Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Your Mama Hears...


...from an unconfirmed source that English actor, car crasher, and practicing Buddhist Orlando Bloom recently painted his newly renovated house on Outpost Drive black. Yes, children, black. Oh dear. Bet the neighbors are thrilled. Yes puppies, black houses can be quite stylish...there's a natty and snazzy black shingled house around the corner from Your Mama's beach house that impresses us greatly. But considering that Mister Bloom's house is a sprawling ranch house with a blue tile roof, Your Mama is deeply concerned his house will look like a big damn bruise if indeed it's been painted black.

Property records show that Mister Bloom quietly purchased his 3,248 square foot house earlier in the year for $2,750,000 from the estate of a prominent civil rights attorney named Melanie Lomax, who perished in 2006 after her car tumbled down an embankment not far from her house. Previous to Miz Lomax, the house was owned by Thomas Gibson of the thankfully defunct Dharma and Greg sitcom, and according to The Movieland Directory, the singer Helen Reddy also shacked up here.

Buddhist Bloom is not the only big name celebrity to bunk down in this neck Outpost Estates. Bloom's 4 bedroom and 4 bathroom house sits on a three-quarter acre parcel just around the corner from behemoth breasted "did she or did she not have plastic surgery" Scarlett Johansson's new house and just a few doors down and across the street from one of the many houses that Academy Award winning actress Charlize Theron owns around Los Angeles.

Your Mama understands that Mister Bloom has made extensive renovations to the house and although he's a very, very private individual we can only hope he'll invite us over to see the changes when they're complete. And we promise to have an open mind about the black paint.

Source: Pacific Coast News (top photo)

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't care about the black paint - and invite to Orlando's place would make my year!

lil' gay boy said...

Mama, I asked my boyfriend, big gay decorator, and he told me that black is the new . . . black?

I'm confused.

Anonymous said...

He lives in London the majority of the time anyway ... He must have tired of Chateau Marmont, he always stayed there for extended periods while in L.A ... wonder if her paid night visits to La Lohan while she was shacked up there?

so_chic_darling said...

Black is all very well and can be very stylish,however black soaks up the heat from the sun making this not a very smart color selection if you care about your air conditioning bill!

gay beverly hills housewife said...

Lord have mercy Mama! You of all people shouldn't discriminate against black houses!

Anonymous said...

The neighbors and the airconditioning bill are probably not much of an issue given the location in Outpost. There are lots of trees that provide shade and privacy.

There was a house on Holly Drive (in the Hollywood Dell neighborhood just east of the Hollywood Bowl) that the owner was involved in some nasty custody dispute with the mother of his child. He painted his house (very visible to the street) flat black with white writing all over it with his side of the story. It was that way for many years. Don't know if he moved or the dispute was resolved but the house is now tastefully painted.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mama, Strapping Hunk reporting in. Orlando had written an Offer on WWW.8927STIVESDRIVE.COM and went back and forth with the Owner but they couldn't agree on a price. Hence, leaving the Sunset Strip of "A" listers. Seems like, Orlando who weights all of 90 lbs pounds, down graded and bought over in Out Post. Reporting Live from Set of Dirty Sexy Money, Strapping Hunk out.

Viva! said...

8927 St Ives Drive is a gorgeous house with wonderful views...my only concern is how it would do in an earthquake...yes LA real estate mavens, if I lived in LA I would be concerned about an earthquake and would sacrifice views for a nice, stable house in the flats of Beverly Hills.

Anyways, Orlando's house is nice...if he paints it black...ugh. Love the pool though.

Anonymous said...

The listing says it is on a "large flat lot"? It does appear to have a hill/slope but doesn't look in any more danger of earthquake damage than most other houses. I've been in much worse.

I have to laugh because every broker trying to unload a less than wonderful house in the area brings up Collingwood. Some of these houses don't need to be "expand and increase value". Marketing them that way just says (to me) "we want you to pay 4.3m for a fixer/teardown".

Anonymous said...

Above is about St. Ives, btw. Not Orlando's house.

Anonymous said...

Strapping hunk, you are so fucking annoying. No one thinks you're cool. You are probably really tiny, too. Go suck a dick.

Anonymous said...

The Counsel General of Turkey painted his Hancock Park home red.
To each his own..........

E.J. said...

Hey "anonymous" (all you people with strong opinions seem to be anonymous...hmmm, interesting, anyway...) barking at Strapping Hunk.

Why so hostile? Did you date him and now you're pissed? What's the deal? We're just talking here. And your sophomoric taunt tells us everything we need to know about you. Thanks though, for being the arbiter of what's good and decent in the world. We needed your help.

You might want to take deep breath, grab a valium, then go (1) buy a dog, (2) name it "Life," and than lucky you, (3) YOU'LL HAVE ONE!

Anonymous said...

Hmm... "e.j.", you haven't been posting in....well...about as long as "strapping hunk". Now you both reappear on the same day, with you getting hot under the collar over one person (not me btw) making a comment about "strapping hunk". Kind of makes one wonder.....

I do have to agree that anyone who has the need to sign his anonymous posts as "strapping hunk" is probably not one.

see I'm e.j. too said...

ps. E.J., you are just as anonymous since anyone can write a nickname in the box...

dick wadd said...

didn't Pia Zadora insist on installing a black marble pool over her architects objections.

and then she burned them size two's of hers, not to mention Menachim's gnarled soles and had it changed out right quick.

and for the record, i fine strapping hunks reportage to be a hollywood, tongue-in-cheek, might actually be working in the porno biz type construct

keep it up, buddy.

Toby Tee said...

Here in Sweden, the land of good taste and design, black houses are hotter than ever. I guess So Cal have finally caught up?

However, black may not be the smartest color to choose when living in a hot climate zone :)

mya said...

no...i love strapping hunks comments. dont' let em bring you down S.H.

Hippie Canyon said...

I'm not sure where to begin. Hunks, Black houses, bitchy homophobes, Outpost vs. the strip... Let me start by saying that Strapping Hunk is a fab anon name, and I'm sure I would enjoy chatting with him over a dirty martini any day or night, so long as he doesn't mention it to Caveman. Now, about black houses. Uh, umm... its awful, really. Black trim, glossy black door? Love it (even if it does remind my fatter friends of See's Candy). But black stucco? No can do. But, heh, its still a free country despite the GOP's wishes. As for Outpost vs the hills above the strip. I love the architecture of Outpost Estates, though I wouldn't care to live ON Outpost Drive since it is one of the main so-called short cuts over to the Valley. Outpost is okay, but not that convenient to much other than the 101. I remember being at Penny Marshall's funky house some 17 years ago, standing in that kitchen that was beyond kitsch. It was fabulous. And many other homes in the area are just as interesting. Far superior, in my opinion, than Los Feliz! Yet, I prefer the strip (!) I've always loved it. The sound of my car going over the concrete divisions in the road, the larger-than-life billboards, the 20s and 30s architecture near Sunset Plaza (and Geffen's digs). I miss the Marlborogh man, I hate the roadhouse at Kings Rd, and the crowds at certain clubs during late night jaunts to booksoup's newsstand make even walking back to my car a pain in the ass. But the strip and the hills above it is one of my favorite areas in town. Of course, Penthouse 29 at the Marmont and a view of Orlando next to me in bed would be one of my favorite areas, too. Now if only I didn't have to hear or read anymore hatefull comments, I'd be just fine.

pch said...

Black paint can look awesome -- but it would seem to better suit blocky masses with a flat (or very simple) roof line. I'm not so sure about using it on a ranch house with a busily designed blue tile roof. Hopefully Mr. Bloom reworked the architecture beforehand.

I like Strapping Hunk's breathless reports from unlikely locales. Keep on keepin' on, buddy.

Oh, and for Viva, go ahead and pop for the view if that's what you'd like. Unless you live on or beneath an unstable bluff, topography isn't necessarily a critical factor in assessing potential for earthquake damage. You have to consider a particular neighborhood's geology (materials that transmit energy more rapidly -- like granite -- shake less) and a house's construction standards. Then there are variables no one can control: the type of earthquake, its depth and the location of the epicenter. Depending on the circumstances of a quake, Beverly Hills could get hit harder than the Strip. It's the crap shoot of life in Los Angeles.

timachnocarwyn said...

much of the flats of beverly hills are in a liquafacation zone. the hills hold up MUCH better in an earthquake. rainy days, that's another story

aunt mary said...

Strapping Hunk brings vicarious thrills to these pages. You never know when he'll pop up from what exotic location. I believe every word he says.

I love reading everyone's posts. The more the merrier. Thanks, pch for the link to the retro movie house. And I swoon when I hear geology dirty talk. Liquefaction zone, oooooohh.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mama, Stapping Hunk Reporting in. Mama, tell the kids, I'm already famous - no need for the children making a big fuss. I already made it. So simmer down. I come in peace. I'm like Superman, I can only use my powers for "Good" not Evil. I get as much attention as Spears and Hilton. I'm hotter than Brody Jenner and have a bigger manhood. Tell em Mama. I know the hunk gets em all rattled up...I always have. Reporting live, from my limo to the a party for the Golden Globes. Strapping Hunk out.

Anonymous said...

YAWN!

your mama said...

Strapping hunk, you most likely live in your mama's basement. Get a fucking life, Mama don't like you bitch.

poster one above said...

By the way, I just realized that I used the name "your mama" but I meant is as strapping hunk's mama, not the lovely owner of this blog. Don't get it twisted bitches.

caveman said...

what could be the reason to hate hunk? its like hating puppies, weird. just to be difficult i guess...whatever, is it 5pm yet?

Your Mama said...

first of all..enough with the juvenile name calling. and secondly, for the record, Your Mama, the real Your Mama loves all our regular commentators including Strapping Hunk.

Anonymous said...

Radio misogynist Tom Leykis also lives on Outpost.

Blow me up, Mama.

Anonymous said...

Whoever said Orlando lives in London most of the time is clueless. He's a Hollywood guy, London is for the fam.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mama, Strapping Hunk reporting in. Tom Leykis lives next to my friend Fashion Designer Randolp Duke off the Strip, North of Fairfax and Hollywood Blvd. He doesn't live in Out Post. FYI to our readers. As a side note, Randolp built a brand new house with views and a pool. "Extra" did a show on it. Maybe there are some photos on the net. 'AD' also featured it earlier this year. Fantastic House! I went to the house warming party. Reporting live from my trailer on the Warners Bros lot, Strapping Hunk out.

Sandpiper said...

Strapping Hunk: You kill me! Don't stop. Be here more! You're so much fun.

hjb said...

Is this the new Black!

Anonymous said...

ALL I KNOW IS HE NEED TO START CUTTING DOWN SOME TREE'S, BEAUTIFUL HOME BUT I KNOW ITS A BUG LIFE IN HIS HOUSE

Marque Roseqvist said...

I LOVED Orlando's place immediately but had to go through 6 tests to get it...this test is screwy. I'd kill to live like that; it reminds me so much of our cottage when I was growing up when life was a wee bit easier and before good ol' GW ruined us financially. At least the new owner loves the place like we did.