Friday, September 14, 2012

Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman Buy in Bel Air

BUYER: Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA (Bel Air)
PRICE: $4,150,000
SIZE: 5,168 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Earlier this week Your Mama and just about every other celebrity property gossip dissed and discussed the Los Angeles, CA residence comedic sitcom stars Megan Mullally (Will & Grace, Children's Hospital) and Nick Offerman (Parks and Recreation, Children's Hospital) recently pushed on the (open) market with a tumescent (and possibly sanguine) $12,650,000 price tag.

Naturally, being the nosy beotch we are, Your Mama wondered where the child-free couple planned to decamp. Well, dontcha know, before we could have a proper scour though the various property records databases we make us of to facilitate our—ahem—reportage, we heard from a beaver busy real estate lady we know, let's call her Della Catesen, who managed to balance a Brobdingnagian bowl of borscht and a petite Limoges platter stacked with deep fried cheese blintzes while she laboriously dialed her Old School Princess phone and conspiratorially snitched to Your Mama that Miz Mullally and Mister Offerman already purchased another, less expensive property in the Bel Air area.

Property records for the Bel Air residence in question are, we confess, a smidgen vague; Ownership of the new home is through an eccentrically-named trust managed, it's worth nothing, by the same fella whose name appears on the deeds and documents for the couple's up-for-sale nest in the celebrity-packed Bird Streets area high above L.A.'s world-famous Sunset Strip. Howevuh, butter beans, Missus Catesen swore to Your Mama on her ever-present Boar's Head ham chub that she has it on unimpeachable authority that the new owners of a very contemporary house tucked privately into the tail end of a quiet cul-de-sac above the Stone Canyon Reservoir and bought in late days of 2011 for $4,150,000 are none other than Miz Mullally and Mister Offerman.

Listing information easily teased up out of the murky depths of the interweb, shows the two story contemporary residence—a sort of post-modern meets minimalist sort of pastiche—was built in 1992 and has 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms in an undeniably spacious but hardly huge 5,168 square feet.

The boxy, mostly grey massing at the front of the house strikes hard with a formidable and—from some angles—unfriendly and even forbidding street presence. While some of the children will surely whine about how this house looks like a parking garage or an architect-designed prison facility—and it sort of does—Your Mama happens to be unapologetically fond of residential buildings that present a private and sometimes unfriendly face to the world.

The front doors give way to an unexpectedly long and voluminous foyer that cuts a wide, traffic-managing swath through the middle of the multi-winged mini-mansion. The open tread floating staircase that (melo)dramatically bisects the space and injects the room with a goose-pimply soupçon of possible peril, and the barely there frame-less glass wall that opens to the reflecting pool-sized swimming pool, are absolutely impressive architectural conceits but alas it also looks to Your Mama a tetch too much like the lobby of a self-important talent agency.

The elevated, mountain-side siting of the house reveals itself in the roomy, just-about-square living room where vast panels of glass that flank the monolithic concrete chimney breast serve up far-reaching views over the jagged, mansion-dotted canyons and sparkling reservoir to the (mostly) untamed mountain tops that stand between the blinged-out Platinum Triangle from her mousier—and some might say one-eyed—real estate cousin, the San Fernando Valley.

We can't confirm it but Della Catesen told us her people told her Miz Mullally and Mister Offerman have embarked on some renovations to their newly scooped residence in Bel Air. If true—and why wouldn't it be?—there's really no telling what the place looks like now, but at the time of their acquisition the eat-in kitchen orbited around a large, L-shaped center island and was outfitted with snow white, hardware-less cabinetry, high-gloss jet black counter tops and the expected collection of top-grade stainless steel appliances frequently found in multi-million dollar contemporary homes around the globe. A long wall of floor-to-ceiling glass connects to a dining and entertaining terrace with sweeping views over the surrounding roof tops to the the reservoir and mountains beyond.

A family room/den (with what appears to be polished concrete floors) has a towering wall of glass next to which curls a spiral staircase that leads up to a clerestory-windowed loft area with more long and spectacular views over the canyons, mountains and reservoir. The by-now-proverbial vistas get even more panoramic in the second floor master bedroom where two complete walls of glass provide the thrilling illusion that the room hovers recklessly over the tree tops towards the reservoir.

Some of the downstairs rooms have entire walls of glass that look into an interior courtyard planted with a small stand of bamboo and other rooms on the lower level have long expanses of floor-to-ceiling windows, some with glass doors that conveniently connect to the numerous patios and terraces that surround the house. The children may recall that the backyard swimming pool at Miz Mullally and Mister Offerman's home in The Birds is confoundedly puny even for Your Mama who can really get behind the notion of plunge pool. Maybe the Mullally-Offermans just don't like to swim much? As it turns out the swimming pool at their new house in Bel Air is also on the too-small side, a situation somewhat mitigated, maybe, by it's interesting if unnecessary and rather intimate co-mingling with the house.

Given that Miz Mullally and Mister Offerman paid just under four million bucks for their house in The Birds, should they get anywhere even in the ballpark of their $12,650,000 asking price they ought to have plenty of Benjamin Franklins left over to cover the entire purchase price of their new nest in Bel Air as well as any improvements or renovations they may choose to undertake.

listing photos: Sotheby's International Realty

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dreadful. Absolutely awful. There is nothing short of teardown to fix this.

Anonymous said...

Gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

It may be argued that having a home sited to provide the indulgence of viewing a large body of water from one's bedroom and still be in Los Angeles County elevates almost any dwelling way beyond dreadful. Absolutely awful? Really?

Anonymous said...

Don't know why, but I thought of snakes, raccoons and rats right away.

Too stark for me...but then I don't have to live there.

Private it is! No more stalkers!

Anonymous said...

The purchase price makes their Bird's property look even more rediculous. At least this one is in Bel Air. Its as if they just tripled the purchase price of this home, to price the home they are selling.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else remember seeing this house on "Selling LA?" The property showed very well on the program.

Anonymous said...

If you like modern, this is very nice indeed. At least from the pictures. Up close, I can't say.

Anonymous said...

Oh my....as a daily reader from St. Louis (and East Hampton/ Amagansett & "LA"), I know this house. A married couple from St. Louis grew a small bookstore into a powerhouse bookstore called Library Ltd back in the '80s/'90s that was the STL bookstore all authors and "authors" came to when on book tour (besides the beloved Left Bank Books which is still surviving thankfully). As Borders and Barnes & Noble swept the county in the '90s, the Mittlemans sold to Borders who flipped the store to a Borders, and in the spirit of the Beverly Hillbillies, they took their millions and very quickly departed for sunny Southern California and this was their home in the early 2000s. It's a great house. Although MM and NO live on a street that becomes a cul de sac in The Birds, this house fills with so much more sunshine and has bigger volumes. But the drive waaaaaaay back to the end of this street would be annoying for me daily. On many journeys on this road, half way back into the canyon and I'm ready to head back out to Sunset. The road seems to know no end, and this house is at THE END. But, more peaceful and remote than the current Birds MM/NO home that I have long liked.

P.S. late I am this week to sing the praises for Mama, but, I, too, appreciate and enjoy Mama more than she will ever know. And, although I miss updates for the chickens and butter beans periodically, I'm more glad than sad to see Mama rest herself at times. I think the volume of feedings is remarkable and the quality and wit superb. Hang in there...

MamasBoy said...

Love you Mama. Sincere thanks for your perseverance! Always out here in TX getting down for ya...

PURCHASE MY HOUSE said...

Humorous it is!! Goooood Effort!


You can sell your house quick at cashhomebuyers. Do visit it! :)

Rosco Mare said...

Eventhough this house is in the better of two great neighborhoods, I'd prefer their former house if I ever had such a choice.

Petra's said...

I agree with Rosco - Bel Air over Bird Streets any day, but this new house - no thank you.

And I sure hope their renovation list includes that mess of a pool area!

l'il gay boy said...

I can't quite put my finger on it, but for some reason this house puts me in mind of that ghastly "RockStar" monstrosity on Sunset Plaza -- if it hadn't gone quite so badly...

Anonymous said...

Speaking of the RockStar house, anyone know who owns it now? Prince Weiner sold it awhile back.

Anonymous said...

Downgrade. Her Bird Streets house is much more stylish and has a way better view.

Anonymous said...

Loving Reese Witherspoon's ranch on Agency's website on the open market #stunning

Anonymous said...

Is this new house at the end of Bel Air Road? Seems so familiar to me.

Yes, I'd keep the house on Tanager over this one any time.

Curious mind wants to know why the change? Any ideas out there?

Just curious.

Don Juan's Wreckless Daughter said...

@9:57 AM - some DJ/Producer named Val Kolton bought it on 12/31/08 for a cool 8mil. (gauche)

Anonymous said...

No, this house is not on Bel Air road. Remember this house has a view of Stone Canyon Reservoir. Let that be your clue...

Anonymous said...

It's no where near Bel-Air Road and Val Kolton never owned it. Where do you people get your information? Furthermore, Bel-Air is always hyphenated. Feel like being a school marm tonight with so many corrections necessary. The Bird streets are a completely different animal (no pun intended) than Bel-Air. Both neighborhoods are exceedingly desirable for different reasons. Currently, the Bird streets are a rat's nest with paparazzi and tour buses which is making it less and less appealing.

Petra's said...

No shit that Val Kolton never owned the Bel Air house. Nobody said he did. Learn to read before Mama whoops your bloated, crusty, stretch-mark-ridden ass into shape with the wooden spoon.

And hunny, ain't nobody care about your worthless hyphen. Kisses!

Anonymous said...

Really? Another day without a single entry? And this after your pitiful excuse about 3 days off in so many years? Which, by the way, is not true ... and you know we know it is not true. Sad. Sad.

Anonymous said...



Who gunna sweep up all dat broken window glass when da Big One hits?

Not da stupid rich white folk, dat's fo shur.

Anonymous said...

Pretty ugly house!

Reese Witherspoons ranch is up for sale! It's beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Come on now Mama, it's been 4 fucking days without a single entry.

Anonymous said...

Mamma may you be laid up sunning your pretty bottom and drinking some fabulous cocktails and enjoying some R & R!

Don Juan's Wreckless Daughter said...

spare the rod, spoil the child...

Mama is gonna make all y'all angry Anons' cut your own switches if you don't straighten up and fly right..

P.S. Thank you Petra.

Anonymous said...

Damn right - thanks Petra! Damn the chillren who are making these crass crude remarks. Iffin y'all don't leave Mama alone your gonna have some pissed off brethern who will kick your sorry butts. MUCH love Mama.

Shower Enclosures Brooklyn said...

What a stunning piece of architecture, how much do they want? What if I trade them? My entire family for the glass house? Hahaha

-Solomon Berkovitch