Or do you just live like one?Your Mama knows all you rich and famous people read this blog...how do we know? Because we've heard from many of you in the past and now we'd like to hear from you again.
If you're buying, selling, redecorating, think your house is the shit or just want a little extra publicity, give Your Mama a shout because we are lining up properties to feature on our upcoming television show.
Have no fear celebrity puppies, Your Mama and the children might dislike your choice of curtains or your questionable taste in chairs and tchotchke, but we promise to discuss it all in good humored fun.
Plus, we'll let you shamelessly plug your upcoming projects.
We're looking for celebrities, demi celebrities, and personalities all stripes and wattage, so even if you're d-lister on the a-list like the fab-u-lous Kathy Griffin, a reality show juggernaut like Chyna, a rising art star like Tara Donovan, or a media titan who just wants to be on T.V., email Your Mama at realestalker@yahoo.com so we can get our people in touch with your people.
Mama, what about us, your chil'run? Don't you want to see our trailers? Well, I guess we'll just have to be satisfied with a gay-la party to celebrate your first show. I'll invite Aunt Mary over to cook up something special, and I'll have Hesperia make some cocktails from that receipe I stole from the Cipriani last year. Don't fret none... we'll be as catty as ever as we watch you work your reel estate magic on 'em. Our best Hugs & Hisses to you.
ReplyDeleteWill there be free Champagne?
ReplyDeleteFree as a bird, as will be the "pool boy" passing out the COCKtails.
ReplyDeleteHear, hear!
ReplyDeleteAnd Miss Kathy too!
If I was Mama, I'd keep the chilrun crated and out of sight. Like she did when that show bidness man was courting her. She didn't want us scaring him off and she was right. My gawd, who'd want to drag this baggage around trying to put her best foot forward. However, I think a couple of the prettier and more well behaved chilrun looking sweet in the background whould be beguiling, and play well on camera. Beside myself, Mama has one or two others to choose from who would clean up nicely. No don't go and get all nasty and prove my point!
ReplyDeleteI hope one of those rich bee-atches in Beverly Park let you in to have a look around, they've done enough newspaper/magazine articles about the place
ReplyDeleteSorry wish I knew more then just the regular actors that appear in every movie but no body follows.
ReplyDeleteYou had better tell us where to find this show when it airs. I am to excited.
Ditto to that, my little heart would break if I missed out on your show Momma. I love your blog. don't get too carried away with fame, a swelled head and forget about the kids...
ReplyDeleteI know you're family Aunt Mary, but really! Am I that homely? "Prettier?" "More well behaved?" Hmphf! You know, maybe your right. I ought to take out a loan and do some personal "restoration" work. Get a new weave, re-laser the chops, oh - and maybe put together a new ensemble from True Love/False Idols and then pair that with something from Nice Collective, just to keep a running theme with the show and all. Plus I could stuff my jeans with one of my never-to-be-shot scripts, making an even bigger buldge for when they shoot me doing a walk-up to some celeb's digs, acting like I own the place (its a talent really).
ReplyDeleteHippie dear, you are one I was thinking of but didn't want to hurt any feelings by mentioning names. I'm not sure stuffing your jeans is the route you want to go. But I'm sure Mama will have a "green room" where you could artfully shop your scripts. I could assist you by keeping the door bolted on the outside until you struck a deal. We could get sandpiper and so-chic to keep the audience entertained with a little soft shoe or juggling in the interim. Yes, it might work. Don't tell Mama.
ReplyDeleteNow hippie, dear, you know you don't have to stuff your jeans for lil' ol' me . . . I like your bulge just the way it is!
ReplyDeleteHippie, I will loan you one of my prosthetics. I have two - a Rick Donavan and a Jeff Stryker. We'll flip for who wears which.
ReplyDeleteHippie, take the Jeff Stryker; trust me.
ReplyDeleteAunt Mary, what would you have Mama do, exactly? Dress us up in lederhosen like the damn Von Trapp family and line up behind her and sing? I can see it now:
"The hills are alive, with the sound of muuuusic . . . "
Mama, you won't forget us will you? Can't we come to the party you have for the show? We all promise to stand behind Aunt Mary with out shiny clean faces and lederhosen and be very good chilluns!
ReplyDeleteI'll bring my glue gun and lots and lots of fun stuff!
ReplyDeleteGirl please let Mama in,you know it would be so much fun!
ReplyDeleteIf you let Mama in all the children will faint simultaneously and the gasp will be heard from coast to coast.
ReplyDeleteJust hand Mama the keys and keep talking,please.
ReplyDeleteOh Staging Lady, I think we're gonna need an extension cord for that there glue gun . . .
ReplyDelete(gasping for breath and peeing my pants) The picture of Caveman in lederhosen and short pants!(choking on my Godiva and spewing sherry through my nose) Old hag in crinolines and black patent maryjanes!
ReplyDeleteAunt Mary, how I hate to see good sherry go to waste . . .
ReplyDeleteMaybe Old Hag will lend you some Depends.
;-)
Wait till you see me on TV.I have a legitimate case you know.Oh and Aunt Mary it's brown suede lace ups.oh and Lil friend of Dorothy they have pills that stop you peeing in your pants now.
ReplyDeleteOld Hag,I'll need a couple of those pills for my "staging demonstration" on Realestalker TV.,for extra drama I could burn my certificate of advanced staging live on camera!
ReplyDeleteWho are all you people?!?
ReplyDeleteGet out of my room - and put those lederhosen back - they're mine!
i got a place on the upper west side that doesn't normally make it to the trades - has a portable sander and is tastefully decorated with politically charged art and splashes of the seventies tchotchke - would love to be on your show....
ReplyDeletefaboo!
And how are those pills working, dear Old Hag? Can you spare a few for Aunt Mary?
ReplyDeleteI'd hate to see her ruin her Donna Karan . . .
As you well know, I AM ... CEO, Stagers to the Stars, LLC. BUT ... I have been wishin' and a hopin' for this very day so my girls could reap bygone glory lost (unruley masses of 1972, Midwest leg).
ReplyDeleteReunited in anticipation of a comeback tour (prompted by your TV Show annoucement), we reinvented our gig (thank you, Victoria's Secret's Emergency Squad). We proudly present the fabulous Real Estalker STAGETTES (never to be confused with another contracturally-obligated all-girl back-up, aka the Divine Ms. M's Harlettes).
MAMA, Can you believe the timing?
Our mentor and her dressed-in-white no-billing piano player moved on. We wished them well and hope they did okay.
But WE, the gravity-impeared has-been back-up-singers still moan to catch our shinig star.
So, Mama, if you can sell us and/or can stomach us, we are at your ready; botoxically able and heavily wardrobed. We are the ... REALEASALKER STAGETTES. Gauze the cameras, Doris Day style, please.
Aunt Mary and Sandpiper, lead by So_Chic, have been painfully rehearsing (literally, bless them}to kick off your B-I-G launch.
Victoria's Secret sells lederhosen?
ReplyDeletesome of us are overseas and won't be able to see the tv show :((
ReplyDeleteThey invented this thing called youtube for people in the overseas department,google it sweetie everything is on there.
ReplyDeleteI'm marching around in white patent square heel boots twirling my crystal encrusted baton for three hours a day ,I'm ready!
ReplyDeleteMy Winona Ryder handbook for 5-finger discounts that I had been using as a coaster on my desk was finally put to better use! Yes, I just got back from an early run through Saks for my premier outfit. A big shout out to Gracia something-er-other is definitely in order. In exchange for $200.00 he let me in through the service doors before the crack of Don showed up, and I now have several dozen fab pieces for us to wear. A big hug and kiss to you Aunt Mary, as well to LGB and others. I think the Green Room plan is perfect. (Very Eartha Kitt as Catwoman of you to think of such a plan to help moi). There's no business like show business!
ReplyDeleteI nearly fogot... yes Straps (as I call him) is right. I should wear the Jeff Stryker if only as a precaution against nasty comments from some of those who know me all too well. But to be fair, we will flip for it.
ReplyDeleteGood choice Hippie, although I'm sure you won't be needing it. I have a very special touch for the green room all laid out for you.
ReplyDelete;-)
What'd you find for me at Saks?
no snarky linda hoof not everything is on there, and there's certainly no guarantee of the tv show being on there
ReplyDeleteIf you had to put up with my boss you'd be snarky too,pass me a Dewars on the rocks,anyway Mama will be nice and make sure that it's on the youtube for everyone don't worry.
ReplyDeleteDewars! Good idea.
ReplyDeleteNow, chilruns, it's time to think of a theme song for Mama - any suggestions other than "Burnin' Down The House"?
ReplyDeleteI vote for "Our House" from Madness! How appropriate. Now, its off for happy hour. Don't worry, I'll be careful not to pull a Britney. XO
ReplyDeleteMama, if Hippie Canyongets to use his baton can I do cheers? Could we do a pyramid of the children? How about YMCA? I want to be the Lawyer!!
ReplyDeleteLisa, only if Hippie gets to be the Leatherman and I can be the Indian - Caveman can be the Cowboy and PCH can be the Cop!
ReplyDeleteMama!
ReplyDeleteYou are internationl! Woo Hoo!
Note to network marketing person assigned to this project (been there/done that)...
Please ramp up Our Mama's web-based exposure to include global programming access. (And, hush .. between us ... we both know what a good thing newly-captured advertising means at review time!)
My trailer still has the Christmas Tree Lights up, but you are more than welcome to shoot the inside. It is the shizzz, Mama. It has a Garden Tub that would fit me and two drunk Baldwin boys.
ReplyDeleteChickie, which two drunken Baldwin boys - can you narrow it down for us?
ReplyDeleteHEY! I'm already the cop! And wanting to know which two Balwins too.
ReplyDelete