Monday, July 7, 2008

Brad Wilk Rages Right Out to the Suburbs (Plus Some Britney Spears Nonsense)

BUYER: Brad Wilk
LOCATION: Prado de los Suenos, Calabasas, CA
PRICE: $5,890,000
SIZE: 7,949 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Just under 8,000 sq. ft. designer quality hm. Grmt kitch w/ brkfst bar, 60" Wolf range, Sub-Zero more. Extensive use of limestone & sctm tiles/stone from Walker Zanger & Ann Sack. Mstr bth w/ heated flrs, steam shower, infinity tub, cstm closets & lrg yrd w/ salt water Pebble Tech pool w/ water feature/spa/blt-in custom bbq and outdoor fireplace. Wired for Tech Smart system.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Bear with Your Mama this morning because we're still thick with morning dew and as a result we're taking a somewhat circuitous route to today's discussion...

For weeks now all the gossip glossies and scuttlebutting blogs have been hootin' and hollerin' that newly sane and quite possibly past her prime pop star Britney Spears is packing up the pink wig and pantry full of Cheetos and heading to a humongous house in the swank gated community in Calabasas called The Oaks.

Well children, here's what Your Mama knows–and does not know–about the sitch-ee-ay-shun.

1. We know from the reams of reports that Miss Spears was recently granted permission to sell the Beverly Hills house of horrors that she scooped up on a late evening lark during the crazy days following her dee-vorce from baby daddy Kevin Federline. This is, of course, the very same house in the guard gated and high priced Summit community from which she was was hauled off to Cedars-Sinai in a blinding and embarrassing blaze of sirens and flash bulbs in early January 2008.

2. We know that in addition to the aforementioned 9,130 square foot Bev Hills house, Miss Spears leased an estate on Ramirez Canyon Road in the hills above Malee-boo. Your Mama understands but can not confirm that the lease for the approx. 8,500 square foot house has expired and not been renewed.

3. We know that the house hopping high priestess of hair weaving has been spotted touring high priced properties across the San Fernando Valley.

4. We know that there are lots of reports that she purchased (or maybe leased) a newly completed 10,300 square foot (approx.) mansion called Chateau Suenos that was last listed at $10,800,000 and located on Prado de los Suenos in The Estates section of The Oaks.

5. Your Mama does not know if Miss Spears actually bought the house on Prado de los Suenos or not. The listing has been removed from the MLS, but as of this morning, we don't see any transfer records and none of our sources have been able to confirm a purchase.

However, in the course of our poking around, our wickedly well informed celebrity real estate know it all Lucy Spillerguts told Your Mama that Rage Against the Machine drummer Brad Wilk and wifey Selene recently purchased the 7,949 square foot home that sits just a few doors down from the Calabasas crib that Miss Spears is rumored (but not confirmed) to have purchased (or leased).

Property records show that in February of 2008 Mister and Missus Wilk scooped up the newly built tile roofed 5 bedroom and 4.5 bathroom suburban sprawler wor $5,890,000. Who would have thought that a young and tattooed rock star rich and famous for drumming in a heavy metal/funk/punk band known for its button pushing and politically charged lyrics would end up in a gated enclave of spec-built multi-million dollar mansions in suburban Los Angeles...just about the least rebellious place a person can live. Then again, The Estates at The Oaks is the very same the same private enclave where +44 drummer Travis Barker moved last year after he sold his big house in Bel Air to Avril "The Spitter" Lavigne. So maybe rebellious rock stars like conventional living after all.

While Your Mama finds Calabasas to be a little far from the action in Los Angeles and far too homogeneous architecturally for our particular and sensitive tastes, the location of Mister Wilk's new house certainly makes sense for rich and famous folks who don't appreciate common people or paps roaming freely on the streets and sidewalks. Not only is The Oaks a guard gated master planned community, the Wilk residence sits up in The Estates section, an even more exclusive enclave within The Oaks which features a second set of electronic gates so the less fortunate folks who occupy merely large tract homes in The Oaks aren't able to drive up and gawk at the truly large tract homes in The Estates. These developers just never tire of adding an extra layer of perceived exclusivity, do they?

Anyhoo, located on Prado de los Suenos–which translates into the rather corny Street of Dreams, Mister Wilks single story house actually has a second story which features a large recreation room with a small balcony looking out over the back yard and panoramic views over the suburban stretch of tile roofs below. Listing information reveals that other amenities include living and dining rooms, three fireplaces, a four car garage, family room, gym, a library/study, media room, office a covered patio, a master bathroom with heated floors, infinity edged bath tub and a steam shower. Out back listing information indicates there is a non-slip Pebble Tec swimming pool, private spa, built-in barbecue, outdoor fireplace, blah, blah, blah.

Frankly children, Your Mama doesn't find anything exceptional, notable or particularly desirable about this house or 'hood. Yes, it's a large house in a secure location, the local schools are said to be good and the neighbors probably (too) keenly concerned about lawn care and keeping out middle class riff raff. And the materials are of probably of good quality, the kitchen has high grade appliances and all that kind of crap. But it also looks upsettingly similar to all the other big and newly built cookie cutter cribs in Calabasas, a situation that crushes Your Mama's free spirited soul just a little.

All of you people who love living behind the gates in a freshly constructed faux Tuscan/Mediterranean mish-mash mansions with the exact same floor plan and finishes as Ted and Wanda Tracthouse down the street, all the more power to you. There are certainly no shortage of these sorts of high priced developments to choose from. But Your Mama feels squeamish about all the Herculean efforts required to keep up with all the Jims and Jennifers driving fancy cars and raising over achieving children up in all the high toned gated communities that sprinkle the outlying areas of Los Angeles.

Now then, iffin any you children who know a thing or two about The Estates want to fill Your Mama in on whether that Miss Spears is moving to the valley, be sure and give us a ringy dingy.


Anonymous said...

zzzz...a blank canvas for a bunch of oversized beige furniture. I don't get it.

Anonymous said...

Every house in Calabasas looks the same to me: oversized, cheaply built and completely tacky. I don't think there's a better way to declare your lack of taste as a Los Angeles area resident than moving to Calabasas...I'll give some props to Hidden Hills, but the rest of that West Valley Area (Calabasas, thousand Oaks, Westlake Village) is like a Spanish-themed Stepford village IMHO...;-)

Alessandra said...

That is utterly hideous.

Hidden Hills is fine. Parts of Thousand Oaks are fine. Calabasas just seems like a big Home Depot wet dream.

StPaulSnowman said...'s Californiay.........what's the surprise here? The old and elegant are routinely translated as big and imposing in this part of the country. All of the hollow core doors in Calabasas aren't worth a single well made, century old, quarter sawn oak door. The price tags on these houses are about the only thing that is impressive. I'll take the carbon footprint of an old house any day!

Anonymous said...

in defense of my home sweet home of Calabasas, I live in a rather special enclave known as the
The Bird Streets, voted on of LA Mags Best Neighborhoods you've never heard's eclectic, charming and funky, which makes it completely out of charachter with the rest of CaliB. It's the only neighborhood worth anything with the exception of the Highlands. But I'm with you Mama, I don't get the big ugly mansions at all.

lil' gay boy said...

Anon 6:26,

We've all grown to love the "Bird Streets" through Mama's posts here - spot on. Seems like a lovely enclave of varying architectural gems in a rolling setting.

As for the behemoths - vulgar is as vulgar does. The cheap use of materials (costly or not) on a grand scale is just that - cheap.


Mike Cook said...

Careful, Nurse Ratchett is about to come squishing down that creepy ass hallway.

Anonymous said...


I think he meant there's a neighborhood called the "Bird Streets" In Calabasas? Are you referring to that as well, or are you talking about the Hollywood Hills bird streets, which definitely aren't in Calabasas. I don't remember Mama ever mentioning a bird streets 'hood in Calabasas, but I could be wrong.

Can anybody clarify for me? thx

Anonymous said...

I don't get why people will spend millions of dollars to live out in Calabasas or Westlake Village. If you want to go to the Lakers/Dogers/Clippers or any decent concert, you have to drive an hour plus to get there. It's hotter in the summer, colder in the winter. I guess a 10 million dollar home out there is a 20 million dollar home in B.H., Holmby or Bel-Air. You can have "The Oaks".....I'll stay in Los Angeles.

chris said...

Mama's Spanish is not up to snuff. Prado doesn't mean street (that is calle). Prado means a meadow. It is called the Meadow of Dreams.

Anonymous said...

"We've all grown to love the "Bird Streets" through Mama's posts here - spot on. Seems like a lovely enclave of varying architectural gems in a rolling setting."

Mama has never mentioned Calabasas bird streets. I'm not sure that LGB knows the difference.

Anonymous said...

i'll clarify here. There is the Bird Streets in the Hollywood Hills. Then there is the Bird Streets in Calabasas, aka Park Moderne. It's the original community in Calabasas, windy streets, hills, ranches, an adobe house It's not as 'cool' as the Hollywood Hills, but it's not as garish as the rest of Calabasas. I have four more years here, when child grads high school and then I'm outta here.Hope the clears up the confusion.

Anonymous said...

No apologies due. Most of us understood what you were talking about.

Anonymous said...

When I first moved to CA, I loved the "new Calabasas style" of homes, Spanish McMansions with lots of newly planted palms. I wanted to get far away from east coast architecture. It wore off quickly. I still like spanish style architecture, but a drive through Hidden Hills will make you feel like you are in another world. Every house is different. Lots of mature trees. Yes, there are some newer grossly huge houses, but they are not cookie cutter. I don't know why any celebrity would pick the Oaks over Hidden Hills. I've also heard that the construction leaves a lot to be desired.

Anonymous said...

i'm with you on that anon. Hidden Hills is actually a really beautiful community. Sprawling ranches, no McMansions because of the big lots. If it wasn't for the horrible guard gate, it would be my favorite neighborhood. As for the Oaks, its just plain weird. Half the houses are empty as their specs, no one is EVER outside, except the gardeners and a lot of the houses are built with only 10-15 feet of frontage. It's just weird.