Thursday, January 13, 2011

Derek Hough Goes Condo

BUYER: Derek Hough
LOCATION: West Hollywood, CA
PRICE: $650,000
SIZE: 1,683 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Based on a recent report in the U.K.'s naughty naughty naughty tabloid the Mirror, those bizzy boys at Celebrity Address Aerial tracked down a newly completed condo in West Hollywood, CA they felt deep in their celebrity real estate seeking souls had been purchased by Dancing With The Stars dancer Derek Hough. Within minutes Your Mama had rooted out the property records that confirm the ballroom booty shaker did indeed shell out $650,000 for a townhouse-style condo smack on the border of West Hollywood and it's nittier-grittier sister-city Hollywood.

Just a baby-faced boy of 25 Mister Hough has achieved more than most ever will in a lifetime, partick iffin one's heart desire to be a professional toe twinkler. He's a world champion in Latin American Dance–that's the samba and the cha-cha and what have you–he's starred in a production of Footloose: The Musical on London's West End (Oh, gawd!), and in November of 2010 he and celebrity-partner Jennifer Grey won the 10th season of Dancing With The Stars. Hoo-ray for Mister Hough.

Since bursting onto the ugly stage of stardom with his toothy smile and baby blond hair poor Mister Hough has combated rumors in regards the gender of his romantic partners. This confusion about his alleged bedroom activities–which aren't the bizness of Your Mama or anybody else to be sure–might be because he swivels his hips suggestively on national tee-vee in a manner few heterosexual men can or would dare. It also may or may not have something to do with the fact that Mister Hough bears the classic face and hairless body of a not particularly articulate but well-endowed twinkie gay porn star. Whatever the rumors–and whatever the truth–he's widely reported to have had relationships with a number of hot-bodied babes including British actress India de Beaufort, Polish dancer Aneta Piotrowska and American d-list actress Shannon Elizabeth. Currently he mixes it up with British pop star/X Factor judge Cheryl Cole who, reportedly, will be shacking up in unmarried sin with Mister Hough the Mormon.

As fascinating as his proclivities may be to speculators, it's his recent real estate doings that concern Your Mama most. Property records show that in mid-November 2010 Mister Hough acquired townhouse-style condo in a stylish and architecturally forward thinking complex in West Hollywood. The unit was once listed at $799,000 according to marketing materials and records reveal the lithe hoofer spent $650,000 on 1,683 square foot residence spread out over three full floors. Listing information indicates the monthly fees come to $310.63.

Listing information shows the unit purchased by Mister Hough has 2 bedrooms, 2.5 poopers, a voluminous and sky-lit ceiling above the clean-lined kitchen, open tread staircases, hickory wood flooring in the living room, a lower level bonus room and two side-by-side private parking spaces in the secured garage.

The children need to keep in mind that listing and/or marketing photos may not depict the actual unit that Mister Hough purchased so before any of y'all who want to get smart and snappy and start dissin' on the dust ruffle around the bottom of the bed we suggest you follow Your Mama's sage advice: Wise up, bird brains. It ain't Hough's dust ruffle. It belongs to The Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota. Okaaaaay?

Your Mama has one more piece of unsolicited and free words of wisdom, this time for Miss-Missy Cole: We don't know you Miss Cole and to be honest we'd never even heard your name before this morning but we're gonna offer you a shining pearl of unsolicited and free advice anyway: Your better watch yourself, hunny, and not get all your crap cluttering up the counter top in the bathroom because young Mister Hough has a habit of trading in his ladee friends at a fairly rapid rate. Don't be done in because you was too damn lazy to put your Max Factor away.


Anonymous said...

Considering Miss Cole used to be marries to a multiple cheating footballer, I think she will cope.

Plus as a former Simon Cowell Alum she's had a very sucessful singing career.

Rumour has it, she is going to LA to be a Judge on Simon's new X Factor show. So this Pied a terre will suit, till she knows whether she is a sucess or has to slink back to the UK.

Anonymous said...

Another rumor has it that Mr. Hough is, in fact, the lover of one Ryan Seacrest, who is currently supposedly involved with Mr. Hough's sister, Julianne. To make matters worse, the Lovely Ms. Cole, supposed lover of Mr. Hough, is in fact having an affair with Simon Fuller, of American Idol (no, not Simon Cowell, who is himself gay)

But I don't know nothing about any of these scandelous rumors. Just rumors.

Anonymous said...


Mama, let's stick with real celebrities. Please?

Anonymous said...

Swiveling hips are a pretty good indicator if one uses Ricky Martin as a key.

Luciane at said...

I love your advice to this "whoever this person is".

Put your Max Factor away, girls! lol

To the guys: go google what max factor is. We are not here to give you lessons.


Luciane at

Unknown said...

is this CIM's hancock lofts? could be an appropriately named complex, hehehehe.

StPaulSnowman said...

It has been a long time since all the comments relate to the "celebrity" and nothing is actually discussed about the cracker box under consideration. I hope this is not the beginning of a dry spell. Mama's gifts, in my opinion, are wasted on this architectural drivel.

Hot Chocolate said...

Lawd have mercy, gurl! I got to get you some 411 on stuff here in New York quick! all this about folks I never even heard of and houses nobody wants to see and all this private life drama! You all are crazy out there in ga ga land!

Anonymous said...

I would not class this as drivel. It's pretty nice for a two bedroom/ two reception apartment.

While I don't know the area or how good the prices, it does not seem too bad, considering what I see on Curbed. From the pictures shown the standard of design and fitting seems good for an apartment building considering all the stucco messes with glued on windows which seems to qualify as new build in California.

lil' gay boy said...

Thanks, Snowman, for bringing us back to the table...

It is indeed a bland composition, but then I imagine the price point is not half bad for a wannabe. With those low monthly charges, I guess it allows a seasoned MAW (model/actor/whatever) to stay in Hollywood whilst allowing them to pick up some "lunch money" on the Strip during those financial dry spells.

However, I must say I would have enjoyed snarfing my Diet Coke on "...a not particularly articulate but well-endowed twinkie gay porn star. .." if it hadn't been so painful.


Never saw the appeal of DWTS; but we needn't go there here.

Anonymous said...

If I were Cheryl I'd rather remain in my $10M country house in the Surrey countryside.

luke220 said...

A nice little place to hang his dancing shoes, particularly if he spends most of his time at Ryan's up the hill. And he got a good price.

PS he is the cutest one on DWTS.

The Devoted Classicist said...

Am I the only one who thinks the two-story space is wasted on the kitchen?

Anonymous said...

I think it is hilarious that the obviously gay Derek is pretending to be in a straight relationship and his sister is in a relationship with the highly rumored to be gay Ryan Seacrest.

That can't be a coincidence.