Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Christian Audigier Heaves Hancock Park Pad on the Market

SELLER: Christian Audigier
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $8,299,000
SIZE: 8,276 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen Bunnies, even though we have a tendency to go on and on and on, we are going to try and keep this one on the short and sassy side because we're about to jump on an airplane for an emergency trip to San Francisco where our b.f.f. Fiona Trambeau has fallen and can't get up.

Yesterday afternoon, not two minutes after we espied the listing for an exuberantly glam mansion in Los Angeles' Hancock Park (adjacent) neighborhood we received a covert communique from our informant The Rolling Stone who snitched that the property, just listed with an asking price of $8,299,000, belongs to publicity seeking "fashion designer" Christian Audigier.

The French born Monsieur Audigier is, of course, the man responsible for foisting too many completely questionable sartorial trends on the world such as the Von Dutch trucker's cap that became so boringly ubiquitous and those brazen, bedazzled and bizarre Ed Hardy t-shirts that famous people used to wear with pride but not allow their maids to use to wipe up the doggy doo on the back patio. Say what you will about Monsieur Audigier, his flamboyant brands, and his shameless courting of the press, but the man has managed to tap into (and/or create) more than one flash in the pan "fashion" zeitgeist with his Von Dutch and Ed Hardy brands. As a result, he made gazillions of clams that he spends living a large life.

In addition to the Kapital "K" Klassy act of putting his name on a line of condoms and flavored sex lube, Monsieur Audigier also put his special brand of tacky on a line of custom Cadillac Escalades–natch–fitted with stoopid-ass luxuries such as 24-carat gold exhaust pipes, a cigar humidor, two flat screen tee-vees, and reclining bucket back seats that look like the sorts of things some rich ladee in Moscow might sit in when getting a mani-pedi from an illegal Korean ladee.

Most recently Monsieur Audigier made the headlines of all the west coast real estate gossip columns when, just weeks after Michael Jackson's death in June of 2009, he so tactfully announced that he planned to lease the very same overly opulent (and oddly squat looking) Richard Landry designed Holmby Hills mansion where The King of Pop died from an overdose of Propofol. The massive manse, the children may recall, is owned by Roxanne and Herbert Guez who happens to be the current CEO of Ed Hardy. Your Mama is pretty damn sure that Monsieur Audigier never actually moved into the the 13 pooper pile where The White Lady met his maker–it was, after all, recently heaved back on the market with an asking price of $28,995,000–but we do know that he has decided to sell his Hancock Park (adjacent house) that property records show he picked up in January of 2007 for $4,780,000.

Listing information shows Monsieur Audiger's 1920 Mediterranean mansion measures 8,276 square feet and includes 7 bedrooms and 7 poopers. A double gated circular drive snakes across the palm tree dotted front yard to the entry and 4-car garage. One need only open the front door to know that this isn't your typical Mercedes driving doyenne's Mediterranean mansion in Hancock Park: It's kooky, campy, whimsical, eclectic, exaggerated, glitzy, glam, heavily textured, super stylized, a little predictable, a lot self-indulgent and, unfortunately, oddly impersonal like a boo-teek hotel in Miami or, well, Los Angeles.

Listen chickens, we're probably going to take a bullet for saying this, but when we set our decorative expectations for Monsieur Audiger's residence aside, we actually think the fanciful far from traditional day-core displayed in his mansion isn't without some redeeming decorative moments. These rooms are not, surprisingly, the equivalent of the disturbing blinged-out Ed Hardy wear slathered with tattoo imagery and glittering rhinestones that Your Mama expected to find. Let's just sum it up as, for better or worse, Philippe Starck without the haughty hammy surrealist streak.

Guests are greeted in the foyer with an irreverent gesture to artist Damien Hirst by a large table created from the mold of a hippopotamus that's been sawed in half horizontally leaving only four heavy feet, a portion of the neck and a shiny flat surface on top of which are a some knick-knacks, paper things are other gewgaws that Your Mama imagines have something to do with Monsieur Audigier and/or one of his several clothing labels.

The formal living room had glossy dark coffee colored hardwood floors, a fireplace,
and a pair of identical extra-long shocking pink tufted velvet sofas with brass rivet accents and dramatic rolled arms. Fuzzy fur pillows and blankets drape dramatically over the the pink sofas, which look like they might have been stolen from one of the kooky suites at the Madonna Inn, one of the better bordellos outside of Las Vegas, or maybe even from Miss Piggy's pad. The more sedate formal dining room has a crisp white dining table surrounded by eight bucket chairs upholstered with navy blue fabric with gold piping accents. Seven or eight lantern style pendant lights clustered over the table form a kind of chandelier. It's too too for our taste, but it's not tasteless by any means.

The kitchen, with it's classic white Shaker style cabinets and combination of marble and butcher block counter tops seems quite ordinary and out of place compared to the razzle dazzle of the rest of the house. In fact it looks it could be in the upscale McMansion of a custom built tract house in Calabasas or any other upscale suburb in the United States. Your Mama is more that a tad bit surprised to find a very middle-brow side by side refrigerator in the kitchen as opposed to a pair of side by side Sub-Zeros that cost as much as a damn submarine. This is, as far as Your Mama is concerned, a serious mistake in a house with an eight million dollar plus asking price.

Additional rooms in Monsieur Audigier's mansion, according to listing information, include a den with fireplace, library, family room, media/music room and and office. Lush tropical plantings cover the .8 acre oasis-like grounds that include number of al fresco dining areas, fountains, a vast swimming pool lined with deep blue tiles and, on opposite sides of the swimming pool, over-sized twin cabanas with eating and lounging areas, a "sleek blt-in 20-foot long hotel bar" (whatever that is), and a fully equipped outdoor grilling kitchen.

Listing information shows that Monsieur Audigier will toss in a Rolls Royce Phantom 5 with the purchase of his house. Since Your Mama thinks those chunky Rolls Royce's are kind of douchy, we'd rather take four hundred grand off the top of the asking price than get the car. We'd be embarrassed to have that thing parked in our driveway, even it it was the driveway of a six or eight million dollar mansion. But, hunnies, that's just us and our deep seated need not to make a display of ourselves every time we go to Ralphs for some terlit paper, a banana and some fat free half and half.

Where oh where will Monsieur Audigier go now. Some will surely speculate that the precipitous and quick decline in popularity of his brands will necessitate a real estate down sizing, but iffin Your Mama was makin' bets, we'd put our money on Monsieur Audigier moving to another mansion that's even bigger and more expensive that this one. We shall see puppies, we shall see.

Wherever he may land, property records reveal that Monsieur Audigier will be far from homeless when he manages to unload his house in Hancock Park. The lavish living Frenchman also owns a high-floor condos at Miami's sleek and slick Blue building, which he purchased in March of 2008 for $1,275,000 and records also indicate Monsieur Audigier also owns a few other Los Angeles properties including a modest hideaway in the Glenview area of Topanga Canyon that he bought in July of 2008 for $2,075,000, and a 3,300 square foot house in the Larchmont Village area picked up in September of 2007 for $2,695,000.


Lilithcat said...

I can't decide whether that giant pink and gold crown over the fireplace is incredibly tacky, or a highly amusing bit of whimsy.

angie said...

I just don't know what to say anymore about these outrageous listing prices. He'll be lucky to get what he paid for the place in 2007. Thanks Mama, and have a great trip!

lil' gay boy said...

"...we're probably going to take a bullet for saying this..."

I've got your back, Mama.


"Exuberant" is probably the mildest adjective one can use; which makes the glaringly sterile kitchen all the more disturbing ––– and quite a contrast to what I'll call the tackily whimsical crown.

From foundation to rafters, this "home of good bones" is nothing if not over-festooned. And yet, somehow, it seems to work ––– for its current owner, at least. But for SoCal, the house is nicely sited on its corner lot, with a decent setback, even though the wedge-shaped garage appears as an afterthought.

A quick glance does not result in permanent eye injury, and closer inspection reveals more than one intriguing treasure. There is even a corner or two that might be called restful.

But not for me darling; I'd have to spend all my time poolside (the listing photos of the poolhouse are stunning), with a big pitcher of G&Ts after having run the gauntlet of that extremely disturbing half-a-hippo & the egregious living room ceiling. And, from a closer look at the listing photos, I'm sure I don't want to know the purpose of that room that contains a row of three single beds with highly-tufted headboards, fronted by a leather tuxedo sofa, facing a desk.

The mind reels...

Anonymous said...

It's pretty understated, considering how hideous his clothing line is. Turns out, even HE doesn't like his own taste.

humanseed said...

I have to say, looking at the aerial view, I really appreciate the fact he had the good sense to remove the tennis court in favor of that long, beautiful pool.

@lil' gay boy: It looks like the garage was built after Mr. Audigier purchased the place, so the afterthought comment is most likely true.

Anonymous said...

The asking price is extreme for a non-Hancock Park (90020 or 90004) neighborhood. Just what is 90005 called anyway? $3.5 million more than he paid in 2007 is madness...unless, of course, someone pays that much.
Any hoo...I'm with LGB. I'll be at the pool.

Lady J

Carla Ridge said...

I guess I never noticed this house, as I'm always transfixed by the Griffith-Banderas across the way. It's one of HP's finest -- and largest -- haciendas, and impossible to see much of anymore from the street. Now that's REAL celebrity, and REAL estate quality.

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

agent who aint familiar with 6th street in windsor sqre/hancock park being a big nono. That's why this loser paid "only" 4.75 at the top.

This listing is so hilarious. Can't wait till mama writes about the 5 reductions

fairfield girl said...

So I love the dining room and,
I guess its time to go to the pool with the others.

Anonymous said...

Yes, that pink and gold crowny thingy got me to throw up in my mouth a little...

I noticed that all horizontal surfaces are choke full of some stuff/junk. That does not make me feel relaxed. It makes me feel like I am in Pottery Barn, and they just put stuff out to sell. And those orchids... can a few more fit onto the coffee table(s)?

Anonymous said...

Lots to dislike here. not much to like. Of course that obscenity over the mantel to begin with. Then who wants to sit in easy chairs when eating dinner. You have to sit UP to the table unless you want to dribble everything all over yourself. These chairs are fit only to sit BACK and digest, not eat. In fact they would indicate the dining room is not much used. Most everything else misfires too.

Anonymous said...

LGB -- link to ariel view??


Anonymous said...

The house is located at Muirfield Rd. and 6th Street. Right in the heart of Hancock Park...directly across the street from the Antonio Banderas-Melanie Griffith compound(if the still own it).

Homes have recently sold within the last 12 months for over 6 million. I think the Ahmanson Estate got $10 mil.

Anyway, this house is on a noisy corner lot, with 6th street running along the north border of the house. To me, that's like living on a freeway. Eventually it will sell. Guess the neighbors won't miss the big parties......

Anonymous said...

The house is right in Hancock Park.....corner of Muirfield Rd. at 6th St.

Too much traffic for me on 6th street...House looks like it has about 10,000 sq. feet.

Rusty L. said...

While I agree with everyone that the decor is dis-gust-ing overall, once the house is stripped of all his nonsense I rather like what will be left. The kitchen needs new sub-z's and a few other touches, to give it some character, true. I like the whole white & black feel of the exterior.

Granted, I'm not an expert on Hancock Park prices & I'm sure it's WAAAAY over the top, but give it a month, it'll be a half the price.

Is it just me or do those hanging scones in the living room like look weirdly saggy testicles?! Those would have to go asap.

Anonymous said...

The house paid for by ripping off everyone he ever did business with.

Anonymous said...

Nicer homes (in better locations) have sold for less than 4M in the last year in Hancock Park.

Anonymous said...

It is his daughters house. Not his

Anonymous said...

The asking price is DELUSIONAL.Douche factor aside...I like the pool / cabana area.

Jeannified said...

Daughters house? Ok, that explains the pink crown above the mantle. That monstrosity of a table in teh entry way though...hideous! (Hippo-half).

Yep...headin' to the pool!