Thursday, January 22, 2009

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the Move. Again.

Ooo-wee children. Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that pop star/movie star turned stay at home mommy Jennifer Lopez is all kinds of pissed because, until now, she's been the reigning queen of high maintenance a-list celebs living on the natty and nabobish North Shore of Long Island. That's right puppies, Missus Mark Anthony's real estate star is about to be eclipsed by the pathologically peripatetic Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who are rumored to be moving their ever expanding multi-culti clan to her neck of the woods for a few months while the Missus Pitt shoots her next film Edwin A. Salt in the area.

Rumors and reports are popping up all over the damn place that the itchy footed family who have been living an expat life in France and Germany the last year or so is headed back to the U-nited States of America where they're said to have leased Sassafras, a tremendous Tudor style pile on 48 waterfront acres in fancy schmancy Lloyd Neck, NY.

The sprawling estate abuts Caumsett State Park which, thanks to The Social Butterfly we've learned, was once the vast estate of newspaperman and department store scion Marshall Field III. The two story main house is said to measure in at a boo-teek hotel sized 22,000 square feet and includes 8 bedrooms. According to the good people at Luxist, there is also a six bedroom guest house and a staff house with another 11 bedrooms. That should be just enough space for the Jolie-Pitts, their 49 children and their ubiquitous entourage of tutors, nannies, personal assistants, ego strokers and butt wipers, right?

With 25 bedrooms and well over 25,000 square feet of interior space, Your Mama does not even want to know the number of terlits on the property lest we start feeling powerful sorry for the sad minimum wage gurl who spends her 40 hours a week with a terlit brush in one hand a can of Comet in the other. Have mercy.

Other dee-luxe amenities of Sassafras include a private cove with a private dock, a long stretch of private beach, not just one, but two helipads, a gigantic swimming pool with several pavilions surrounding it, a couple of ponds, a a secluded tennis court, a couple of large greenhouses, and enough lawn for the Jolie-Pitt clan to host a damn three ring circus. Oh wait, they are a three ring circus.

Sassafras was previously on the market where it lingered for a number of years with a sky high asking price of $60,000,000. No babies, that is not a mistake...that's sixy million clams.

Now listen to Your Mama here children because we know of what we speak. All those filthy rich blue bloods in Lloyd Neck would sooner slice off your mother's titties than have you roaming the streets and hovering around the secured gates of Sassafras. At the very least they will have the po-po on your peeping pooper faster than you can say the names of all 37 of the Jolie-Pitt children. And you can bet there will be some scary looking guards with pistols and God only knows what else standing at the end of the driveway to deter any fools who dare venture that far out into the genteel wilds of Lloyd Neck. Besides, there ain't nuthin' to see from the street so save yerself the gas money and stay home.

And one more word of unsolicited advice from Your Mama for Mister and Missus Jolie-Pitt: Settle down hunnies. We know you're bizzy as beavers with your Academy Award nominated careers and we know you get hassled and harrassed everywhere you go. However, did you ever stop to think that that traveling United Nations sideshow you got going on sorta creates its own whirlwind of chaos and publicity? Maybe, just maybe, iffin you would put down some real damn residential roots and take the time to become an active part of just one community, you might find that soon enough people will leave you alone to mow your lawn and clean your pool in peace. Just a thought.

photo: Luxist

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

"they will have the po-po on your peeping pooper faster than you can say the names of all 37 of the Jolie-Pitt children"

There is only ONE Mama.

:-)

Jimmy said...

OK, if your tastes lean to being able to see the end of nowhere from the upstairs windows. But then you could land a chopper on the grounds when you want to go somewhere.

stpaulsnowman said...

I am curious about the interiors.........spill your guts LGB!

Babe Parish said...

after their sourpuss appearance at the Golden Globes, ugh...borderline smug is not sexy.

Lucy & Madi said...

I know where the park is, I go there often! I will find that house, I will find them and I will report back! Lloyd Harbor is amazing and the fine folks who live there certainly don't want anything related to celebrity in their town...except the money, they will take your money!

Anonymous said...

http://cityfile.com/dailyfile/4019

Anonymous said...

sorry that last post should've said you can see more here :http://cityfile.com/dailyfile/4019

rebecca said...

i couldn't agree more with your last paragraph, mama.

Anonymous said...

Mama is so right. They need to settle their asses down. they are becoming the Michael Jackson of straight couples.

Anonymous said...

The Jolie Pitts in Long Island???? I've heard it all now. J. LO is the only celeb who's flocked to Long Island (Hamptons not included), and even she had reservations about from Vogue magazine.

Everyone else from LI, when they get $, goes straight to NYC, and if not, Greenwich, Westchester, or north Jersey.

Anonymous said...

excuse me, im from Lloyd Harbor and i REALLY DONT appreciate the comment you (Your Momma) said about the people from there

Anonymous said...

Anon 8:29 -

Are you saying the people of Lloyd Harbor welcome obsessed fans driving around, peering through fences, and even possibly trespassing just to get a glimpse of the celebrites?

Because all my Mama said is the people there don't take kindly to that kind of behaviour.

Trudy Styler said...

Oh please, Mama didn't say anything negative about the people of Lloyd Harbor.

Try to have a sense of humor anon 8:29 or people are going to think the residents of Lloyd Harbor are both filthy rich AND humorless.

And money without humor is really just so sad.

Anonymous said...

yes money without humour is sad, especially when you lose the money........

Anonymous said...

o mama whatever you write its gold to us readers....never stop with this real estate porn! its so addicting! luddu

Anonymous said...

Ugh ... Long Island! They should just move back into the Waldorf while they need to be in the NY area.

Long Island Sound said...

My canoe and telescope are ready.

Anonymous said...

I agree Mama - tell'em to quit moving around so much. Tell'em to put down some roots so their kids know where 'home' is.

Anonymous said...

Your mama just doesn't want anyone driving up on Burrma Road unless you live there!

Anonymous said...

In my opinion, Angelina loves the "chaos and publicity". Notice the other worldly look on her face when she arrives at premiers and award shows. She sucks that chit up, no doubt about it.

Anonymous said...

Didn't they recently make a long term commitment to rent a castle somewhere in France? How many properties do they own/rent? What is the cost of maintaining all these properties?

If these two people had not been blessed with physical beauty, fame and lots of money, would they live in a clutter filled house, with way too many animals on the property and lots of junk in the yard? They seem to thrive on chaos. Fine for free spirited adults, not so great for children. Sorry, just my opinion, and probably an unpopular one.

Anonymous said...

So I know this place very well, I live down the street from there. Don't even bother trying to catch a glimpse of this place, it's truly impossible. Once you go down Burrma Road you'll be greeted with a set of gates and a really long driveway, you can't see anything from the street. I really don't appreciate the helicopters that have been coming by to take pictures of the house, is it really that interesting. I am guessing they chose this place because of the helipads there. Other than that, I don't expect to see them around town, they'll probably come and go by helicopter. It's a beautiful probably though.

Holladay Homes said...

Oh, The things you could do if you and your spouse were both multi millionaires....

Shaniqua Jackson said...

Mama I got the hook up! Pics from inside the house :)

Liveview: here

Inside Pics:
here

here

here

here

and here

source=realtor's website(daniel gale)

Anonymous said...

In a message dated 1/22/2009 07:21 P.M., Anonymous writes:

"Everyone else from LI, when they get $, goes straight to NYC, and if not, Greenwich, Westchester, or north Jersey."

Long Island's Gold Coast was the greatest concentration of affluence and power in the United States during the Gilded Age; tantamount in our time only to Hollywood and the Hamptons. Nowadays, on the Gold Coast of Long Island's Nassau and Suffolk Counties remains many villages, coves and enclaves with demographics of old money and parvenu households. Many parvenus originally of Long Island, have maintained homes instead of leaving there such as, Billy Joel, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, etc.

Many individuals, who have not lived there before, have moved there including Rupert Murdoch, Alicia Keyes, and Chad Pennington. Marco Muniz and Bronx-born wife Jennifer Lopez are not the only celebrities to move there. Albeit it Fairfield County-Connecticut and Westchester County-New York and to a much lesser degree Bergen County-New Jersey, have are renown for wealth; none have ever matched or surpassed the Gilded Age of Long Island. Following Biltmore in Ashville, NC (175,000 sq ft), the largest private residences in the United States were always on Long Island.: Otto Kahn’s Oheka Castle (109,000 sq ft) in Cold Spring Hills, NY, Frederick Gilbert Bourne’s Indian Neck Hall (75,000 sq ft) in Oakdale, NY and William K. Vanderbilt’s Idle Hour (73,000 sq ft) in Oakdale, NY.

Today, Forbes lists more Billionaires from Long Island than surrounding areas. So please tell me – who acquires wealth and leaves Long Island?

Anonymous said...

Not to mention the largest home in the United States still used as a private is on Long Island -- Ira Rennert's Fairfield (110,000 sq ft) in Sagaponack, NY.

Don't patronize Long Island due to the fact you are misfortunate and have to live in Dirty Jersey. Yes, it’s sad that Long Island has to be celebrity infested too but at least these celebrities aren't degenerate rap stars.

Anonymous said...

Shaniqua Jackson, you are an idiot. Everyone has seen those pictures, Mama chose not to upload them, they are publicly posted, they aren't a secret cache. Asshole. Don't try to think you're special, you're not.

Anonymous said...

long island- hahahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 7:05 PM, totally unnecessary and inappropriate. Shaniqua attempted to contribute to this post in a very positive manner. IF something needed to be said, Mama would have interjected a comment. She's done it before, can speak for herself, and has made clear time and again she dosen't appreciate insulting comments which demean her beloved children. Be nice and you'll become a happier person, seriously.

Anonymous said...

Great column today, thank you Mama! And many thanks to Shaniqua for the supplemental links! Us real estate junkies can't ever get enough ;)

Anonymous said...

CUNTS!

Anonymous said...

9:21 clearly is a terlit scrubber employed on Burma Rd.

designslinger.com said...

wanderlust for sure

lil' gay boy said...

Ah, my soul sister Anon 6:21 & 6:27, I suspect we may be twins separated at birth.

Let us not forget that this is also the neighborhood of the disgraced Joe Gregory, whom Mama recently characterized as "...the gentleman who acted as the Chief Operating Officer, President and Managing Director for the now defunct Lehman Brothers until June 2008 when he was unceremoniously and very publicly tossed out on his green suit wearing big bonus booty."

Sassafras is one of the few houses on the LI Gold Coast that lives up to its pedigree, despite its recent construction (circa 1987.)

If you visit Caumsett (is the main house still administered by Queens College?) and walk down the north lawn to the freshwater pond where Field moored his yachts, turn west along the beach and you will find yourself here. (Thanks, Shaniqua!) Here's the Wikimapia link.

Below the high tide line is still supposed to be public access, so all you lookie-loos can, under the pretense of visiting one of the finest examples of Neo-Georgian architecture (despite the widow Field's defacement when she removed the west wing with the ballroom & master suite, as well as the east wing with 27 servants rooms for taxes purposes in the '50s) that's on the National Register of Historic Places (since '79) can casually stroll past the famous Caumsett Cliffs and find yourself on the outskirts of Sassafras.

Despite its recent pedigree, it's isolated location and western aspect affords it one of the most spectacular sunset views across Long Island Sound.

stpaulsnowman said...

Thanks.....these are high quality comments

Anonymous said...

Agree Mr. Snowman. Quality blogs like Mama's are few and far between. This reader sincerely thanks Mama and the numerous commenters who generously share the best of what they've got to keep making it happen :)

red.door.read said...

just found your blog, mama.

fark. it's fantastic.

cheers!

Anonymous said...

if my feeble memory serves me well, on of the more fab mansions in the area is the one used for "eyes wide shut".... truly GOLD COAST

Anonymous said...

I feel totally bad for the kids. They are all so young and at that age they should have stability in their lives. Instead they have became part of their parents entourage, flying all over the world. Both, Angie and Brad are filming movies CONSTANTLY and then do litte photo ops with the kids to make them seem like great parents. BS...those kids are being raised by nannies

stpaulsnowman said...

Winston Churchill was raised by a nanny. Sometimes they just have more time and love to give. The appeal of internationally adopted children is undeniable. For these two,however, they seem to be legitimizing fashion accessories. I don't know or want to know these people but as the parent of an internationally adopted child, the high profile hawking of their ethnicity is offensive. Then again, maybe they are all just the victims of the media.......somehow, I doubt it. The house and property are cool and that is what we are here for.

Anonymous said...

fantastic, they'll finally be contributing towards my salary.

Anonymous said...

The lovely folk of Lloyd Neck went to the trouble of passing laws to forbid Catholics from the ballot box, a law that remains on the books to keep the seminarians from voting. I'm shocked that they would allow such riff-raff as the Jolie-Pitt clan on their peninsula, when they can't even open their doors to a major religious group.

Anonymous said...

The seminaries are in Lloyd Harbor, not Lloyd Neck. Lloyd Harbor is definitely more stuffy than Lloyd Neck even though Lloyd Neck is definitely better.

Anonymous said...

Wow defensive Long Islanders, brads first choice was fairfield county ct when he and then wife jen searched properties from greenwich to darien with a price range of 15-18 mil, even made an offer (possibly rumor) on a waterfront mansion in darien, ct.

Anonymous said...

Wow defensive Long Islanders, brads first choice was fairfield county ct when he and then wife jen searched properties from greenwich to darien with a price range of 15-18 mil, even made an offer (possibly rumor) on a waterfront mansion in darien, ct.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Long Island trash. They should move to Westchester or Connecticut.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Long Island trash. They should move to Westchester or Connecticut.

Anonymous said...

So Pitt should stay in Los Angeles with the kids and and let Jolie go to Long Island and stay away for months from her man and kids because MAMA thinks they should have some residential roots and it would cause less whirlwind of chaos and publicity? LOL

They have the money the family, they like traveling... so why separate? I can garante you that the kids don't give a s h i t about "residential roots", they just want to be with their mum and dad.

It's their family so they are the ones that know what's best or what works for them. Each family is diferent and unique.

Seriously the world will be a better, more peaceful and tolerant place if people stop judging, hating and trying to impose their ideas and/or way of life in to other people.

Anonymous said...

*They have the money, they like traveling... so why separate the family?

Anonymous said...

I challenge Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to spend the obscene reserves held by their 'Jolie-Pitt' Foundation on legitimate efficient 'humanitarian' work or turn the funds over to others who will. To date, they have taken in $22,000,000 on the sale of baby photos alone, another 6 or 7 figures from other sources, and spent or granted only a fraction of that on 'humanitarian' work or 'good will' of any kind. The rest so far, has been spent on PR campaigns, plane rides, and super-high end accomodations for Brad and Angie in exotic locations around the world. I challenge them to operate with a reasonable overhead, open their books to prove it, get over themselves, and get their 'foundation' worthy of a decent rating by an independent watchdog like Charitywatch.org. Otherwise, to stop selling baby photos for their own 'charity' and stop seeking publicity for donations made in their own name to their own foundation/travel/PR firm within a week of their latest film or DVD release. I challenge Brad Pitt to do the same with his 'Make it right' Foundation. Which to date, has not been given a decent rating by ANY independent charity watchdog. Otherwise, to stop competing with 'Habitat for Humanity' for PR, credit, and funding. Who by the way have been building homes for the less fortunate in every major city including New Orleans for decades. 'Habitat for Humanity' has been 'Top Rated' for years by charitywatch.org and others. They operate with a low overhead, volunteer workforce, and donated materials. No similar effort can match their progress hour for hour or dollar for dollar. Unlike 'Make it right', the homes built by 'Habitat' don't sit vacant. They don't exclude by cost, lower income families. They are allocated and built specifically for the less fortunate who take part in the building process and move in immediately upon completion. 'Habitat' works in every major city including New Orleans. It puts 'Make it right' to shame. In fact, hundreds of legitimate charities have been given good-excellent ratings by Charitywatch.org and other independent watchdog groups. By contrast, the vast, overwhelming majority of celebrity 'foundations' have been rated poorly, fair, or not rated at all. They are inefficient, corrupt, focus heavily on PR, and operate with shady, self-serving, misleading accounting practices. Still, they have the nerve to self-audit, self-praise, mislead the donor/fan base, seek funding from a number of sources including ordinary people, compete with legitimate charities, and cash in on maximum PR for their inefficient 'humanitarian' efforts. Its not right.

Anonymous said...

The rich and famous do not want to be seen as 'pigs' or go down in history as 'villains'. They want to be seen as 'heros' and go down in history as 'humanitarians'. The market for their product has become global. The fan base has become global. Therefore, the 'humanitarian' effort and 'good will' PR machine has gone global. These 'humanitarian' efforts and 'good deeds' are not chosen to address the greatest need or injustice. For the mostpart, they are not even chosen by celebrities or executives. Those little stories they tell about it are LIES. These 'humanitarian' efforts and 'good deeds' are chosen for the mostpart, by trained image consulting, tax deducting, and marketing professionals who work behind the scenes for every big name celebrity and business on the planet. They are chosen almost exclusively to appeal to the largest demographic for their respective commercial products. The largest fan base. Its all considered and calculated ahead of time. Real world efficiency or effect is of little or no concern. Its all about PR, marketing, image, fame, and profit. This is why so many of the rich and famous have taken up 'philanthropy' or 'good will' around the world. This is why so many have 'schools', 'foundations', 'clubs', or 'playgrounds' in their own name. This is why so many play golf or appear on a TV game show for 'charity'. This is why so many sign motorcycles on TV, other merchandise, or auction off their own 'personal effects' for 'charity'. This is why so many have TV shows with a 'charitable' gimmick. This is why so many arrange photo ops with wounded veterans, firefighters, or sick children. This is why so many have adopted children from around the world (Which they always pay others to care for full time. The hired professionals are sworn by legal contract to confidentiality. Not allowed to discuss or appear in public with the children they care for. Those 'photo' and 'interview' opportunities are reserved exclusively for the rich and famous 'adoptive' parents. Often sold for millions.). This is why every 'humanitarian' effort and 'good deed' is plastered all over the media worldwide. Its not about 'humanity' or 'good will'. Its all about PR, marketing, image, fame, and PROFIT. This is why we are so often reminded of their respective 'good deeds' and 'humanitarian' efforts shortly before or after the release of their latest commercial product. IT IS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT A BOGUS CAMPAIGN OF TAX DEDUCTIBLE PR MARKETING CRAP. GOOD WILL HAS BECOME BIG BUSINESS.