Thursday, June 10, 2010

Another Housewife Bites the Real Estate Dust

SELLERS: Joe and Teresa Giudice
LOCATION: Towaco, NJ
PRICE: $3,999,000
SIZE: 10,000 square feet (approx.), 6 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It seems the financial fat ladee has done sung for yet another of Bravo's allegedly wealthy housewives. This time its one of the blinged out guidettes from New Jersey. All week long there's been a big brouhaha a brewin' in the tabs and everywhere else about how The Real Housewives of New Jersey's too tan baby factory Teresa Giudice and her grunting huzband Joe filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy back in late October of 2009. The large livin' couple claimed an astonishing $11,000,000 in outstanding debt–$10,853,648.04 to be exact–and only $79,000 a year in taxable income, plus another ten grand a month in "assistance" from family members. It doesn't take a brain surgeon–and Your Mama ain't no brain surgeon–to figure out that it was only a matter of time before the over spenders heaved their trés tacky mansion in Towaco, NJ on the market.

That's right buckaroos, fasten them seat belts because Mister and Missus Giudice–that's pronounced gee-oo-dice or jew-dee-chay or something like that–have hoisted their mammoth, marble, granite, and onyx encrusted crib of questionable architectural provenance or integrity on the market with an asking price of $3,999,999, otherwise known as four million clams.

Oh lo-wurhd have mercy, that whackadoodle Danielle Staub is going to have a field day with this one, isn't she? She's going to take to the airwaves and clatter up to the rooftops to shout and scream some kind of crazy nonsense about how this is divine justice, the unforgiving retaliatory hand of fate coming down to chop the evil Giudices down to size. Can't y'all just see her head spinning round like Linda damn Blair in The Exorcist?

Anyhoo, according to previous reports and their fascinating bankruptcy filing–which Your Mama is embarrassed to admit we actually read–the Gee-oo-dice's (or Jew-dee-chays) have managed to rack up a staggering $104,000 in credit card debt, owe $12,000 for fertility treatments, and another $2,300 in phone bills. And that, puppies, is just the tip of their ice berg of debt. Crimeny sakes, who has $2,300 in phone bills? What kind of person has $104,000 in credit card debt? Have mercy. It drives Your Mama to drink in the morning just to think about that sort of financial hole. And furthermore, if these two have $11,000,000 in debt, where did Tee-tee get that toilet paper roll sized wad of cash last season that she used to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of ass-uglee furniture for their newly built monument to excess? Certainly they didn't wrack up eleven million bucks in debt in a single year.

Most mystifying, mortifying, and psychically destabilizing to Your Mama are the 8 mortgages that total $2,600,000 that the Jew-dee-chays (or Gee-oo-dices or whatever) carry on three homes. Whaaaaat? Somebody please grab Your Mama a damn nerve pill and slowly explain to our booze addled brain how these people managed to secure 8 mortgages on 3 properties totaling $2,600,000 with an income of $79,000 per year? It's no wonder the gubbamint had to step in to save the damn banks last year or whenever that was.

Previous reports indicate the deeply indebted duo have already handed two of the three properties back to the bank and one imagines that iffin they don't get their vulgar manse in Towaco sold quick–or big, bad, and rich Caroline Manzo doesn't step in to save their impoverished butts–then Tee-tee and Joe-Joe are in jeopardy of losing the family's faux chateau to foreclosure.

As best as Your Mama can tell, Mister and Missus Gee-oo-dice (or whatever) paid $530,000 for the 3.77 acre property in December of 2001 and subsequently took out a second mortgage of $1,720,000. Listing information shows the Giudice's residential beast measures around 10,000 square feet and includes 6 bedrooms and 5.5 poopers including a master suite with fireplace, separate sitting room, dressing room, walk-in closet, and steam shower. Please, do not, we beg of the children, think about or discuss anything related to Joe-Joe and Tee-tee taking a steam together.

Other amenities of the 16-room residence, according to listing information, include a train station sized entrance hall with double height ceiling and twin curving staircases with intricate wrought iron balustrades, a gigantic great room, formal living and dining rooms, game room, wine room, media room, den, office, gourmet eat-in kitchen with center island, and a separate staff or guest suite with private pooper.

Thank heavens listing information does not include photographs of the interiors because Your Mama would rather slowly saw off our left leg than look at the decorative train wreck that is the Jew-dee-chay (or Gee-oo-dice or whatever) mansion. We know of what we speak, poodles, because like millions of others, we've had the misfortune of repeating peering inside the wing-ed doors of that pile o' architectural doo-doo on The Real Housewives of New Jersey program.

The barely landscaped grounds include a long, red driveway composed of crushed granite or brick or something, a prairie sized motor court, large expanse of lawn–or weeds cut down to look like lawn–and two ponds including one with an man-made waterfall of stacked stone. Listing information states that "privacy and tranquility reigns" at the Gee-oo-dice (or Jew-dee-chay) digs but Your Mama has to wonder how much tranquility there really can be at a property that backs up to I-287, an extremely bizzy, 4-lane highway.

Listen celery sticks, we kind of like this Teresa gal and her amazingly explosive temper that causes her to occasionally upend tables in public places and holler brilliant barbs like "PROSTITUTION WHORE!" She makes for good (reality) tee-vee. We just think–and it is only Your Mama's meaningless opinion–that poor Tee-tee and Joe-Joe don't have a cotton pickin' clue about making good architectural choices or creating tasteful interiors...or, apparently, managing money. All the children know that Your Mama really doesn't care to dance on any one's real estate grave. However, we have a very difficult time feeling bad for someone–that would be Tee-tee–who's drowning in $11,000,000 of debt and then hauls her big balls onto national tee-vee and brags about how much cheddar she spent on her 9-year old daughter's birthday party. It's unseemly, not to mention bordering on immoral.

Where or where will Tee-tee, Joe-Joe and their band of bedazzled gurls go next? Maybe that touchy-feely Dina ladee will take them in. Or possibly the kind and well meaning but mealy mouthed Jacqueline can put them up in her basement next to that scary gun cabinet of hers. Somehow, even though they are tick as teeves, we sort of doubt Momma Manzo, a sensible if somewhat frightening woman, would take in a charity case with four children and $11,000,000 in debt. For what it's worth–and it's worth nothing–Your Mama thinks Joe-Joe and Tee-tee ought to get rid of the $1,280 a month Escalade they clearly can't afford, buy a used Kia car, and rent a crappy three-bedroom apartment in Secaucus, NJ with an affordable rent that's in line with their income. Just a thought.

23 comments:

angie said...

They must have realized long ago that $79k a year wasn't going to subsidize their spending habits, and yet they kept borrowing and spending until forced to declare bankruptcy - which I'd be willing to bet will be next. Thieves, and we're all paying for it in one way or another. Fugly, tacky house too. Love all the trees though.

luke220 said...

This place makes the Gotti manse look tasteful.

Now we know why Teresa is always late- it's that schlep from Towaco to Franklin Lakes.

Anonymous said...

I hope this serves as a cautionary tale to other folks living waay beyond their means out there.

Anonymous said...

NOT A COMMENT: TIP/QUESTION

Mama, sorry not to email you directly (we've got a new email filter at the office making it difficult).

Any confirmation on whether the following post about Anna Paquin & Stephen Moyer buying a modern cube on one of the Venice walk streets is true?

http://www.shelterpop.com/2010/06/03/anna-paquins-venice-beach-dream-home/

JellyfishUmbrella said...

For the person discussing the bankruptcy thing, they declared bankruptcy in October 2009, and it was widely-spread news last week.

I wonder if Danielle would sell them her $1.6-mil house?

Anonymous said...

I don't mean this is a mean way because it's never good when someone has to file for bankruptcy but we all saw this coming. Come on. This bitch was spending money like it was going out of style. Does anyone remember the episode when they were just moving into this house after it was completely and the movers were bringing in the new furniture? This bitch spent hundreds of thousands on furniture and her husband paid for it in CASH on camera. Where the fuck did he get all of that cash????? Hmm...

The real question is, where will she go? As she's previously stated on the show, she couldn't buy an existing house because "other people's houses creep me out." Enjoy that new (used) rental apartment. Don't forget to check for bedbugs!

In all seriousness though, I hope she lands on her feet, it's never fun to see someone fail, even if they are an entitled bitch that doesn't do anything but shop all day while her husband doesn't make enough money to pay for it.

Anonymous said...

The reason that they are claiming the ridiculous lie of an income of $79,000 is that the new bankruptcy laws have an income threshold of I think maybe $85,000 or so to be able to file bankruptcy.
So if they declared they made more they would not be able to file.

Pretty sneaky suspicion the judge is going to tell them to blow it out their derrierre with that lie, unless he is bought off.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't have happened to a more deserving person. Danielle on that show might be bat-shit crazy, but to me, Theresa is truly the most offensive one of the Real Jersey housewives.

Every time this house has appeared on the screen, or whenever I refer to it, I call it an architectural monstrosity, because that is what is is, both inside and out. And it backs up to a freeway! Who the hell wants a $4-million temple to tackiness that backs up to a freeway?!?

But back to her being totally deserving, I'm sorry but it's true. I can't even stand the sound of her voice. And the way she would throw money around was so vulgar and tacky it's almost like the Kharma police were just waiting in the wings to swoop in, I'm so glad to see they finally did.

And I know it's horrible to say, but her children are annoying, ugly little spoiled brats that look like Troll Dolls. Normally, I would leave the kids out of it, but considering how she's the ultimate stage mother who's always trying to pimp that talentless, ugly as sin oldest daughter out as a model and/or actress, I figure it needed to be said in the hopes that Ms. Guidice, fame whore that she is, will actually read this article and the comments and get it through her thick skull that the kid isn't going anywhere in that department, so stop being such an overbearing stage mother and let the poor ugly little thing have a normal, happy childhood.

Carmella Mozzarella said...

some of your finest reporting ever!

StPaulSnowman said...

Why do all these bitter people even watch that shit on TV. I prefer to spend my time reading a good book..........unless reruns of Flipping Out or Million Dollar Listing are on.

Wendy said...

bwah ha ha ha ha!!!!
Zillow (notoriously bad in NJ, but still) values the house between $548K and $721K... a far cry from their $4MM asking price! a less chateau-like house a couple doors down (#16) is for sale for $818K. (also shown on zillow)
http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/6-Indian-Ln-Towaco-NJ-07082/39445722_zpid/
can't wait to see how this one plays out, meaning how much they can sell it for. the market SUCKS in NJ right now, especially the $750K-plus market. good luck Jew-dee-chays (or Gee-yew-dee-chays, or whatever).

tax records on their house (tax value is $425K) is here:
http://tax1.co.monmouth.nj.us/cgi-bin/m4.cgi?&district=1421&block=24.2&lot=31.2&qual=
if you have to do your own search, choose "morris" under the county field, and then type in Giudice for owner name. and enjoy!
love ya mama!

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 2:03 - You are incorrect; there is no limit to the amt of money someone can earn to be able to file bankruptcy.

Artchitecture said...

Hello, fellow "Chil'ren" :-)

The best to everyone who's a regular disciple of Mama and the website, but how ANYone on EARTH, with TWO BRAIN CELLS to rub together and TRY to make a SPARK OF A THOUGHT watches that nauseating, putrid, steaming, utterly & eternally REPULSIVE pile of FLY COVERED PIGSHIT called "The Real Wives of ANYwhere" is FOREVER BEYOND MY ABILITY TO COMPREHEND. Thank GOD. I'd almost vote REPUBLICAN in the next election before I did that. Even if all of those brain-dead bitches are really women with SOME actual brains & class off camera, and are really just making FLAMING IMBECILES of themselves for their "15 minutes" of fame, they're STILL SEWAGE-covered, WHITE-TRASH, EGOMANIACAL MEDIA WHORES, who ACTUALLY think they're worth watching! PUKE, CHOKE AND BARF, forever and a day!

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:36

You should check out the law.
Bankruptcy requires you to pass a means test to determine if you can file.
My neighbor who is a bankruptcy attorney told me awhile back, at least in my state that you could not make more than about $85,000 a year to be able to file bankruptcy.

Anonymous said...

I think Teresa is still in denial that she is broke.

Have you read her twitter page?

She is acting like everything is just fine.

Just an observation

Kristina said...

Just for the record, the name is pronounced jEW-dICE (as in "rolling the dice..." something they've been doing for far too long).

Also, CHILDREN ARE OFF-LIMITS! Can't believe someone actually called her children ugly. Who does that?!

Anonymous said...

I read somewhere that her kids look like "trolls". Now, that's not nice....:/

Get a Life said...

The $ amount for bankruptcy is around 85K or less for Chapter 7 and above that is Chapter 11 (where you pay back your debtors as much as possible in a 2yr timeframe). Teresa and Joe are trying for Ch 7 so they don't have to repay their debts...they basically wipe the slate clean. Under both you declare what debts you are over your head in and you can still keep your home.

Anonymous said...

Why are her kids off limits? She and Barney Rubble put their kids on television and we see her pimping out the ugly older one time and again. If she gets the benefits of using this trashy show to pimp out her froggy daughter then she has to deal with ME calling her an ugly little toad, which she is.

The child has ZERO talent too! It's not enough that she is ugle but her voice sounds like some clown voice with her mama's JOISEY accent. She's cute in that troll-like homely way now but when she gets a few more years under her belt, she will simply be GOD AWFUL homely.

That little froggy ain't going to be making money to keep the Barney and Betty Rubble and their entire family in that God-forsaken monstrosity.

Anonymous said...

Why is this house so ugly? Lord have mercy. =/

Anonymous said...

Forget about lack of taste....I have a theory about all of this: I believe they have a ton of money, all of which is not from making an "honest living". They CAN afford the house and all but they can't pay off their debts with illegal funds, thus the bankruptcy. They should have been using the cash instead of the cards. With the exception of that "face-dragged thru a parking lot of gravel" Danielle, I LOVE those NJ bitches! You rock!

Anonymous said...

TERESA LIVES WAY BEYOND HER MEANS AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, AND THIS IS WHY OUR ECONOMY IS THE WAY IT IS BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE HER DON'T CARE AND THEN CLAIM BANKRUPTCY, AS FOR THE CHILDREN I SEE THAT GIA IS TURNING OUT LIKE HER. JOE SHOULD GO BALLS TO THE WALL AND STAND UP TO HIS WIFE.

Shaun Marsh said...
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