Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Your Mama Hears...

...from B.H. Hillsanddales that former singer/reality tee-vee star turned ack-turuss Ashlee Simpson and her Fall Out Boy rocker huzband Pete Wentz are fixin' to list their big Mediterranean manse in the Beverly Hills Post Office for sale with a price tag somewhere around $4,995,000.

The children who have not fried their minds on the dope may recall that Miss Simpson scooped up her one-time bachelorette pad in January of 2007 for $4,500,000. Listing information we have on file for the property (yes, chickens, we have files) shows the 5,896 square foot, four floor hillside house contains 4 bedrooms and 4 poopers including a master bedroom with his and her bathrooms and dressing closets. Other celebrity style amenities include a walled and Zen-ish courtyard, media room, gym, gourmet kitchen, several terraces for nekkid bun sunning and, sitting far, far, far below the main house, a swimming pool and fully detached two-story guest house overlooking a canyon.

After purchasing the property, according to B.H. Hillsanddales, Ash forked over a couple hundred grand for improvements including some designer done and award winning Asian themed landscaping by garden guru Jon Goldstein that features a stone Buddha or two, a fire pit, fountain and a few other things all too common to the gardens of famous folks.

B.H. Hillsanddales also whispered in Your Mama's ear that Mister and Missus Simpson-Wentz have been out house hunting for for something more family friendly and possibly even a little smaller in Encino, CA where Mrs. Wentz owned a huge home before she snatched up her current digs. Encino isn't Your Mama's cup of tea but Mrs. Wentz has owned a home in Encino before and it's where her parents Joe and Tina Simpson reside in the 5 bedroom and 7 terlit mansion on Hayvenhurst Drive at which Mister and Missus Wentz were united in marital bliss last year.

It's been widely rumored and reported that Mister and Missus Wentz's marriage is on unstable ground but Your Mama does not know nuthin' about that. What we do know is that the young, flame haired mother has lately been making the pages of all the tabs and gossip glossies for her drunken "misunderstandings" and (allegedly) picking public fights with Pete. Unfortunately, listing their dee-luxe digs in the Hills of Beverly isn't exactly going to squash those rumors of a messy marriage but keep in mind children that in the world of rich and famous people one plus one does not always equal two, so we'll just have to wait on pins and needles to see what transpires.

Prior to hooking up and making babies with Miss Simpson, boy kissing Mister Wentz owned a house on Palo Vista Drive in the Hollywood Hills which he sold in Sept. of 2008 for $1,600,000. (It had been listed at $1,799,000.)

As an aside having nothing to do with real estate, Your Mama would like to offer those poor Simpson sisters a little unsolicited career advice: Dump yer daddy as your manager. Yes, he did create both of your careers right out of thin air and kudos to him for that because it was truly a Herculean feat. But let's be honest ladees, what's he done for you lately? Not much, that's what. The ill-fated Melrose Place redux? Pleeze. Major Movie Star? Have mercy. Seriously, think about it. Sometimes shaking up the management team is a good way to breathe some fresh air into a stale and stagnant situation and, at the risk of sounding insensitively harsh, both of your current careers are nothing if not parched, threadbare and sitting right on the precarious precipice of oblivion. Sorry darlins, we just calls it like we sees it.

photo: Pacific Coast News


angie said...

Hmm, interesting Mama. I have to admit to liking Ashlee more than I do Jessica, and while not a fan of either, hope she at least continues choosing not to follow in her sister's footsteps wth regard to tossing her marriage aside in favor of, ahem, attaining her full career potential.

As for Papa Joe, there's something unsettling and suspicious about a minister-father who brags on his daughter's boobies publicly, and agree both women could only benefit from new managerial representation. Good advice, not that I think it'll come to pass.

NewYorkQueer said...

A house as bland as her voice, but a lovely and enlivening commentary Mama. As always.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting that photo, Mama. Now I can express my all-consuming hatred for terracotta-colored houses with bright white trim. hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate.


Ashlee Simpson is such a nonentity to me. Pete Wentz...well, at least I can identify a few of his band's songs. I agree about ditching Dad management, but then again, how long do we really want the Simpsons sisters' careers to be?

Anonymous said...

Both of the Simpson sisters are on the precipice of "What Ever Happened To..." post-fame. You know, at a certain point, the public demands something from celebrities beyond getting photographed and being famous...talent. Event the most adept Svengali dad will run out of ideas to cover up the lack of talent eventually.

Anonymous said...

That used to be Rita Rudner's House.

Anonymous said...

Considering that Mark Wahlberg was asking $15 Million for his nearby house - at under $5 Million, this house is a steal or Wahlberg's is
obscenely overpriced.

On another subject - anyone have
Angela Bassett's new address from where she moved from Freemont Place? garebla at yahoo dot com

Mugsy Fairweather said...

Ashlee Simpson's house is now for sale for $4 Million.

Check it out Mama!


Anonymous said...

I can't believe this dump is listed @ $4 million. She'll be lucky for $2 million. I'm sure she as good a home decorator as her lip syncing talents

Anonymous said...

The writer of these articles articulates information in a very drawn-out, naggy, poorly worded-way. How annoying. I wish he/she would get to the point sometimes.