spending rich lady with a insatiable hankering for marble and onyx.
Your Mama still thinks that maybe Tee-tee and that might-be-a-lesbian-ladee Danielle may want consider burying the hatchet and going in together on two-family house in Parsippany or Paterson or Passaic or one of those other "P" places in New Jersey until they can get back on their feet. Just a thought.