Tuesday, January 13, 2009

David LaChapelle's Picture Perfect Pad

SELLER: David LaChapelle
LOCATION: Marmont Lane, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,550,000
SIZE: 1912 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...This 1924 Spanish is the epitome of the Hollywood Hills lifestyle. With original character intact, this 2-story bungalow features a first floor open floor plan w/ spectacular city vus, dark wd flrs & newly remodeled kit. open & airy liv & din rms open to covered terrace, pvt pool/spa surrounded by luch foliage. Spacious master w/ city light vus & terrace overlooking this private oasis.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday afternoon, as we were sipping our first gin and tonic through a curly straw and perusing the LaLa Land listings, we came across a purdy little Spanish style house in the Hollywood Hills that rang all the bells of our celebrity real estate radar.

A peep into the property records and a quick consult with our wonderfully well informed aide de camp Lucy Spillerguts proved Your Mama's intuition correct because, as it turns out, the house is owned by insanely successful and wildly famous photographer David LaChapelle. The property, located on Marmont Lane just short walk from the legendary Chateau Marmont Hotel and down the road a piece from Cameron Diaz's crib, carries a current asking price of $1,550,000.

Some of the children will know Mister LaChapelle for his digitally enhanced, button pushing and sensationally surreal celebrity portraits for glossy and glammy publications like Vanity Fair, Vogue, Rolling Stone and Interview, where he was given his first professional photo assignment by La Warhol hisself. Some of the children will also recognize Mister LaChapelle's name as the maker of fab-boo films Rize, Krumped and Clowns in the Hood, and still others will know Mister LaChapelle for his ongoing photographic relationships with his muses, the dee-lishusly campy Pamela Anderson and the leviathan lipped and mammoth mammaried tranny superstar Amanda Lepore.

Prop records reveal that taboo topic luvin' Mister LaChapelle picked up his 1,912 square foot Spanish style lovely in October of 1999 for an even $800,000. Listing information reveals the 2 story (plus a lower floor for the 2 car garage) was built in 1924 and includes three bedrooms and 2 vintage bathrooms with wonderfully restored tile work.

After heaving and hoisting our big ol' booty up the front steps and then catching our breath with the assistance of a paper sack, we find the front door opens di-rectly into in the living room. We really do prefer that a home have at least a small entrance hall so that the delivery drivers can not case the joint while dropping off pizza, Chinese food or the half case of gin we have delivered each Thursday at 4pm. None the less, we find ourselves swooning with dee-light over the living room with its barrel vaulted ceiling, wood burning fireplace with simple surround, beautifully stained wood floors (no stilettos tramping around in here pleeze) and a view towards the Chateau Marmont. Mister LaChapelle and his nice gay decorator have very practically utilized a small adjacent room as a den where a flat screen boob-toob has been mounted above a credenza for which we'd at least consider selling Sister Woman's loud children into indentured servitude.

Although Mister LaChapelle's taste in furniture and accessories is not that of Your Mama or the Dr. Cooter, we do love a crisp white wall and we find ourselves drawn to the relative sparsity and texture balance of the day-core. Plus, we know that our mean ol' pussycat Sugar would love nuthin' more than to spread her queen sized kitty body on that fuzzy fur thing flung over the wood bench in front of the fireplace. And, you know, it's really best to keep Sugar happy because iffin she gets in a mood she'll shred Your Mama's Florence Knoll designed two seater with the original fabric faster than it takes us to get to the post office and back.

Anyhoo, the square-ish shaped dining room is perfect for a large round table–and we love us a round dining room table–not to mention that second round pedestal table with the seriously sexy turned base on which Mister LaChapelle's over-sized picture book–which we think is a copy of the extremely expensive limited edition LaChapelle, Artists & Prostitutes–is on display.

According to listing information, the galley style kitchen was recently renovated. Although we covet the stacked stainless steel LG brand washer and dryer set and we love a ladee-Bosch washer of dishes and we adore the original wood-paned windows that swing open to let the breeze blow in and we totally get that the black and white color scheme is appropriate for the architectural era of the home, we are definitely not feeling the country-house cabinetry with raised panels that looks, well, all due respect Mister LaChapelle because we do think you are it, but that cabinetry looks cheap to Your Mama. We'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly it waddn't cheap, but, we'd prefer to see something a little more sleek and sexy, perhaps even something with a high-gloss finish like this. Just a thought.

The master bedroom appears to have been created by combining two smaller bedrooms and includes a large sitting area with French doors opening to a private terrace overlooking the back yard. The children will note the shiny and spectacular wood floors as well as another drool worthy credenza where we imagine Mister LaChapelle keeps his high priced underthings and porn. The adjacent bathroom is all done up in vintage mint colored subway tiles with black accents and we applaud the famous photog for retaining this bit of original charm because it looks magnificent.

Tucked into a corner created by the dining room and kitchen is a small covered brick terrace outfitted with wicker furniture (wicker!?) where we can picture Mister LaChapelle sipping sodas and nibbling peanuts with the magnificently over-worked Miss Lepore who looks to Your Mama like she hasn't eaten a damn thing since sometime before 1986. The petit back yard is wild with foliage that surrounds the small brick patio and plunge sized swimming pool over which Mister LaChapelle has whimsically strung lights giving the rear yard just a hint of a carnival vibe, which is, of course, perfectly apropo for Mister LaChapelle and his fantastic coterie of freaks and famous folks.

Listing information shows that the property is in escrow. We'd offer Mister LaChapelle our sincere congratulations for selling his gem of a residence in such a soft market, but a little bit of additional research reveals that Mister LaChapelle first listed this house back in the summer of 2008 with an asking price of $2,495,000. A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that Mister LaChapelle slashed a whopping $945,000 off the asking price before a warm buyer came along. Yikes.

We don't know what Mister LaChapelle's real estate future holds but we do know that back in January of 2007 Your Mama discussed his easy on the eyes East Village apartment which was listed for sale at $1,995,000 and records show he also owns the Los Angeles building where his photographic studio and office is located on N. Orange Drive.


Anonymous said...

what happened...
did the mothership come?
where is everyone?

Marmont Lane is a faboo street.
johnny galecki from big bang theory lives up there as well. (he bought his pad from patrick dempsey). and there's that giant estate on the corner that is gorgeous...it's a quick trot to the chateau...oooh
now i'm craving the kobe steak.

Anonymous said...

Mama this is not nice at all,
its good porn. Some of the best porn ever.

Madam Pince said...

I love that bathroom, but the kitchen is pure Home Depot thermofoil. Cheap cheap CHEEP!!!

Anonymous said...

Excellent post and thank you for all the links. Most interesting.

Anonymous said...

you ignoramus, didn't you read the post? the house is in escrow.

Anonymous said...

"the half case of gin we have delivered each Thursday at 4pm"

I love Mama.

I'm guessing 6:49 thought the post was about comedian Dave Chappelle?

Starck Mad said...

This is tasteful and cute. Not exactly what I would have thought this groovy, wacky photographer's place would be like, but it's a whale of a lot nicer than the typical crappy neo-Versailles type 'o place.

Anonymous said...

It's much more sedate than what I figured he'd live in...nice, simple, clean.

But that's about it. Reminds me of a house a character on 'Melrose Place' would have lived in (likely in seasons 6 or 7 when the show jumped the shark)...

Anonymous said...

So now the new trend is instead of asking for 4 or 5 times the price of the house you originally paid for, it is better to try and get at least double

Not in this market or in the next 10 years

sorry charlie

try and ask for 300k and hope you get at least that

just sayin


Anonymous said...

Nice house,and, imo, not over-priced.

StPaulSnowman said...

Please tell me what "jumping the shark" means. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Thumbs up for the solar panels too!

Anonymous said...

Average Moron - It depends on when a house was purchased.

The listing price of a house has nothing to do with a decision to ask twice what one paid vs. 4-5 times what one paid.

It has to do with the VALUE of the house at the time of the listing.

The VALUE of the house may be less than amount paid if short ownership. By the same token, it could be 10 times amount paid if owned for many years.

Such broad [inaccurate] statements are why we all dismiss your posts as moronic.

Anonymous said...

Nice place, nice spot, and almost a reasonable price. I'd take it.

@StPaulSnowman: jumping the shark

Anonymous said...

anon 8:21

What you are saying is true if it did not apply to a PONZI ECONOMY

what haven't you heard ?


Anonymous said...

so who is really the moron eh ?


Anonymous said...

We all know the real moron is Joe.

Example -

If a house is listed for 1.5m based on current comps (presumed value) -

If seller bought in '99 for 750k = Listing price is double what they paid.

If seller bought in '07 for 1.5m = not double, not triple. Exactly what they paid.

If the seller bought in '95 for 500k = triple what they paid.

If the seller bought in '80 for 150k, then ten times what they paid.

Listing price is still listing price of 1.5m. REGARDLESS of what they paid.

Got it?

Your math teacher must be spinning in her grave.

Anonymous said...

Oh and you are smoking some serious crack if you think La Chapelle's house is only worth 300k. That is even more moronic the usual horse manure that comes out of your keyboard.

Parker said...

I love this house and I think the price is consistent with what's going on in L.A. now.

Anonymous said...

Viva! That Melrose Place comment is so true. I could imagine Michael and Megan leaving the beach house to live here, or Amanda and Kyle.

This house is perfect, but those cabinets are a step below perfection. They look cheap, and don;t fit with the feel of the house. It was probably a good idea at the time they were ordered, and just looked bad when installed.

Anonymous said...

Anon you crack me up

I mean to take the time to explain to me how the world works.........
Real estate went up in a ponzi economy
these prices are way way way overlisted

I remember when I bought rental homes in BH in 1998 for 250K a pop you could get a condo on doheny for 100k with a view of the city, same condo now is listed for 500k, well they just knocked off 100k so maybe at 400k they will sell a 100k condo
you think ?

oh and those that bragged on how real estate was such a great investment are now getting assassinated by the hour (in the form of suicide) so I am sure you can see where this is going

but hey if chappell can get 1.5MM for his home good for him, now what probably happened is that the buyer is getting 1.2MM cash back from chappell so that they can say they sold it for 1.5MM on the books, there by delaying the crash in the high end market


Anonymous said...

Love the house, but as many are saying... the kitchen needs some upgrading. Specifically, the over the stove microwave would be more appropriate in a cheap condo. So that has to be replaced with a nice stainless steel hood. The walk-up design aside, I love it. And I agree with BLW Parish, Marmont is a wonderful street with many Spanish homes from the 1920s

Anonymous said...

Wow Average Joe, you really are delusional, aren't you.

I'll agree that the LA real estate market went up too high too fast and it's in the process of a significant correction. Add to that the tanking US economy and you have a double whammy that will def. bring prices in most areas down quite a bit.

But to even posit that LaChapelle would back $1.2M to the buyer inorder to artificially keep prices propped up is just bizarre and completely without basis or merit and sorta proves that you're really just a bitter dude who just likes to stir the shit pot.

But I'll bite anyway. So Average Joe, why would LaChapelle care so much about keeping prices artificially high that he'd commit fraud?

Now then, the house is fantastic. Great location, nice renovation (except for the kitchen).

Anonymous said...

Oooh, I'm swooning. Great house but, I agree, the kitchen cabinetry is cheap and inappropriate. LOVE the green bathroom and, although I'd never do it at home, the lights strung over the pool. They look "so right" here!

StPaulSnowman said...

Anon 9:30...thanks for the link. I appreciate it. I never would have guessed that the expression would be found in Wikipedia. Next time I will look before I ask. Thanks again!

Anonymous said...

Jeez - last week "poppers" - this week "jumping the shark"! Mama - you should be charging the children tuition for providing this kind of educational service.

ps - LOVE this house.

Anonymous said...

I'd buy it in a heart beat. Excellent value in that neighborhood, with that fantastic outdoor space. Love it.

Anonymous said...

Moron Joe, What you wrote is clear as day to all the children. Trying to change what you "meant" by relating some of your stupid phony stories of your imaginary wealth and deals you supposedly got is just bullshit.

You weren't buying rental homes in Beverly Hills for 250k in 1998. For 250k in 1998, you were buying in crappier parts of West LA. And I don't believe for a second that you were in a position to buy the DOG HOUSE of a 250k home at any point in your sad little life.

Lets be honest children... Does ANYONE think for a single minute that a person who is actually as rich and successful as "Joe" claims to be would be spending so much time on this blog? I didn't think so.

You are a DUMBASS. Got It?

Anonymous said...


I could give 2 shits and a quarter what you think

btw you are funny


Anonymous said...

btw I was just on the MLS

the asking prices in the sunset plaza area are dropping like flies

30-40% drop in the last week alone, and still no buyers in sight

won't be long now

Anonymous said...

Sure Joe...you don't care what people think..

So why are you replying? Why do you start calling people names when they call you out for the idiot you are?

Oh supposedly wise one...WHAT listings in Sunset Plaza have dropped 30-40% in the last week?

Anonymous said...

Nice house. White with the dark floors looks great. Love the front windows with the different shapes.
However, I would get rid of the backyard party lights.

Anonymous said...

"The Sky IS falling!"
"The Sky IS falling!"
"The Sky IS falling!"
"The Sky IS falling!"
"The Sky IS falling!"


2100 Sunset Plaza

12/2008 price - 9,995,000
01/2009 price - 9,995,000 (-0%)

2189 Sunset Plaza

12/2008 price - 6,995,000
01/2009 price - 6,995,000 (-0%)

2143 Sunset Plaza

12/2008 price - 4,650,000
01/2009 price - 4,650,000 (-0%)

1266 Sunset Plaza

11/2008 price - 4,350,000
01/2009 price - 4,350,000 (-0%)

1545 Sunset Plaza

12/2008 price - 4,200,000
01/2009 price - 4,200,000 (-0%)

1625 Sunset Plaza

11/2008 price - 3,500,000
01/2009 price - 2,995,000 (-15%)

1277 Sunset Plaza

3rd/4th Q2008 - 3,250,000
01/2009 price - 2,950,000 (-10%)

1618 Sunset Plaza

11/2008 price - 2,700,000
01/2009 price - 2,700,000 (-0%)

2137 Sunset Plaza

10/2008 price - 2,295,000
01/2009 price - 2,295,000 (-0%)

1628 Sunset Plaza

12/2008 price - 1,995,000
01/2009 price - 1,895,000 (-5%)

Anonymous said...

So Average Joe, since you did not reply to my earlier query (Jan. 14, 12:11pm), I'll ask again:

Why would LaChapelle care so much about keeping prices artificially high that he'd commit fraud?

Anonymous said...

He won't reply. He doesn't like being called on his fairy tales.

He's made that claim before about sellers paying money back to keep prices artificially high. The part that never makes sense to me is if they are the seller - They are LEAVING. What do they care what happens to the values in that area after they are gone?

Ever notice his phrasing is lifted from the front pages? Madoff is accused of running a ponzi scheme so now Joe is calling the economy a "ponzi economy".

He has no original thought, just misinterpretation of the news headlines.

Anonymous said...

Original bathroom tiles! Love it!

This house is not bad at all. The kitchen does need work, though. Too generic, and I'm not sure I love the gigantic washer/dryer in the kitchen; they become the focal point.

Anonymous said...

But laundry in the kitchen? Would you like your Rice Krispies with our without pubes and dryer lint this morning missus?

Anonymous said...

mr or ms clean above must hate her/his immune system. What on earth is wrong with having a washer in the kitchen? Unless you have no clue on how to run a kitchen.

Anonymous said...

how about you just shut up and die stpaulsnowman, that sounds good.

Anonymous said...

7:42 needs some lessons in hygiene if they are losing their pubs in the washing machine. It would be fun to watch though. Maybe Mama can mix up a pitcher of G&Ts and we'll all sit like good chirin and watch 7:42 tumble around and around in the front loader.

Anonymous said...