Friday, April 6, 2007

Danny Teeson Flips Out in Nichols Canyon

SELLER: Danny Teeson
LOCATION: Chandelle Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,495,000
SIZE: 2,146 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.25 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Elegantly remodeled home combining the galmor of Hollywood Regency and the sophisticated comfort of contemporary. Dark, glossy walnut floors greet you at the double door and lead thoughout. The family room opens to a private patio idea for entertaining. The master bedroom opens to a grassy sanctuary. Rich Cararra counter tops and stainless appliances. Located in a quiet, beautiful neighborhood in the hills.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Oh dear. It looks like someone has been staying up late at night studying Kelly Wearstler's books and is trying to ride her design coat tails all the way to the bank. Unfortunately this queen has not got it quite right.

The reason Wearstler's designs work, like them or not, is because she injects them with very strong sense of humor and, of course, the inside-out self referential quality she brings to the Hollywood Regency style.

Whereas this poor house has been given all the right clothes to wear but none of the personality and rigour to pull it off. You know children, if y'all take one lesson from Your Mama it should be this: There is a difference between fashion and style. You can buy all the right clothes, but if you don't know how to wear them you just look like a hot mess.

Sorry Mister Teeson, but Your Mama thinks this house is long on fashion and short on style; A little house stuffed with a lot of glitz and glamour and little substance. You can't just put an average beer swilling sorority gurl in a Lacroix frock and expect her to look good. You've got to teach her who Lacroix is and instruct her on how to wear the damn thing. You know?

Anyhoo, this house is being flipped by Danny Teeson, who one or two of you might know from Queer Eye for the Straight Girl, the Bravo's dismal attempt at extending the shelf life of their Queer Eye franchise. Apparently the hairless headed Teeson is the lifestyle guru for all the straight gurls out there who need some help with their food and wine choices as well as whatever "may be lacking (in their lifestyle)." Oh lawhd babies, please tell Your Mama he did not really say that in this interview.

Teeson bought this house in June of 2006 for $1,255,000, gave it an quick update in the kitchen and baths, and half-way decorated the place with meant-to-be decadent furniture. According to listing information, the house has an accepted offer, so Your Mama may be in the margins about how we feel about the staged decor of this house...although keep in mind the buyer is not buying all that silly furniture.

Your Mama is so bewildered and upset by this property that we're going to leave it to the children to discuss and dissect the gory details of the decor. However, we would like to congratulate Mister Teeson on what appears to be a successful flip, and we will keep our eyes peeled and ears open for his next real estate venture.

And before we head out, Your Mama would like to tell all the children that Teeson's modest flip-house, located in a modest neighborhood at the very top of Nichols Canyon, has some not so modest neighbors. This little baby is just 50 yards as the crow flies from Justin Timberlake's palatial digs. Your Mama recently heard a rumor that Timberlake is quietly shopping his 12,545 square foot Mediterranean manse around at a staggering $20,000,000+ price. Chew on that one for a bit.

Sources: Bravo

4 comments:

NJBrker said...

The whole thing is a mishmosh and ridiculous looking.

Anonymous said...

You QUEENS are so bitter! LA gays are so jaded when one of our gay brothers is successful. I would like to see you buy and flip a house. Oh that's right, you can't afford it. Hope you enjoy your one bedroom apartment in the gay ghetto.

Anonymous said...

I have interacted with Danny and IMO, he does place more value on style than substance, which is typical of most gays, "rich" or "poor."

Anonymous said...

I have also interacted with Danny and he is actually the opposite? You must have either bored the pants off him or are bitter because he wasn't interested in you? Isn't THAT typical of most gays who's self worth is based on the validation of another? I think the house looks nice and clearly no one else commenting here is looking at what else is on or has been on the market.