Thursday, April 29, 2010

Oh No She Diuhnt! And Oh No He Diuhnt!

We should prolly just keep our fat trap shut about this because it's barely about real estate but we can't help it...

Your Mama was perusing Curbed LA yesterday afternoon awaiting inspiration and lightening to strike when we read with a grisly combination of righteous indignation and breathless flabbergast their rehash of the utterly absurd US Magazine report about how Brad freaking Pitt–allegedly–has his panties in a twist about his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston's new found affection for all things architecture.

See puppies, architecture is kinda Brad's thing, you know? Apparently–and allegedly–back when the Pittster and Missy Hoo Hoo were still married and re-working Wallis Annengberg's big ol' house in Beverly Hills she would mock poor Brad for his thing, you know? So he's little sensitive and possessive about his thing, you know?

Then along comes the big, ugly dee-vorce–that was, mind y'all, finalized 5 damn years ago–and Mister Pitt's seemingly endless adoptions and breeding events with Angelina Jolie, all of which–according to previous tabloid reports–left ex-Missus Pitt bereft and tumbling into the arms of bad boys like Vince Vaughan and diarrhea mouthed musician Jon Mayer.

If Us Magazine's unidentified source is to be believed–and we paraphrase liberally here–when jealously didn't work it's bitter magic on the Pittster ex-Missus Pitt moved on to Plan B: She went and bought herself a humongous Hal Leavitt designed house in Beverly Hills and then proceeded to pay nice, gay decorator Stephen Shandley a pretty penny or three to do up the place in a kind of high style, an time consuming and exceedingly exercise that was all, according to Us Magazine's source, just a pathetic "ploy" to get the Pittster's attention.

Bitch, pleeze.

Are we, the tabloid reading public, really supposed to believe that ex-Missus Pitt is so wrecked and desperate to restart her long dead romance with the Pittster and that rat's nest on his chin that she would spend a staggering $13,500,000 to buy an architecturally significant home and god only knows how many millions more on a re-do just so that she could get her pretty house on the cover of Architectural damn Digest and thus, finally and at long last, snatch the Pittster's attentions away from his global do-gooding baby momma Angelina Jolie and their 87 children? Really?

Listen celery sticks, Your Mama his hardly Miz Aniston's biggest fan but even our cynical pea-sized brain does not and can not allow us to believe that Miz Aniston is that many kinds of berserk. Like that Bravo tee-vee executive and budding talk show queen Andy Cohen says, "Here's what:" All these gossip glossies have just got to drop their incessant and stoopid bizness about ex-Missus Aniston still spending her nights lonely and locked up in her Hal Leavitt designed and Stephen Shandley re-worked mansion pining away for the Pittster and his architectural thing. It's tie-urd. A been there and done that so many times times we got a bladder infection kind of tie-urd.

Okay? Enough.

12 comments:

Footie said...

While this story is clearly ridiculous, I do recall Jen telling Ellen Degeneres (when she was still married to Brad) that her style and Brad's style were polar opposite, and then proceeded to mock his penchant for all things modern. So it was a surprise to see her new Hal Leavitt house unveiled in AD with such a clearly modern and masculine bent.

Anonymous said...

Movie stars with innumerable adopted children always make me think of the Queen (QEII) and her corgies. You wonder what will become of them? Will they all go to Princeton or Harvard? Or will they fade away into drugs and oblivion? At least you know the corgies will be taken care of and ultimately die a nice doggy death.

Richard said...

Totally agree. Aniston doesn't need, and hopefully doesn't want anything to do with those other two. Her house(s) are gorgeous, and so is she. It's been years since the divorce...yet it still sells magazines. Are people that dumb?

Caral Ridge said...

Almost as entertaining, after that post at Curbed, are the comments. More than one (I hope, LOL) anonymous greybox 'guest' purports to know exactly what's going on in the heads of both Brad and Jen, pro and con, in intimate detail. Of course anyone who's been 'in the bizness' for more than ten minutes knows these fangirls and their tactics; Tense, lonely, needy heifers, prone to idol-worship and stalking, seem to have this need to pretend they are close to someone they've never been within 5 zip codes of. If they put as much gusto into dropping a few and living life in the real world as they do into their flame wars, I think we'd all see a happier America.

Anonymous said...

9:33 AM

Her taste may have changed since then and modern has become much more popular. Maybe she bought and designed this house more with the thought of resale value rather than revenge in mind.

Xavier Cougar said...

Mama, you just get better every damn minute you're alive! You're fabulous when you get your panties in an uproar!

MaryBeth said...

Amen

Anonymous said...

Brad is supposed to be into architechture. As my Nanna would say, he has all the money in the world", but what type of house does he build? A craftsman style house. How original - NOT. Companies that build miles and miles of tract homes are into Craftsman style homes. If you are in the south, you to can buy a brand spanking new Craftsman style tract house for $200,000 or less.


I also find it weird that Jennifer built a modern style home.After her divorce I remember her mentioning, now that she was divorced she could finally buy a comfortable couch. They used to live in a Tudor style home and Brad furnished the entire house with uncomfortable mid-century, industrial,stainless steel, minimalist style furniture - which looked hideous in a Tudor home.No wonder they couldn't sell it. Evidently Ms A has had a change of heart

Jan said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAMen.....

Jersey Guy said...

Agree with all the points above... but I thought the Pitt-Aniston manse on Ridgedale Dr. was originally designed by Wallace Neff, the famed architect of California's Golden Age?

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mama!
The breadth and depth of all this new advertising is something else...
From the Principality of Monaco to Aston Martin to Flexjet to a chance to peak at Pamela Anderson's newest titties, it can certainly never be said that this blog is simply an elitist endeavor!
Laugh all the way to the bank, Mama-
Bravo!

pudenda shenanigans said...

I'm still laughing at "breeding events."

Oh, mama, you do cheer me so!