Monday, April 4, 2011

Hey All...

...Your Mama and our boozy b.f.f. Fiona Trambeau finally made it out to Joshua Tree after numerous annoying mishaps and frustrating snafus including an irksome tire issue that necessitated a stop-in at the BMW dealership in Alhambra, CA.

Adding insult to injury, Fiona's step-mother Virgina Slim promised Your Mama that her wireless internet was up and running but–surprise!–when we arrived it was not and it still is not. So, here we sit, in Yucca damn Valley pilfering the wireless internet at Starbucks.

We hope to have the internet issue at Ginny's trailer resolved as soon as possible and at that point we will jump back in the celebrity real estate saddle and ride. Until then, have some patience, puppies. Iffin any of ya'll feel compelled to piss, moan, whine and/or bellyache just remember that we are in no mood to navigate hostility; Our response to any complaints today is that you can stick a damn bowling ball up your butt. Okay?

Now then, we're off to Wal-Mart to get ol' Fiona some outfits and a frilly dress for Ginny's weddin' to and Pablo (or Pedro or Pancho or whatever his name is) because of course, she traveled light with only the tube top on her back, a pair of entirely impractical Lucite wedge heels on her feet and $7.81 in the pocket of her soiled lemon yellow pedal pushers.

photo: Your Mama

20 comments:

StPaulSnowman said...

Mama...........is that photo your idea of a bar code? Does Fiona still use spoolies?

Kim said...

This is the funniest post ever...I am still cracking up! have a fun time!

angie said...

lmao Mama. Relax and enjoy!

JoeTheMiddleYears said...

Mama:
Why do I keep hearing "Duelling Banjos" in my head every time you describe these glamorous impending nuptials?

Anonymous said...

Wow mama really? I think you're probably the only one that could actually fit a bowling bowl up their butt. fat ass! enjoy the desert!

Anonymous said...

Mama, you are just going to have to relax and go with the flow. Everything is not Beverly Hills, facelifts, and designer clothes. I bet if you looked you could find yourself some good looking outfits at Wally World, too.

Sally Sunshine

Anonymous said...

Good luck out there, Mama.

May your tires stay inflated
May the lizards stay outdoors
May the Gods of Lucite return you
Promptly to our shores.

Anonymous said...

What about some pictures, Mama? Like you provide for houses.

For example:
Fiona
Virginia Slim
Your bejeweled abacus
Linda and Beverly
Dr. Cooter

We'd like to get to know your ambiance better.

Anonymous said...

Mama:

Yucca Valley heat is dehydratin your brain makin you provide conflictual 411. Weekend Fishwrap clearly indicated Ginny's gettin hitched to hot body Pedro, Pablo, or Pancho, and NOT to postal worker Bud Wiser, agin. But now you're sayin Ginny IS marryin Bud agin.

Hydrate yourself quick with a few gin and tonics, buy a few new frocks fer the weddin, post photos pretty please, and give the Trenton children accurate 411.

xoxo,
Rodney

Anonymous said...

Mama:

Just who is Ginny marrying? Pedro, Pablo, or Pancho? Or Bud again?

And at a svelte 87 pounds, Ginny will look great in any off-the rack gown from Thrift Town.

Verandah LaPorch and Patty O. Furniture.

Anonymous said...

Oh my dear! I love you.

Don't let the giant jackrabbits get ya.

Anonymous said...

Mama:

Your're simply not talking sense. Is Ginny Slim marrying Pedro, Pablito, or Pancho, or will it be Buddy again?

I'm praying for your return to clear thinking, along with an additional prayer for Fiona to catch the bridal bouquet.

With deepest concern,
Rabbi Hedda LaTess

Jumpn' Jejosephat formerly said...

I'm taking the emergency flight out to JT this afternoon, Mamma. If'in you have the time to swing by the airstrip to graciously provide a hitch, I'll be the one wearing the Daisy Dukes, white tank top and Sketchers, carrying the Tupperware insulated travel bag with the Cheeto Casserole for the festivities. Wouldn't miss me a West Virginia weddin' for the world!
My God, the frigid weather has finally taken it's ultimate toll on my itty bitty brain.

Anonymous said...

Yesss, I like it when Mamma gets all Appalachian on us. I would like to see more posts on deluxe trailer decor and Wal-mart drag. And hello, what are you smoking? ..."soiled yellow pedal pushers" sometimes I think this Blog is having a hot-flashback to Mama's real self before Bravo TV took over her psyche. OK? and that's great. [applause]

Lisa said...

Wasn't that tube top stained? Have fun!

Anonymous said...

Joshua Tree is the best! There are some amazing homes there - altho 20k vs 20 mil is more the price. Artists galore live in Wonder Valley.

Cecily said...

Got a brother, confirmed desert rat, living off Old Woman Springs Road there in Yucca. Place isn't much to look at but a step up from its former one LARGE room (no utilities but kerosene lamps) to a two bedroom house with indoor facilities. When we were kids and exiled there for a weekend, we had our choice of a single or a double seated latrine, complete with Sears Roebuck catalog hanging on a thread, and its pages weren't for reading, if you take my meaning.

I remember tube tops - so easy to flash the truck drivers on I-10 as I drove between Palm Springs and parts west in a convertible vette.

My misspent youth. There is fun to be had out there without wireless.

Mars said...

Sounds like all kinds of suck, Mama. Damn. How you kept your cool (har!) is beyond me. I'm guessing the non-fat Fraps were kept coming.

Anonymous said...

Regarding TR Knight's House: I'd always wondered where they filmed Shelly Winters' amazing film "Who Sloo Auntie Roo" Now I know.

Miss Cookie Divine said...

you're adorable, Mama. I bet you haven't mentioned co-op boards for days with that crowd :)