Monday, November 21, 2011

Beyoncé's Momma Doin' It Again in Manhattan

SELLER: Tina Knowles
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $5,600,000
SIZE: 1,729 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It was just a couple too-short months ago that Your Mama dissed and discussed the 2.6 acre Houston, TX estate owned by Tina Knowles–that's Beyoncé's momma–and listed with an asking price of $3,499,000. If the children will put on their thinking caps they might recall we naughtily described the nearly nine thousand square foot manse as looking "disturbingly like an upscale country club, Holiday Inn, or squat suburban office building done in a half-baked Brutalist style." We twisted the knife a bit further when we described the "riotous" chandelier in the "hotel lobby-like" living/dining room as looking "like it could have been ripped right out of the ballroom of an outdated Hilton Hotel or one of deposed dictator Colonel Qaddafi's too-garish palaces in Tripoli." Oh. Ouch.

Beside being Beyoncé's mother and Jay-Z's mother-in-law, Miz Knowles has long (self-)identified as a fashion designer and stylist. She worked up many of the whack-a-doodle couture creations for Destiny's Child but as their fame and fortunes improved they gravitated towards designer duds done up by big name fashion people. Eventually Beyoncé and her momma Miz Knowles started their own fashion label called House of Deréon. As per the company's website they produce and purvey a ready-to-wear line of women's wear comprised mostly of extremely short skirts and dresses and a small line of bedding (with matching drapery). Yes, that's right, pets, bedding with matching drapery.

Anyhoodles poodles, in addition to her huge house in Houston and couple of other smaller but still high-end properties in the vicinity, Miz Knowles has owned a pied-a-terre at the sleek and swank One Beacon Court building in Midtown Manhattan since May 2005 that is now in contract to be sold with the last asking price set at $5,600,000. Property records show she paid $2,927,468 for the 42nd floor condo crib in the dee-luxe mixed-use tower that includes monthly maintenance of $2,522 plus another $1,436 in real estate taxes.

Listing information shows the glassy pad comes in at about 1,729 square feet and contains two split bedrooms–on on either side of the apartment for maximum privacy, each with private facility, plus a powder pooper for guest. The floor plan shows a small vestibule entry with big coat closets connects to a larger entry gallery at the heart of the apartment that could, in a pinch, probably do double duty as a small dining room.

An entire wall of floor-to-ceiling glass in the 27-foot long living room frames the exact sort of city and park view folks with the means to do so will happily pay many millions. The floors are a rich chocolate brown, the ceilings pleasantly high, the walls a sandy beige and the furniture, besides the glass water fall coffee table and the fab 1940s era chairs covered in tur-qwahze (p)leather near the window are beyond atrocious. The two-toned faux suede sofa? OMG. No. We want to like the orange chair because orange is Your Mama's favorite color but we just can't get past the Mickey Mouse ears shape of the thing.

The dark wood floors extend into both of the bedrooms that each have panoramic city and park views and marble bathrooms. The master has not just one but two good-sized walk in clo sets and a gawd-awful suite of silver-leafed furniture that we'd say has an Art Nouveau/Gaudi-esque quality iffin it weren't so, well, gaudy. The over-sized tufted leather –headboard in the guest room is a zillion times better but the swagged drapery–and that there is what we call drapery, hunties, and not curtains–invokes painful spasms of decorative disharmony and discord.

A wee but well-equipped kitchen, tucked into a dark corner off the entrance gallery/dining area has pricey Poggenpohl cabinetry and high-grade appliances that include a Wolf range and Sub-Zero fridge/freezer. We're sure it's lovely–if teeny tiny–but we'd like it a whole lot more if it had a window. What is a nice feature, one surely appreciated by the minimum wage maid of this and future homeowners, is the stacked washer and dryer in the short corridor between the entrance gallery and master bedroom.

The (not surprisingly) high monthly maintenance fees at One Beacon Court provide its affluent residents and guests white glove service with 24-7 doorman and concierge, valet parking, fitness facility, party room and a play room for children where we'd bet our long-bodied bitches y'all would be far more likely to find a Nigerian nanny or French au pair than an actual parent.

Earlier reports on the matter in The Real Deal and elsewhere explain that Miz Knowles opted to sell the Central Park view condo –and we paraphrase–because she got a good price for the place and because when in New York City she can just as easily make use of another apartment in the building, one located on a higher floor and owned by daughter Beyoncé who, we presume, lives downtown with her husband Jay-Z in the 8,309 square foot duplex penthouse pad in TriBeCa he acquired in September 2004 for $6,850,000.

listing photos and floor plan: Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate


Anonymous said...

Sorry, Mama, but in this case curtains with a valance do not equal or even approach drapery, and even he-men from Trenton NJ know this.

Studly Hightower and
Rodney Hardwood

Anonymous said...

To the left? No, more like to the right.

Anonymous said...

Call me crazy but I think this is more overpriced than the Zang Toi apartment.

Windowless bathrooms (as well as kitchen)

A stacked washer and dryer right off the gallery and backing up to the living room and across from the guest powder room ... with no place to fold clothes or store a vacuum.

A view from the entrance right into the guest bedroom

No sense of flow between rooms at all - everything is its own bowling alley

If this place did not have the view it would be half the price or less

Kelsey said...

That chandelier in the living room is so pretty!

Anonymous said...

Sorry but this woman has no taste at all. And yeah she is "fahsion designer". This condo is so overpriced.

Anonymous said...

Dayum those dreadful 1980s curtains in that modern lair! Dayum the mismatch of style! This apartment is a HOT MESS!

I truly need some fabulous real estate porn after viewing this scary spice apartment!

The unit has potential but yes it does seem pricey..... the building is cookie cutter neuve new york without the boutiqueish or edge that most would desire.

Scorpio said...

Mr.and Mrs.Carter and soon to be bundle of joy are probably nesting in their Scarsdale, West Chester county home or the Pennsylvania get away.

Anonymous said...

RE: Master bathroom TV. Can't see it from the pooper. What's the point?

Verandah and Patti O.
Trenton NJ

Anonymous said...

so, um...well, is this THE house of dereon????

RESfan said...

I refer to the House of Dereon as the hilarious House of Derriere, doesn't everyone?

Regarding the orange Mickey Mouse chair, it's really the only interesting piece in the place, otherwise it looks like a tired 70's 80's condo.