Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Your Mama Hears...

...that teenage singing phenom Justin Bieber has real estate fever.

According to an impeccably placed informant we'll called Wilhemina Wilshirecorridor, The Biebs is thisclose to closing on condo crib in a luxury high-rise in the Westwood area of Los Angeles, CA. The condo is question, according to listing information, is a lavishly renovated 2,400-ish square foot contemporary sprawler with 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms and an asking price of almost 1.7 million clams.
The high floor condo (shown above) has a combination of gleaming white marble floors and rich dark chocolate hardwood and a petite but sybaritic kitchen with ebony cabinets, winter white counter tops and stainless steel appliances. The main living area, plenty spacious enough for an all-white grand piano, has a built in wet bar with wine fridge, a flat-screen television fitted into a custom-built wall unit and sliding doors to a terrace so slim even the celery stalk thin Bieber will find it a bit squeezy.

The Bieb's unit comes with two parking spots in a secured underground garage where the 16-year old entertainment industry powerhouse can park his $200,000 matte black Ferrari $220,000+ white Lambroghini Gallardo, vehicles that seem, quite frankly, utterly absurd and oddly ironic for a waifish child with over-processed hair to drive. The condo has $1,300+ per month fees that cover costs for doormen, concierge services, valet parking (and guest parking), a fitness center, a "party" room and an indoor heated swimming pool and spa.

Although Your Mama wouldn't know one of Justin Bieber's pop ditties if it walked right up and slapped us across the buttox, a person would have to live inside a salt shaker not to know that The Bieber Fever has swept the globe. After little more than a year on the scene baby-faced and squeaky clean Canadian has earned scads of American Music Awards, MTV Video Music Awards, Teen Choice Awards, three Grammy nominations and, reportedly, more than $100,000,000. No puppies, we did not mistakenly add a zero or two, this baby boy beehawtcha made more than a hundred million clams in 2010. Just the thought of that makes Your Mama go a little insane.

Anyhoo, given his vast new-found wealth this $1.7 million condo represents little more than a few pennies out of Bieber's exponentially expanding money bucket so kudos to him and his handlers for showing a little real estate restraint.

The seller, according to property records, is fellow Canadian Haley Frimerman, a model and heiress to a real estate fortune who paid $1,088,000 for the condo in May of 2008. It is she who is responsible for the whimsically glammy Philippe Starck-like day-core in the listing photos.

listing photos: Coldwell Banker Beverly Hills North

18 comments:

Housey said...

Mama, you know you posted the same picture twice right? Did you mean to post two different ones?

The Devoted Classicist said...

I realize J.B. probably does not shave, but is there no mirror above the lavatories? (I am viewing this on an iPhone, but there does not seem to be a reflection in an otherwise furnished apartment).

lil' gay boy said...

One hundred million? Kill me.

Anonymous said...

You are such a a great writer: petite but sybaritic kitchen and winter white counter tops are enviably deft. Brava mama!

Aunt Gina said...

the latest adolescent, sexually non-threatening teen "heart throb", playing to the same squealing audience of eleven year old girls...somehow I find him more annoying than the rest. Both the boy and the condo suffer from the same shortcoming: style over substance, and both will thankfully soon be out of fashion,

Anonymous said...

What? Does the $1,300 a month condo fee seem much too low for a unit this size and with these amenities? I live in New Orleans and it seems a crazy low figure even if it were located here. I can't believe it's that cheep in Los Angeles!

Joshua said...

the CA fees are low cause the building is not brand new. Most of the CA charges get wrapped up in the new amenities and costs. with it being a longer operated property, they have their services and costs worked out and held to a "decent" number. it also appears that the CAs havent been touched in years as they (from other listing photos) appear to be straight out of the 80s. really lacking for my tastes.

the unit is pretty nice. however, no operable windows? PASS!

Anonymous said...

What the fuck is wrong with this country? How is it possible that some little fagot is paid 100 million dollars for walking around looking like a homo?

This world has gone to hell in a hand-basket and we are greasing up the track for the ride!

Moderate this fucking message, bitch!

lil' gay boy said...

Looking for your 15 minutes?

Ppffft! That was it, pal.

Portfolio Recovery said...

I cannot wait to catch him on Celebrity Rehab ala Leif Garrett. Wasn't he a teen star?

Anonymous said...

new rule: if you can't spell faggot, you can't call anyone a faggot.

asshole.

Sheree R. Curry said...

The real estate agents are denying that Bieber is considering this home. (See the AOL Real Estate article here: http://realestate.aol.com/blog/2011/02/10/justin-bieber-headed-for-hollywood/

Thing is, are they just denying to protect their clients, or is writing an article about Bieber on the eve of his movie debut a good SEO movie? Of course, it could be both of the above. (-:

Debbie said...

I can't wait to see the Bieb's new movie tomorrow with my 8 year old daughter & 10 year old niece. I hope he stays out of trouble. I was one of those who *LoVeD* Leif Garret in the 70's. Such a tragedy. Justin isn't a fagot [sic] or a poser; just a really talented kid. I wish him luck.

Ninz said...

Hmm...spoiled much?

Anonymous said...

To the "anonymous" fellow - you're a pathetic idiot and are likely below the poverty line - and will likely be sucking dick to get your food stamps in no time!

Anonymous said...

stop hating on a 16 year old! people should just leave him alone. you haters are all probably 40 years old and still living in your mother's basement making 0.000001% of what he makes in a year. & he's a teen pop sensation that made 100,000,000 dollars last year alone and has probably kiss more girls that you will ever will. so suck on that "anonymous" haters.

Anonymous said...

Bobby Sherman, we loved you so
David Cassidy, set hearts aglow
Leif and Shaun and Micheal, you bet
whoever thought the sun would set?
with shiny eyes and teeth a-gleam
smilng from the pages of 16 Magazine
time's cruel tricks would set it's fate
when youthful loves turn quick to hate
cash in their chips for some souvenirs
DUIs and a young girl's tears

Anonymous said...

Bobby Sherman, we loved you so
David Cassidy set our hearts a-glow
Lief and Shaun and Micheal, you bet
but who would of thought the sun would set?
With shiny skin and teeth a-gleam
smiling from the pages of 16 Magazine
yet time's cruel tricks would set their fate
when sweet devotion turned quick to hate
so cash in your chips for some souvenirs
DUI's and a young girl's tears