Monday, February 14, 2011

Clay Aiken Is a Real Estate Size Queen

SELLER: Clay Aiken
PRICE: $2,700,000
SIZE: 9,392 square feet, 6 full and 3 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Before heading up to Big Daddy's ranch where there isn't interweb service for miles, we received a covert communique from a gabby gal we'll call Kerri from Cary who snitched to Your Mama that former American Idol phenom Clay Aiken recently put his big ol' mansion outside Raleigh, NC in the semi-rural community of Cary on the market with a $2,700,000 price tag.

Mister Aiken is, of course, the season two runner of of American Idol, a program that jumped the damn shark about four or five long seasons ago. He lost out to a rather rotund gentleman named Ruben Studdard. Remember him folks? We can't hardly either. Anyhoo, since his star-making turn on The Idol Mister Aiken has gone on to make five and sell millions of albums Iffin we're being honest, and we always are–and even though he's got a golden throat we'd rather light ourselves on fire than listen to any of those albums. The Bizzy Beaver has toured at least nine times and proudly claims legions of rabid fans who call themselves questionable things like Claymates, Claygays and Claysians. That latter group would be, natch, Asians who worship at the musical altar of Clay Aiken. Along the way Mister Aiken trod the Broadway boards in the Tony-winning Spamalot and–huzzah!–devoted a great deal of time to doing good work for the people of UNICEF.

Poor Mister Aiken was raked across the tabloid coals in 2007 after he (allegedly) posted photos of himself on the gay sex hook up site Manhunt. In August of 2008 Mister Aiken made a baby with ladee-pal and producer Jaymes Foster–a Claybaby, if you will–and a month later he publicly confirmed what anyone with eyes and ears already knew: he's a homo. No. Big. Deal. He (allegedly) hooked up with unusually limber Broadway back-up dancer Reed Kelly sometime in 2008 but has (allegedly) moved on to lean and lithe actor/underwear model Jeff Walters. A few lurid photos of the young and hairless Mister Walters that he'd previously posted on the gay mobile phone hook up app Grindr recently surfaced that reveal that he, uhm, let's just say that the photos make it quite clear Mister Walters doesn't require any padding to fill out the pouch when he's working. Iffin they want to take heed, there's a lesson in this here paragraph for horny gays combing the internets for a little slap and tickle.

As fassinatin' as Miss Aiken's professional and private lives may be, it's his escalating and unresolved real estate size queenery that we're here to discuss. In the pre-Idol year of 2000 Mister Aiken paid a picayune $67,500 for a 4 bedroom condo in Charlotte, NC where he was at the time going to college.

In September of 2003 he dumped a post-Idol celebrity-style $2,300,000 for a 1.3 acre estate in the decidedly unglam über-suburban Los Angeles, CA community of Chatsworth. It not that no celebs live or have ever lived in Chatsworth–Marilyn Manson actually lived there for quite some time–it's that Chatsworth is the epicenter of the porn industry in California which gives it a certain sort of lurid gloss that most famous folks besides Charlie Sheen don't care to (publicly) affiliate themselves with. The American Idol (runner-up) didn't care for California livin' so he quickly flipped his barely-used 7,786 square foot mock-Med mansion back on the market. Property records show the 6 bedroom and 7 pooper pad, which includes a long gated drive, swimming pool and tennis court, sold in September of 2005 for $2,375,000.

The following April Mister Aiken laid down $2,361,000 to acquire an even larger and newly constructed mansion on 6.98 acres inside a well-to-do gated community outside of Raleigh, NC in semi-rural Cary. At a sprawling 9,392 square feet Mister Aiken's new crib in Cary is quite a bit larger than his old one in Cali. Current listing information shows the stone and stucco "transitional" style mansion–whatever "transitional" is–has a total of 6 bedrooms and 6 full and 3 half bathrooms. That is a lot of damn terlits for one man and his toddler child. Shoot, that beehawtcha is too damn big even if Mister Aiken moved his new, largely equipped and alleged man-friend Jeff Walters into the manor.

A gated drive curves up to a circular motor court with a circular fountain in the center. Inside, off to the right of an impress-the-guests style marble foyer with a curved staircase, a study has built-in bookshelves that flank the first of home's four fireplaces. A grand double-height living room has more built in shelves and a towering wall of windows and French doors and the family room has hardwood floors laid on the diagonal, a sharply vaulted ceiling, built in cabinetry and a row of windows that look into a screen porch at the rear of the house.

Other interior amenities include a large and deluxe but sort of ordinary kitchen with professional-grade appliances, a home theater with tiered seating and a vaguely 1950s game room in the basement with black and white checkered floor and a wet bar/kitchen with cherry red cabinets, black granite counter tops and quilted stainless-steel back splash. This is probably a nice room to throw a birthday part for a 9 year old but it's just so decoratively cliché that it kind of makes Your Mama feel sad.

We're not even going to attempt to delve into the unspeakably vexatious curtains in the master bedroom or wonder why one of the other bedrooms was painted a particularly feminine shade of pale lavender.

On the exterior the driveway sweeps around the the side of the house where there's a parking pad and three-car attached garage. Around on the back side the main level opens up a deck and screen porch and the lower level to a large stone terrace that overlooks Mister Aiken's private pond with fountain. There is not, it should be noted, a tennis court or a swimming pool, deal breakers for many in this price range for sure, but not so uncommon as it turns out in this particular upscale enclave of multi-winged mansions on multi-acre parcels.

Of course, we haven't any idea where Mister Aiken is headed next but if his real estate history is any indication the just may be considering trading up to something even bigger, sort of like he's done with his (alleged) underwear model friend.

listing photos: LaChapelle Properties


Madam Pince said...

I don't like his singing, but I do like Miss Aiken's penchant for charity. Also glad he threw open that closet door and pranced right out. Now, on to the real estate: the cabinets and countertops are a bit dark for my taste, but it's not the worst house in the world. It's about what I'd expect for high-priced real estate in Cary, North Carolina. (Full disclosure: I live one state over and once lived another state over, so I can back up my opinion with facts.)

Anonymous said...

The lavendar room is for the mother of his child who is raising the child with Clay on a bi-coastal basis. Clay also has a room in her home in California.

Countervail said...

You know, I like your blog and think you're very funny, but the size queen headline really isn't appropriate, is it? Do straight guys automatically get headlines referring to boobies? Black people automatically get headlines about bros and hos?

And the comments - "Miss" Aiken? "pranced right out?"


Chris said...

" we'd rather light ourselves on fire than listen to any of those albums. "

Reeelly ? Would ya ?
If'n I am bein' honest I would gladly stalk ya and find out where ya live . Then I can blast a Clay Aiken album right outside your door . I would love to be entertained watchin' you light yourself on fire . Bless yore cowardly little black heart .

commentator8 said...

Countervail - if you read this blog on a regular basis you'll note that Mama uses "size queen" for everyone who has a penchant for outsized homes, even straight men, so get over it.

It's not an "automatic" headline - it's a nearly 10,000 SF house for a man and a baby.

Anonymous said...

Clay Aiken House Tour Part 1

lil' gay boy said...

Now, now, Countervail, no need to get your panties (or is it Y-fronts?) in a twist; we've already beaten that horse to death a few posts back...

I love it when Miss Kathy refers to him as Clay Gayken; too, too funny –––not to mention all the other residents of "Claynation" as they call themselves.

But this shiteous house in the middle of no-fucking-where? No thank you.

Nice acreage but no pool or tennis court, just a mud puddle full of mosquitoes? You could put the Trevi Fountain back there and it would still be nothing but bug heaven. The entire development seems like a page out of Land of the Lost with no appreciable amenities.

As for the latest Grindr hookup, um, I mean, tentative first step toward a long-term, meaningful rela... aw shit, who are we kidding? No one with that body bills themselves as a "part-time" underwear model unless they maxxed out the memory on their iPhone with "contacts". Not exactly one from the potential daddy column unless we're talking role playing here...these are the pictures that never go away ––– just think, eighteen years from now when Clay sits his son down for that talk.

"Jeez, Dad; what were you thinking? Uh, nevermind..."

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you called him Miss Aiken and didn't let the prudes intimidate you. As for the house, I suspect it is about as empty as his brain.

Chesty Morgan said...

i keep clicking on the pics to make them bigger but can't....and the ones for the house don't seem to work either!

Anonymous said...

Countervail - Thanks for showing your true colors in your post. Oh, I should add something about my bros and hos right about now...
Any hoo, as always Mama, a very entertaining read. The line about the decorative cliche making you sad had me laughing out loud.

Lady J

Anonymous said...

Just FYI, Cary is not semi-Rural at all. It is suburban paradise with huge shopping centers/mall and preplanned communities.

StPaulSnowman said...

It is always sadly interesting when occasional visitors here leave a dropping critical of Mama's wordsmithery. "Miss", "Size-queen".......whatever. The comments thread is not a behavior modification tool for visitors. I don't particularly like the way Mama , when hard at work for our benefit, wipes the occasional booger on her mouse pad rather than seeking out a tissue. Would I harp on

Anonymous said...

Nice house....i love the red felt on the pool table...and all those bathrooms....a dream for someone like me who has a hard time getting around.
Wow....making fun of Clay ORIGINAL....really....going out on a limb there! Gosh No One has ever done that before! I have never seen this site before....maybe being original isn't what you do. You just make fun of people that others already have....for years! Let me guess....Sarah Palin is next right....or did you already do that....Bristol Palin? Karl Rove...although a lot of people don't know who he is....Oh I have got it...George W. Have you made fun of him.....yet....if you haven't, you are wayyyyyy behind! He has a house or two...Bill O'Reilly.... Glenn Beck.....Jessica Simpson....or is that mostly a Dave Letterman thing...not an original thinker either....used too be though in his funny days... I know...I know...The Donald. How many places does he have now? 13, 14?

Never fear...thinking on your own does take work and the ability to use more than google.
Someone said Cary is in the middle of nowhere... Do you know where nowhere is? Cary is by Raleigh which has about a half million people now....I think saw a sign once for a town that had 79 THAT is the middle of nowhere.

Anonymous said...

9:55 making fun of people is well...lots of fun most of the time. Especially when they deserve it as those you mention obviously do. PS Making fun of them may prevent your having to weep for them which is another possibility.

CornOnTheCob said...

oh my - i'm with the snowman above! our mamma works tirelessly to keep us amused and entertained - if we don't like it .... then 'we' can go elsewhere and read about pussycats, butterflies and pretty things instead
besides i enjoyed immersing myself in the champagne fountain that is claypipes suburban paradise in nowheresville

Annie said...

Why is it that "fans" sometimes don't get the difference between "making fun" and poking fun which is what Mama actually does?

And P.S. 9:55 if you actually read the post you'll see that Mama mentions that your beloved Miss Aiken does lots of charity work work for UNICEF. It's not all "making fun" some of it is actually praise.

And besides, have you seen Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin? They ACHE to be jabbed at which is probably why every satirist and sketch comedy program in America takes aim at their self-righteousness.

You might not think it's "original" to do that but then perhaps you should create your own blog/website/tv show that's more "original."

P.S. Before you get all indignant all over again there are plenty of lefties and liberals that get made fun of HERE and elsewhere (Mama called Jon Stewart a blowhard)...I just used Palin and Beck because you did, not because I'm bashing the politically conservative. Got it?

molly said...

I live in neighboring Chapel Hill. Cary, in general, is very suburban. But this house really is in the middle of nowhere. If Clay was commuting to a nice job in Research Triangle Park, it would be a great location. But for anything else? Meh.

commentator8 said...

PS If you've seen the naked photos of Clay Aiken's current BF, you'll note in addition to being a real estate size queen, he's a regular size queen as well - in the classical sense, of course.

Anonymous said...

yo mama,

I'm so sorry for all the idiots commenting on your blog today. Total out-of-towners, please. You always bring great information combined with humor applied to everyone.

Now if they criticized your bullshit advertising slide -ups, it's well deserved.

Keep up the good work.

Amanda B. Rekendwith said...

To the Debbie Downers and Firsttime Sallys, sometimes it's better to be silent and thought a fool, than to open your pie hole and be thought a mouthy fuck.

Mama is one unique character who works her charms on all sides of the fence. She is a rare LADY among far-too-many chattering, vacant illusions.
Her way with words borders on genius. If that's not your thang, then please don't spoil it for the rest of us.
And for the record....for many of us in the major urban centres of the country and world, your comment that "Cary is by Raleigh which has about a half million people now" further illustrates Mama's astuteness.

Luvs ya, Mama.
Keep up the great work.

Anonymous said...

Was this cutesy article supposed to be funny? I didn't think it was amusing at all.

It is quite obvious that you know nearly nothing about Clay Aiken other than what you read in trashy tabloids.

Maybe you'd better just stick to describing real estate!

Anonymous said...

this house is in DURHAM, not CARY

Anonymous said...

Aiken is a homely young man with the body of the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and wearing your grandpa's old clothes. I'm sure the, um, underwear model, would still want to be with Clay if he was a shoe salesman.

Anonymous said...

Well, hopefully Clay can make enough money from this house to buy Parker some shoes. Maybe his underwear boyfriend has a connection in the shoe modeling world who can hook him up with a discount.

james g. said...

All of this is "so yesterday" Making fun of Mr Aiken? Time to move on to something new

Anonymous said...

What pisses me off the most is when people feel so brave and cool when saying shit behind somebody's back.
WTF!!! How old are you?? Grow up already! You don't even know him!!!
I'm so sick of all those cheap articles (the word article is too much for this little piece of crap) like this one!Who gave you the right to offend people!
Anyway enjoy your blog (I'm sure that's the only thing your life consist of)
I feel sorry for you...I really do..

Anonymous said...

This house is not in Cary, NC. It is located in Durham in Chatham County. It is 1 mile outside of Cary, but this is not Cary. More info; sq footage on the tax information does not reflect the basement most likely.

Sema - Naughty Astronaut said...

I've met Clay for the first time recently at a political function. I had no expectations, and just curious to hear his platform. I was pleasantly surprised that he is tall, handsome, and fit. And although conservative in style, he worked the modern fine southern gentleman angle to the T. It was a small turn out for the size of my community in Southern Pines area. But he talked with every individual in the room as time would allow. He is quite in earnest to help children with issues and charity. He spoke to our hearts - without singing one of his trademark notes - and we heard him. He inspired me to do more than repost memes and propaganda, but set a real date to volunteer in my community. I like Mamma's article. It makes me want to go back and give Clay's music a listen and judge for myself. Although a tad mean spirited, Momma obviously is honestly appreciative of his obvious atributes. She is an enterprising comedian in her own right. Im a fan of Mamma. Keep 'em coming wit ya crazy ass self.

Anonymous said...

I used to live in Raleigh, and Clay was seen going in and out of the motel across from the Waffle House with a guy. He frequented that motel quite often I hear. Anyway, it made the local papers as well at that time. I happen to have seen him drive through the Burger King and we noticed who it was. He sank down in his seat, so we decided not to make him feel more uncomfortable in his skin than he already is. What a terrible faelift. I think his career is on the downswing, and perhaps that is why he may have to sell Chatham - which is near Durham and not Cary.