Monday, May 23, 2011

Norwood Young Lists Hancock Park Hot Mess






SELLER: Norwood Young
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,400,000
SIZE: 4,832 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Like Lady Gaga–whose Born This Way album drops today–Your Mama is Speechless over the Los Angeles home of some R&B singer we've never heard of named Norwood Young. Well, okay, not speechless but certainly slack-jawed and all bent out of shape about.

Mister Young, according to previous reports and property records, purchased his residential white elephant on a busy corner in the uppity Hancock Park neighborhood–which he rather grandiosely named Youngwood Court–way back in 1997 for $1,200,000. The 7 bedroom and 7 bathroom house recently hit the market with an asking price of $2,400,000.

As our Dallas, TX-based real estate gossip pal Candy Evans (Second Shelters) always says, "God don't like ugly."

We say, "Amen, sister amen" to that but somebody didn't give Mister Norwood the message.

Your Mama doesn't know whether we're more decoratively mortified by the faux poodles sitting at the bottom of the white-carpeted staircase in the marble-floored entrance hall or the trio of round glass tables in the dining room curiously and stupidly held aloft by ropes secured at the ceiling.

Perhaps the apple cart of our delicate sensibilities might be most upset by the the small army of David statue replicas that line the circular drive or maybe it's silly mural of Mister Norwood himself painted on the wall behind the swimming pool.

Listen, children, no one gets behind a highly-personalized day-core more than Your Mama. However, there are limits to our generosity, particularly when it comes to carpeted master bathrooms and especially when said poopers are outfitted like Mister Norwood's with a got-damn circular, sunken, jetted and gold-toned bathtub.

A short list of the home's other features, according to listing information and marketing materials, include a paneled media room, glammy guest house and a raised backyard stage for impromptu performances during backyard barbecues.

As a little added bonus for the children, we've linked over to a few photos of Mister Young posing like a wannabe supermodel in front of his house, some of which were obviously snapped during the 2007-08 holidays. Have mercy! A white overcoat with fur shawl-collar and cuffs? Bitch, pleeze. But then again, what sort of sartorial statement should we expect from a man with a white baby grand piano and a pair of over-sized all-white Chippendale-style chairs that make the "formal" living room look and feel like a damn dollhouse.

listing photos: LBC Realty

27 comments:

midTN said...

Holy Crap!!!


Mama's headline says it all.
***

Anonymous said...

Compared to the rest of this mess, the kitchen is a breath of fresh air - and it's awful. If the neighbors were smart, they'd take up a collection to buy this eyesore and knock it down.

Frankly, I'm shocked the car sitting in front isn't a white Rolls.

Anonymous said...

I stopped there, along with many others, to take pix of his awesome holiday display. Move over Clark Griswald.

Is his pooch died pink in that supermodel photo or am I seeing things after looking at the house pix?

There's nothing to be said about have a mural of oneself anywhere, never mind next to the pool.

Lady J

Anonymous said...

Some people's taste is all in their mouths!

Anonymous said...

The home is also known as "The House of David's." That's because of the 20 or sculptures of David in front. People come by all of the time and take pictures. The guy has a Rolls or two, custom paint jobs. The neighborhood will be dancing for joy if he somehow sells this house. Personally, I doubt it will sell. You need earplugs to live on that busy corner of 3rd street. Keeping our fingers crosse he sells and somebody comes with the bulldozer.

Emily said...

I'm not even sure what to say. I mean- it's just all together heinous. And the supermodel photo? I literally choked. So hilarious.

Anonymous said...

That's a dining room? Good eye, Mama! I couldn't get past the big hand and the tile pattern on the floor. Those really ARE ghost chairs and I mean that in the scariest way possible!

Rosco Mare said...

Mama Dearest, I needed a good day-core laugh on this stressful Monday, and you delivered it!!!!

XOXOXO

Bev Mo said...

Hey Angelyne! Girl, this one's for you!

Bev Mo said...

Hey Angelyne! girl, this one's for you.

John McKee said...

Liberace can be heard from the great beyond saying "Honey, no, it's too much."

Anonymous said...

It's nice, Mama, to remind us from time to time what indescribably and abominably awful is really like. It puts things into perspective, as it were.

Eric said...

This guy was on a show a couple of years ago. It had to do with finding a personal assistant, if I remember correctly.
Am I?

Anonymous said...

From Thesaurus.com:

Main Entry: HEINOUS
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: horrifying, monstrous
Synonyms: abhorrent, abominable, accursed, atrocious, awful, bad, beastly, crying, cursed, evil, execrable, flagitious, flagrant, frightful, godawful, grave, gross*, hateful, hideous, horrendous, infamous, iniquitous, nefarious, odious, offensive, outrageous, raunchy, revolting, scandalous, shocking, stinking, unspeakable, vicious, villainous

All those words when all they really needed was to list the address of this place!

Jayne said...

Ms. Young missed her calling as a house stager.

Anonymous said...

This is one of the most hideous homes I have ever seen on this blog site! Just goes to prove... money doesn't buy taste!

Anonymous said...

The first entry - Holy Crap - summed it up perfectly. Hahahahahahahaha too funny. Thanks for the great laugh. Your Mama, your the best. Now get rid of those damn sliding ads on the photos! They are like this house.

GoodWillHumping said...

Now there is something you don't see everyday. Thank god!

lil' gay boy said...

Holy shit. Really; just ho-ly shit.

Anonymous said...

Lordy me.... Delusional.... Shocking..... I fell off my chair and had to sneak back to the desk... then I saw the pictures again and I passed out again on the floor. I finally had to have some smelling sauce and some vodka to get me back in front of the screen. But seriously...

I live here in L.A. and keep my eyes on the road when I pass this piece of hot mess on 3rd just west of Rossmore.

Bulldozer is on top of the prayer list!

Anonymous said...

It's beautiful

Steve Mawson said...

GOD sure aint gonna take his ugly design-ass when the Rapturers do finally get the date right !

Melissa Klotz said...

I live near this monstrosity.

@Eric - Yes, he was on MTV's "True Life: I want to be a Butler" - some poor young guy wanted to be a butler and had to walk this guy's pink and blue dyed poodles.

To everyone mentioning a Rolls in the driveway - A hideous orange Hummer is always in the driveway. Vomit!

He always has out of control Christmas decorations...

Anonymous said...

Dear Momma,
I really don't take lightly UNPROFESSIONAL people, as yourself, to put on Public Display, YOUR opinion on Mr. Norwood's artistic taste! You sound like a bitter & washed up woman, who thrives off of hurting others... You, my dear should link up with BERNADETTE GIACOMAZZO & work for a gossip mag...
The two of you love to spread negativity, along with rumors, just to see your RATINGS go up, when in all reality, NOBODY is checking for you both!!!
Mr. Norwood is a kind & gentle soul & for you to spread NEGATIVITY about him, is NOT very becoming of you! You are completely unprofessional & sound like a child who was once bullied & now reversed the roles...
Your criticisms bore me...
Good day!

Your Mama said...

Oh, puh-leeze.

Isn't it interesting that you don't like that we expressed our (negative) opinions about Mister Norwood's so-called "artistic taste" and yet you feel you're entitled to your strong, negative and lengthy opinions of us?

Now that's rich, hunny!

Anonymous said...

Every ACTION get's a REACTION! Don't try your little reverse psychology on me sweety, won't work...
Get yourself a REAL job, one where u can FOCUS your energy on POSITIVITY...

Alice Polarbear said...

de gustibus non est dispudandum. Ok, not to everybody's liking. One needs a sense of humor to appreciate it but it really IS iconic L.A. L.A. carried to its ultimate extreme. I started out hating it, described it as looking like a gay bordello, then slowly grew to enjoy its rather sassy nose-thumb at rich snob stuffiness. I moved out of LA five years ago and was actually saddened to learn recently that the house has been sold and restored to tasteful anonymity.