Friday, January 4, 2013

UPDATE: Kim Zolciak

Before she had an on-camera hissy fit and unceremoniously up and quit The Real Housewives of Atlanta, then-preggers and forever be-wigged reality t.v. diva Kim (Zolciak) Biermann was shown all in a dither because she'd (allegedly) been evicted from the 17,000 square foot rental mansion in Roswell, GA that she had hoped to buy before the appraisal came in significantly lower than the sale price. Oxymoronically, Missus Biermann repeatedly said—on camera—that the much bigger house she and her mister were building wasn't ready for move in and, thus, she and her brood were being forced to move back to a 3,500 square foot condo in John's Creek (GA) that she owns and where she lived with her kids prior to marrying and making babies with beefy and big-assed gingy professional football player Kroy Biermann.

On camera, Miz Zolciak appeared none to pleased with the situation. She fretted, groused and otherwise brayed ceaselessly about how she was ever gonna fit her pampered family of six—plus a nanny (or two) and her torpid personal assistant Sweetie—into a condo after getting used to living up in a 17,000 square feet mac-mansion.*

While her displeasure about having to squeeze her family into the 3,500 square foot condo may have been authentic the obviously quite fertile Miz Zolciak-Biermann and her clearly very virile husband were not being entirely truthful about their home erecting situation.

Property records and recent reports actually reveal that it was only in mid-November 2012 that Mister and Missus Biermann coughed up $880,000 for a 1.78 acre foreclosure property that backs up to a pond-sized lake in the gated community that surrounds The Manor Golf and Country Club in Alpharetta. At the time of their purchase, the brown stone and brown brick residence of indeterminable architectural style was mostly unfinished but designed, according to listing information we dug up on the interweb, with six bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms in 6,907 square feet.

Several celebrity oriented tabs and blogs too Missus Z.-B. to task about the truthiness of her televised statements and eventually—if defensively—'fessed up to buying a unfinished house rather than building a house from the ground up as was the implication she gave both on camera and on the Twitter. Never-the-less, the house did indeed require finishing and its unfinished condition will certainly allow the Zolciak-Biermanns to (re)configure and customize the house to meet their own unique needs.**

Subsequent to all this details discrepancy coming to light in the tabloid media Your Mama received an inneresting covert communique Donnie Bravo, a real estate whippersnapper who has previously proven to Your Mama that he follows The Real Housewives of... series with rare and encyclopedic avidity.

We don't know how he knows this but Young Mister Bravo told us the luxe life pursuing Zolciak-Biermanns are currently in the process of snatching up the 1.41 acre vacant lot next door. Online documentation shows the thickly treed lake view lot was first and unsuccessfully listed in August 2009 for $489,000. In October 2012 the price was hacked down to $275,000 at which point it was immediately put under contract. As of today, there is not evidence in any of the property record data bases we consulted that show a transaction and online listings still show the sale as pending. If Mister and Missus Zoliak-Biermann are indeed the buyers of the vacant lot their new estate will encompass an impressive 3.19 (or so) acres.

This house thing may not have gone down exactly as she intimated on the t.v., and her new digs may be less than half the size of the rented Roswell mansion—and not twice the size like she bragged it was on the t.v.—but it's not like these folks are moving into a shoebox or a hovel. Your Mama has to wonder why Miz Zolciak-Biermann would even bother to stretch the truth about her family's living circumstances when, compared to most people, her actual circumstances are actually quite luxurious? Despite two solid minutes of deep thought on the matter, Your Mama can think of no other reason for Miz Z.-B. to embellish such a thing besides vanity and, well, we just think that's kinda sad.


*Note: Mister and Missus Biermann, their kids and household staff only occupied the six bedroom and ten terlit Roswell mansion for about a year, give or take a month or two.

**Would any of the children be the least bit surprised if Missus Z.-B. installed a temperature controlled wig storage facility with a state-of-the-art biometric security system?

exterior photo: All About The Real Housewives

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Close ya legs to married men!!!!

Areeba Khan said...
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l'il gay boy said...

Obviously not too vain with those carnival wigs of hers . . . the "big reveal" of her own hair showed she looks younger & thinner than with one of those mops on her head.

Aerials of the house on Manor Bridge Drive show a rather grim McMansion with a couple of ersatz turrets, an oddly shaped pool & spa hovering over some ugly retaining walls, and a weird garage setup that requires you to pass under a sort of faux portcullis into a cramped motor court with what appears to be facing double garages.

Apparently she can stretch the truth until it snaps back and slaps her in her face as rumor has it she has her own TV series on Bravo coming up, post-RHOA.

Can't say I'm actually sitting on go for that . . .

Anonymous said...

Who cares about Kim Z - Gone wit da wind fabulous!



Anonymous said...

dayum just looked on satellite shot and she is walking distance from the country club house... I bet they are just "thrilled" this ball of class has moved in to the fortress de turrett de messy poo.

Anonymous said...

ewwwwww, this trashy fat pig is so appalling! can not stand her.

Anonymous said...

Not sure which are more voluptuous, those twin synthetic meat balloons strapped to Kim's chest or her not-too-bright husband's beautiful twin mounds.

Michael in WeHo

Anonymous said...

The place looks like Dracula's vacation cottage. And the garbage dumpster in front to dispose of blood drained bodies?

Vincente Minnelli said...

As tacky and faux as its she is. And close your eyes to married men.

Anonymous said...

Kroy is one dumb, motherfucker. Kim knows how to secure future child support payments that's for sure!

Anonymous said...
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Michael Huston said...
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dwarka real estate said...
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Rosco Mare said...

The dumpster is there for the anticipated day-core.

Anonymous said...

Kim is a trashy lying fake ass bitch and her husband is dumb as rocks. She shows she has no loyalty to friends or family only penises with money. She is disgusting.

keeping 100 said...

Haters, haters and more haters ...

Anonymous said...

What nasty haters get a life.Kim & Kroy have a beautiful family they are happy & a great couple people just can't stand the idea of others being happy just jealousy.The little baby is so adorable.All the best Kim & Kroy.

Anonymous said...

Kroy could do so much better, Isn't he from Montana were sheep are scared