Monday, November 2, 2009

Lisa Marie Presley Lists Hidden Hills Hideaway

SELLER: Lisa Marie Presley
LOCATION: Long Valley Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $8,995,000
SIZE: 8,000 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Beautifully & extensively remodeled & expanded in the exclusive guard-gated community of Hidden Hills is this 8,000 SF sprawling ranch home on over 3 acres of lush rolling lawns w/ orchards. In addition to the main house, consisting of 5 bdrms. 5.5 baths, this private complex also features 3 separate guest quarters, pool/spa w/ waterfall, barns/tack rooms & extensive extra parking. The home backs up to the Santa Monica Conservancy/Ahmanson Ranch which ensures privacy.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen chickens, Your Mama and our boozy friend Fiona Trambeau been hunkered down the last few days at Chow and B.B. Lee's colorful house in pleasantly progressive Minneapolis, MN. We've walked along the shore of the mighty Mississippi, marveled at The Guthrie, ate too much meat at Brassa and handed out mountains of candy to children dressed like mermaids and Minnie Mouses. But it's time to wing our way back west to the Dr. Cooter, our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly, our mean ol' pussy Sugar, and our insolent house gurl Svetlana which means we're going to spend the better part of today sitting in airports and airplanes working the signs of the cross like nobody's bizness hoping we don't come down with the damn swine flu. And we're not even Catholic or religious but that swine crap has us all kinds of irrationally petrified. Anyhoo, given our circumstances, we need be brief which, as the children know, ain't easy for Your Mama who tend to prefer a more circuitous and long winded route.

Over the weekend, Your Mama received a covert communique from a gentleman we'll call Fernando San Fernando who kindly told Your Mama off that singer/songwriter Lisa Marie Presley, the only daughter of the King of Rock and Roll and the ex-wife of the King of Pop–not to mention the ex-wife of actor Nic Cage and two other men–has listed her house in horsey Hidden Hills, CA with an asking price of $8,995,000. Within minutes we were able to obtain a listing–two listings, actually–for the estate. However, since first discussing the property we were contacted by a
representative of Missus Presley Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood who tells us that the Princess of Rock and Roll "never authorized the images of her property to be posted on the MLS service or anywhere else. In fact, the piece of property is not currently for sale." We'll have to take him at his word on that and assume someone screwed up big time. None the less...

Property records show that the four-times married celebrity
Scientologist purchased her 3.14 acre, two-parcel compound located behind the gates of the star studded Hidden Hills community in December of 1993. The larger parcel with the main house was bought for $2,600,000 and the smaller one, according to property records, was scooped up for $625,000. This was shortly after her 25th birthday when she became the sole remaining heir to her late and great father's estate and an extraordinarily rich woman in control of an expanding empire that includes Graceland, her famous and wildly decorated childhood home in Memphis, TN. Missus Missus Presley Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood sold the Elvis Presley estate–minus Graceland and the surrounding property, her father's famous cars and other personal effects–to media mogul Robert F.X. Sillerman in 2004 for a reported "$53 million in cash, $22 million in stock in Sillerman's new company, and the assumption of $25 million in debt."

The unauthorized listing information, which is no longer available on the MLS, indicates that in addition to a main house that measures approximately 8,000 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 5.5 poopers, Missus Presley Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood's Long Valley Road compound also has 3 separate guest quarters, one of which is reportedly occupied by musician Danny Keough, her first huzband and the baby daddy of two of her four off-spring. Property records, on the other hand, show a main house that measures 7,077 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 5 poopers and a second residence–located on a separate but adjacent parcel–that measures 2,842 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 3 poopers. Your Mama does not know why these discrepancies exist and we're too tired and short of time to sort it all out. Suffice to say she's got a big ol' house with a good number of bedrooms and bathrooms and several guest houses with a good number more. Listing photos of the compound can still be be found here and here.

The main portion of the property includes a long, gated driveway, a parking lot sized motor court plus loads of additional parking, rolling lawns, a free form swimming pool and spa with a water fall and a water slide built in to a tumble of rocks (that Your Mama hopes are real rocks and not those horrid faux-stone things), numerous patios, terraces and covered porches and two of the three guest cottages, one on each end of the long house. The adjacent property, which has its own address, is accessed from Eldorado Meadow Road and includes a large guest house with its own swimming pool, a large deck and stables. As far as Your Mama can tell by our completely unscientific overhead surveillance, the two properties are only connected through a couple of gates in the long fence that separates the properties. According to a well connected source with intimate knowledge of all things Hidden Hills whom we'll call H.H. Tonguewagger, Missus
Presley Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood is the only resident granted permission for a private security fence around her property. Apparently, according to H.H. Tonguewagger, the Hidden Hills by-laws or Home Owners Association–or whatever they have there–do not allow driveway gates or privacy/security fences on individual properties.

No longer available listing photos show that Missus
Presley Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood does not share the same affection for carpeted kitchens, ceramic monkies, stained glass peacocks, and fur covered couches and in basement jungle rooms as her father did. Instead we find a dignified and expensive looking country style with antique rugs, a glossy grand piano and a car-sized crystal chandelier mixed with masculine leather sofas and chairs in the large wood beamed living room and a floral upholstered armchair and ottoman paired with a massive (mahogany?) bed, another car-sized crystal chandelier and dainty Louis the XV or XVI–or whatever–giltwood chairs and settees in the wood floored and vaulted beamed ceiling master bedroom. A long bridge-like hallway runs spine-like the length of the house on the second floor with clerestory window on two sides and a floral print runner on the wood floors.

The kitchen has multi-colored cabinetry with some sort of faux finish paint treatment with kooky boo-kays of flowers painted on to each of the upper cabinet doors as well as on the full sized fridge and freezers. This country style femininity in the cooker room isn't exactly what Your Mama would have expected from a woman who we think of as a little butch (in the best sense of the word), but there it is, in full color.

Your Mama assumes that
Missus Presley Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood has chosen to sell–or at least vacate–her long time California compound because she's decided, according to recent reports, to relocate to the U.K. with her fourth huzband Michael Lockwood and their newly hatched twins.

Other notable residents of the Hidden Hills community include but are not limited to Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Beverly Mitchell (she of 7th Heaven fame), and Melissa Etheridge and her ladee-mate Tammy Michaels.

It's not apparent to Your Mama if Missus
Presley Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood owns any other residences in the U-nited States besides her maybe for sale maybe not for sale Hidden Hills compound, but we do know that her mother, the formerly fabulous but unfortunately surgefied and illegally injected Priscilla Presley who was recently rumored to be "swapping spit" with toothy British tee-vee producer Nigel Lythgoe (So You Think You Can Dance), lives in a sprawling house on Summit Drive in Beverly Hills, CA.

Now then, it's time to squeeze Fiona into her spandex traveling suit and get her to the airport where her customary and embarrassing demand for a cavity search will likely hold us up in security for at least an hour.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are too funny Mama..always makes me smile

J Tackett said...

That's all right, Moma, but the Jungle Room at Graceland is on the main level, not in the basement. There are some subterranean rooms, however, a Billiard Room and a TV Room, both furnished by a decorator who prefers to remain nameless! Pilgrims can also board the "Lisa Marie" jet parked across the highway. I have only recently discovered your blog, but it's great!

Anonymous said...

Mama, I was traveling not even 2 weeks ago and I did everything to keep from getting sick. I got swine flu. Not I'm bed-ridden for the past 6 days and counting... Your website sustains me :)

The Preppy Pauper said...

Pretty house but is it just me, or do all those wood beams against the white ceiling make you nervous? And the 2nd floor hallway right up against the ceiling? A little vertigo inducing, especially if you've been slamming back the G & Ts.

Chris said...

What's with all the wood beams all over the place? They add nothing to, in fact detract from, the appearance of the place. Would it all fall down without them or something like that?

Guido Libido said...

Look forward to reading the post re Lisa Marie Presley Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood (LMAO!) purchases home in the UK!

She could maybes buy Robbie William's old place Compton Bassett...(www.telegraph.co.uk/news/6457915/Robbie-Williams-ready-to-sell-mansion-at-1-million-loss.html)

As a Brit, I look forward to welcoming her to our very chilly shores but the USA is welcome to keep Nasty Nigel. The very thought of him swapping spit with anything other than the dentist's sluice has me ready to weep. In a bad bad way.

Your friend sounds like a riot Mama. Hope she didn't cause one at the airport....Heathrow and Manchester International are worth a punt on the old search front. I speak from bitter experience.

Anonymous said...

The prices in HH are falling off a cliff, as are many high end properties, as financing is not avail., and stated income loans are tough to come by which means unless you have cash, you are screwed. Luckily for Lisa Marie she has plenty of dough and bought her house so long ago, she will still be in the money. It's a great compound, at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac, well gated and peaceful, yet still in the "Flats" without having to go up and down all those damn "hidden" hills to exercise.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mama - Wish you safe and healthy travels today. Lisa Marie also owns an oceanfront house in Clearwater, FL, unless she has unloaded it in the last couple of years. I believe she bought it off of Cher. Word is there is some sort of celebrity scientology camp very close by.

StPaulSnowman said...

...............with a capital U!................

WrteStufLA said...

Does Lisa Marie still have title to Graceland?... Or is Graceland part of Elvis Presley Enterprises, which she sold away a few years ago....?

Anonymous said...

Ms Presley gets her taste from her father.
Never mind, I'm sure she is a terrific lady.

Anonymous said...

As a Brit I can't believe anyone would choose to move to the UK from USA. UK is in such a state its not a nice place to be at the moment.

Anonymous said...

She's moving to London.

Anonymous said...

The Prices in HH aren't falling off a cliff, they were way over inflated when the bubble was at its height. They haven't retain their value compare to Beverly Hills, Bel Air and the Westside of Los Angeles.

The lure of Hidden Hills, is that most of the lots are around an acre or more. It was mainly a horse community and part of it still is, but what people have done is buy the lot, tear down the suburban ranch house, and put up a starter castle.

I grew up in Hidden Hills, the dynamic has changed considerably. There is much more wealth there. However, it is riskier to try to build a huge mansion, and try to flip it, than in other areas, where the weather is nicer, and it doesn't get so hot in the summer like the Westside and Malibu.

jerzeyguy said...

What is with those hideous kitchen cabinets?

Anonymous said...

Good question Jerzeyguy.

Anonymous said...

She has a home in Hawaii as well and I heard a home in Utah.
Either way, who cares, she doesn't like the U.S. by all means go where it makes you happy, however, don't bash the people that have lined your pockets and disparage your people. Oh and while at it, revoke your citizenship and leave your passport on your way out.

Anonymous said...

"Oh and while at it, revoke your citizenship and leave your passport on your way out."
Why should she, stupid ignorant comment, take a close look at the people who lead your country. They seem to like "another" country more than the Us too......

Anonymous said...

i am tasting vomit int he back of my throat after reading this shit; mama whoever the hell you are, wrote. maybe she left the us to get away from shit like you and all the bad mouthing she receives, while she remains a lady and doesn't comment on your dis tasteful,disgusting word vomit. jealousy is an unattractive trait and very un becoming. get some counseling. maybe then you can write something worth more than a fart in the wind. i will pray for you and i hope to god lisa never saw this, she has a beautiful life and it is shit like you that tries to take away from instead of give to. i wish you her happiness one day, in your present MISERABLE life

Anonymous said...

are you serious, get a fucking life and why are you so concerned about wtf she does anyway? moving away from shit comments and threats from asswipes as youself, maybe she doesn't want her babies to become part of your word vomit. did she bash on you? i doubt it,did you line her pocket book going to Graceland, buying an album, t-shirt? is so shame on you for donating your petty cash that probably went to taxes. her father wanted her to carry out his legacy, would you question him? get a life please