Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Tom Glavine Pitches His Manse on to the Market

SELLER: Tom and Christine Glavine
LOCATION: Old Southwick Pass, Alpharetta, GA
PRICE: $3,750,000
SIZE: 14,550 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 9 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Beautiful & immaculate brick estate on 1.95 acres w/ complete privacy. Distinguished appointments & details. Elegance begins as you walk in this incredible home. Elegant master suite. Kitchen perfection. Large rooms. Finished terr level w/ wet bar, wine cellar, billiard, exercise rm, putting green.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In honor of the Bravo's season premiere of The Housewives of Atlanta, Your Mama wants to mosey on down to Hotlanta where tipster Georgia Peach tells us the mammoth mansion owned by professional ball tosser Tom Glavine and his wifey Christine was recently listed for $3,750,000.

But before we get to the real estate, did the children tune in to the Housewives of Atlanta after that pitiful excuse for a presidential debate last night? We did. Oh lawhd children, both Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter watched this tee-vee trainwreck with our mouths hanging wide open and utterly transfixed while those five deeply narcissistic bee-hawtchas down in Atlanta pranced around in their designer clothes des-per-uht to out fabulous each other. Those are five of the most catty, oppressively shallow and unlikable ladees that have ever been blasted into our living room through the boob-toob and we can hardly wait to watch them embarrass themselves on national television every week.

Anyhoo, let's get back to the real estate. It's well known among fame gamers that Atlanta, GA is home to all manner of celebrities, music moguls, sports figures and big bizness barons. One of the big name residents is Atlanta Braves veteran southpaw pitcher Tom Glavine. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter don't participate in or watch the more "manly" sports so when we first got word of Mister Glavine listing his huge house in suburban Atlanta we had no idea who he is. Like we always do when confronted with real estate owned by sports stars, we called our ball obsessed pal Fiona Trambeau who told us she was far to bizzy to speak to us today. So we took to the internets where we learned that in his 20+ year career Mister Glavine twice earned the Cy Young Award (whatever that is), was selected for 10 All-Star teams and in 1995 pitched his way to a World Series win. All impressive stuff.

Property records show that way back in February of 1992 Mister Glavine forked over $146,700 to purchase a large lot on Old Southwick Pass in a gated community called the Country Club of the South. The pricey and prestigious golf course community is actually located in Alpharetta, a fancy schmancy suburb just north of Atlanta.

Given that the lot now sports a giant house, we can only assume that Mister Glavine then proceeded to spend big bucks building his Neoclassical Barbie Dream House that records show measures in at a whopping 14,550 square feet and includes 7 bedrooms, and 11 terlits spread across 9 full bathrooms and 2 half bathrooms.

After crossing the covered porch with its towering columns, guests are greeted in and meant to be impressed by the double height entrance hall with twin curving staircases and a great big glimmering chandelier. The double height living room includes a carved marble mantel, built in book shelves and a wall of paned windows flanked by some of the ugliest swagged curtains Your Mama has ever seen.

The dining room has complicated moldings, another large crystal chandelier and swagged curtains even more ass uglee than those in the living room. Jeezis, Mary and Jehosephat, what possesses people to put these crazy curtain treatments up in their homes? Is the idea that if their fortunes evaporate– as they may be doing as the Dow drops and financial markets continue to implode–the ladee of the house can have her housegurl sew up the velvet and tassels into a dee-luxe drapery dress like Miss O'Hara did in Gone With the Wind?

The large kitchen features multi-colored cabinetry, black granite counter tops, an very disturbing faux finish paint treatment, a gigantic breakfast bar with some deeply unattractive chairs, a large breakfast nook surrounded by arched windows and columns, and perhaps most upsetting to Your Mama, a pot rack. Maybe the Missus Glavine felt a pot rack would make the kitchen feel homey, warm and cozy. We think it makes the kitchen look messy, industrial and potentiall hazardous to the cook's cranium.

Listing information indicates that the terrace level, which we think is a walk out basement situation, includes a large black granite wet bar, a wine cellar, a billiard area, exercise room and a putting green. A putting green? Indoors? Pleeze. The master bedroom has a very high tray ceiling, another got-damn crystal chandelier, dual closets, another distressing drapery treatment and what we imagine to be a very large and lavish bathroom complete with double vanities, a truckload of brass hardware and even more swagged curtains.

According to listing information we received from Georgia Peach, other rooms and amenities of the brick built Glavine mansion include a library/office, media room, family room, recreation room, separate den, a second kitchen, 5 fireplaces, a rear staircase (for the hired help, natch) and a three car garage. The grounds include a large circular driveway and a private backyard with a heated swimming pool, an expensive looking children's jungle gym, and a dining deck overlooking the surrounding woods.

In 2003, after many years playing for the Atlanta Braves, Mister Glavine moved north where he was paid boo-coo bucks to pitch for the New York Mets. There are many reports that indicate the couple also maintained a home in Greenwich, CT where Mister Glavine crashed during the baseball season. However, we did not find any record of the property, but we did find a report in the NY Daily News from 2007 that revealed that he listed the property for $5,400,000. In 2007, Mister Glavine left the Mets, returned to the nest of his Atlanta based family and signed a one year contract worth a reported $8,000,000 to toss balls, again, for the Atlanta Braves

Since Your Mama does not know Mister or Missus Glavine personally, we can't say exactly why they have chosen to sell their gigantic house in Alpharetta. However, property records do show that in 2001 they paid $620,000 for a vacant lot on Hurlston Road, a small cul-de-sac also located in the Country Club of the South community. It appears to Your Mama that the lot overlooks the Chatahootchie River and now has a newly built mansion that includes, surprise! a baseball diamond in the back yard.

The Country Club of the South community is home to many of Atlanta's rich and famous folks. The children may recall that this is the very same exclusive community where back in the saddle singer Whitney Houston and her ex-con ex-huzband Bobby Brown used to live before she wised up and kicked his sorry boo-tay to the curb. Other property owners include R&B superstar Usher who has been trying to sell an 8,022 square foot house on Merriweather Woods for more than a year, and prop records also reveal that really rich redneck jokemeister Jeff Foxworthy owns a 7,187 square foot manse on High Bridge Chase. And these are just the big name people Your Mama knows about. We are quite sure there are several other sports figures and music moguls living up in this swank 'hood of boo-teek hotel sized homes.


Anonymous said...

Really the Gone with the Wind angle is the only explanation for the god awful curtains.

Anonymous said...

Mama, You won't remember this I'm betting, 'cause you don't know who these people are, but Andre Rison, an Atlanta Falcon (football), had his house burned down by his girlfriend Lisa (One Eye) Lopes. It was a house in Country Club of the South. He was forced to sell the vacant lot and banished from the subdivision. Duh. It was a $800,000 loss. That tells you how long ago it was.

And Mama, those are the worst draperies I have ever seen in a house. They cover both sides, but leave the middle windows completely open? What is the point of that. What don't these people hire decorators?

Anonymous said...

Those draperies are worse than awful. All I can see when I look at them is Carol Burnett walking down one of those staircases wearing the curtains and the rod saying "I saw it in the windah and I just couldn't resist it".

Why, with 14,550 sq ft to play with, is there a baby's crib/playpen next to the master bed? Don't they have room for a nursery in this place? And what is that big black thing leaning against the wall in the master bedroom?

Anonymous said...

I am hoping this home is staged?!

If not, they are living ghetto fab. Although he makes a ton of cash, it looks like one of those "house rich, cash poor" homes where they spent so much on the house that they cannot afford enough appropriate and fitting furniture.

I love laughing when I go into those houses. Huge house, big screen TV's, but cheap and sparse furniture.

Alas, based on the empty bookcases, me thinks it just may be staged. If it is professionally staged, they need to get their money back. None of it is to scale.

The outdoor dining table looks to be from Wal-Mart. Not even Target!

Also, the glass block in the bar area is a nice touch (not). OK, I admit it -- I actually sometimes like glass block, depending on the application. Here, however, it is not appropriate.

I completely agree about the drapes. And the paint. ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!

I do like the pool. I do not understand why the playground has to abut the pool though -- especially with a lot that is so large.

Parts of the house appear dated, but then again, the house is probably 12 to 15 years old?

I will admit that the style is "Southern Proper" and very fitting for an Atlanta suburb.

As to the commenter above -- you meant to refer to Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. Not Lisa "One Eye." I believe she set the house on fire one night when he didn't come home as promised? I do remember that she set some of his shoes on fire in the cheap fiberglass tub.

It does appear as though your real estate money goes really far in Atlanta.

Anonymous said...

This is truly unbelievable. What's even more amazing is that the owners, and certainly the decorators, think it is fantastic.

Actually, I hope they do, because that's all that counts.


Mike Cook said...

Sweet Jesus! How gross.

so_chic_darling said...

Wow this takes bad taste to a whole new level!

Anonymous said...

I believe I have this figured out. The place is dated, dated, dated, and in need of a complete interior overhaul. The drapes however are prime examples of garishly bad taste, regardless of when they were designed.

Anonymous said...

Oh. Dear. Gods. In. Heaven. WTF is with the puke worthy color of that little island in the kitchen? It matches what exactly? Money can buy a big-ass fancy house but apparently can't buy any sort of taste.

Alessandra said...

While the exterior of the home is not my taste, it at least looks well built and fairly proportional (for what it is).

The interior is a white hot mess of tacky tacky tacky. Columns in the kitchen and breakfast room? Are we to expect gladiators to come out and flay a lion during elevenses?

Horrid. Absolutely horrid.

Anonymous said...

jb, I too was visually assaulted by the random puke-pink cabinet in the kitchen, and have not yet recovered from the shock of it.

The bar looks like a pub in a down-on-its-luck mining town in the North East of England, circa 1980. So, so sad.

Anonymous said...

Burn this one down and start all over. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

I would make a full price offer but my grandmother locked me in the basement when her john came over. From the snoring, it sounds like she passed out after and I cant get out until she wakes up.

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

What a ridiculous furniture choice, the queen size bed is way too small for a master bedroom with those ceilings.

Anonymous said...

It looks like Tara. Maybe they did use a decorator with a sense of humor. That would explain the draperies.

Anonymous said...

One can only hope that Samson will take on the columns in the kitchen and the whole pile will come tumblin' down. I am flabbergasted by the hideosity of this house.

Anonymous said...

Everything about this house is so ill-proportioned and tasteless, it's just stunning. The layout feels all wrong and uncomfortable and there doesn't seem to be any flow to the floor plan. I don't think I could stay in that bar area for more than 30 seconds. The master is hideous beyond words--it looks like the "before" in Designed to Sell. They need Lisa LaPorta stat!

Anonymous said...

The curb appeal is about the only things appealing about this house, it really is a beautiful big red brick Georgian.

Inside just seems to odd to me, it's traditional on the outside but the formal spaces just all spill into each other with no walls between the foyer, dining room, greant room and parlor area, its bizare and ruins the asthetic the exterior sets.

I'm not sure who thought it was a good idea to put columned archway into the dinette, but once again, it doesnt fit the exterior facade of the home at all, hopefully they aren't load baring and the new owner pulls it all out. Same thing with the downstiars bar area, the columns gotta go.

The decorating is terrible. Beige woodwork? Once again, in a beautiful traiditional house a simply semi-glas white is mor apprpriate. The floors should also be stained a darker color. And the faux finish walls in the kitchen are just barf-o-rama.

Anonymous said...

There is not one picture on any of the walls. This house has no personality, so except for the crib next to the bed, I would say no one actually lives here.

Anonymous said...

The foyer looks like a vulva.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine what they were smoking when they chose the paint colors. It must have been a bad trip. This house could be nice on the inside, it reminds me of Wayne Gretzky's former home (outside only), but it's horrible. Just horrible.

Anonymous said...

You just know nobody lives there - there are no pots in the pot rack in the kitchen! Horrors!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Please don't judge Atlanta by horrid Alpharetta. The Atlanta word for this house and those women used to be "tackpot."

Why BRAVO couldn't call it the Real Housewifes of Gwinnett County (like they did for LA's Orange County) and spare Atlanta the humiliation is beyond me.

Anonymous said...

tack-o-rama! But nothing a few sticks of dynamite couldn't fix. The Glavins have or at least HAD a gorgeous little shingle style cottage a few hours north of Atlanta on the shore of Lake Keowee, SC (at the Cliffs of Keowee Vineyards neighborhood) which was done up quite tastefully...Im a little stunned to see that their Atlanta home is so garish. (here I dug it up...
Anyhoo...what's with the name of the neighborhood? "The Country Club of the South"....gee, they really got the creative geniuses together on that one didnt they?

Anonymous said...

This is the kind of house that most british people (well me anyway) think of when they think of America, and yet the interior simply doesn't gel with the exterior. How would any mom make apple pie and cookies in that kitchen without being becoming seriously puce? And all those swags are just an asthmatics nightmare - how many dustmites will they be harbouring? I had a friend who had drapes like that and was sued by her cleaner after she swallowed the upholstery attachment of the vacuum cleaner while trying to clean them. So a thumbs down from me.

Anonymous said...

This is the kind of house that most british people (well me anyway) think of when they think of America, and yet the interior simply doesn't gel with the exterior. How would any mom make apple pie and cookies in that kitchen without being becoming seriously puce? And all those swags are just an asthmatics nightmare - how many dustmites will they be harbouring? I had a friend who had drapes like that and was sued by her cleaner after she swallowed the upholstery attachment of the vacuum cleaner while trying to clean them. So a thumbs down from me.

Anonymous said...

bravo should have used the housewives from buckhead ga

they have old money and they do not mix it up with blacks and they have no drama they are very polite

wait a sec

then the show would be booorrring !!!!!

bravo sure knows what they are doing

chris said...

The dining room looks small and would suggest people who don't dine formally very often, if at all. Instead there are bar like surrounds of what appear to be kitcheny spaces in two rooms, suggesting people who have spent most of their idle time sitting on bar stools where they feel comfortable. The outside of the house may pretend to be conservative and classical; the inside suggests lower middle* (star) status, nothing higher.

Unknown said...

how come the the inside suggests lower middle status. Strange.. look, how glossy they are. well, i can say that as because i am a real estate professional. you may also want to visit our site to learn more about allanta foreclosures. :) there are bunches of them.


Unknown said...

How I love that mansion.Its really beautiful and its amazing.Its really big and adorable.How I wish I can it.I am looking forward to another great article from you.