Monday, September 13, 2010

A D.C. Housewive On the Move

SELLERS: Mary and Rich Amons
PRICE: $2,350,000
SIZE: 5,450 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen butter beans, we know we're a little late to the fiesta on this one so we don't want to hear it. None the less and whether y'all like it or not, we just can not seem to ever pass us up a real estate story on any of The Real Housewives of Wherever. This time we're turning our attentions to those name dropping and snipey gals in Washington, D.C. The property in question isn't, as it turns out, in Washington D.C. proper but rather in the upscale bedroom community of McLean, VA where philanthropic Housewife Mary Amons and her very metrosexual huzband Rich have recently listed their neo-Colonial crib with an asking price of $2,350,000.

For what it's worth and for any of the children who might care, Mister Amons makes his money in wireless communications and technologies, or something like that anyway. According to the opening credits of The Real Housewives of Washington D.C. Missus Amons says that she doesn't make any money, she only spends it, which is, let's be honest bunnies, such a gauche and stoopid thing to say. Miss Amons is, however, one of the few "housewives" who is actually a housewife. She married young and pushed out about five children ranging in age from teenager to mid-20s.

Missus Amons also happens to be the granddaughter of the late radio icon and alleged anti-Semite Arthur Godfrey. We suspect Missus Amons would not want the anti-Semite part mentioned and would likely take offense to that particular characterization of Grandpa Godfrey saying something about how her granddaddy had Jews on his enormously popular and successful radio programs all the time. Although probably not all that unusual at that time, he also, so the story goes, had a sign on the door of the Kenilworth Hotel in Miami, Fl–which he owned–that read, "no dogs, no Jews," or something asinine like that. However, Mister Godfrey's alleged feelings about canines and Jews can not and should not be mistaken for what Missus Amons does or does not think about such matters. After all, Your Mama has a few characters amongst our kinfolk who hold some pretty bee-zarre notions too.

Anyhoo, property records show that Mister and Missus Amons purchased their mini-mansion in the highly desirable and posh Langley Farms area of McLean, VA in May of 1994 for $810,000. Listing information shows the dignified but architecturally wonky and extensively remodeled residence was originally built in 1939, measures around 5,450 square feet, and includes a total of 6 bedrooms and 5.5 poopers.

The classic center hall layout puts the formal rooms up front and the less formal family areas towards the back of the residence. To the right of the marble floored entrance hall is the formal living room with its white white white walls, black hardwood floors, large windows, and wood burning fireplace with marble surround. Missus Amons sets the tone for the decorative style of the house here in the formal living room where she has paired and juxtaposed classic details such as chair rails and dentil moldings with more contemporary, casual and clean lined sofas and chairs including a Cappellini Rive Droite armchair covered in pink, black and gray Pucci fabric. Just as an f.y.i., puppies, should y'all want one of them gorgeous Pucci chairs, it'll set you back at least $4,200.

Opposite the living room is the formal dining room with more white white white walls, glossy black hardwood floors and a not entirely successful mish-mash of antique and modern furniture that includes a double pedestal dining room table, a glass fronted curio cabinet were Missus Amons displays her collection of antique tea cups, and an simple and over-sized drum shade chandelier. Your Mama will not even attempt to discuss or make sense of that female torso mannequin that's been painted red and stood up in the corner like some bloody spectator.

Between the formal dining room and the gore-may kitchen is another more casual eating area that has a fireplace and a small collection of really bad faux-pop art style paintings. The kitchen itself is quite large and includes cherry cabinets that have been painted white, marble counter tops, high grade stainless steel appliances, and a long center island with breakfast bar. A convenient back stair separates the kitchen from the adjacent family room that features a floor to ceiling stone faced fireplace, more glossy black hardwood floors, a coffered ceiling, and built-in cabinetry. The room is all did up and done over with a sisal rug, white upholstered sofas and chairs, and a myriad of black and white cow hide pillows and rugs. Although Your Mama could not bear to show it, listing photos reveal that the otherwise decoratively well conceived family room is punished by a dreaded and dreadful painting of a pair of pears.

There are 5 bedrooms on the second floor and a sixth loft bedroom and pooper located on the third floor in what we presume was once attic space. The Amons' master suite has dark brown hardwood floors on top of which is another animal skin rug, cathedral ceilings, a marble tiled pooper with sizable sky light, private deck, and a walk-in closet equipped with a biometric fingerprint operated security system installed so that Missus Amons' daughters don't sneak into her boo-dwar and borrow her designer duds.

The corner property has a stately if somewhat cramped circular drive out front and a second driveway at the rear of the property that leads to garaging for 4 cars. Located just off the kitchen, a window wrapped sun porch with terra cotta tile floors opens to a slim back yard, which actually runs up the long side of the house. Most of the yard is comprised of an expansive slate tile terrace surrounded by simple plantings.

Given that most of Mister and Missus Amons children are still living at home, it seems unlikely that they're downsizing. It seems more likely to Your Mama that they're up-sizing. But of course Your Mama does not know a pair of orange pants from a piece of fruit and nor have we heard a whisper about what their plans really are. Iffin anyone in McLean wants to enlighten Your Mama to the Amons' real estate plans, be sure and give us a holler.

In addition to the Amons, another of the Washington D.C. housewives, modeling and talent agency owner slash cougar Lynda Erkiletian, has long had real estate roots in the Langley Farms area of McLean. Miz Erkiletian, who is twice dee-vorced but now dates a much younger and hunky piece of dark chocolate named Ebong, lived a few blocks from the Amons until 2006 when property records show she sold her 7 bedroom and 6 full and 2 half pooper house on Kedleston Court for $2,662,500 and hightailed it for a swank condo in D.C.'s ritzy Georgetown neighborhood. In August of 2009, according to records, the successful biznesswoman sold her 4,638 square foot condo in the Ritz Carlton complex in Georgetown for $5,349,993 and just a few months later, in December of 2009, shelled out $2,075,000 for a 6,234 square foot house in in same area of McLean's Langley Farms where she previously lived and just a few blocks from the Amons.

In Washington D.C., one's social status is inextricably married to having access to or being adjacent to political power and the Amons family spread puts them in proximity to some pretty big Washington names. Just down the street is rejected Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork, and around the corner is Dick and Lynn Cheney's new house that sits directly across the street from the legendary Hickory Hill, the former estate of Ethel Kennedy that records show was sold in December of 2009 for $8,250,000. Also in the 'hood are former senator/lobbyist/actor Fred Thompson, retired 4-star general and statesman Colin Powell and, let's not forget, the CIA headquarters which are walking distance from the Amons family homestead.


Anonymous said...

Someone please tell me what exactly is the appeal of a Zebra rug???? I hate those things with a passion.

Aunt Gina said...

the dreaded pears unfortunately make an appearance in the eyes, my eyes!!!

lil' gay boy said...

The once stately architecture is now incoherent, thanks to the misguided modernization ––– inappropriate fenestration, improperly scaled porches, and too much white. It also appears that not enough of the bones remain to rescue this sad composition.

It's kinda a cramped lot, too, what with its larger neighbor to the east appearing to try & crowd it off its lot. I must admit, The Housewives of Wherever seems to be addictive, but my time is too valuable to even bother Tivo-ing it. But thanks to our Mama, I can always keep up.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the high-security bedroom closet is where the "adult party items" are stored...

Anonymous said...

Marky - I was thinking more along the lines of a valium supply

Anonymous said...

Yeah, you have to wonder why all these zebras have to die just to have dumb people scatter them about, littering the scene, as it were.

Anonymous said...

Mama has too much class to bring up the Housewives' ages. I suffer from no such constraints so here goes:

While Lynda Erkiletian's Bravo bio doesn't claim an age, I've seen 52 tossed around recently and I'm not buying.

I was repped by her agency several years ago so we met on numerous occasions. I would have put her at around 52 then. I've got no proof, and I'd hate to see a decade here or there come between her and the lovely Ebong, but jeez lady - wouldn't you rather be an exceptional 60-something than a rode-hard-and-put-away-wet 52?

Sugar-tits said...

Does anyone know what Lynda Erkiletian's first and second husbands did for a living? I can’t imagine her little modeling thing supporting her lifestyle.

Anonymous said...

Nothing awful here though - she's got better taste than the rest of the Housewives combined. Of course, that's like saying Sarah Palin is smarter than all of her followers combined...

Anonymous said...

Hi Sugar-tits (always wanted to say that!) -
The only one of Lynda E's husbands I know anything about is Myron/Mike Erkiletian. He's a very successful builder/contractor and probably financed her business.

Lynda has the primary photo/runway agency in town. When I worked for them they were organized, got me work, and paid their invoices sooner than the other agencies. In the US anywhere other than NY or LA is a small market for modeling. I once waited six (!) months to be paid for a job and no one at that agency (not Lynda's) thought it excessive. Really makes you appreciate performer unions like SAG & AFTRA. They insist you get paid fast.

Anonymous said...

That is a well decorated house, very tasteful, but seriously all that white? Way, no WAY too much WHITE. White walls, white furniture. It's blinding.

Anonymous said...

Well I'm sure your perfectly decorated space would look blanched too if it were lit with mega watt TV lighting. In natural light, I'm sure it's stunning. Remember DC has tropical hot summers and grimy gray winters. Seriously if you'd seen half the horrible “Traditional” Mclean decor I have, you'd see Mary's house as a breath of fresh air. Money and power don’t equal taste. I hope a kid painted the pears. I seriously covet the thrift shop Deco pony hide chair.