Saturday, December 1, 2007

Are Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn Fliping Out?

SELLERS: Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn
LOCATION: San Ysidro Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $1,895,000
SIZE: 1,970 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Nestled in a quiet pocket of ultimate tranquility & secret seclusion on more than 2.5 acres. Newly remodeled. Gated, private drive & motor court. LR w/ pitched beam ceiling & fp, beautiful country eat-in kitchen, 2 guest bdrms w/ marble bath & stunning master ste w/ hi ceiling, fp, custom built-in cabinetry & luxurious marble bath. Breathtaking hillside landscape surround the property with quiet pathways inspiring thought of poetry and love...with an occasional family of deer to dazzle the sense.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Sorry puppies, Your Mama does not feel very snappy this morning as we're loaded up on cold medicine and coping with the tail end of a lingering cold that our cute but loud little nieces gave us while they were visiting for the Thanksgiving holiday. So bear with us while we do the best we can to formulate complete sentences and don't give Your Mama no lip because we are in no mood to get a bunch of chastising emails from you bitter hooligans. You know who you are.

Anyhoo, let's move forward and discuss the real estate doings of a couple of tinsel town Republicans this morning. Smoky voiced Law and Order graduate Angie Harmon, who now appears on some program called Women's Murder Club, and her squeaky clean professional footballer huzband Jason Sehorn, who looks like a damn gay porn star to Your Mama, have recently listed a house in the Beverly Hills Post Office for $1,895,000. Property records do not reveal to Your Mama's prying eyes what the couple paid for the private 2.5 acre property back in March of 2004, but they do indicate that the recently renovated and modestly sized house measures just 1,970 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.

Given that the Mediterraneans style house appears to be staged to within an inch of sanity (which leaves it feeling rather soul-less), Your Mama presumes that Miz Harmon and Mister Seahorn don't actually eat, sleep or even visit this property other than to make sure that Svetlana and Hesperia the cleaning gurls dust, vacuum and scrub their fingers to the nubbins making sure the place is shiny and perfectly clean for potential buyers. Well, maybe Angie and Jason bring their journals and sit out in the back and write love poetry sometimes too.

So, the children might ask, where do the George Bush supporters who spoke at the 2004 Republican National Convention live? Property records (and a well informed source) reveal to Your Mama that the couple and their two small children actually live a 4 bedroom, 6 bathroom, 6,377 square foot house on Round Meadow Road in the guard gated suburban celebrity enclave of Hidden Hills. Now, here's the juicy bizness kids...the family values voting couple's traditional style house sits right next door to the house that lefty lesbian married mommies Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels recently purchased. Oh boy.

Picture the weekend scene on Round Meadow Round if you will: On one side of the fence a bunch of well to do short haired men in pressed khaki pants and polo shirts drink Corona beer with a lime shoved down the neck (just like in their frat house days), while perfectly made up long haired ladees gossip in the kitchen. Meanwhile, next door, short haired womyn in Birkenstocks and prairie skirts make quinoa and roasted red pepper salad for the children while Melissa plays the acoustic guitar and sings 1960s counter culture songs of revolution. We know to which back yard barbeque we'd want to be invited. Do you?

P.S. The conservative and traditional interior appointments of Harmon/Sehorn property are certainly not Your Mama's cup of tea, but we none the less think the renovation was a success (the staging less so), the kitchen and baths, while not to our taste, are well done, and we totally appreciate the gorgeous and secluded location which provokes us to ponder poetry and love. A delicious swimming pool cut into the hillside might even inspire Your Mama to write a haiku or two.

15 comments:

luke220 said...

It's a cute house but not sure why they went to all the trouble and not put in a pool. Jeff Lewis would have.

Interestingly, the Olsons got the most comments last month (77). I understand why I dislike Morton Square so much, it was designed by Costas Kondylis & Partners, who designed so many of the Trump buildings.

aunt mary said...

It is so sweet. Lots of light. Lots of outdoor exposure. Tres private. Lush landscaping. (what's the water bill?) Cozy. Low maintenance. Plenty room for books. Bring me my pocketbook.

Anonymous said...

Republicans can decorate, rather, Republicans know who to hire so that it looks like they can decorate.

But really, the house is lovely. BHPO is still the land of Beverly Hills bargains...love the landscaping and the house as a whole. My only caveat is the lack of pool, like luke220 said why not put in a pool. It's Beverly Hills (Post Office) people expect a pool.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely, Mama. I would rather be at the Seahorns par-dee too!

Anonymous said...

hmm now this I actually like. I like the built in bookcases, nice relaxing garden. pretty.

Randy said...

I'd rather hang at the Harmon-Sehorn affair. Nice house and I wouldn't have to worry about listening to how many ways/times each guest had been wronged --coupled with BDS.

Anonymous said...

Has something changed in how we view the pictures bigger? They seem smaller. Could just be me :(

luke220 said...

I would definitely prefer Melissa's party. The people will be much more interesting and there may even be some people of color. Maybe even Ellen will be there and we can talk some real estate.

Maybe I'm reading between the lines too much, but I think I'll be at the party attended by Mama.

Linda Hoof said...

Republicans like to keep it SQUARE!

Sandpiper said...

This is a perfect cozy home. And, thank you Mama for nurturing us, even though you're under the weather.

Please get your well-deserved rest. <3

so_chic_darling said...

I would not be invited to either as they all know about my reputation for making rude remarks about the furniture.

Taco said...

Listen anons who would prefer the Sehorn's backyard Republican fest...

As someone who knows Mama and Dr. Cooter personally, trust me, they'd be singing Kumbaya over with the lesbians.

caveman said...

i'd crash the gay party in hopes of being the meat in a hot lesbo sandwich, (i know, tired cliche).
and i would slip over the fence for some beer, steak & to pee in the pool.

nice house though

Fuck said...

Well priced for what it is, me likey a lot..

Anonymous said...

caveman, I'd be doing the opposite. Party with the lezbeans then slip over the fence to give Sehorn and friends a hand (or mouth).