Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Your Mama Hears...

...From a usually very reliable South Florida informant we'll call Fannie Fanstheflames that former swimsuit model/nanny Elin Nordegren (Woods) has been spotted shopping around for a Tiger free lair in Boca Raton, FL. According to Miz Fanstheflames, word on the celebrity real estate street in South Florida is that Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods is hunting for a suitable new nest in the five million clam range.

At least one previous report of house hunting rumors indicated that one of Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods foremost requirements for a new home is that it have a guest house where Tiger can stay when visiting his cubs because who wants their always on the prowl ex-huzband staying up in their crib? No one, that's who.

Premature reports of the erstwhile couple's dee-vorce settlement indicated that for her troubles and public humiliations Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods would receive a mind melting $750,000,000 plus ownership of the couple's primary residence–where she did not beat his cheating ass down with a 9-iron–located behind the gates of an upscale community in suburban Orlando's Windermere, FL, another more modest property located just around the corner, an apartment in a particularly swank section of Stockholm, and a small farmhouse on Falgaro Island in Sweden Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods purchased in the days immediately following the scandalous public revelations of Mister Can't Keep It In His Pants' prolific extra-marital catting around. Mister Woods was reportedly to retain ownership of the former couple's not yet completed compound on Jupiter Island, FL, as well as a property in Newport Beach, CA where he may or may not have trysted with one or more of his Harem of Hussies.

However, more recent reports state that Mister Woods isn't even worth three-quarters of a billion bucks and that Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods has requested approximately $100,000,000 in exchange for a trial-free dee-vorce. Your Mama would bet everything we have that Mister Tarnished Reputation does not want a public trial that might have further negative impact on what whatever lucrative endorsement deals he still has and might also have Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods' attorney, sending his Harem of Hussies subpoenas to appear in court to give their side of the story regarding the integrity and character of Mister Woods.

Whatever the case Your Mama thinks Soon To Be Ex-Missus Woods deserves every penny she gets. Beehawtcha earned it. There's a moral lesson in there for all you married (ladees and) gentleman who might be considering getting a little–or a lot of–nookie on the side.

9 comments:

Jeannified said...

Babymama should get more than that, but that's just my personal opinion! ;-)

Madam Pince said...

I'm with you on Team Elin, Mama! And when you count in child support, Jeanni, she'll rake in more than $100M, especially since their chirren are so young.

StPaulSnowman said...

I am not a Tiger fan or an Elin fan but it does seem that she has shown extraordinary restraint and class throughout the entire kerfuffle. I wonder whether it is European class or very skillful wrangling by a legal/image/management team. She just doesn't seem to have any schmutz on her at all.........admirable.

SPLENDEROSA said...

Whatever she gets it will be a WHOLE lot less than she would've gotten if she had kept her little mouth closed and stayed inside the house that night. She was living life in the fast lane & should have learned the ropes. Too too bad for those chirren, as Madam said.

LA Ad Guy said...

Splenderosa, sorry to be disagreeable, but I think the days of wives turning a blind-eye and "standing by their man" are thankfully coming to an end. Recent examples: Jenny Sanford & Eliz Edwards. No amount of money is worth a loveless marriage and cheating husband and Elin is young enough to start over and have a GREAT new life with Tiger's $100M!!! Good for her!! (And yes, a class act all the way...)

Anonymous said...

Keep her little mouth closed and stayed inside? What a troll! Tiger's women said they had UNPROTECTED sex. He was with those unclean women and then took it home to his wife. If he wants to that to himself that's one thing but his wife is innocent.

angie said...

Actually, Elin has kept her mouth shut to a saintly degree, and she'll be getting a whole lot more than she would have under the terms of the prenup she signed -like to the tune of most-of-it-more considering the initial prenup was worth $20 million after 10 years of marriage, and she and Tiger have been married less than 6 years.

Spendorosa, forgive me for asking if I'm being too forward, but are you one of Mr. Woods' 'special' friends? We won't tell ;p

Welcome back from your vacay Mama. Just got back myself and see there's lots of reading to catch up on, wow!

lil' gay boy said...

The fact that I couldn't recognize Elin's voice after all this time speaks volumes...

Anonymous said...

She deserves a $100 million for lying on her back and having a couple of kids?
Are you on crack?
She lived in the lap of luxury, never had a real job her whole life and got to have multiple mansions, cars, yachts and a jet and unlimited spending money.
Poor Elin, it must be rough watching the nannies and the maids and chefs work all day.
How does she do it?