Monday, July 26, 2010

More Housewife Nonsense

Put on your safety belts butter beans because like it or not Your Mama is going to discuss the recent doings and sad but not surprising turn of events of The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice and her huzband Joe. The couple, who have made a display of themselves on national tee-vee as big spenders, filed for bankruptcy back in October of 2009 with claimed debts of around $11,000,000.

Although she's been publicly saying that everything is all cool and copacetic, word is starting to slip and slide down the real estate gossip grapevine that the contents of Tee-tee's tremendous and ticky-tacky Towaco, NJ mansion are about to be sold at a bankruptcy auction scheduled for the 22nd of August, 2010.

This bit-o-biznes comes right on the heels of "news" that Mister and Missus Giudice–that's pronounced jew-dice or gee-oo-dee-chay or something like that–failed to disclose significant income and assets to the bankruptcy court. Oh dear. Your Mama ain't no brain surgeon and half of our brain is rotted out from booze but even we know you can't go messin' with and hidin' assets from the bankruptcy people.

A few of the items to be sold off to pay Mister and Missus Giudice's elephantine 11 million dollar debt include (but are far from limited to):

–a Schaefer & Sons grand piano
–48-inch Wolf brand stainless steel range
–pair of shell leaf carved crest leather & fabric sofas
–six-foot tall ceramic Satsuma Temple urn
–mahogany poker table & chairs
–a faux marble chess set
–Sea-Doo Bombadier X20 jet boat
–10-foot tandem axle dump trailer
–and a damn snow plow.

Listen celery sticks, nobody including Your Mama would be dancing on the real estate and financial grave of Mister and Missus Giudice iffin Miss Thing weren't so damn obnoxious on the national tee-vee driving around in a damn Maserati and bragging about how much moolah she and the Mister spent on their 9-year old's birthday party all the while running up millions in debt.

We recognize that the economy may have soured and good bizness investments went bad for many almost overnight. But, pleeze, $11,000,000 of the sort of debt they have–credit cards, etc.–don't just creep up on someone overnight. It builds up over a period of time. Had those Giudice's had a full brain between the two of them they would have tightened their damn Gucci belts instead of having the Bravo TV cameras over to film while they had a huge housewarming party complete with valet parking and gave their daughter an expensive atv and took all her little loud friends for a limo ride to a sad little beauty parlor where they do up little girls in grown up make-up and hair dos.

All that seems to Your Mama is like a sad and depressing effort to keep up with the damn Jones family whoever they are. They'd have curried a lot more sympathy from folks like Your Mama had they been upfront and honest back then and told the Bravo TV cameras that like so many other people in this suck-ass economy they were having a rough go of it and as a result were cutting back on unnecessary expenses like chinchilla furs and bitchy party planners.

Although they have denied it, the couple's over-blown faux chateau that backs up to the very busy I-287 freeway was indeed on the market earlier in the year for $3,999,999. We have a copy of the listing, thank you very much. The property no longer appears on the open market and Tee-tee has repeatedly declared that her home is not for sale and not in foreclosure. However, once the vultures swoop down and buy her bedroom set and range top, Tee-tee might just wish she'd done sold that 10,000 square foot white elephant a long time ago.

It seems that slick spread in a recent issue of Life & Style magazine was really Tee-tee's swan song and farewell to all us people in the public having the apparently false impression that she's a free-spending rich lady with a insatiable hankering for marble and onyx.

Your Mama still thinks that maybe Tee-tee and that might-be-a-lesbian-ladee Danielle may want consider burying the hatchet and going in together on two-family house in Parsippany or Paterson or Passaic or one of those other "P" places in New Jersey until they can get back on their feet. Just a thought.

19 comments:

oduroyal said...

How did these idiots get into 11 MILLION dollars worth of debt???? It's a shame they are getting to keep that ugly house of theirs even though they won't have anything in it. And they have the nerve to have a chess set as unintelligent as they sound? Oh sorry it's a "faux" marble chess set so I guess that fits with them.

I just can not get over that 11 million dollars. That is a LOT of money owed to a lot of hardworking people who have families and food they need to put on the table and probably won't see much, if any, of it back.

Anonymous said...

Lawd!Lawd!Lawd! Your mama's mama can't wait for this reunion show! Jew-dice or gee-oo-dee-chay's real estate auction, doesn't even hold a candle as to what will go on during the New Jersey farewell show. I am gett'in me a front row seat in front of my 14" TV.

organbrett said...

Everything is faux about that runt spelled with a CAPITAL "C". I agree with everything you said Oduroyal. The people that need the money the most will never see a dime of it. I can just hear her 'negotiations' with the Beauty Parlor & Limo Companies. No, I wouldn't dream of paying you anything when you'll be on TV! Everyone will want to use your company from now on - they'll be a line a block long!

I just noticed my verification word is fllankk - makes me think of SKANK!!!

Aunt Gina said...

I don't normally enjoy the downfall of others, but in this case I'll make an exception. I hope they televise every moment of shame and humiliation this creature has to endure.

Anonymous said...

Mama, love love love your blog but PLEASE do something about the way it works re: posting to other sites. Try to post to Facebook and I get the first comment as the text. Not exactly representative of your scintillating prose and tremendous insight. Should be easy to fix, I hope.

Anonymous said...

Excuse me, but isn't this the same person that once said " I heard that the econemy is not good, so I pay for everything with cash ". I beleive that was the episode when she was out buying the ugliest $10k sofas you have ever seen, for that narsty house.

They knew for a long damn time that they were going to have to file bankruptcy. She charged up everything she could, took money from her family, plus spent her Housewives money, and still stuck it to the American public. We should all ask Bravo to have her taken off the show. I hope Andy Cohen makes her look like a complete ass on the reunion show.

Anonymous said...

Schaefer and Sons grand piano says it all. Decent people with a modicum of class would own a Steinway and Sons piano. These are not people to be taken seriously.

Carla In California said...

I agree with Aunt Gina: I don't enjoy the downfall of others, but I do believe humble pie is in order for Teresa and her husband, Joe. I speak from experience.

I'm no one to judge because I've had issues with money and not being able to handle it as well as others. I can handle money so much better now after educating myself by taking classes in college: personal finance and investments. I had to take a good look at myself and why I was using money to compensate for other things. I believe Teresa and Joe have made similar mistakes.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive".

It is apparent that Teresa and her husband Joe were living a lie. It's time to face the truth and get real. Unfortunately, the children will have to pay a hefty price as well. :(

Anonymous said...

Could not happen to nicer people.
I hope she and her husband go to prison for fraud.

angie said...

"If you don't have anything nice to say about someone...", doesn't leave much TO say about Teresa. The table turning incident was made-to-order great reality TV I suppose, but I recall my jaw dropping to the floor in horror rather than amusement when I saw that, and I felt so bad for Danielle at the time. Of course, now that Danielle has gone and released a home made sex tape, in retrospect I realize Teresa probably never fazed her. There aren't words to express my feelings about accumulating $11MM in debt except O.M.G. The New Jersey housewives are in an orbit of their own, even compared to the other housewives shows.

Anonymous said...

love it,
"all show, no dough" one of my favorite phrases can apply here
thank you Mama

Anonymous said...

The reasons she got into debt is the reason why she was ever on that show. The nice towns of northern jersey are loaded with people with a lot of money but who prefer to live under the radar. No investment banker in NY is gonna want or let his wife feature their family on a trashy TV show. When you look anywhere for the lowest common denominator, that's usually what you'll find. Doesn't matter if its new jersey or fairfield county.

Anonymous said...

"–and a damn snow plow."

LMAO, mama!

lil' gay boy said...

Who in God's name extended credit to this mob of unibrows in the first place?

If the house goes it's a teardown for sure; the way it looms over the much smaller neighbors (as well as the interstate), not to mention, as Anon 11:34 put it, the "narsty" appearance, that land could be smack dab on top of the Deepwater Horizon site and have no less appeal.

I'm somewhat in accord with Aunt Gina & Carla, vis-a-vis the downfall of others; although I wouldn't rejoice in their long slide into obscurity (along with their genetically cheated offspring), I shan't shed a shimmering teardrop.

Anonymous said...

Her husband Joe is such a goon...I mean he walks around like a gorilla with his steroid arms..

they deserve to end up in a double wide.

Anonymous said...

yikes, this is an example of why not to live large.
they really "needed" a 4th kid and "needed" all that garbage they wasted money they did not have.
so obvious they "worked" to rack up that amount of debt.
ugly house, ugly husband ugly life

Carolyn said...

That's "Juicy Joe" remember.

Didn't he have a black belt in the show two weeks ago?

jp_poohbear said...

All I can say is that I feel so badly for the children. To have your bed and toys auctioned off right in front of you must be incredibly traumatic, especially if you are under the age of ten. I don't care enough to comment on Joe and Teresa, I just feel sorry for their children.

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