BUYER: Taylor Swift
LOCATION: Nashville, TN
SIZE: 4,062 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Iffin Your Mama is being honest–and we always are–we'd tell the children that the only bits and pieces we know about 20-year old country music sensation Taylor Swift is that purity ring wearing tweener singer Joe Jonas broke up with her over the telephone sometime in 2008 and that her moment to shine at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards was tarnished when she was accepting the Best Female Video award and a seemingly intoxicated Kanye West–he was, after all, clutching a half empty bottle of Hennessey while walking the red carpet earlier in the evening–clamored up on the stage looking like a damn fool with his ridiculous haircut and blathering on about beautiful and big booty-ed Beyoncé's Single Ladies video. Beyoncé looked mor-ti-fide, Kanye was asked to leave and, later, a very dignified Miss Swift very graciously accepted his apology. Lo-werd have mercy children, it's a good thing Kanye West didn't rain on our damn parade because Your Mama would not have been nearly as nice as Miss Swift. We'd have told Mister West to go, ahem, screw hisself and then smacked his ass clear back to the Middle Ages because we are not nearly as forgiving as young Miss Swift is when it comes to public displays of jack-assery.
Anyhoo, thanks to the gender neutrally named Robin Black down in Music City, we've also recently learned that the 20-year old singer/songwriter just bought her first home. A few minutes clicking and clacking through the interweb turns up multiple reports about young Miss Swift snatching up a dee-luxe penthouse condo at The Adelicia complex in downtown Nashville.
According to our Robin Black who forwarded property records supporting his claim, Miss Swift forked over a very grown up $1,990,000 for her new bachelorette pad. According to The Adelicia's website, little Miss Swift's penthouse measures an adult-sized 4,063 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers. Miss Swift's new home also has a double height living room wrapped in floor to ceiling glass and divided into two seating areas by a huge freestanding fireplace, a wrap around balcony, gore-may kitchen, dining room and an 80+ square foot wine storage room, which is kind of ironic if not particularly funny since Miss Swift is not old even enough to drink legally. Two of Miss Swift's three bedrooms are on the main floor while the upper floor includes a study overlooking the living room, an entertainment room, laundry facilities, and a master bedroom with twin vanities, a glassy bathroom with separate tub and shower and a walk in closet larger than many studio apartments in Manhattan.
According to one report, Miss Swift is all kinds of excited about shopping for tile and wallpaper and taking off her cowgirl boots and putting on her interior decorator hat. She reveals her plans to do over the day-core in a, "whimsical, quirky, eclectic tree house" style. Oh dear. Listen to Your Mama here Miss Swift, because we like you and we want to help you from creating a decorating disaster of epic proportions. Do not, and we repeat, do not do up your penthouse like a damn tree house. Not only will you get tired of that crap in six months or a year, no one will ever want to buy it when you decide to sell it because, let's be honest hunny, there really aren't that many–if any–people who will ever be the market for a multi-million dollar penthouse in Nashville done up and worked over like a damn tree house. Okay?
The 18-story mixed use tower offers residents all the luxuries and conveniences a fancy, modern day apartment tower should, including a 3,000 square foot gym with a yoga/Pilates room, a sprawling rooftop deck with Olympic length lap pool and a couple of community barbecue grills, a private pool-side lounge with catering kitchen for private soirees, private conference rooms, a resident's only dog park, and 24/7 concierge and security services.
Other buyers at The Adelicia are reported to include Dancing With the Stars dancer turned country music singer Julianne Hough, Kings of Leon lead singer Caleb Followill, and filthy rich American Idol founder Simon Fuller who, like Miss Swift, also selected a penthouse unit according to property records. Maybe the can all get together at the private pool-side lounge for a meet and greet barbecue soiree.
Your Mama congratulates Miss Swift on her success–it's not every 20-year old who can purchase a two million dollar anything–and sincerely wish her a happy home and a Kanye West free MTV Video Music Award ceremony in 2010.