Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Is Madonna Buying a Mansion?

Oh dear Jeezis in heaven, help Your Mama to live through this celebrity real estate brouhaha because, dammit, here we go again.

That's right children, apparently Madonna Ciccone Penn Ritchie's long time three-unit spread in the Harperley Hall building on the Upper West Side isn't quite big enough (or glam enough) for the recently dee-vorced superstar and her planetary ego because new reports are surfacing that she's prowling around for a New York City townhouse. Again.

The Rush & Molloy column in the New York Daily Mail recently reported that the Kabbalah Kween has got her eye on a $38,000,000 townhouse on the Upper East Side that claims a private garage which is, obviously, a nice feature for getting into and out of one's house without having to worry about a thousand paps trying to snap a picture of your pantiless cooch as you slide into or out of a waiting SUV.

We know of few townhouses that possess private garages and the only one we're aware currently on the market is a 12,000 square foot 13 bedroom beast that's listed at $42,000,000. That does not mean there's not another townhouse with a garage that's listed (or being privately offered) at $38,000,000, it just means that's the only one Your Mama can think of this early in the a.m.

Some snitches snicker that Madge has to to shop for townhouses because few (if any) of the persnickety co-op boards of "better" uptown buildings would even consider allowing such a notoriously publicity hungry celebrity (and her attendant entourage of nannies, security and personal assistants) to live up in and run rough-shod around their high-maintenance buildings.

Over the last few years, this bee-hawtcha has looked at more townhouses than Your Mama can count on our fingers and toes combined, so we'll believe man hunting Madge–whose newest beau is a boy-model young enough to be her son (you go on with your bad self Madonna)–is moving house when she moves house. Until then, it's just rumor and speculation, two things Madonna claims to hate but Your Mama thinks she secretly craves and loves because it keeps her name and face in the headlines. The proof is in the pudding kids...here we are yakking about the ladee and she ain't even bought a damn house yet.

Now then, Your Mama is going to go take a fat nerve pill and try to prepare ourselves for the real estate crazy that always ensues when Her Madgesty is involved.

60 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've read that her some of her neighbors at Harperly Hall have been complaining because she apparently has a sound studio in one of her apartments and makes a lot of noise at all hours.

brooklawn dr said...

At any hour of the day listening to her screech would lead me to a handful of dolls. I feel sorry for her neighbors.

Prince Johan Franco Von Schueltz said...

One of my friends hired her to entertain at my bachelor party in the late 70s. I think it was for my 3rd marriage. She could do things with a pet rock that would curl your toes.

shocked said...

Wow.

CandyGraham said...

perhaps she is simply looking for a back yard so Jesus and her other kids can play safely

Anonymous said...

There are at least two apartments at Harperly Hall that have been on the market a very long time. I'm wondering if knowing the Vadge lives there keeps buyers away!
She's obviously pushed her neighbors over the borderline!

angeleyes said...

Great article Mama. You always make me smile or laugh, thanks :)

Anonymous said...

Thank God for co-op boards to keep people like Madonna out of buildings.

Carlotta Nerve said...

This is the townhouse with the garage, and today they have "price on request" whereas yesterday it was $42,000,000.

http://www.sothebyshomes.com/nyc/sales/0016074

Anonymous said...

Vagina dentata like no other....

Anonymous said...

I know this is wildly inappropriate but does it weird anyone else out about her dating young Jesus? I mean, it's just tacky. I know they say men do it all the time but that doesn't make them any less pervy. I think Madonna is in amazing shape but she's tacky and horny - neither appeal to me in a 50 year old. I wouldn't want to live next to her either- I prefer to be the trashy one on the block.

knotguyritchie said...

I wouldn't think little Jesus is any more than an accessory............Famous Arod.........scandalous little boy toy. This has been her M.O. for years and has kept her nearly embalmed mug in the news more than her modest singing and excellent vogueing.

Anonymous said...

Al V. Corbi, the paranoid person responsible for building the so called "safe house" as his personal residence, lists the square footage as 8000s.f. on his own web site.

So is it 19,000s.f. or 8000s.f.?

Do we care?

Not really. It's still an uglee property.

bentley said...

"Thank God for coop boards." I guess there's a first for everything.

Anita Valium said...

holy shit i knew it would not be long before that god damn mofo safe friggin house made it on the comments.

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

Beotch gotta sell that shit. You know what I'm talking about Nita...I seen you working the blvd. down there by Shakeys.

Anonymous said...

LMFAO.

Sharon Needles said...

what is it about Vadge that brings all the ho's out?

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

Who you callin' ho? Beotch! Im jus a workin gurl like Mama. She make her money on the com-put-er...I makes mine at the Rits-Carlton...Nita make hers in the parkin' lot. Where you workin'? Or you jus collectin' govmint monay?

Sharon Needles said...

You know where i'm working, miss thing. with my home girl Robin Banks! That's why I like shopping for my next crib on realestalker!

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

I figur'd you mus be outta prizon. I seen the line of homeless linin' up at da VD Clinic.

You been seen that beotch Robin Banks? Tell that cnt she betta wach out. I giv'er a 20 for a nu weave and beotch aint bin seen since.

Robin Banks said...

gurl you come up the crib tonight and we get you right. we still be up on Cole Crest. You know the spot.

Donatella Versace said...

Okay, you can take your multi-personalitied tranny ass right on out of here. It was funny at first, but not so much anymore.

Diane's house is fantahstic but she does not know how to dress herself like a woman.

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

OH NO SHE DIDNT. BEOTCH I WILL CUT YOU! Who da HELLL you think you be calling trannies? Aint you eva lookd in a mirrorh? You da manliest lookin ho I ever seen. An you beotches think it sexuy to be leavin all tha hair in you pits and shyt? Daym.. My man like to get him some DL with a brother some time and he says he wouldnt hit you ifen you paid 'em.

Anonymous said...

Vadge is so gross, who would ever want her in a co-op? Mariah Carey looks like a nun next to her, and she couldn't even get in a building uptown.

Vagina Fishbaum said...

huh?

TrissyLaLa said...

if you all don't know the mariah cary story it's a good one. babra striesand was trying to get like 10 million or something for her triplex at The Ardsley on Central Park West but it faced WEST (WRONG WAY,UMKAY) anyway she got like an 8M offer from Mariah and Dolly Lenz told Mariah to dress and play nice BUT NO she came in all ghetto and guess what? Babs was stuck with the white eklephant for years and got only $4M from some "civilian" the board liked. BABS was furious. HeHeHeHe. I hate her.

Anonymous said...

ladies ladies, bitches, trannies whateva

you can come up here to the safehouse and settle your differences, just make sure you can get in

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

NO MA'M..I DO NOT THINK SO. You best pack up your polyester wigs and haul your big azz back to Compton Mizz Ginny Mae Fishbaum.

We's classy ladees up in here. Aint you seen that place my Jerome is goin' to buy me? They say it got bullitproof glass 'n shit. I don't like that helieocop landing pad. I don't be likely the po-po being able to get in my grill that fast. I need me some time to freshen the weave before I entertain Chief Bratton.

Sharon Needles said...

hey girl didn't mean to bail on you, had to go make a withdrawal with Robin Banks. If that eye-talian biatch starts in on you again get with me, I got your back. See ya at my crib on Cole Crest later, I hope. Got something freaky for you.

Anonymous said...

that is hilarious lmfao
The comments own !
I'm laughin so hard I'm crying :D

Anonymous said...

too bad that one townhouse with the garage is east of lexington

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

Gurl, I be up there in lil bit when I done wit this john. I brings some wings.

I gots a storey fo yu. I wus up in Bebely Pawk for my weekly wit that old white dude that sings all raspy and shit. I pulled on the side of the road to check ma weave 'cause old white dude like it to look like I'z blonde like sum them beotches he wud married to. Dis skinny lil skinhead looking cracker come rite up to my benz and start talking shit 'bout how he some famous shit name "Joe" dat stold some video game shit and ifin I let him ride through the gates in my trunk he would give me some money. Well I told ok and put his ass in the trunk. Then I drived up to the gate where my cuzin Leroy work and tolt him bout the dude in the trunk. LORD you never seen a scart white boy as when Leroy an his boyfriend JT open that trunk wit they handcuffs and chains. They haven' a m&ms partee up in there tonight them crazy homos. I gonna hav you hook me up wit that detaler guy 'cause that cracker done pissed n crapped all in ma trunk.

Anonymous said...

Guy had the final word on his (s)ex as far as I am concerned. He described making love to her as "cuddling up to a piece of gristle."

Anonymous said...

Mama, I think you need to expunge some comments. You can do it, can you not? Your blog is too classy to permit some of this excessively vulgar stuff to stay.

Anonymous said...

Oh come on Anon 5:18
This is some funny stuff!
Nice Job!!!

Anonymous said...

Agree 7:40. I was in stitches reading these comments :p~

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

What yall talkin bout? I likes me some funny. Whereda funny?

Vagina Fishbaum said...

Thay talking about you ho!

Anonymous said...

Where is this supposed $42 million property located on the upper east side?

Anonymous said...

Actually Dolly Lenz told Mariah to dress for her co-cop interview as she would for a funeral. Miss Mariah came in wearing a black micro mini, hooker heels, and a low cut top. Dolly said, mariah what happened? She said, THIS is how I dress for a funeral.

She always tells it in interviews.

Mercedes Benzedrine said...

hell yes and it was a funeral for Babs! A $4M funeral! Not that I care about Babs because I hate the air that biatch breathes through her crooked god damn egotistical "don't shoot my bad side" (like there's a good side?)
nose! Now let's see if any old school piano bar sweater queens are reading realestalker and let the bitch slapping begin!

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

Uh Uh Ginnie Gurl, the peoples aint talkin 'bout me. Thay lurves me up in here 'cause I got sum class. I got me a Benz, a Lexus, an a Eskielade wit 26" Di-gio rums.

An yall dont be talkin bout my gurl Mryah. Gurl is ferce. Dat scawkne Bouoncy aint no bid deal. "Sasha Ferce" my azz. Mryah she da orignal. She work a black mini like my mamma tort me wen I wuz 11. Ma gurl Tulita in New yawk..she knewed Mryah bat en da day wen gurlfrend worked it on the corner. You memba Tulita? Tulita Pepsi? She do hair now on da View fo Sherrie Shepherd.

I gots to go now. Jerome got me jumpin outta a cake fo Meror Villagosa in my bekeni an I late fo my wax.

Anonymous said...

Mercedes: You're going to have to wait until after the early bird special and happy hour at Numbers before the Babs fans are back online. Check back in two hours, three if they remembered to take their viagra and gold card.

Sharon Needles said...

Yo Selma! Me and Robin have to fly to New York to do a job and while we there we gonna hang with our poor homegirl Ruth 'cause you know her old man is going down tommorrow and we got to support our sistah in crime. I be sure to bring you something back, honey.
You watch out for that crackhead Avg Joe, he so damn kinky I heard he asked one of the girls to do a scene where they pretend they be Dina and Ray! Talk about a sick scene!
As always, baby girl, watch out for the PoPo!

Selma Babiesforcrack said...

Ya'll be show ta call Tulita. She got the 411 on hair and dat sht Robin bin weaving look like she mowed if frum Avg Joe back.

Sent frun my cracklebery.

Anonymous said...

Lord! Ms. Astor is dead, and there should be no more snobbery, in terms of who is 'allowed' to buy what.

Madge is a hyper-talented, tasteful 'artist', and she should be able to snap up whatever she wants.

Starck Mad said...

LOTS of silly comments, for sure. She should be able to get any parcel of real estate she wants. Think of the most extreme alternative....."Ann Coulter denied a Disney Word TimeShare"

:{} avg joe said...

mercedes you are full of shit!

barbara streisand is worth more money than you will ever have! she doesnt care if she loses money because she will have millions more coming in. her house in malibu is the largest most expensive ever built there. i have been to many parties there.

she is a real singer not like that stupid maddonna. i have every record and she has signed many of them.

Anonymous said...

Uh, Average Joe....at the many private parties you attend chez Barbra you whip out albums for her to sign while the two of you enjoy some caviar?

Princess Shotsavodka said...

avg joe must be stopped. I hate to be the one to say this but I think his condition stems from the microscopic size of his sex organ. I have rarely seen a more annoying, moronic person in my life. It's a good thing you can't murder people on a blog or I would be in the goddamn electric chair right now. It doesn't matter waht anyone write, on or off topic, this shit for brains has to chime in.

just sayin......

Anonymous said...

oh, and he is gay. nobody else like BABS.

Mercedes Benzedrine said...

"I have been to many parties there...."
Good God!
How the hell can you attend parties when you sit in front of your computer and annoy the living fuck out of all of us constantly?

Anonymous said...

just sayin...................

Anonymous said...

can you afford to get your ass away from the computer and go take a long vacation someplace?

just sayin..............

Anonymous said...

I go to many partys at her house
and I am front row at all her shows. I get so many signed cds that I give them away for christmas gifts

{} average joe said...

That was me. I dont know why it came up anonymous.

Anonymous said...

joe you are beyond an idiot. just sayin..............

Anonymous said...

Why do gay folks like Streisand, Midler and Minelli so much? They are all clearly talented but what qualities make them so treasured , or at least stereotyped, by the gay culture?

Anonymous said...

They are strong empowered women. Gay men aren't threatened by a strong woman like the *stereotypical* straight man expecting a woman to be submissive.